Let It Be Me
by chantiemaya
Summary: NOMINATED ON TWIFANFICTIONRECS DOT COM FOR APRIL! *Please vote* A new guest at Bella's hotel seems to be a ghost from her past. He doesn't remember what happened between them, while she is being plagued by bad memories. Edward feels a connection to that beautiful, angry girl, but she shies away from any male attention. WARNING: underage drinking, drug use, assault. MA, OOC, ExB
1. Chapter 1

**Warning!**

**Please take note of this warning before you proceed. This story is rated MA/NC17 for obvious reasons (language and explicit sex scenes), but I need to mention some subjects that some of you might be sensitive to:**

*** Under age drinking**

*** Under age drug use**

*** Language**

*** Assault/abuse**

*** Sexual activities by minors**

.

**This story is canon (eventually) and most characters are slightly OOC.**

**James is NOT a bad guy in this one, so don't worry about him ;)**

**I will use a lot of lyrics throughout the story. If you want to, you can listen to the songs on my blog (inordinatepassion dot wordpress dot com). It will give you the atmosphere the characters are in. Find "Let it be me" in the categories list to see all post connected to the story.**

**THANKS to my lovely pre-reader maggiejmasen and beta mauigirl60!**

**All chapters will be short, maximum 3 pages long, alternating between present and past (italic).**

**I hope you like!**

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**Chapter 1**

_And when all your faith is gone_

_Feels like you can't go on_

_Let it be me_

_If it's a friend that you need_

_Let it be me_

**Friday, May 27, 2011**

The soft tapping of fingers on the keyboard was the only sound in the room. A woman sat at a large, mahogany desk, staring intently at her computer screen. When the phone on the desk rang, she didn't even blink. She hit the speaker button without taking her eyes off the screen.

"Yes?" Her voice was flat.

"There's a guest who wants to meet you. He's a VIP, and he's-" said a young man's voice coming through the speaker.

"Right now?" She cut him off.

"Yes."

"Okay. Where?"

"The small dining room."

With a little sigh, she locked the computer. Then she stood, stretched her arms above her head, and rolled her neck and shoulder muscles. She had been sitting there for quite some time before the interruption.

She stepped inside the small private bathroom in the office and checked herself in the mirror. She brushed her hair quickly, applied some lip balm and straightened her jacket. Jumping at the whim of her guests wasn't her favorite pastime, but she had no choice. As the hotel manager, she was the VIP's pet, and many VIPs favored this hotel.

Riding the elevator down to ground level, she checked herself again in the floor-to-ceiling mirror. The blue pantsuit fit her well. It made her look a bit older, which had been the point. She was getting tired of not being taken seriously as the person in charge, mostly by people on the outside. Her own staff knew better than to mess with her—only because she looked too young for the part. She found out it helped to wear boring business suits rather than the colorful dresses and skirts she loved.

Reaching the restaurant, it seemed empty. She was about to turn back, when someone all the way in the back waved at her. Two men were sitting at a table, having dinner, which was a bit strange at three pm.

"Miss Swan, I presume?"

The man that had beckoned her stood up when she approached the table. She flashed her most polite smile and held her hand out for him to shake. Instead, he stepped away from the table and pulled her into a hug. She patted his back awkwardly, but smiled at the compliments he gave her.

"I owe you big time. Thank you so much for helping us out and taking us in so quickly. We really needed some help!" He looked at her as he squeezed her hand and held it in both of his. She had no clue what he was talking about, just kept nodding and smiling.

"It wasn't a problem, not at all. We're glad to have you, Mr...?"

"Witherdale, James Witherdale," he replied. "Please, join us for a bit!" He gestured to the empty chair beside him.

Bella sat down hesitantly. James Witherdale seemed to be an important guest, and he was a charmer as well. She didn't really have time for distractions like this.

The other man at the table hadn't said a word. He sat hunched over his plate, eating like it was the last meal he'd ever have.

"Oh, my friend here is very impolite," James Witherdale said, and poked the guy's arm across the table.

The man held both hands up in an apologetic gesture. He lifted his head slightly, and covered his mouth with his hand as he extended the other towards Bella.

"Hello, I apologize. I have to eat," he said, pointing at his plate.

Bella stared at him in shock. Her heart was silent in her chest for a few beats before it started to stutter, and then race. She felt her hands starting to shake, and an involuntary urge to giggle hysterically nearly choked her.

She knew this man, she knew his face as well as she knew her own. His hair was lighter and longer than she remembered. It fell over his forehead while he ate. He was sporting a thick, neatly-trimmed beard and wore a light gray hoodie and a black leather jacket.

He hadn't even looked at her when they shook hands, but the voice had been enough to give him away; his deep, low, somewhat hoarse voice. He still spoke as quietly as he used to. She knew this man. She had been pining away for him throughout most of her teenage life, even into her twenties.

Before her sat Edward Masen, singer of The New Moons, the band that she'd obsessed with for years. She had followed them around whenever she could, spending all her money on their music and concerts, basically living her life on their songs, until a couple of years ago.

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**Lyrics: "Let it be me" by Ray Lamontagne**

**For anyone who's also been reading Inordinate Passion: I will finish it asap, but that last chapter just isn't coming along. This new story has been work in progress for quite some time. I plan weekly updates.**

**Reviews get a teaser!**

**XO Chantie**


	2. Chapter 2

**Welcome back! Thanks for the reviews, follows and favorites. It's very exciting to see what happens after publishing something :)**

**If you are new to this story, please make sure you've read the warning in Chapter 1.**

**I'm happy to report that I've found a beta, as I mentioned in the A/N of Ch. 1 that I was looking for someone. I was contacted by the lovely mauigirl60 who offered her services. She's done a great job. I will also make a few changes in Chapter 1. **

**Thanks maugigirl60 for your beta'ing help and maggiejmasen for your everlasting support and pre-reading.**

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_This world is a cruel place_

_and we're here only to lose_

_so before life tears us apart_

_let death bless me with you_

**Friday evening**

It was nearly midnight, and Bella sat cross-legged on the floor of her bedroom, pictures and papers scattered around her. She held a picture in her hand, staring at it for a long time; two crazy girls, smiling brightly at the camera. Their cheeks were red with excitement, their eyes wide. They wore heavy black eye makeup and torn-up, black, oversized t-shirts. Behind them was a dark stage with equipment—the band had just left.

_Jessica_. Her best friend in the whole world, and the only one in the universe that understood how she felt back then. The one friend she could share her obsession with, who would spend hours with her discussing a certain line of lyrics, the clothes the guys wore, or the new pictures in some music magazine. They would replay their videos endlessly, analyzing every minute of the concerts or music clips that were on them.

_Until she went all psycho bitch on me,_ Bella thought, letting out a huff. She placed the picture back in the worn shoe box and picked up a stack of papers. The pages were filled with her own handwriting. Page after page of thoughts, revelations, analysis of lyrics and her view on life, all written to the man she saw at the hotel earlier that day.

_He_ was staying at _her_ hotel, and he wasn't leaving anytime soon. Apparently, he was in town to record a new album and would be staying at the hotel for the time being. His management had rented an apartment for him, but somehow the location had leaked to the press. When he'd arrived at the airport that morning, hordes of press and fans had awaited him. Nobody had prepared for this, and it had taken them a long time to get out of the airport and into a car. Driving up to the apartment, the craziness continued on, prohibiting them from reaching the front door. The driver had circled through town and ended up bringing them to the Park Plaza. By then, they had been on the road for twenty hours; it had been twelve hours since Edward had eaten anything—hence stuffing himself at 3 pm.

Bella slept restlessly that night, plagued by dreams of the past. She woke up twice, not knowing where she was, feeling seventeen again.

_It was almost half an hour after the show, and a crowd of fans were still waiting in front of the stage. Jess and I had managed to push ourselves forward halfway during the show and had taken the spot of a fainter that had been pulled out. Good riddance, that girl had blocked my view of Edward long enough. We occupied her spot together, loyal to a fault with each other._

_Just when I thought it wasn't going to happen anymore, the side door opened and girls started screaming. Jasper Whitlock emerged and Jess and I squealed, squeezing each other._

"_Jasper! Jasper, over here! Please!" Jess yelled, jumping up and down._

_He passed the crowd slowly, signing some autographs and taking pictures with hysterical girls. I quickly snapped photos of him as he came closer, while Jess held out her hand with a pen and our concert tickets for him to sign._

"_Hey, ladies," he crooned at us. He posed for my camera with a smirk._

"_Jasper, you guys were so awesome! We love you so much!" Jess and I stumbled over each other in ways to tell him how much we loved him and the band._

"_Thanks. What's your name, sweet cheeks?" He threw me a hazy stare and my heart nearly_

_jumped out of my chest._

"_B-Bella, I'm Bella. This is Jess," I stuttered frantically._

"_Hmm, Bella. That means beautiful in Italian, doesn't it? Do you wanna come backstage, Bella beautiful?"_

_Jess and I looked at each other, shocked, our eyes and mouths wide. We nodded at him. When he motioned to two security guys to lift us over the fence, we nearly fainted._

"_Come with me, ladies," he snickered, while draping his arms over each of our shoulders._

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**Lyrics by HIM **

**Check my blog for the song: inordinatepassion dot wordpress dot com**

**I hope you liked this chapter. Reviews get a teaser!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to everyone who subscribed, reviewed and fave'd!**

**Let's see how things are going at the hotel. It looks rather... crowded...**

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**Thanks maggiejmasen for pre-reading and mauigirl60 for beta'ing.**

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**Friday, March 3, 2011 - early morning**

It was nearly seven when Bella left her apartment to go to work. Just as she locked the door, her cell phone started ringing inside her purse. Her assistant's name was on the display.

"Well, aren't we eager this morning!" she answered, with a smile in her voice. Laurent was nothing if not diligent, and she couldn't help it if she sometimes teased him for it.

"Good morning to you, too. Yes, I am eager. We have a situation." His voice was clipped and he spoke fast.

"Shoot."

"There are twenty to thirty women in our lobby. I've just gathered most of the security staff to escort them out."

Bella sighed and leaned her head back against the mirrored wall of the elevator.

"Great. Just fucking great," she sighed.

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry. You did the right thing. Did James Witherdale say anything about when they are leaving?" _Please, let it be soon._

"No. All he said was, 'a couple weeks'."

Bella ended the call as she got to her car. While driving to the hotel during rush hour, she dialed the police station, explaining the situation. They knew her well, as she had often asked for their help with security situations.

When she turned into Park Avenue, a police car followed her. They both parked at the front entrance—where parking wasn't allowed—and shook hands. Security was still busy leading the young women outside, arguing with some of them, while still others tried to get back inside. The presence of the officer helped, although most girls stopped arguing and stayed outside.

The head of security closed and locked the doors, while two other men set up a small desk in the hallway. The hotel had a double row of doors entering the lobby; now, only the first set of doors would open automatically. They would set up a computer in the hallway, and every person entering would be checked. If they weren't a guest at the hotel, they weren't allowed in. Even though they weren't fully booked, they wouldn't allow any new guests for the time being. It was a reasonable possibility that some fans might try to get a room in order to get close to the celebrity they were after. In this instance, Bella had a sneaking suspicion as to who this particular celebrity might be.

These measures had been taken before, when big names stayed at the hotel. The back exit and entrance were also taken care of, as well as all staff doors.

Bella had a short meeting with the police officer and her head of security, and sent out a memo with orders to the whole staff. She knew the team leaders would print this memo and hang it up in the locker rooms and breakrooms for everyone to see.

A little later that day, a colleague alerted Bella to a video on a news website. It showed the group of fans outside the hotel, with Bella and the police arriving. They also showed an old video of The New Moons.

"_I thought of you tonight_

_In simple twists and turns_

_Incarcerated here_

_I'm handcuffed to your world_

_Your innocence is cruel_

_Coquettish and arcane_

_But I need it all the same"_

Bella growled and turned the sound down. _Of course they had to pick _that _song_. The reporter said that the hotel manager was unavailable for comment. Bella snorted—they hadn't even called her. They knew better than to even try to get her to talk to them. It hadn't worked in the past, and it wouldn't work now.

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**Lyrics by "Therapy?"**

**The song is on my blog, check my profile for the link. I've also started an FB page today! I'm not completely sure how it all works yet, but I want to use it to promote my stories and share things like songs and pictures that inspire me.**


	4. Chapter 4

**New Year's day feels like Sunday, so I decided to post another chapter (and because I'm just very impatient ;)). Happy New Year to all of you! I hope it will bring you a lot of great times. My new year will start of very exciting with a new job which I'm looking forward to.**

**LIBM now has its very own banner! Check out my profile for the link.**

**Thanks maggiejmasen and mauigirl60 for helping me out! **

**This is a very short chapter that takes place in the past.**

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**Chapter 4**

_During our first time backstage, Jess and I had kept quiet. We just stood there, in that small dressing room, watching the boys have a beer and talk about their evening. They took pictures with us and afterward, their manager helped us get a taxi. We didn't sleep at all that night, reliving those moments over and over._

_At the next concert, we waited anxiously around the backstage entrance. Edward winked at us during the show. When they left the stage, Emmett had given us his drumsticks. We were practically jumping up and down while waiting. Our patience was rewarded after about forty minutes when the band's manager came out, beckoning us over._

_They were getting drunk and fooling around, throwing things at each other and making stupid sexist jokes. Jess and I were thrilled, to say the least. My whole body was humming with excitement and my heart was happily thumping away. I blushed profusely when Edward caught me staring at him a couple of times. When he jerked his head back, inviting me over, I was hesitant—no, I was scared shitless—but I went to him. I stood beside the couch he was sitting on, fumbling with my hands._

"_Hey, Bella beautiful," he slurred, a crooked grin on his face. "Come sit with me."_

_The couch was small, and was already occupied by both Emmett and Edward. There was no room left for me. I hesitated again, but Edward patted his leg. I tried to swallow, but my mouth was too dry. I turned to look at Jess, but she was busy talking to Jasper. They were leaning against the wall by the door and she held a beer in her hand._

_I took a deep breath and held it while I lowered myself onto Edward's lap. He gave me sips of his beer, and I think my panties got drenched at the thought of drinking from the bottle he just had his lips on._

"_You're pretty, Bella beautiful."_

"_Uhm, thanks."_

_That was about all that we spoke for the longest time. At some point, it was time for them to leave the building. There was a flurry of activity with their manager and his assistant trying to get the guys to pack their shit. We followed them out through the back exit, where a car was waiting._

"_Should we give them a ride?" Emmett said to the manager, pointing at us with a thumb over his shoulder. The manager shrugged._

"_I'll get them a taxi like last time. You just get in the car."_

_Someone inside the car said something which made the boys crack up, laughing and howling. The manager shook his head and closed the doors._


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay. Here's the thing. I really planned not to update before Sunday, because I said weekly updates and I wanted to keep myself to that. But just now I saw a PM that LIBM has been nominated for Fic of the Week at The Lemonade Stand! Holy ****! **

**I have no idea who has nominated this story, but thank you very much. It's an honor :) **

**If you would be so kind, please hurry over to * thelemonadestand dot net * and vote for this story! The poll is open for only two more days. **

**On to the story...it's slowly unfolding. To answer a question I saw in the reviews: yes, Edward's memory is hazy at best. You will ****soon**** learn why.**

**Thanks maggiejmasen and mauigirl60 for their help!**

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**Chapter 5**

_I thought of you tonight_

_In silent seething heat_

_Through charred and damned desire_

_Dark Eros wounding me_

_Your innocence is cruel_

_And your ass like Jesus' feet_

_Worth kissing_

_Give yourself to me_

_I share your need_

**Sunday, June 19, 2011**

Bella didn't get a glimpse of Edward Masen for another two weeks. By then, most of the fans and press had given up and life at the hotel took its normal course.

Even though she was glad that things had quieted down, and that Edward had made himself scarce, not drawing more attention, there was this nagging little voice in the back of her mind, wondering how he was doing. _What was he up to? Was he in his room all day, writing new songs? Where was the studio he recorded in? Was he getting into trouble? Was he still doing drugs?_

She had gone online and Googled his name. Her finger hovered over the 'enter' key for a long time, but she didn't press it. She had never pressed it any of the other times she'd found herself in that position.

There was a person that could probably tell Bella all about Edward Masen and what he was up to—but Bella had cut that person out of her life for good, years ago. She had let go of the girl that had ruined so many good memories, breaking her heart with her hateful accusations.

All of her life, Bella had listened to her parents blaming each other for, well, everything. These discussions were about money, bills, working hours, dinner, housework—anything. Many were about Bella, how the other parent had handled her, how she was to be punished when she had done something wrong, whether or not she should do chores around the house, and whether or not she had done them right. A deep insecurity had rooted inside the young, silently withdrawn Bella.

After her parents' divorce, things had gotten a little better. The relationship between Bella and her mom seemed to grow stronger, until Renee's drinking got out of hand. Trouble was always lurking. Renee would lash out at her for nothing at all, and behave like her best friend a minute later.

At seventeen, Bella decided to move in with her dad. This left her, more or less, on her own, as Charlie was the chief of police and worked around the clock.

What was left of Bella when she hit puberty, was an insecure little heap of a girl, who thought of life as one big chore. She'd always expected the worst—that way, things could only get better. If things _did_ go horribly wrong, though, she would take the blame every time, without fail. She knew in her gut that it was her fault, and even if there was a slight chance that it wasn't, someone would find a way to blame her.

Grown-up Bella was staring at pictures again. Happy images of herself with her best friend, having the time of their lives. It wasn't anything she could regret. Following the band was one of the most incredible experiences of her life. It had taught her a lot about life, friendship, family, and love, as well as a lot of practical things which had helped steer her toward her career goals. When Jessica was having a hard time, Bella had supported her however she could. She had called her friend, talked about everyday things, had taken her out shopping or dancing. She'd done whatever she felt was best to make her friend feel better. She'd wanted to be the friend that Jess needed, and wanted to be there for her.

At this point, Bella forced herself to stop her train of thought. She got up off the bed, where she'd been sitting with the memories from the shoe box spread around her, and quickly got dressed. She had to shake off this gloomy mood as fast as possible, and she knew just the remedy: she would go to the gym. She would run like the wind with loud dance music in her ears, throwing those weights around like they were nothing. Sunday wasn't usually her day to work out, and she expected she might regret it come morning, but it was the best way to blow off some steam.

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**Song: A Moment of Clarity by Therapy? - the video is on my blog, click the category for LIBM to find it.**

**Thanks for reading, and don't forget to vote ;) Reviews get a teaser, but they are quite short (as the chapters are short, too). Check my bio for links to my blog, twitter and Facebook page. **


	6. Chapter 6

**I can't believe the response this little story got since my TLS nomination! My beta mauigirl60 has been pimping LIBM everywhere and I can't thank her enough. You rock, honey. I also have to thank maggiejmasen, who's doing the pre-reading and makes me blush with her heartfelt comments.**

**Just to clarify: Edward was born in 1979 and Bella in 1982, on their usual birth dates. So when they first met, she was 17 and he was 20 going on 21, and in the present day, they're 28 and 31. **

**Let's see what's happening in the hotel gym on a random Sunday...**

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**Chapter 6**

_Here comes the misery_

_Coming back to make me pay_

_I wanted you haunting me_

_But not just yet_

_Give the memories time to blossom into regret_

Unbeknownst to Bella, fate was unfolding a dirty trick for her. Just as her sleek black Mercedes SLK pulled up into the hotel's driveway, a man was staring out a window on the seventh floor. He appraised the car and nodded approvingly.

_Not bad. Not bad at all._

Edward Masen stretched his tired body once more, staring at the dreary day outside. It was supposed to be summer, but it seemed not to have dawned on Seattle just yet. Not that it would matter much to him if it did. He wasn't going to be out in the sun, or do summer things like lounging on the beach or terrace, eating ice cream and fooling around in the park with a football until the sun was long gone. Nope, not him. He was chained to this room like a convict. In a way, he _was_ a convict—he was the prisoner of his own mind, a slave to his creativity. He was so by choice, and would gladly miss the summer if it meant that his album was going to be fucking awesome.

He strolled around the room and picked a banana from the fruit basket on the desk. The room was small and simple, just as he liked it. No distractions, no special treatment. He'd had a few simple requests that the staff had no problem meeting: fresh fruit on-hand at all times, no alcohol in the mini bar, no visitors or other disturbances, and no phone. It was perfect.

Edward tied his shoes while eating the banana. It was past noon now, he'd woken up only half an hour before. He'd been working on a song most of the night, playing the same chords over and over, fiddling with the words. When he finally went to sleep early in the morning, he was stoked with what he'd created.

With a towel around his neck, he slowly made his way to the elevator, and then down to the basement. The hotel's gym was becoming his sanctuary. He'd taken up fitness in rehab and made it his new addiction. It hadn't really worked, as he took the rehab program twice more after that first episode, but the working out had stayed. He'd now been clean and sober for two straight years without any relapse, and was fit to the bone.

When he ran on the treadmill, he liked listening to classical music. It wasn't any good listening to pop music while he was in the creative process, and he'd found some classics that soothed his mind.

Once inside the door, he noted that there were only a few other people in the gym. He stepped onto the treadmill and adjusted the settings, and began running.

Right at the moment the choir broke into song during the first part of Mozart's _Requiem_, someone entered the gym and appeared in Edward's peripheral vision. The slender female figure caught his attention and he glanced sideways. The treadmill nearly got the better of him when he spotted the hotel manager in a gym outfit. She greeted some people while she made her way to the treadmills, and chose the one farthest away from him. He quickly turned his head when he thought she was going to look his way. He lowered the speed of the treadmill, as well as the sound of his iPod.

Ever since that brief meeting in the dining area, he had a suspicious feeling about her. She had reacted strangely to him when James had introduced them. He was almost certain there was a crackle in the air when he'd shaken her hand. She hadn't spoken to him directly, and he had been too preoccupied with his food to really take part in the conversation. It was usually better for him to let James do the talking, anyway.

Now she was here, and he was curious as hell. For the millionth time, he cursed his foggy brain. She was probably someone from his past, someone he'd known during the New Moons era, but all those years of drinking, snorting and smoking immeasurable amounts of shit had seriously fucked up his memory.

He skipped Mozart—it was too heavy and loud for him to cope with now. Beethoven's _Moonlight Sonata_ started playing and Edward's gut responded, wrenching almost painfully. He slowed the treadmill to a walk and chanced another glance sideways, then turned his head completely. She was gone.

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**Song lyric by Therapy? (an awesome Irish band that added a question mark to their band name by mistake, but decided to stick with it ;))**

**Thanks for reading!**

**A little note about the music: you really should listen to Mozart's _Requiem_, at least until the choir part...it's heartbreaking, and it makes Edward's slip on the treadmill a bit more understandable. All music can be found on my blog: inordinatepassion . Wordpress . com **

**In light of promoting and pimping out my stories a little more, I've made a Facebook profile. You can find me there as Chantie Maya, if you're interested in updates, visuals of my stories and random babbling.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A big THANKS to all you guys who are following and reviewing to this story! It's awesome to see you wondering what's going to happen next :)**

**Thanks to my lovely ladies maggiejmasen and mauigirl60 for their help, and thanks for the awesome people on Facebook for welcoming me into their community. It's so much fun! If you want, join me there. You can find me as Chantie Maya.**

**Thanks to S. Meyer for letting me borrow her toys. I love them ;)**

**Here's another of Bella's flashbacks.**

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**Chapter 7**

_Later, much later, I scolded myself for not having seen it coming. Maybe it was too close to my face for me to see._

_Another weekend, another trip. Jessica and I had told our parents we were staying at Lauren's place. Lauren's parents were out of town, and she promised to cover for us if any of the parents would call. So, we threw our bags into the back of my beat-up truck and headed for Seattle._

_We had no plan on what we were going to do once we got there, or where we would stay. All we knew was that The New Moons were playing two nights in a row, in one of the coolest clubs in the city, and we just had to be there. We didn't even have tickets._

_At the first pay phone we found when we reached the city, I dialed the number for the band's manager. He had given me his card last time when he had arranged for a taxi for us, even giving us money for the fare. My body did that strange humming again while I listened to the dial tone, with Jess pressed against the phone on the other side of the earpiece._

"_Yeah," a male voice answered._

"_Um, Carlisle?"_

"_Yeah, who's this?"_

"_I-It's Bella." When he didn't reply, I continued. "Me and Jess, we're in Seattle. We wanna come to the shows but we don't have tickets," I babbled in a rush. Carlisle chuckled on the other end._

"_Oh, right. Bella beautiful," he said, with another chuckle. "If you come to the venue now, I'm sure we can arrange something."_

_He had arranged something; he got us tickets to both shows, the first one starting only two hours after we'd met with him. We went out of our minds when the boys recognized us and blew us kisses from their position on the stage. Girls around us argued who those kisses were meant for, but we knew better._

_They played some new songs and it was the first time we heard "A Moment of Clarity". It felt so special to be part of this small crowd, hearing a new song for the first time. Edward had explained it wasn't even completely finished._

_They let us come backstage once again and, by now, I was comfortable enough to take a seat without being invited. I talked with Jasper, while Emmett got us some drinks. I stared at Jess when she accepted a beer, and then accepted one of my own. I didn't really want to drink it. I didn't want to break the law, but much less did I want to seem uncool. So, I held the beer in my hand and took the occasional tiny sip. It wasn't that bad, it just took some getting used to._

_After a while of silently observing everyone, Edward took my hand in his. This dressing room was large and it had a nice sitting area. I occupied a corner of the couch while Edward sat in the armchair beside it._

_He entwined his fingers with mine and stared at me intensely._

"_Bella beautiful, I'm so glad you came to the show tonight. Will you be here tomorrow?"_

_Wow, that must have been the longest sentence he ever spoke to me. I just nodded and looked at our hands, too shy to meet his burning stare._

_He pulled at my hand and guided me onto his lap. He wrapped one arm around me, the other stroked my hair. I was in heaven. My shyness seemed to evaporate with the second beer I drank, and I stared at his face continuously. I still couldn't grasp what was happening to me. His hand softly caressed my bare arm, the other now resting on my thigh. His fingers left a burning sensation on my skin, even right through the fabric of my jeans._

_I was feeling positively woozy and, even though I didn't want to, something inside me told me it was time to go._

"_Edward, I-"_

"_Shh. Sit very still, okay? I just want to try something," he said, again with that smoldering gaze. His hands came up to cup my face, and I immediately knew what was about to happen. I was going to get kissed for the first time, and it was Edward _fucking _Masen who was going to be my first._

_His lips touched mine gently, a spark of electricity coursing through my body at the contact. He nipped at my lips, licked them, massaged them with his own. When I sighed, he slipped his tongue between my lips and started to explore the inside of my mouth._

_When he let go of me, I was in a trance-like state. I shifted on his lap, straddling him, and leaned down for more. My hands grabbed his beautiful, sexy hair to hold him in place. Howls and cat-calls sounded throughout__ the room, but I didn't give a shit. I pressed my body into him, feeling his hard chest against my sensitive nipples._

_It was glorious, sensual and mind blowing, and it was the best kiss I would ever get._

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**So, Bella's first kiss...what do you think? Is Edward an asshole, or is he just dumb?**


	8. Chapter 8

**Another chapter, though a really short one. Thanks to everyone who is reviewing, faving or following this story! It's such a thrill to see the response filling my mailbox. It makes me so happy that you like this story :) **

**Most reviewers had nothing positive to say about young Edward, and one called Bella naive. You are all right, but...we all have to grow up some time. Let's see how grown-up B & E are doing.**

**Thanks maggiejmasen and mauigirl60 for their help!**

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Chapter 8

A frustrated Bella huffed at her own image. She had fled to the bathroom when she spotted Edward Masen on the treadmill, about twenty feet away from her. He had glanced at her briefly, which made her look in his direction. He looked shockingly good, running in a fast and even pace. He was wearing a pair of blue shorts that fell about mid-thigh, exposing most of his lean legs, and a wife beater that showed off his well-toned arms. Most of his arms, shoulders, part of his neck, as well as one of his calves, were covered in tattoos.

Bella took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She was immediately assaulted with images from the past. Images of a half-naked Edward, changing in his dressing room, flirting with her and daring her to come over and touch him. _Edward in a dark, dingy hallway, pressing her against a wall and forcing his hands under her top. Edward in a car, Bella on the sidewalk. Bella all alone in a big city where she didn't know anyone. Bella, alone._

She opened her eyes and shook her head.

"Fuck this shit," she cursed out loud. She washed her face with cold water and resolutely marched back into the gym. The treadmills were now all empty, and she took her spot once again. She ran fast, her eyes set on her own image reflecting from the windows in front of her. Her head bobbed up and down on dance tunes that she had turned up so loud, the people around her could probably hear it. She ran and ran, without either looking around or stopping. Sweat poured down her body, soaking her hair and shirt.

Edward had seen her come back into the gym, that mysterious hotel manager. Did she tell him her name? Maybe he should go and say hello, it might trigger the memories.

He was busy doing sit-ups on a mat in the far corner of the room. His eyes were fixed on her every time his upper body came up off the floor. She was definitely easy on the eyes. Wait, had he _been_ with her?

He fell back to the mat, panting, and stared at the ceiling. Fuck, if he'd been with her and hadn't even acknowledged her when they met, she would probably not even _want_ to talk to him.

He shook his head, confused, and turned around to do some pushups.

Bella watched him from a reasonable distance. After the treadmill, she took place on a hip abduction machine and started pushing weights with her legs, trying her best not to stare at his toned body.

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**Thanks for reading! Tattooed, bearded Edward totally does it for me, how about you?**

**Also! My story 'Inordinate Passion', my first multichapter Twific, is now FINISHED! If you'd like some Cougarella x Youngerward lovin', drama, little angst, and HEA, go read ;)**

**Find me on Facebook: Chantie Maya**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

_The New Moons were taking a break from touring and I had felt completely gutted at their last show before the break. Because the show was on a Saturday, Jess and I had gotten away from home quite easily, even booking a hotel to spend the night. The crowd was absolutely hysterical and we didn't manage to make it all the way to the front row. We hung to the side of the stage a little bit, trying to get the attention of the boys. Jasper was closest and spotted us a couple of times, eventually alerting the others to our presence. It was far from great, especially on a night as important as this. We didn't know if we would ever see them again, as our parents were still against us traveling this far on our own. How they didn't catch our excuse of going camping at Lake Quinault, I would never know._

_When they played their last song, Jess was sobbing while I tried to hold back my tears. I felt stupid for crying, but the emotions were strong all the same. So much had happened in the last couple of weeks, it seemed like years had passed. _

_While the guys put down their instruments and walked up to the front of the stage to say goodbye, I got pushed from behind roughly, my body slamming into the girls in front of me. I tried to apologize, but they just pushed me away and kept screaming in the direction of the stage. _

"_I have to get out!" I screamed at Jess when we almost lost our footing. I was scared we would be trampled at any moment. We pushed ourselves more to the side and away from the stage, others eagerly taking our place. At last, we found a calmer spot where we could catch our breaths. My back ached, I was sweaty and tears were now spilling over my cheeks. I was so done, but we couldn't leave without at least trying to talk to the guys. _

_Our luck took a major turn when Carlisle turned up on the other side of the barrier we were leaning against._

"_Bella!" he yelled over the crowd while the boys left the stage on our side, the mass of people once agains squashing us together. I grabbed Carlisle's shoulder and he held the back of my head, shouting into my ear. "We're not staying here, come to the hotel!" I felt a small piece of paper being pressed into my hand. I closed my fist and held on to it with all my might. I barely had time to nod at him because Jess was already pulling me out of the crowd. _

_We felt like surviving warriors when we finally made it outside, running to my truck. My emotions were all over the place, but turned mostly toward Jess. I knew she thought I was getting more attention from the guys than she did, and I felt bad for it. I couldn't help it that Carlisle had chosen to speak to me and not her, yet I felt her disappointment radiating off of her. I knew that Edward had kissed her goodbye after the last show, on the lips like he did me. It stung, but at least he hadn't used his tongue with her...then I shook my head over my silliness. I told myself constantly that this fling Edward and I had going on, was more special to me than it was to him. _

"_What's the name of the hotel?" Jess asked, while unfolding the map on her lap. I opened my fist and took out the crumpled piece of paper._

"_The Paramount, near Pike Place. Room 1014." We stared at each other for a moment, our expressions similar: wide eyes, red cheeks, mouths hanging open. Jess snapped out of it first, searching the map underneath the dim overhead light._

_It was a bit scary to sneak into the hotel and into the elevators, because we were afraid someone would spot us and ask what the hell we were doing there. We made it to the room without bumping into anyone, though, and I could tell we were at the right place—the party going on inside could be heard in the hallway. After a couple of loud knocks, the door swung open and Emmett presented us with a big grin._

_There were two rooms, both with two beds and their own bathroom, and a suite in between. There were instruments, clothes, food and drinks scattered all over the place, and more people than I had hoped for. Though on the other hand, the thought of being alone with Edward scared me a bit, so I was secretly glad that we wouldn't get that chance now. _

_It turned out the boys had invited quite a lot of friends to the show, most of them also musicians. They were jamming, singing, playing loudly and drinking. _

"_Bella beautiful." Edward's voice close to my ear nearly made me jump._

"_Edward! Don't do that!"_

"What?" He looked at me innocently.

"_Creep up on me like that. You nearly gave me a heart attack!"_

"_Aw, I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to scare you." He took one of my hands in his and leaned in. He rubbed his nose along my cheek, then went to kiss my lips, searching out my tongue with his own._

_He led me through the room and sat with me on a couch, Jasper sitting beside us with Jess on his lap. The four of us talked about the show, Jess and I commenting on the crazy crowd, and things seemed normal for a moment. My best friend and I were sitting on the laps of gorgeous, famous, talented boys and we were having a very grown-up conversation. At some point, the boys went to the bathroom together—I didn't even know boys did that, I thought it was a girly thing to do. When they came back, I didn't notice immediately that something was going on with them. They resumed their poses on the couch with us in their laps and listened to Jess and me talking about school. Then, the conversation took a nasty turn._

"_Hey, Jess. Have you ever kissed a girl?" Jasper asked, jiggling his knees underneath her. She looked at him awkwardly, then shook her head with an embarrassed giggle. _

"_I'm not into that...stuff," Jess said hesitantly. _

"_Wouldn't you like to try?"_

_Jess glanced at me and shrugged. I just stared at her, then looked at Edward. His eyes were fixed on my mouth. _

"_I prefer kissing boys," Jess said, her voice a bit slurred. She had a lot less trouble chugging beer than I'd had. _

"_How do you know if you've never tried?" Edward asked. _

"_It just seems...off," I joined in, earning a thankful look from Jess. Edward's arms tightened around me and he sat up a bit, his face close to mine. _

"_I would really love to see you kiss your pretty friend." His voice was breathy and sexy, making the tiny hairs on my arm stand up._

_Meeting Jess' eyes, I realized she was more than willing to do it. I tried to block my raging inner voice when I leaned over and pecked my best friend on the lips. We repeated this a few times, and I had to admit, it wasn't bad. Her beer-breath was off-putting, but her lips were soft and warm. I didn't feel that excitement in my body that was ignited by kissing Edward, though._

_We giggled stupidly and challenged the boys to kissing each other, which they refused—total spoil sports. We changed partners for one kiss, but Jasper's wet slobbering made me cringe. Seeing Edward kiss Jess...I told myself I couldn't be jealous. It wasn't like we had something official going on, and he'd kissed her before, although much more chastely than this time. Either way, I couldn't withhold anything from Jess as it was, with the depressed and miserable state she was often in._

_Carlisle broke up the party soon after that, and it would be a long time before we saw the boys again._

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**A/N Yes, this is all the way at the bottom. Though it looked better that way, and the A/N's are not the reason you're following this story I reckon ;) I've had some really nice and interesting reviews. You don't seem to favor a bearded and tattooed Edward, lol. The beard will go, eventually, but not yet. The short chapters frustrate some people, so I hope this slightly longer one will be to your liking. **

**About this topic: I don't think any girl or woman should do anything she doesn't like, just for the sake of being liked or loved. **_**Nobody**_** should have to change themselves in order to be loved. Sadly, we can only learn this by making mistakes—I am no exception. Over the last couple of years, I've started to learn that I shouldn't look down on myself for making mistakes. I should embrace them and take them for what they are: experience.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Monday, June 20, 2011**

Every day after lunch, Bella made her rounds through the hotel. She started in the basement and worked her way up through the building. She visited the staff locker rooms, their cafeteria, the lobby, and the restaurants, until she ended up walking along the halls where the guests were staying. Most guests knew who she was and stopped to chat with her if they ran into her. On a good day, this round would take her about one hour. Today was not a good day.

She had just walked around the seventh floor, making notes on a legal pad. One of the doors to the fire escape was not running smoothly and she would ask the janitor to take care of it. She would also ask one of the maids to change the wilting flowers in the hallway.

There was a small sitting area across from the elevator. It had two comfortable armchairs and a small table with a floral centerpiece. She picked out some wilted flowers and held them in her hand to throw away later. The elevator behind her dinged, and she turned around to board it and go to the next and last floor.

When the doors slid open, she froze.

"Um. Hello," Edward said hesitantly. He stepped out of the elevator and held his hand against the door to keep it from closing. "Do you wanna, um..." He gestured toward the elevator questioningly. He glanced at her face, not really looking into her eyes. This woman had an intense stare and it made him uneasy.

"Hello!" She knew she spoke too loud, but she had no control over her voice. "Yes, thank you," she squeaked and stepped around him awkwardly.

Her scent hit his nose when she passed and he couldn't resist inhaling. It was sweet, like vanilla, but, at the same time, had a sharp edge to it. Sweat, maybe? _Why is that a turn on?_

He slipped his hand between the doors when they were about to close, and leaned forward, meeting her wide eyes.

"Hey, um. I might be wrong but...have we met before?"

"Yes. We met at the restaurant when you had just arrived." She smiled brightly but it didn't reach her eyes. Big, dark brown eyes, deep and warm. Edward knew he was staring and, at the same time, felt like he was in trouble.

"I mean, before that?"

The elevator dinged to indicate that someone on another floor had pressed a button to call it.

"I-I should be going," she stammered, pressing the button for the eighth floor again. He let go of the door and let her leave without another word.

He paced his small room. There was something about this woman. Even if he didn't know her from somewhere, he really wanted to get to know her. He felt a pull in her direction, as if gravity was trying to bring them together—not to mention that she was gorgeous.

"Trouble, trouble, trouble," he mused to himself and shook his head. He scratched his beard and raked a hand through his hair a couple of times. Letting out a grunt, he made a decision. He took his key and left the room. He took the stairs to the eighth floor and peeked out of the door.

There she was: small frame, dark brown hair that was pinned to her head in an elegant up-do. Her suit was a bit boring. It probably made her seem older than she was. As he stared at her, she straightened up the table in the hallway, then turned and pressed the elevator button.

Edward ran down the stairs and through the hallway on the seventh floor. He passed his room and sprinted to the elevator, pressing the button frantically. Soon enough, a ding sounded and the doors slid open. His heart thumped when he saw her standing there, leaning against the mirroring panels.

"Hi," he said with a grin, then looked at the floor as he leaned his back against the side wall.

"Hi." He thought he heard a smile in her voice. She had pressed the button for the second floor. The elevator moved far too fast to his liking and he wracked his brain to think of something to say.

"What's on the second floor?" he asked. He pointed at the flickering button when she gave him a blank look.

"Oh. My office."

Edward just nodded. He kept shifting his eyes to her, wanting to look but not wanting to make eye contact. He felt shy.

Bella was in a near panic. Her body was humming with a light electric buzz. Her breathing was hitched and her cheeks felt warm. God, that grin, those eyes...her body obviously responded to him. Her brain…that was a whole other story. Alarm bells went off in her head, telling her to run, to get away from him as fast as possible. TROUBLE was plastered in big bold letters all over him.

"What about you?" Bella heard herself say.

"Hm?" He met her eyes.

"Where are you heading to?" She clarified. The elevator came to a halt and the doors opened to the second floor.

"Um, I-I... Ah..." he stuttered. Nothing came out, his brain was blank. He felt a blush creep up his neck and over his face.

Bella left the elevator and looked back over her shoulder. He was just standing there, shrugging. She walked away as a traitorous giggle bubbled up in her throat. She slapped her hand over her mouth to stop it.

"Um, miss?" His voice sounded behind her.

"Yes?" She turned around. He took a tentative step toward her.

"Ah, well, I thought. Um, maybe we could...have coffee sometime. Or something?" He stared at her with a nervous smile.

Bella opened her mouth but wasn't sure what to say. She balled her hands into fists as if it would snap her back into her professional role.

"Sure, that would be nice," she said with a short nod. It was the same answer she would have given any other guest.

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**A/N Another one...just because, you know, I had this laying around and...well, because I can. Because I love to share it. Because my readers are the awesomest. Because...this is an important chapter. Okay! I caved, alright! I couldn't wait, lol ;)**

**Do you think Edward handled this well? Or did it sound like a cheesy pick up line?**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

_Coffee? _Bella snorted when she entered her office. Surely he'd meant _Jack Daniels_, by the bottle.

The anger she felt over his presence did not match up to the excitement. She was beyond curious as to how he was doing, and what his life had been like since he stopped being a part of hers.

It had been a conscious decision at the time, to quit the fandom. It had felt like a major step, a step towards freedom and maturity. A step closer to a real, normal life—whatever that was.

Even in college, when she finally fled her tiny hometown and left Jessica behind, she couldn't resist keeping up with The New Moons. She visited several websites every day, wrote on forums, maintained a blog and visited every concert she could. She even went to see them play when they visited Seattle.

The phone on her desk started ringing, pulling her out of her thoughts once again. She sighed and crossed the room to pick it up. These memories were getting on her nerves, and it made her wish she'd never stopped writing. She used to pour all her thoughts into blog posts, poems, short stories and whatnot. She'd left it all behind when she'd left the band—it was more or less like a break-up. There had even been a rebound guy, a fellow student that took her virginity two weeks after they'd met.

Appointments forced her to go on with the day, and she didn't leave the office until well into the evening.

Instead of taking the elevator down to the parking garage directly, Bella got out on the ground level to check out the reception area and the lobby. The increased safety regulations had ended and things seemed to be going smoothly. The hotel was fully booked and the staff was doing fine.

After a short talk with the evening manager at the reception, she made her way to the restaurant. There were some people enjoying a late meal and everything looked perfect. Her stomach growled and Bella found herself in the kitchen.

"Miss Bella, to what do we owe this honor?" Georges, the head chef, joked as he took her hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. Bella laughed.

"Actually, my stomach sent me this way. Is there anything you can feed a hungry hotel slave?" she asked, batting her eyelashes at him.

Georges was not an easy man to work for, or with. He had a sharp tongue with a thick French accent, and he ruled the kitchen with an iron fist. Everybody respected him though, because his food was delicious and the guests raved about him. Bella wouldn't dare set foot in that kitchen when it was rush hour, between six and eight. By now, it was nearly nine and they had slowed down their pace.

Georges made a plate for her with a big piece of salmon, steamed vegetables and his magnificent mashed potatoes. She refused to occupy a table—what fun would that be, sitting there all alone—so she took a seat on a high stool at the bar, overlooking the restaurant.

While she ate, she flipped through the calendar on her Blackberry. Tomorrow would be stacked with meetings, starting at ten and lasting until the evening. She would start her day with making rounds, then meeting with all the managers, lunch with the Board of Directors followed by a meeting that would last hours. To top it off, the accountant would be coming for a meeting late in the afternoon.

When she finished eating and started packing her things together, the waiter behind the bar put a cup of cofee in front of her.

"Oh, thanks, Alan!" she said, surprised.

"Courtesy of the gentleman over there," Alan said with a nod. Her eyes followed and landed on... Edward. He was sitting at a table by himself, all the way in the back. He held his hand up, acknowledging her, and smiled.

_Oh, great. Now I have to go to him. It's the polite thing to do. I would do so if another guest offered me a cup of coffee._

Hiding her deep sigh behind a smile, Bella gathered her things and got up from the stool. She had been ready to leave before the food distracted her, so she was carrying around her laptop bag, purse and coat, and had to balance the coffee on top of that.

"Mr. Masen. Thank you for the coffee," she said when she reached his table. He stood up and pulled out a chair, pushing his empty plate to the side.

"You're very welcome, Ms. Swan. Please, have a seat."

Bella was stunned with his manners. He still looked like a bum with that beard and the old t-shirt he was wearing, but he sounded different than he looked.

He held his cup up to hers in cheers and they both took a sip. Edward felt a little giddy about luring her to his table like this. He had been watching her for quite a while, and had left instructions with his waiter to serve her coffee when she'd finished her meal. So far, so good. He still couldn't grasp the pull he felt toward her. He was sure now that they had met before, long before he came to the hotel. It was like a word on the tip of his tongue—he knew it, but he couldn't place it. He certainly couldn't vocalize it.

"Are you enjoying your stay?" Bella tried to make some polite conversation.

"Yes, very much. Thank you."

_Now what?!_ Edward's mind raced a mile a minute, trying to think of something to talk about.

"Look, Ms. Swan... I might be completely out of line here, but have we met before? I mean, before I came here?" He looked at her intently, searching her face for recognition of some sort. She averted her eyes and a slight blush seemed to come over her cheeks. It made him smile—she truly was beautiful, just a little stiff, but that probably came with her position. She couldn't be older than thirty...

"To be honest, yes. We have met before, a long time ago. I really don't want to bring all that up."

She stared at her now empty cup. He had forgotten about her. It shouldn't bother her, because she left him and forced herself to get over him, but it did. She felt her face heat up even more along with a tell-tale sting behind her eyes.

Edward shifted in his seat, moving the chair a little closer to her. He leaned across the table and dipped his head to look at her face.

"I did some really crazy things when I was younger. I hope you... don't have any bad memories from that time."

"I do," she replied almost instantly. She still refused to look at him. Edward itched to take her hand, anything to make her look up. When he moved his hand over the table, she dropped hers into her lap.

"Mr. Masen-"

"Edward. Please," he cut her off.

"Edward. I'm Bella." Her eyes came up to his and a shock went through him. He instantly remembered.

"Bella beautiful," he whispered.

Bella bit her bottom lip and her face creased with worry. She nodded slowly.

"Shit, it's you! I can't believe it's you!" he muttered under his breath, staring at her.

"I really don't want to talk about it," she managed to say. Her throat was thick and her voice acted funny. Once again, she gathered her things and stood up.

"Bella, I... I'm sorry." He looked up at her helplessly, his eyes wide. Those magic, green eyes—they still got to her.

"It's okay. Enjoy your stay."

He watched her walk away and stared at the door she disappeared through, long after she was gone.

That night, Edward stayed up and worked some more on his songs. He poured all his guilt and pain into them, while in the past, he would drink himself into a frenzy.

On the other side of the city, _Bella beautiful_ lay awake. She had gone to bed right away after she got home. She stared at the ceiling for what seemed an eternity, before sleep finally claimed her.

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**A/N So...there you go, Edward. Now you know.**

**This one is slightly longer. I didn't really have a plan about the length of the chapters when I started. It started out as a one-shot, but I cut it into pieces when it became too long—and it's still not finished. I've just started on chapter 30, so there's quite a lot more to come.**

**Any thoughts on this chapter? Your reviews are my drugs, and I can't be saved, unlike Edward ;)**

**Someone asked me what sort of band The New Moons were. I have a very specific band in mind: Therapy? (yes, the question mark is part of the name). You can find all the songs I use in this story on my blog: inordinatepassion dot wordpress dot com. Click Let It Be Me on the list of categories on the left to find the posts connected to this story.**

**Thanks mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen for their help. These ladies are amazing and apart from brushing up my chapters, they inspire me every time they send a chapter back! Thank you, lovelies XO**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"_I thought this was what you wanted," I said to Jessica. My voice was thin and quivery._

"_What __**I**__ wanted? Since when are you about what __**I**_ _want?" she sneered under her breath._

_We were standing in a parking lot behind a mall, in the middle of the night. We'd seen the boys perform and on the way back to the car, Jess had acted weird. We had long talks recently about things that were bothering her. I secretly thought she was heading for a nervous breakdown or depression, or perhaps she was already in the middle of one. I tried to help her as best as I could, basically by doing anything she wanted. When she suggested something, I'd go with it. When she wanted to see me, I was there; and when she wanted to be alone, I stayed away._

_Tonight, I'd sent her backstage with the guys by herself. She had kind of said she would love to have them all to herself one time, so I said I wasn't feeling well and would wait in the car, while Carlisle took her backstage. It wasn't a complete lie that I wasn't feeling well, but it was nothing physical, it was a small warning voice in the back of my head. I had this hunch that there might be more to Edward's fooling around than he led on. He had kissed Jess, too, but not as passionately as he did me. At the same time, I worried about his drug use. He was smoking weed all the time and mixed it with beer or whiskey; a few weeks ago, I'd seen cocaine on a table at their hotel._

"_Didn't you want to be alone with them?" I was confused and held my hands up in a desperate gesture._

"_It was a matter of speaking. I didn't mean for you to leave me all alone, in some unknown town with five wild boys! They were drunk and stoned out of their minds, Bella! Edward tried to undress me while the others were right there!"_

_She had started crying hysterically._

"_What the fuck!? He did __**what**__?!" I was shocked beyond anything._

"_Just because you left me alone! You always do stuff like this to me, Bella. I thought we were friends! You make me walk on egg shells because I can't be as smart as you, or as pretty as you, and now you've also taken in the guys for you! They were all asking for you. You've ruined everything, Bella! Everything!"_

_She turned around and ran away from me. My body was trembling with shock,__ and cold sweat broke out over my face. I quickly turned and got into the truck. I followed her until she slowed down. She got into the truck and we drove the three and a half hour trip home in silence._

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**A/N: Yes, it's short. That's why I'm doing a double posting tonight, so Ch. 13 is coming right up. Thanks everyone who has reviewed, you are AWESOME! Also, reviews make me write superfast. I wrote 7 new chapters over the weekend – just sayin' ;)**

**Thanks to the amazing mauigirl60 & maggiejmasen. Love you girls XO**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**Tuesday, June 21, 2011**

After a short night of sleep and an absolutely draining day, the accountant left Bella's office around ten o'clock that evening. Just after he shut the door behind him, she dropped her head on her desk with a thump. She wanted to cry, scream, and dance around, all at the same time.

Yes, the day had been hellish, especially after that horrible night. Yes, she was positively exhausted and worn out, on the verge of tears. Yet at the same time, this day had been fucking awesome. The turnover was going through the roof and the board had praised her for the profit she was making. They had given her a big fat raise and approved all her plans for the next twelve months.

She picked up her head and dropped it again. _Thump. Thump, thump._

A nervous, hysterical giggle arose from her throat. Yeah, it was a good day, she decided. Nothing could ruin this for her now.

Then, her office phone rang.

_Seriously?_

"Bella Swan."

"Hi, Bella, it's Cathy from reception. I'm sorry to be calling so late, but I knew you hadn't left yet."

"It's okay, but I'm on my way out. What's up?" Bella answered, leaning back in her chair with her eyes closed.

"I have Edward Masen calling for you," Cathy said, unable to keep the excitement out of her voice.

"Masen? What does he want?"

"I don't know. He called up to the desk and asked if it was possible to get your number. I said I'd try to connect him. I can tell him you left?"

Bella contemplated it for a second. It wasn't right though, he was still a guest.

"Nah, it's okay. Put him through."

The line clicked and she heard him breathing on the other end. She swallowed before she spoke.

"Edward?"

"Oh, you're there! Hi!"

"Yes, I'm still in the building. What can I do for you?" Bella kept her voice as stern and formal as she could.

Edward was taken aback by her tone, but he still wanted to say what he had to say.

"I, um. I want to apologize. You know, for... for before. I was a brat back then, and I took advantage of you. I was a little shit and I didn't know anything. I'm very sorry. I'm also sorry that I didn't recognize you right away, you look... different. I've been a drug addict for years and it has damaged my memory, so I always need some time to remember things."

He was out of breath after rushing it all out.

"O-okay. Thank you. It's fine, Edward. It's behind us now," Bella said. She didn't sound as convincing as she wanted to. She wanted to kick herself for being unable to keep her cool.

"I would really like to talk about it," he said softly.

"I don't see why we should."

"Well, because I... I want to make amends," he stammered. Bella sighed audibly.

"Look, Edward, what's done is done. I grew up and left it behind me, and I am not looking for a trip down memory lane, if you don't mind."

_Ah! My inner bitch has recovered!_ Bella thought.

"Okay. I think I can understand that. Would you consider meeting me just to... talk? Without mentioning the past?"

He just had to try. He had been sure she'd want to talk about the past, he thought she would jump at the opportunity to tell him what a prick he'd been. That way, he could at least be near her and get to know her a little better.

She was silent for a while.

"Bella?"

"Yes, we can meet. How about right now? We can meet at the bar?"

Bella figured she'd better get it over with. If he so desperately wanted to talk to her, then she had no choice but to appease the guest. Perhaps if she'd let him get it all out, he would stop bothering her.

Bella took a moment to regard herself in the bathroom mirror. She had a small bathroom attached to her office, with a toilet and a shower, as well as a small wardrobe. She was clumsy and prone to ruining her clothes - ripping them or spilling something - so she always kept extra clothes in the office.

She didn't know why, but she suddenly felt very uncomfortable in her suit. She stripped out of the tight skirt, pantyhose, silk blouse and jacket, and replaced them with dark blue jeans and a white long-sleeved t-shirt. She brushed out her hair and checked her makeup. She had no other shoes, so the black pumps would have to do.

Edward was waiting for her at a table in a far corner of the bar. He was drinking tea, and it made Bella feel stupid for ordering red wine.

"I'm sorry, does it bother you?" she asked, when the waiter brought the wine right after she sat down. He gave her a shy smile.

"No, not at all." He looked at his tea for a moment, stirring the melting sugar around. "I'm really glad you agreed to talk to me," he started. "I hoped you would." He shrugged, averting his eyes again.

"I don't really understand." Bella bit her lip and rested her elbows on the table. "I don't have anything to say, good or bad," she explained, with a waving hand gesture.

They were silent for a moment, staring at their drinks.

"You are still so beautiful." His words were nearly a whisper.

"What?" She thought she might have misheard.

"We called you _Bella beautiful_. You still are, especially now with your hair down," he muttered. He felt his face heat up. _God, I thought I was over this shyness crap. She's made me blush more times in a couple of days than I did in the last five years._

"Thanks," she said, with a chuckle. She suddenly felt very self-conscious and pushed her hair back over her shoulder.

He was really very charming, and without all that hair in his face, he might even be considered attractive. He was wearing an army green, short-sleeved button-down shirt, which he left open, with a white t-shirt underneath. It sat pretty tightly over his well-formed chest. Bella quickly looked away.

"So, uhm. How's the recording?" She just had to break the silence, it was getting uncomfortable.

"Okay, I guess." Edward shrugged. He explained that the process was quite slow, as they were writing and recording at the same time. "I just need time to grow into it, I didn't have that in New York. So I decided to go back home and start over."

"You live in New York?"

"Used to, yeah. Sold my apartment when I left. I'm actually homeless now," he said, with a grin.

"I thought the record company found a place for you here in the city?" Bella was relieved they now had something to talk about, and also that it wasn't about her.

"They did, but I couldn't use it. People already knew about it, like, you know. It was temporary anyway, and cost nearly as much as staying here." He shrugged like it wasn't a big deal.

"And when you're done with recording?"

"There will be a tour. I don't really need my own place until after that. Maybe I'll just stay here, be a permanent guest. Then I get to bug you all the time."

A light twinkled in his eyes when he joked, and it made Bella laugh. She saw something of that boy she used to love so much, shining through in this shy man.

They talked some more about their current lives. Both made sure to keep the conversation light and simple, no difficult subjects were mentioned. It was almost midnight when Bella checked her watch for the first time.

"Oh shit, it's really late!" she stated bluntly. "I'm sorry, I have to go," she said, leaning forward and patting his arm with her hand.

He looked at her hand, and then stared into her eyes. She quickly pulled back.

He got up and walked her to the elevator, then got in with her.

"I don't really need an escort, you know," she said with a smile and a shrug. He just smirked at her.

They were downstairs in a minute, and he stepped out of the elevator with her.

"Thanks for calling me, it was nice catching up," Bella said. She was slightly nervous about standing with him in the dim parking garage, alone.

"Thanks for letting me, I really appreciate it," he said. Then he surprised her by wrapping his arms around her in a gentle hug. He was at least a foot taller than she was, even with the heels she was wearing, and she was completely enveloped by his arms. _Fuck me, he smells amazing._

Scolding herself inwardly for that errant thought, she carefully loosened herself from him.

Edward looked down at her beautiful face. Those eyes had haunted his dreams after she'd stopped coming to his shows.

He didn't really think about it, he didn't contemplate or hesitate. He bent down and kissed her lips. The first was nothing more than a brushing of his lips against hers. She gasped and took a tiny step back. He came with her, and kissed her fully now.

His heart thumped loudly and nearly jumped out of his chest when he realized she'd kissed him back. He felt her lips moving against his own, nipping at him, her breath fanning over his cheek.

_I'm losing my mind_, Bella thought. _All this memory lane shit has blurred my view on reality. This isn't really happening._

With a gasp, she suddenly let go of him and took a few steps back, one hand at her throat.

"What the hell?!" she whisper-screamed at him.

"I-I... I thought..."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, I just... I've wanted to do that for so long. I thought you..." He stopped talking when she came closer. He didn't see it coming, he just heard a sound of a slap and then felt the impact of it on his cheek.

"_I_ wanted to do _that_ for a really long time." Her voice was soft but stern. Then she turned on her heel and marched off to her car.

* * *

**A/N: So there. Thoughts?**

**P.S. If you're curious about the songs I'm using in this story, check out my blog inordinatepassion dot wordpress dot com (link on my profile). If you're on Facebook, come and be my friend! You can find me as Chantie Maya.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

_._

_It used to give me guilty thrills_

_Feeling in control and feeding on your innocence_

_I watched you torture yourself days_

_And fucking you got boring when it didn't feel so wrong_

_._

"_Bella beautiful..." Edward whispered into my neck. He had one hand in my hair, the other on my lower back. We were standing in a dark alley behind the venue where they'd played the evening before._

_Jess and I had slept in the car that night. It was a while after our fight, and we'd never mentioned it. We had done the things we always did, automatically continuing what we were used to._

"_Baby, I want you so bad," Edward slurred into my ear. He was sweaty and smelly, and the cold hard stone of the wall on my back was uncomfortable. I squirmed to get some space, but he responded by pressing his hips into mine. His arousal was evident through his jeans._

_It had been some time since I'd seen him because they'd had a break from touring. When they came back, their shows were not as good as before. They were uncoordinated and sloppy, forgetting lyrics and chords, and they drank alcohol on__ stage._

"_Edward, I-"_

"_Shh, no talking. We don't need to talk, Bella-baby."_

_He kept rocking his hips against mine, squeezing my ass painfully hard in his hand. He trembled and moaned. His hand came around to grab my wrist. My breath caught in my throat when he pushed my hand into his jeans. My stomach churned when I felt his warm, sticky pubic hair._

"_Please, baby. I need you," he crooned into my ear. He licked my neck and earlobe._

_His dick was hard and it seemed to jump at my hand. I wanted to pull away, but he pressed himself harder against me, keeping my hand in place. He shuddered, rocking his hips, pushing himself into my hand. He kissed me, wet and sloppy. He tasted of weed and whiskey and something sweet I couldn't make out._

_I swallowed back the bile that rose in my throat, and turned my head away from his mouth. I had to get away from here as fast as possible. I didn't even know where Jess was._

_I took his cock and rubbed it up and down, not sure what I was supposed to do._

"_Yes," he hissed between his teeth. "Like that baby. Grab it harder." He growled the words._

_I closed my eyes and did as he said. I increased the pressure and the pace, jerking him off until he shuddered against me, emptying his load over my hand and wrist._


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**Wednesday, June 22, 2011 - 5 am**

Bella sighed as she turned from her side to her back once again. She had been wide awake for half an hour, tossing and turning - it was no use staying in bed. She had been restless all night, vague dreams haunting her. Every sound from outside woke her up, and each time her thoughts were more troubling than before.

This whole thing with Edward had stirred her more than she wanted to admit. He had roused too many bad memories, and the old pain was being brought back to the surface. She felt both satisfied and remorseful about slapping him. It couldn't have hurt much, with his beard and all, but it had been wrong. She'd kissed him back, there was no way around it, and it was bittersweet. So sweet, his lips on hers, and so bitter, the harsh feelings that came with it.

With a low grumble, Bella shoved the covers away and got up. She went about her morning routine in the same old way, but she wasn't the same. Something had changed inside her, as if her world had shifted. Well, fuck, it had. That asshole, that gorgeous, sexy-as-hell asshole, was back—and she was right back there with him.

Bella managed to drag out her morning rituals and arrived at work around seven. It was still unusually early, but not so unusual that it would raise any eyebrows. She tried to let work distract her, catching up on e-mails. She interviewed an applicant just before lunch and had a meeting with Laurent, while grabbing a bite at the restaurant downstairs. When she came back to her office after walking her rounds, she had enough work-related things on her mind to almost feel normal again—until she walked into her office.

In the middle of her desk sat a big, glass vase with a huge bouquet of flowers. It was a colorful bunch of summer flowers, with baby's breath, daisies, and many more. Pink, white, purple, orange and yellow flowers were brightening the whole room.

She opened the card with shaking fingers.

_Please forgive me_

_E._

A sob caught in her throat and she took a deep breath to get rid of it. _Fucking asshole_. He was getting to her and she didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She ended up doing both, having to clear her throat and blow her nose before she could answer her ringing cell phone.

"Did you get them?" Laurent got right to the point.

"You knew?" Her voice sounded hoarse to her own ears.

"Well, yes, darling. He asked me personally to bring them to your office," Laurent cooed. She could just hear the smug grin he must be wearing.

Bella bit her lip and stared out of the window, her back now to the flowers.

"So?" Laurent prompted when she kept silent.

"So, what?"

"What are you going to do?"

If only she knew the answer to that question. She dismissed Laurent, mumbling something about it being none of his business and hanging up on him.

Edward paced his room, running his fingers through his hair repeatedly. He hoped the flowers would work, and that she would forgive him. It seemed like the right thing to do, and James had agreed with him. He hadn't told him who they were for, but he explained that he'd offended a woman. James agreed that sending flowers was a good idea, so they had gone out this morning to get them.

Edward was supposed to be in the studio in about an hour, but he dreaded going. He had hardly slept and he was anxious about Bella. What if he had ruined it with her? _Ruined what? Did you really even think you stood__ a chance?_

* * *

**A/N: Awww. Sad times. I'm curious to find out what you have to say about these two chapters...**

**Much love to the ladies who work their magic over each chapter: mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen. **


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

_._

_Please forgive me_

_If I act a little strange_

_For I know not what I do._

_Feels like lightning running through my veins_

_Every time I look at you_

_._

At 3.30 pm, Bella was called to the reception desk. A VIP was soon arriving to check in and she was going to greet him and welcome him to the hotel. She'd looked him up online because she didn't know him, and found out he was a Senator.

Things were a bit busy downstairs, and she helped out the girls at the reception desk until the Senator arrived. They shook hands and she offered to show him around, but he had an appointment. She gave him her card and told him to call her if he had any questions.

"You didn't give _me_ one of those," said a deep, soft voice close to her. She whipped her head around to see Edward leaning against the desk. He had a slight smirk on his face, but his eyes were cautious.

"Mr. Masen," she acknowledged him with a nod. She spoke shortly with the reception crew and then stepped around the desk to face Edward. Her heart was beating distractingly loud in her chest.

Edward swallowed. She looked nervous, and he hoped that was a good sign.

"I-I..." he started, but she held up her hand.

"We can't talk here. Walk with me?" she said. He followed her as she walked around the lobby, seemingly checking up on things. They ended up in the hallway that led to the elevators.

Bella took a deep breath and looked at her feet, before lifting her gaze to meet his eyes. Edward's mouth went dry.

"Edward, I owe you an apology," she said. Her voice was low but firm. He looked puzzled. "I shouldn't have hit you."

"Um, that's okay. I deserved it." He hung his head but peeked at her from under his lashes. She shook her head.

"No, it wasn't fair of me. I'm sorry." Then, a little hesitantly, she said, "Thank you for the flowers. They are beautiful."

A huge smile broke out on his face, baring his teeth.

"Yeah? You like them?" She chuckled and nodded.

Some people left an elevator and Bella turned toward it. Edward reached out and touched her hand, but pulled back. She whipped her head around to look at him.

"Look, I...I like you. I mean, I'd like to..." he stammered. "Would you go out with me?" he blurted, a helpless look on his face.

Bella was stunned into silence for a moment.

"Ah, I...I can't, Edward. You're a guest. I can't, um, _fraternize_ with guests." Now she was uncomfortable and he felt stupid.

"I didn't ask you to _fraternize_, Bella," he said with a shy chuckle, looking away.

On a whim, he reached out again and took her hand. He brought it slowly up to his mouth and placed a feather-light kiss onto her knuckles.

"Think about it?" His eyes were pleading when he looked back up. Bella's heart was thumping wildly in her chest as she stared at him.

"Okay," she said, with a nod. She offered him a shy smile, gently pulling her hand from his and, finally, entering the elevator. He stood there, watching her with a big grin while the doors slid closed.

* * *

**A/N: Lyrics borrowed from David Gray. Check out my blog for all the songs in the story (link on my profile)! I forgot to mention the lyrics in Ch. 14 were by Therapy?, their song is on my blog, too. They are the band I based The New Moons on.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

.

_With a face like this I won't break any hearts_

_And thinking like that I won't make any friends_

_Screw that_

_Forget about that_

_I don't want to think about anything like that_

.

"_Okay." My voice didn't sound like my voice and I wasn't sure if I had spoken at all. I tried again, looking up at him from the sofa. "Okay." He looked at me in confusion. "I'll do it."_

_Alec lept through the room, his face sweet and smiling, and crouched in front of me._

"_Yeah? You want to? I will be gentle with you, baby. I promise." He leaned forward to kiss me._

_Alec was one of those lucky students whose parents had money, and he didn't have to stay in a dorm. He rented a room in a student housing project in the city center and he had a lot more space and privacy than me. His room was big enough that he separated it into two areas with a curtain—one was a small sitting room, the other was the bedroom. He took my hand, pulling me up from the couch and brought me with him to the other side of the curtain._

_He turned on a small lamp beside the bed. I just stood there, not sure what to do. When he began to undress himself, I did the same, until we were side-by-side on the bed in just our underwear._

"_I'm gonna make you feel good, Bella. I'll be really careful," he whispered into my ear. His voice was hoarse, laced with desire. He stripped me of my panties and, to my horror, positioned his face between my legs. I looked down in a half-panic._

"_Just enjoy it," he said, with a grin. I felt his fingers seek me out, opening me up to him. I stared at the smoky-yellow ceiling, my limbs stiff and cold. My breath caught in my throat when I felt his tongue, wet and thick, touch me down there. I couldn't even imagine how this must be, smelling and tasting a girl's...no, I couldn't. It seemed so...disgusting. I wanted him to stop even before he'd really started._

"_Alec, I-"_

"_Shhh. Just relax," he spoke against my lips._

_His tongue pressed against my clitoris, and I waited expectantly. By now, I should be feeling some sort of pleasure, right? Nothing was happening. It was just a wet, alien thing rubbing against my vagina. His tongue wasn't even that warm and his breath against my skin was distracting._

_After a while, Alec's face came back up. His cheeks were red and he was slightly winded. I winced when he kissed me, his face wet with a mixture of my juices and his saliva. I rubbed my mouth and nose when he broke the kiss._

"_Shouldn't you, um, take this off?" I pointed at his boxers. He nodded eagerly._

"_You're really sure?" he asked, but he was already pulling his underwear down. I nodded while looking at his penis. It was fully erect and...big. Really, really big. I wasn't sure where all that should go._

_He got up off the bed, energetic as always, and fumbled through his nightstand. He came up with a condom and covered his penis with it. With him on top of me, I had trouble breathing. He kissed me and, thankfully, the wetness on his face had dried a little. I tried not to think of how disgusting _that _was._

_Alec wiggled a little to get into the right position, his penis at my entrance. When he pushed, there was an unfamiliar pressure that I felt throughout __my whole body. My flesh was stretched, a burning pain flaring out from below. I let out a short groan, took a deep breath and held it, while Alec pushed on. He pulled back a little, and pushed in again. It all went incredibly slowly, and I just wished it was over._

_There was no snapping feeling when he pushed all the way in, nothing to indicate that he went through my maidenhead—or maybe there was, but the burning stretch was all I felt. Once he got really into it, it got a bit less uncomfortable and I could actually feel something. What I felt was...well, flesh moving inside flesh. It felt just as it sounded; I was shoved and pushed and it was slippery and messy._

_Alec didn't speak. He moved, and grunted, and breathed on my face, and then he stilled as he came. I didn't have an orgasm, in fact, I had never been so far from it._

* * *

**A/N: Ahem. A little more back story on Bella. I hope your first time was better :-/**

**Song lyrics borrowed from Therapy? once again. This one is called "Screamager" and I've published the video on my blog.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**Saturday, June 25, 2011**

Bella was sitting on the comfortable couch in her office on Saturday morning with a laptop on her lap and papers sprawled all over the coffee table. Her Saturdays were often spent like this, catching up on administrative obligations. She wrote reports, answered overdue emails, and made her plans for the coming week. Since the board had approved all the plans she'd had for the hotel, there was a lot of planning to do. After all this, she would drive to the market and buy a lot of food, make a delicious dinner and pig out in front of the TV.

A knock on the door surprised her. The offices were empty and she didn't have any appointments.

"Come in!" she called. It was opened and a man peeked around shyly. "Hi, Jesus! Is everything okay?"

Jesus Rivera was a middle-aged employee of the laundry department. They operated seven days a week, but Bella couldn't figure out what he would want from her right now.

"Uhm, Miss Bella, sorry to interrupt," Jesus said in his slight Mexican accent. "There is a gentleman to see you. Mister Edward?"

Bella's eyebrows rose right off of her forehead. "Is he now? And how did he get here?"

"Well, you see, Miss Bella...he, uhm, he was in the elevator. He says he's your friend?"

It was hard to hide her smile when she looked at Jesus sternly. The second floor was unavailable to guests. There was a special key card for the elevator, but most employees used the staircase and the service elevators there.

Edward's head came around the door, too, and now Bella was laughing full out, because they looked like something from a slapstick movie. Edward was about two heads taller than Jesus and he was grinning widely, like a cat that had finally found the secret stash of cream.

"It's okay, Jesus. Edward is a friend. Don't bring any other guests to my floor though, all right?" Jesus nodded and smiled politely before leaving.

"So, Mr. Masen. What brings you here on a Saturday morning? Aren't you supposed to be recording songs?" Bella asked, closing the laptop and standing up from the couch. Edward chuckled and closed the door behind him. He really did have cat-like moves when he looked so content. It made her smile in spite of herself.

"You look great, _Miss_ Bella," he said, completely ignoring her question.

His smugness irritated Bella and her smile disappeared. She crossed her arms over her chest and stood up a little straighter. She was wearing her usual weekend attire: jeans, a t-shirt and a comfortable vest. Her warm boots stood neatly beside the couch.

"Look, Edward. I'm kind of busy," she said. Edward raised his eyebrows and traced his thumb nail across his lips.

"I'm sorry to interrupt. You have to eat sometime, though. Will you let me take you out to lunch?" His sincere, shy smile almost made her fall for it.

"I can't," she said, with a little shake of her head.

"Why not?"

"I told you why. Besides, I really have some work to do and the rest of my day is pretty much filled with other plans." Bella loosened her stance. She didn't really feel good about telling him off, but she wanted to be firm and stick to her principles at the same time.

"And I don't date," she added before he got a chance to speak. Edward looked at her silently for a moment.

"I didn't ask you out on a date. I just want to get together as friends, to catch up."

Bella smiled sadly and shook her head. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we were never friends. You were a rock star and I was a fan, and you know the rest."

She kept looking at him as he frowned and took a step in her direction. Her body was tense, almost coiled, ready for...she wasn't sure for what, but it didn't feel good.

"I don't really know the rest, Bella. I'm sorry. My memories are...vague. I want to talk about things, with you."

Bella's mouth was dry and her eyes were stinging with angry tears. If he didn't remember, he was an even bigger prick than before. She wasn't willing to remind him, or herself, of the brief moments they'd spent together. Her past was tainted by them, and she'd rather leave it be.

"I don't want to talk. Please, leave," she said. Her voice was low and laden with emotions.

The sudden change in her demeanor shocked Edward. Her mood had changed several times from the moment he'd entered the room and he couldn't keep up. When he came in, she was coy and funny. She'd changed to bossy and annoyed when he asked her to come with him for lunch, and now...she looked angry and sad to the point of tears.

He held up his hands in defeat and left the room without saying another word.

In the hallway, two maids carrying supplies looked at him in surprise. A smile was enough to keep them from asking anything, and he hurried to the elevator and up to his room. For the first time since arriving in Seattle, Edward wished he had his phone. He had given it to James so he wouldn't have any distractions while working on his music. Right now, he really needed to talk a certain person, but had no way of reaching them.

Edward passed by his own room and knocked on James' door instead, but there was no answer. With determination in his step, Edward went back to the elevator and down to the basement. He located James quickly on one of the exercise bikes.

"I need to make a phone call," Edward said loudly over the music. James stopped peddling and his grin was instantly gone.

"What's going on?"

"I just have to talk to Emmett shortly. I will get it right back to you."

James regarded him for a short moment before nodding and stepping off of the bike.

"Is there something going on that I should know about?" James asked when they rode the elevator to the seventh floor. Edward shrugged.

"Not really. I just need to verify something about my past, and Emmett's the best one to ask."

"Okay, but I'll stay with you when you talk to him." James' voice was calm and Edward knew this was a statement and not a request.

Just like the rest of the band, Edward had known Emmett since high school. The reason that he needed to talk specifically to him now, was that Emmett had been the only one in the band who'd stayed reasonably sober during their heydays. He'd have a couple of beers, sometimes joined them when a bottle of Patron was on the table, but he never went too far. Nobody had ever been able to persuade him to take illegal substances or cross that invisible line—that blurry line where one minute everything is totally awesome, and the next minute you wake in a pool of your own vomit or blood, or in a hospital, or just completely fucked up.

After exchanging greetings, Edward was eager to get to the point.

"I ran into someone from the old days, but I don't remember what happened. I think it's not good, Em. She doesn't want to talk to me."

"_She_, huh? Doesn't sound promising, bro." Emmett chuckled lightly.

"I know. I'm just going to say her name, and then tell me what you know, okay?" Edward asked. They had done this a few times before, so Emmett knew what was required of him.

"Her name is Bella, we called her Bella beautiful. I think Jasper came up with that, because-"

"Ed."

"Yeah. Sorry."

"I remember Bella beautiful." Emmett's voice had gotten a little quieter. He wasn't joking anymore. "She was always with her friend, I don't remember her name...Jessie or something. She was a sweet thing, a little naive. Bella was the smart one, but very young. You were crazy about her, Ed. I think you were honestly in love, even though you were mostly fucked up around that time."

"I think I remember that, but she doesn't want to talk to me. Something must have happened." Edward sighed and sat down on James' bed, rubbing his hand over his eyes. James sat on a chair by the desk and said nothing.

Emmett hummed in Edward's ear, thinking deeply. "I remember thinking that you were a little rough on her. You kissed her while we were all in the dressing room, she didn't seem to like that, even though she was very much into you. She often had this deer in the headlights look on her face, but not in a dumb way like that other girl. Bella honestly looked afraid. One time, I couldn't find you and you had taken her out back."

"We made out?" Edward guessed.

"I think so. You were completely wasted, so I doubt it was any good. Afterwards, she was gone and we had to drive that other girl to their car. She nearly puked in the van."

Edward pressed his eyes closed. He couldn't remember shit and it frustrated him to no end. His mind was hazy at best, showing him parties, and drinks, and white powder on the table. Carlisle with a proud smile, girls giggling in the car. Serious Bella with her deep, dark eyes.

"Okay. Anything else?"

"I remember one day she just stopped coming to our shows. I guess she went to college or something, and I missed her in the crowd. Jessie was there alone." Emmett sighed. "Ed, you said she was _the one_. Whatever that meant in your screwed up state, you were pretty serious about her. Even when you were sober, you'd talk about her. You asked Carlisle for her number, but he refused to give it to you."

Edward remembered—from another conversation with Emmett—that Carlisle didn't want any of them to commit to a girlfriend at the time. He would always intervene before things got too serious. In a way it was good, as the boys would have just left a trail of broken hearts all over the east coast. On the other hand, it had deprived them of any sort of break from the band.

None of his feelings for Bella had stuck in Edward's memory, nor did their times together. He remembered her presence and how she looked, but not the connection they'd shared according to Emmett's memories. The only thing he knew was that pull he felt when he was near her.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks Emmett, for shining a little light on this blurry situation. Drummers rock!**

**Thanks mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen XO  
Thanks lovely readers for reading and reviewing, love you guys!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

.

_Is the sun_

_Ever gonna break_

_break on through the clouds_

_shine down in all its glory?_

_Onto me_

_here upon the ground_

_'cause I can't hear a sound_

'_cept my own sad story_

.

Unlike Edward, Bella remembered everything from their shared past, even though she had tried so hard to forget it. She had wished many times that she could erase the pages that Edward Masen's presence had tainted in the book of her life, but it was impossible. Busying herself with college had worked for some time, until Alec came around. He was her first boyfriend and, for all intents and purposes, her first sexual experience. Why he chose her, she wasn't sure. Things between them were never great and she let it go on far too long.

Memories and flashbacks tormented her constantly ever since Edward was back in her life. Things that didn't seem to have anything to do with him, like experiences with other men, rose to the surface and kept her awake at night. It made her jittery during the day, as if something bad was bound to happen at any moment. Even though he was polite, nice, and charming, she was afraid of him—and she wanted to see him, all the same. It was confusing and frustrating.

After kicking him out of her office on Saturday morning, Bella gave up trying to work and packed her things. She would continue at home, where there were no distractions. She did her grocery shopping on the way and nestled herself onto the couch with her laptop.

Soon enough, she found herself staring straight ahead, lost in thought, instead of working. Tears of frustration welled in her eyes and she slapped her flat hand on the back of the couch. _Fuck this shit_.

Pacing her living room, Bella dialed the hotel's number on her home phone. The receptionist answered after the second ring.

"Hi, it's Bella. Can you put me through to Mr. Masen's room?

"That room doesn't have a phone, Bella."

"What do you mean? All the rooms have phones," Bella said, her tone somewhat clipped.

"He had it removed."

"Okay. Uhm...can you put me through to Mr. Witherdale's number? His cell please."

"Sure. Please hold."

The sound of her heartbeat was the only thing Bella heard while she waited for the connection. She stood in the middle of her living room, her body tense.

"James Witherdale," he answered in a bright voice.

"Hello, Mr. Witherdale. This is Isabella Swan."

"Miss Swan! Please, call me James. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"James, can I speak to Edward?" She blurted it right out. There was no reason to beat around the bush. She didn't think James would know about their little exchange this morning, or any of the other times they'd met. If he thought the call was awkward, he didn't let on.

"Sure thing. Is everything okay?" He was still speaking in a pleasant, calm and polite voice, but he was unmistakably serious. She heard him moving around, and music in the background.

"Everything's fine. I just have to talk to him for a moment, if he's not too busy?"

"He can take a break. Just a second." James held the phone away, probably with his hand over the mouthpiece. Bella heard muffled sounds, two voices talking. The music stopped, and the phone was being handed over.

"Bella?" Edward's surprised voice came over the line.

"Hi, Edward."

"Uhm, hi."

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"Nah. Just working on some songs. What's up?" He sounded nonchalant. She pictured him shrugging and smirking.

"You wanted to talk, and now I'm ready to talk."

"Oh..."

"Here's the thing. Ever since you've come to the hotel, I keep thinking about the things that happened between us. It's really unsettling and I...I think if I can get some things off my chest, that I...that it would be good. I mean, if I tell you some things."

The words didn't come out the way she intended them to, but she didn't have it in her to care.

"Okay. Do you want to meet somewhere?" Edward answered slowly, hesitantly.

"No. I want to say it right now. It's easier for me over the phone."

"Uhm. Okay. Go ahead."

She heard some rustling and then a click, and the sounds of the city, like he'd stepped outside.

"You don't seem to remember anything from what happened. At least, I'd like to think you would have reacted differently to seeing me, if you did. Either way, I want you to understand that I'm not comfortable socializing with you. You are an important guest at the hotel, and you're very welcome to stay, but please, don't approach me again like you did this morning. It's very unnerving to me."

Edward hummed a reply, and Bella quickly continued before she lost her nerve.

"I was seventeen when we met. I'd seen a few shows and Jasper took us backstage. It happened almost every time afterward that we were allowed backstage after the show. We...had a thing. A fling, I guess. You led me on, Edward. You gave me my first kiss in front of everyone. You forced certain physical contact that I wasn't ready for. I didn't see it then, but I know now that you took advantage of me."

She was almost out of breath and her voice had climbed in volume and pitch. She took a deep breath.

"Bella, I-"

"I'm not finished. I know you were drunk or high most of the time, all of you were doing drugs constantly. It's probably why you don't remember, but listen to me when I say that I want nothing to do with you. Now that your mind is somewhat clear, register what I'm saying: stay away from me."

She managed to say all this in a reasonably calm voice. She heard Edward's breath stagger on the other end.

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"There's no need to apologize. It's...too late for that."

"I...I don't know what else to say. Those fucking drugs fried my brain, Bella. I don't remember shit." He sounded remorseful and so, so sad, but it only fueled Bella's anger.

"You are lucky that you don't remember anything. I remember clearly how you forced yourself on me in some stinking alley, and it's haunted me for years!"

Edward gasped at this admission.

"What do you mean? Did I force you to...did I..." He couldn't get the words out of his mouth, but she didn't have trouble voicing it. Not any more, with the anger, sadness and fear driving adrenaline through her blood.

"You touched my body, you forced me to kiss you. Then you put my hand in your pants and you made me jerk you off. It wasn't how I imagined my first sexual experience, Edward." Her voice was now calm and cold as ice.

"I was discarded by that asshole that was your manager, like some stupid groupie. I had never felt so filthy in my life, as when he pushed me into a cab and threw money at me, while your semen was all over my hand."

Edward was gasping and wheezing on the other end. Bella didn't want to listen to it any more.

"I tried to stay out of your way when you came to the Plaza, but you forced yourself into my personal space. I can't accept that. Either you keep your distance, or you can find another place to stay."

* * *

**A/N: Okay. Deep breaths, girls. I think it was about time Bella took control, don't you agree? I'm not saying it was pretty...**

**Some of you have been wondering how Edward could just have forgotten everything, what happened to Jessica, and if Carlisle or Jasper are going to make an appearance. I can't answer any of those questions, mainly because I don't want to spoil ;) but also because I am still writing on this story. Right now it looks like it's going to be more than 40 chapters. Please know that I'm reading all the reviews, even if I sometimes don't have time to apply! I'll make sure all your questions are answered in the future chapters.**

**To the anonymous reviewers: I appreciate your reviews, but I can't answer if you don't log in!**

**As always, big hugs to mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen XO**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

.

_I've got a problem_

_this infernal love_

_it burns like wire_

_this infernal love_

_I've got a problem_

_I can't leave you alone_

_I don't want this_

_this infernal love_

_._

James watched Edward step onto the balcony of his hotel room. He left the door ajar, and James stayed close. He could hear Edward's side of the conversation, but it didn't tell him much.

James and Edward had become friends in rehab. Not the best way to start, but it proved to be a strong bond after all. While Edward went back to rehab a couple of times, James stayed clean and managed to build up a life for himself. He used to be a musician, like Edward, but started producing for local bands after he cleaned himself up. Every time Edward became sober, James was there to help him get back on his feet. Every time he went down again, James took a little distance until he felt he had to intervene.

Edward had now been sober for two years and four months, and James was proud of his friend. Last year when they were jamming together at Edward's loft in New York, they came up with the idea of working together for real. Edward was a creative spirit; he could write music and lyrics with his eyes closed and his hands tied behind his back, but he was an idiot business-wise. James was smart and had a quick mind, and he wasn't as easily distracted as Edward—it was the perfect combination. Edward wrote, James organized.

James had seen Edward's past come back to punch him in the face a couple of times already, sometimes literally, but never like this current situation. Isabella Swan had obviously played an important role in Edward's life at some point, but it was all a little blurry. Emmett had managed to shed some light, and things seemed cool—but now, he saw Edward listening to what the woman had to say, and it didn't look good. The longer the conversation went, the smaller Edward looked. He crumbled right in front of James' eyes, until he was sitting on his ass on the floor of the balcony with his head on his knees.

"Edward? Hey, you okay?"

James came onto the small balcony where two men could barely stand, let alone sit. He carefully put a hand onto Edward's shoulder and heard a soft sob.

"Ed, are you crying? What the fuck happened, man?"

Edward shook his head, pressing his face harder against his knees. He knew that if there was one person in the world he could talk to, it was James—but he couldn't talk right now. It seemed impossible to say this out loud, to acknowledge the horrid truth.

They sat side by side for a while. Edward sobbed quietly while James patted his shoulder from time to time.

"I really could use a cigarette right about now," James said thoughtfully. Edward's shoulder jerked in an uncontrolled chuckle. His face came up slowly, and he wiped it roughly with his sleeve.

"No way, man," Edward said. "That shit will fuck us right up again."

It was their routine. When things got tough, they would say out loud that they were thinking of taking something—anything, really—that would take the edge off. It could be as simple as a cigarette, or sometimes worse, like a glass of Jack, or the whole bottle. The other would always dismiss the idea quickly, reminding them both of how bad that idea was.

"Two years and four months, Ed." James held out his hand, and Edward took it.

"I never wanted to turn back time as desperately as I do now," Edward said. His face was scrunched up as if he felt physical pain.

"Tell me."

Edward shook his head and closed his eyes, his hand still in James'.

"I was in love with her, man. She was...special. She wasn't like the others." He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. They shone with tears as he looked off into the distance.

"She said I took advantage of her, and she's right. I assaulted her. I forced her...to do things." He shook his head. "I was so fucked up, Jay. I violated an innocent girl. She was seventeen!"

In a few sentences, Edward quickly explained the conversation to James. Memories slowly came back, hazy images of him and Bella. He remembered how he had felt about her, and the plans he'd made when he was sober. He would go and look for her once the craziness was over. When the band had a break, he would contact her and let her know how important she was to him. He never got that far.

* * *

**A/N: Awww, Edward. His past is really biting him in the butt. **

**Thanks for reading! Sorry if I didn't reply to your review this time, I've been caught up with other things. **

**Lyrics are by Therapy?, from "Infernal Love" off of the album with the same name.**

**I'd like to say the song is available on my blog, but it isn't. I'm redoing my blog, because I got the brilliant plan to post all my stories there, too. I've been on it for hours now but all I ended up with is a major hate for Wordpress *sighs* So yeah, my site is momentarily out of order until I figure that sh*t out. Tips and tricks are very welcome :P**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

_._

_There may come a time_

_you just can't seem to find your place_

_For every door you open_

_seems like you get two slammed in your face_

_._

**Wednesday, June 29, 2011**

For several days, Bella had managed to come to work and go home without really talking to anyone. She had locked herself in her office under the pretense of being insanely busy—which she was, but honestly, she was just being a coward.

Laurent was the only one who knew something more was going on. She had dumped some work on him, and he'd taken it without complaining, as always—but his sharp eyes stayed on her a little longer than necessary every time. He knew better than to ask, but he made sure to take extra special care of her. He took her calls, brought her cups of tea, took over her daily rounds and brought in lunch or dinner when he noticed she didn't eat anything.

Bella's stomach was a tight ball of nerves. It had started on Saturday morning when Edward had showed up in her office uninvited, and it hadn't moved an inch since then. The phone call hadn't relaxed her one bit—if anything, it had made everything worse.

Worse than withstanding memory lane, was the guilt she now felt. She had told Edward the story of their past, because it frustrated her that he hadn't remembered. Telling him had been freeing in a way—it freed her from the burden of the secret. What she couldn't comprehend, was why it made her so incredibly sad that she hadn't heard from him since that conversation. She had asked him—no, _told_ him, to stay away. He'd done as she'd asked, but now she just felt empty.

With her accusations toward Edward, Bella had turned the tables. She felt that Edward was now the victim of her ire, while before, she had been the victim of his actions—actions he couldn't even remember, and that he had done under influence of certain substances. While Bella knew she had the right to be angry with him, she still felt badly for throwing it at him like that. She could have been a little less aggressive and a little more mature. She shouldn't have done it over the phone. It wasn't fair that she was blaming him for all her failures on the paths of love and sex—which was essentially what she was doing.

Sex had always been awkward for Bella, ever since that first encounter with Edward. It had been awkward with Alec at first, until it became tedious. She got her hopes up when the first time with her second boyfriend seemed to be all right—better than with Alec, at least. Quickly though, it became boring in the bedroom with Mike, and later even painful. To have sex out of obligation was one thing she never wanted to do again.

Bella found herself jumping in her chair when Laurent spoke to her. He had been standing right in front of her desk, for how long she didn't know.

"Are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I was lost in thought. What's up?"

"James Witherdale wants to talk to you," Laurent said. He raised one eyebrow at Bella's shocked response.

"What? Why? Did he say why?"

"No, but he's carrying a huge bouquet of flowers."

Bella let her face sag onto her hands and blew out a breath.

"Does he have something to make up for?" Laurent's tone was sharp. He was always a little protective of his boss.

"Where is he?"

"Downstairs. He asked for you, and Linda called me."

"Okay. I'll handle it." Bella took her desk phone and dialed the reception desk. "Hi. Is Mr. Witherdale still there? Okay. Bring him to my office."

She looked up at Laurent with tired eyes.

"You can't stay here when I talk to him. It's...confidential. Can you stay close?"

Laurent nodded shortly, then left. He went into his office, right beside Bella's, and took post beside her door when James Witherdale went inside. He held a vase with a bouquet so huge that half of him was obscured from view.

He peeked around the flowers to Bella, who stood beside her desk.

"Hi. Thank you for seeing me," he said. He looked around, and set the flowers down on the coffee table by the couch. Then he came up to Bella and held out his hand. She shook it hesitantly.

"Please, sit down. Can I get you anything? Coffee?"

"No, I'm good. Thanks." He looked around the office a bit. "Look, Miss Swan..." He paused, and smiled at her. It was an apologetic smile, warm and kind. It calmed her.

"James, please call me Bella."

"Okay, Bella. You must know that I'm here on behalf of Edward. This afternoon, we spent an hour at a florist picking those out." He pointed with his thumb over his shoulder at the flowers.

"He told me a little bit about your conversation from last Saturday, and then today he begged me to come and talk to you. So, here I am."

Bella swallowed thickly. This wasn't the right moment for her to be talking about this, after all these days of remorse and guilt eating at her.

"I'm not sure if there is anything left to say," she said softly.

"Me either," James said, his hands raised in defense. "But I do know a thing or two about Edward. I've known him for more than seven years. We've been buddies since we met in rehab. As a fellow addict, I know the importance of reconciliation. Every recovering addict has to go through this process. Now, I'm no shrink, but I have had my share of therapy and coaching. I know the reconciliation works both ways. Edward made a lot of mistakes, and he's hurt a lot of people. To better himself, it's good for him to try to fix what he's broken. At the same time, I think it could help you, too."

After this speech, he leaned back a little in his chair and regarded Bella silently. She stared at him with her big brown eyes, and he began to understand Edward's fascination with this woman. She swallowed visibly before she spoke.

"I'm done with dredging up painful memories."

James nodded. "I understand that. Believe me, I've been there, and so has Edward."

"What does he want from me, then?"

"A chance. Just one chance to show you that he's different now."

Bella took this in for a moment, and James let her. He waited until her eyes met his again.

"How would he...do that?" she asked, honestly not believing it was possible. James grinned.

"He wants to invite you to dinner. Just you two, very low key. There won't be any wine, though."

Bella frowned at his joke.

"Before you say something, let me inform you that we will be leaving the hotel soon," James said then. This got her attention. Her eyebrows went up.

"How so? I told Edward that you are welcome to stay if he'd kept his distance."

"I was already in the process of arranging another apartment. It's been ready since last week, but Edward refused to leave here. If you choose to accept his invitation, the dinner will take place at the apartment. You can bring a friend if you'd like."

It took a moment for Bella to digest this new information. Edward wasn't doing what she requested—he was staying away, but he was still contacting her. On the other hand, she had to admit she was interested in this invitation. It might be good for her, too, like James said.

"Will you be present?"

"If you want, yes. I live right next door to Edward. I can be there if you want, you can bring someone, or it can just be you and him. It's up to you."

* * *

**A/N: Thank you, awesome people that read this story. Your reviews, follows and faves mean a lot to me! I'm glad you're giving this story a chance. Sorry to break here, leaving you hanging with James' words, but we have to give Bella some time to mull them over.**

**Lyrics by the amazing Ray Lamontagne. The song is called "Let it be me". Ray's music has inspired this story, so I hope you'll check him out if you don't know him yet! A while ago, I read online that Rob once said that he wants to do an album some day, and it would be in the style of Ray Lamontagne. I seriously CANNOT wait for that day to come.**

**Thanks mauigirl60 & maggiejmasen for their help and support!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

_._

_Ain't it about time you realize? It's not worth keepin' score_

_You win some, you lose some and you let it go_

_What's the use of stacking on every failure another stone_

'_Til you find you've spent your whole damn life_

_Building walls, lonely and old before your time_

_._

**Saturday, July 2, 2011**

Bella checked her outfit in the mirror for the millionth time. She wanted to look nice for the dinner with Edward, but not in a flirty kind of way. She didn't want to be too sexy, nor too conservative. It was a casual dinner, as friends. Then why was she so nervous?

She had decided on a simple, knee-length, beige dress, but the top was too sexy. Her cleavage said more "a night on the town" rather than "friendly dinner". She covered it with a thin white blouse that she left open.

It was already seven-thirty when she slipped her feet into brown, high-heeled sandals. She knew why she was feeling nervous jitters in her stomach, but she wasn't going to admit it to herself. She kept her mind busy with practical things, such as finding the way to Edward's new place.

James had managed to rent two neighboring apartments in a gated community on the outskirts of the city. There was a guard in a booth who called Edward to ask if Ms. Swan had permission to enter. The neighborhood was lined with beautiful, modern houses and had a small roundabout at the end. In a half-circle, there were three neatly-lined-up apartment buildings with four houses each. Bella found the right number quickly and parked on the street. She needed a few deep breaths before getting out of the car.

It was awkward for Bella to have dinner with Edward, and not just because it was him. After Mike, her second and last serious boyfriend, she'd lost her faith in relationships. She'd never been the romantic type; even as a young girl, she didn't dream of a husband, two-point-five children and a white picket fence—and let's not forget the dog. Her biggest wish had always been to be independent and self-sufficient. She had reached that goal a while ago, and that was a great feeling. When she felt sure enough about herself to start dating again after Mike, she tried to give it an honest chance. She went out with a co-worker, but there was nothing between them. Laurent hooked her up with his neighbor, but that man never showed up for their date. Then, after a work-party, Bella and Laurent decided to have a couple of drinks in a bar downtown. She'd met a man there. He was a little older, but they'd hit it off right away, even kissed when they'd said goodbye. During their first real date, he'd told her that he was married and that he wanted her as his mistress...that was the end of that for Bella.

It was with a lot of mixed feelings that she was now at Edward's door, and being alone with a man was one of them. A few hours after she'd told James she would have dinner alone with Edward, a text message came in: it was Edward, texting with James' phone, telling her that he was relieved and happy that she had agreed to see him. They hadn't talked since.

"Hey!" Edward smiled widely when he opened the door. He was shocked with how beautiful she looked, but he tried his best not to show it. He kept his eyes focused on hers, instead of letting them wander over her body as he wanted to.

They stood there for a moment, staring awkwardly at each other. Edward decided it was up to him to break the ice. He leaned forward slowly and placed a gentle kiss on Bella's cheek.

"Please, come in." He gestured into the house. Bella nodded, her cheeks warm, and walked into the apartment. She felt as if she had stepped into a layout for an interior design magazine. Everything was perfectly-matched and looked like he had lived here for years.

"Oh, this is nice..." she whispered, more to herself than to Edward. He chuckled.

"Thank you. I can't take any credit though, we rented it completely furnished. They asked if I was opposed to warm colors, because it might be too feminine."

They had a point. The interior looked like an Indian summer with red, brown and dark yellow as the main colors. Even though summer was making itself known, the living room called for stormy, rainy nights spent on the couch with a blanket.

"Feminine, huh? Might explain why I like it," she said with a smile. "Is James' place like this, too?"

"Not really. I guess that one's the male apartment. It's more...modern."

They smiled at each other, standing in the middle of the living room. Bella's heart rate was almost back to normal and she felt better now about being there than she did before she'd arrived.

"So, uhm, do you want something to drink? We can sit outside?"

Bella followed Edward into the kitchen. There was a dining table, already made for two, and a big sliding door leading to a terrace. There was a set of sofas with removable pillows and a coffee table between them, and next to that...

"You have a hot tub?"

Edward followed her onto the terrace, laughing.

"Yes, isn't it great? I tried it last night, it's awesome!"

"This is a great place. Better than the hotel, I guess," Bella said. She was glad James had found something for them that was so comfortable.

"It's way more comfortable here, but I will miss the hotel." Edward looked at her intensely. There seemed to be a spark in his eyes. Bella quickly looked away.

"Do you, uhm, do you want some iced tea?" Edward said out of nowhere. Again, he felt it was up to him to help them along through the awkwardness—an atmosphere he had created, ultimately. "It's got quite a lot of lemon, if you don't mind."

"Iced tea would be lovely." Bella gave him what she hoped was an encouraging smile.

They sat outside for a little bit, talking about the apartment. Bella told Edward about her redesign project for the hotel, and how huge that task seemed, even though she was looking forward to the end result. Edward explained he'd never had an eye for interiors or decoration, so he had mostly hired someone to take care of his previous houses.

Edward excused himself twice to check on the food and, soon enough, announced that dinner was ready. Bella sat herself at the table where she found a lovely green salad, bread with garlic butter and a platter of spaghetti. Edward took the sauce directly from the stove to the table. It was a steaming tomato sauce with small meatballs and several spices, and the smell made Bella's mouth water.

"You made all this?" She couldn't help her incredulity—it was hard to take Edward for the domestic type. He chuckled and looked a little shy.

"I did. I made the sauce from scratch," he said, while offering her the platter of pasta. Bella spooned some onto her plate, followed by the thick red sauce.

"It smells delicious."

"Thank you, I hope you like it. I have to confess that I had some help."

Bella wasn't listening. The first bite of a meatball covered in sauce hit her taste buds and she nearly moaned over it. Edward looked at her face when her eyes were closed. She was relaxed and smiling, and she liked his food. His chest swelled with the feeling of victory.

"This is _so_ good!" Bella spoke with a hand covering her full mouth. "Who helped you out? You hired a chef?"

"Not really. A friend gave me the recipe and some instructions over the phone." He shrugged, but his cheekbones were tinged pink with a hint of a blush.

"Hmmm. You nailed it."

"I did, didn't I?" Edward looked a bit surprised himself. Of course, he had tasted the sauce throughout the process, but the end result was better than he'd expected.

"It's like, grandma's recipe or something. I'm not supposed to tell anyone what's in here." He winked at her.

"So whose grandma was this? Is your friend Italian?"

"I believe her ancestors are Italian, yes." Edward paused for a moment, and then looked up at Bella, suddenly serious. "My friend's name is Esme. She's Carlisle's wife."

Bella stopped chewing for a moment, then nodded and looked at her plate, thinking of something to say.

"Okay. So you're still involved with him?"

Edward frowned and looked at his plate, shoving the food around.

"He...he died."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

They ate in silence for a moment, until Edward spoke again.

"It was hard for me when Carlisle died. I spent an important part of my life with him. He practically raised me all over again...but I understand if you have some sort of...prejudice about him."

"I didn't really know him."

They were silent as they finished dinner. Things were starting to become awkward again, and Bella felt she had to say something.

"Edward," she said, making him look at her. "Why am I here?"

"Because you want to be? I hope..."

"I do, but what is your goal?"

"Uhm. Well, I want to tell you more about myself. Perhaps then you can understand why I was such an asshole back then. And, if you want, I want to know more about you, too."

That sounded fair enough to Bella. She nodded and got up from the table, taking the plates to the sink.

"What are you doing?" Edward called after her.

"You cooked, I'll clean. Tell me about Carlisle."

* * *

**A/N: So, Bella put her big girl panties on and went to visit Edward at his new place. Do you think she made the right choice? I'm sorry about Carlisle.**

**Lyrics from the song "Old Before Your Time" by Ray Lamontagne.**

**This story got its 200th review today! Awesome!**

**Thanks mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen. I owe you big time.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

_._

_Through the years I've known my share of broken-hearted fools_

_And those who couldn't choose a path worth taking_

_There's nothin' in the world so sad as talking to a man_

_Who never knew his life was his for making_

_._

Edward talked while Bella cleared the table. She scraped the excess food into the trash bin, rinsed everything with warm water, and placed the items into the dishwasher.

"I grew up in Chicago. The guys and I met in high school, that's when the band started. Once we were done with school, none of us had any plans of going to college. We took shitty jobs and played as much as we could. Eventually, we got a few gigs. Carlisle came to see us one night and invited us to come to Seattle. He had already brought success to two other bands, so we were psyched about this plan. Our parents didn't really agree, but we were all eighteen, so we felt like we could make our own decisions."

Edward raised an eyebrow when he said this, obviously not impressed with his eighteen-year-old self. He poured some cold drinks and took them to the living room. Most of the things he was telling now were common knowledge to fans, but he still felt that he should start at the beginning.

"Carlisle took good care of us. Like I said, he kind of raised me all over again. He gave us...a work ethic, among other things. He forced us to maintain some sort of rhythm, and it made us much more productive."

Bella took a seat on the comfortable sofa and Edward took the chair to the side of it. He didn't seem uncomfortable talking about this topic so she chanced a question.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but how come you can remember all this?"

Edward smiled wryly.

"It's mostly the things that happened around the time I started using heavily that are blurry. That was when I met you. It started innocently enough with a couple of drinks and some weed. Basically, the things that most young adults want to try. The thing is, not everybody actually _does_ it, or has access to it. Or not enough access to create an addiction."

"You had access?"

"Yeah. The music industry is filthy, especially the scene we were in. You have to understand that Carlisle was a good guy. He'd never meant any harm. Hell, he hadn't seen any harm in letting us drink or smoke weed from time to time, as long as we worked hard, which we did."

Edward turned in his seat, folding one leg underneath him.

"The thing is...I grew up poor. Most of us did. When we became successful, there suddenly was this abundance of things we had access to. Not just drugs, but material things, like clothes and expensive gadgets. Or food. We would go to a fast-food restaurant and order the whole menu, just because we could."

Bella could see that happening: four rowdy young guys with too much money to spend. She hadn't come from money, either, and it had taken her years to learn how to deal with it. She wasn't wealthy by any means, but she didn't have to worry about the bills or putting food on the table.

"Things got worse when we were on tour in 2000. Carlisle was overworked and couldn't watch us all the time. We weren't the best combination of friends, either, I'm afraid." Edward frowned and scratched his thumbnail over his lower lip—something he did when he was contemplating.

"You don't want to talk about it?" Bella guessed. He looked at his hands which were now in his lap.

"I do. I should, but some things are not mine to tell." He looked up at her again, and Bella nodded. "Let me just say that...out of us four guys, three of them had a fucked-up childhood."

"I think I know which one didn't," Bella said. She knew without a doubt that it was Emmett, even if you can't always believe what magazines write.

"Let's say you're right," Edward said, with a small smile. "I didn't know back then what sort of issues I had, or what a difficult childhood does to a person. I understand myself better now, why I am who I am and how I came to be that person. It took me many years of therapy and screwing up my life before I finally _got_ it two years ago. I realized that my therapist and Albert Einstein were both right: if you keep doing the same things, you'll end up getting the same results."

"Albert Einstein said that?" Bella frowned.

"Yeah, he defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. He's right, you know." Edward smirked at her.

They were silent for a moment, sipping their drinks. Bella had a million questions in her mind, but she wanted him to keep talking. It was nice to listen to his soft, slightly hoarse voice. She'd never known how soft-spoken and eloquent he really was. He suddenly started speaking again, but didn't look at her. It was as if he was talking to himself. She had to strain to hear him.

"Essentially, I'm a nerd. I'm shy and bad at socializing. It was much worse when I was younger. Being famous...it stressed me out. I said stupid things and I was being made fun of. Whenever the magazines wrote shit about me, I got all worked up. When I was drunk, stoned, or high, I could deal with all that shit. I didn't see thousands of strangers in the audience, because everybody was my friend. If I didn't use, I was scared as fuck to go on stage. I wasn't confident enough about my music to share it with anyone."

When he looked up, his eyes were watery and his smile sad. Bella's stomach twisted painfully.

"I know it doesn't make up for anything I did to you, Bella. I was a scared boy and I had no idea what the fuck I was doing."

It wasn't in Bella's nature to let someone suffer alone. She moved off of the couch and crouched beside Edward's chair, her hand over his.

"I think I understand," she whispered. She knew what it was like to be young and scared, and not having anyone to turn to. Edward looked down and squeezed his eyes shut. A tear escaped his eye and fell onto his shirt. Bella's heart ached when he looked back up at her. She had never seen a grown man cry before, and it was heartbreaking.

"Can you forgive me?" he asked in a small voice. She rubbed his hand gently. The answer was clear to her: she could probably forgive him, but she needed some more time.

"I'm gonna work on that. I promise."

Without warning, Edward leaned forward in his chair and hugged her, awkwardly in their positions. After her initial shock, she let him hold her for a moment. His sobs were silent and quieted down after a minute or so.

"I'm sorry, I..." He let her go slowly and rubbed at his eyes. "I'm a mess. Just give me a second."

Edward stood up and left the room to go to the bathroom. Bella sat down on the couch with a sigh. She felt for Edward, she really did, but she still couldn't shake that uncomfortable feeling she had in his presence. When he'd hugged her just now, her first instinct had been to push him away and get angry. If this reaction came from what had happened between them, or if it was her general reaction to men nowadays, she wasn't sure. Most likely, her nurturing instinct had won out and allowed her to let him cry on her shoulder.

When Edward came back, he brought them some new drinks and bowls of chips and crackers. He apologized again.

"It's okay. I knew this wasn't going to be an evening of small talk," Bella said, with a smile.

"Thank you for listening. I really appreciate it. I want to ask you something..." Edward started, but then paused. "Can I sit on the couch with you?"

"Is that your question?" she asked, confused.

"No, but that chair is getting a bit uncomfortable." Edward chuckled, shaking his head.

Bella moved a bit further into the corner and nodded that it was okay. The couch was big enough for them to sit there comfortably without being too close.

"My question is quite personal. You don't have to answer if you don't want to. When I was in your office, you told me you don't date. It stuck with me, and I wondered what you had meant by that." Edward looked at her, his head cocked to one side. He was genuinely interested and serious.

Bella looked at the ceiling for a moment and sighed.

"It's okay if you don't want to."

"No, I can explain. You deserve to hear my story, too."

* * *

**A/N: Okay girls. Gimme the verdict on Edward.**

**Song by the great Ray Lamontagne, it's called "Old Before Your Time".**

**Thanks mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen, my awesome betas!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Edward sat sideways on the couch, his back to the armrest and one foot tucked underneath him. His knee was pointing at Bella. She was annoyed with herself for wanting to move away from him, but she couldn't deny it—there was a sense of wariness. This situation confused her completely, because she felt attraction and aversion at the same time.

"I just...I suck at dating," she said, with a slight shrug of her shoulders. Before Edward could speak, she continued. "Don't say you didn't mean it that way. It doesn't matter." She shook her head while looking down at her lap.

A war was going on inside Edward. He desperately wanted to get closer to her, his body seemed to crave the nearness. At the same time he felt guilty, because she was about to tell him something serious. The atmosphere was heavy and there was no room for flirting or anything even close to that.

"Any situation where I'm alone with a man, and it's not business, it feels like something is supposed to happen. Like I'm...performing, or expected to perform. Am I supposed to flirt, or should I be more subdued? Do I even like this man? Does he want me? Do I want him to want me?"

A sad smile came over her face and she shook her head again, then looked back up at him.

"Too many things go on in my head, and I can't get a grip on it. It's very uncomfortable. Even when it's business. Most of the people I work with are men: the accountant, the financial advisor, the managers, and the board."

Edward stared at her, shocked. She found it hard being around men, and she was here with him, in his house, alone. She had difficulty being around the men she worked with almost every day, and he felt responsible.

"It's my fault," he stated. As much as she wanted to deny this, she really couldn't.

"I doubt you are the only reason." Her voice was soft and she spoke in the direction of her lap.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"I know. I didn't come here to blame you for my shitty love life." She looked at him with a hint of a smile on her lips. "I came here because I wanted to know your story."

A silent moment passed between them, their eyes locked together. Bella felt her heart expand a tiny bit.

"I want to hear your story, too."

As he'd said it, Edward doubted his own words. Did he really want to hear what she'd had to go through to end up feeling like this? What had occurred that made her shy away from every male in her life?

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry this one is _really_ short, but it was hard to find a good place to cut it from the next one. More tomorrow!**

**Thank you all for reviewing, I've failed to answer but I read, love and appreciate every one of them. I got a lot of alert/fave messages over night! I wonder how that happened. If you review, I'd love to know where you found this story :)**

**Thanks mauigirl & maggiejmasen for your love for this story and pimping up my chapters!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

_._

_Can I stay here with you 'til the morning_

_I am so far from home and I feel a little stoned_

_so can I stay here with you 'til the morning?_

_There's nothing I want more than to wake up on your floor_

_._

Bella's stomach was in knots. It was highly uncomfortable to have Edward so near, even if he had just bared his soul to her. And now she was supposed to tell him her story...whatever that really meant, she wasn't sure. She had never looked at her life that way, but most men in her life had let her down, and of course she knew that was why she felt like this.

She didn't look up at him as she started talking, feeling the warmth of her blush creeping from her throat up to her cheeks and ears.

"You were the first boy I kissed. We made out, but...I didn't really want to. I wasn't ready for that at all, but I didn't want to disappoint you. I so badly wanted you guys to like me, and you...to love me."

Bella shook her head at her silly seventeen-year-old self and smiled sadly.

"I didn't really have a concept of what I wanted, not at the tender age of seventeen. I was still a child, and a late bloomer. My fantasies probably didn't entail much more than staring into your eyes for hours and exchanging sweet little kisses."

Edward's insides twisted at hearing these sad words from the beautiful girl beside him. He held out his hand, the movement catching her eye. She looked at his hand, which lay open on the couch, palm up, and then at his eyes. She looked away quickly, but placed her hand carefully in his.

"I had my first relationship in college. He was infatuated, and I was flattered, and I tried. I really did, but it didn't go anywhere. I felt more like he needed a mother rather than a girlfriend."

She looked at him again, her dark brown eyes fierce, her mouth a grimace.

"The worst was the...sex." The blush was back when she spoke the word out loud. Edward frowned and squeezed her hand a bit tighter.

"Why?" he asked softly.

Bella turned her body toward him, tucking one leg underneath her. While their closeness scared her, and his hand holding hers made her skin prickle as if danger was looming, her body seemed to move toward his on its own.

"I don't know. I've never enjoyed it. I guess I suck at that, too."

_That's impossible. A woman that beautiful..._ Edward's thoughts strayed and he had to shake his head to keep his focus. He cleared his throat before he spoke.

"What you're saying is that, basically, you suck at love? That's not possible, Bella. Everybody needs love in their life."

"I know, but I've failed. Every single time, it was a disappointment."

She sat up a little straighter and let his hand go with a soft squeeze.

"I can't take more of that, I don't want it. My job is very fulfilling, and I'm very busy. I don't need a lover to...define who I am. I am happy on my own."

Her eyes were turned away again and Edward knew for a fact that she was now feeding him practiced lines.

"I call it." She turned her head sharply. "Bullshit," he added.

Bella shook her head with a polite smile at Edward. She had not expected him to understand, nobody did.

"Call it what you like. I've made a decision."

"You mean you've given up? Really?" He stared at her incredulously. He was leaning in her direction, almost lying down on the couch, his feet propped up on the coffee table. Bella's skin prickled again and she crept back into her little corner.

"When you fall in love, you will want to make love to that person. You will crave the closeness, the attention. Your body will direct it," Edward lectured. He moved closer to her still, looking into her eyes intently to get his point across.

"But it didn't," she countered. He shook his head.

"You weren't in love with those guys, not really. Even if you were, they just might have been douchebags who didn't know how to take care of a woman."

Bella felt flustered. He was right, both Alec and Mike _had_ been assholes, but she didn't dare believe that she didn't do anything wrong.

"Maybe I wasn't really in love with them..."

"A-ha!" Edward smiled widely and stuck out his finger at her. "See? I knew it!"

Bella looked down at their knees, merely an inch between them. A deep urge to shift and touch him welled up inside her, making her stomach churn at the same time.

"But I was in love with _you_," she whispered.

She saw Edward's face fall from her periphery, not daring to really look at him.

"Bella," he whispered, scooting over on the couch. She shivered when their thighs touched and his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

"Baby, I was an idiot. I'm so sorry. If I'd been smarter, or older, I would've...I wouldn't have taken so much shit. I wouldn't have let you go."

Edward's heart raced in his chest, painfully so, and he finally gave into the urge to hug that sweet girl beside him. He couldn't stand seeing her so sad and knowing it was his fault she'd become like this. She was alone and didn't allow anyone to love her or take care of her, and it was his doing. Had he not molested her when she was a teenager, things would have turned out differently.

Bella's skin broke out into a cold sweat when he pulled her against his chest and tucked her head under his chin, her hair catching in his beard. Fear made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, and tears of frustration rolled down her cheeks before she could stop them.

Edward's body was warm against hers, and she could feel his muscles moving under his shirt. He was soft and hard at the same time and he smelled so nice. Her head spun and she didn't know what to do—hug him back and bury her nose in his neck to smell more of him, or get the hell away from him.

* * *

**A/N: I think I know what I would do if I were Bella. I'm a sucker for assholes, anyway... **

**Throughout this whole story, I'm trying to keep things as realistic as possible. Even though it's fiction, I don't feel the need to glorify my characters—it doesn't work like that in RL, either, and I like to keep this story close to reality. Having said that, I want to emphasize that it's _my_ reality and _my_ experiences that I use as reference. Sometimes it's hard to understand someone's standpoints or views, simply because you've never been in their shoes. I hope everyone is able to keep an open mind regardless, and won't judge anyone (my characters or people in RL), because you never know what their story is until they explain. Some of the trauma my characters have been through, is written from my own experience. I sincerely hope you will try not to question the burden they carry. Something is not irrational or abnormal just because you have never experienced it. Also, I've learned that the same experience can have a completely different effect on different people. We all have our own story.**

**This A/N is not directed to anyone in particular (in fact, it was pre-written), but I do see that some reviewers are picking sides. I LOVE that you are invested in the story enough to have an opinion and share it, and please keep doing so! I just wanted to give you view on the situation.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Bella's sob alerted Edward to what he was actually doing: he had hugged her while she'd explained how she didn't appreciate intimacy. He quickly let go of her.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't think," he said, while carefully letting her go and shuffling away from her.

Bella shook her head and wiped her cheeks. "It's okay," she said hoarsely.

Edward went to the kitchen to get her a glass of water, silently cursing himself. He was an ass, touching her when it was baby steps that this girl needed. While he poured the water, he vowed to himself that he would help her to take the baby steps she needed toward...closeness, intimacy, a relationship even. He would restore what he'd broken.

He returned with the water and Bella accepted it gratefully. He sat down in the chair again, putting distance between them.

"I am a very physical person, Bella. When I see that someone is sad or grieving or whatever, I want to hold them. I can't help it, it's an automatic response."

"I understand, and it's okay." She smiled shyly.

"Why didn't you freak out when I kissed you in the parking garage? God, I'm such an idiot..." Edward shook his head in shame. The giggle that bubbled from Bella's throat was involuntary.

"Well, I hit you."

"But you...you kissed me back."

"No, I didn't." Bella shook her head so her ponytail swished from side to side. Edward chuckled at her insistence.

"You didn't pull back right away." He stared at her, amusement lighting his face. Bella couldn't find it in her to get angry with him and, besides, he was right.

"I was...surprised."

A silence fell as both of them were thinking of something to say. Edward was tense, feeling that there had been something more behind that kiss, but was afraid to ask. Bella desperately wanted to change the subject and was relieved when her eye fell on a guitar case in a corner of the room.

"Are you writing songs here now?" She nodded in the direction of the guitar.

"Yes, but I left most of the mess in the study." He motioned to the guitar case. "This one came back from the shop today, I had it repaired."

"Play me something?" She asked. He stared at her in surprise.

"Really?"

She nodded and smiled, a real smile this time.

"Just a sec. I can't play that one, I have to test it first," he said, getting up.

Bella settled into the couch a little easier, glad that she had been able to change the topic—and excited that he was going to play for her. She hadn't heard him play in so long, she didn't even remember when the last time had been—apart from the time they'd shown The New Moons on the news when the hotel had been crawling with fans.

Edward returned quickly with another guitar and positioned himself on the edge of the couch, the guitar resting on his knee. He strummed and plucked a few chords before he started a slow tune.

Bella loved to see and hear him play, her eyes going back and forth between his fingers and his face. He was looking at his left hand pressing the strings, his brow scrunched in concentration. A shock went through her body when he started to sing softly.

_Is the sun_  
_Ever gonna break_  
_Break on through the clouds_  
_Shine down in all its glory?_

_Onto me_  
_Here upon the ground_  
_'Cause I can't hear a sound_  
_'Cept my own sad story_

_I get so tired_  
_Starin' at the walls_  
_Weight so heavy_  
_Mountain so tall_

_Is there no one_  
_Who would catch me_  
_If I fall?_

_It's more_  
_It's more than I can take_  
_I wish that I could fake it_  
_Or pretend like I don't know what's goin' on_

_Somethin's wrong_  
_Somethin's wrong_  
_I'm tryin' to hold on_  
_For just a little longer_

_I get so tired_  
_A-starin' at the walls_  
_Weight so heavy_  
_Mountain so tall_

_Is there no one_  
_Who would catch me_  
_If I fall?_

_Can you hear me?_  
_Can you see me?_  
_Why is that so hard for you to do?_

_Don't dispel me, girl_  
_Just tell me_  
_Are we really through?_

Bella was so caught up in his music and lyrics that she felt as if she awoke from a dream when he finished. The silence was deafening around them for a few seconds, as the last tone slowly died away in the guitar.

Edward looked up with an unsure smile, wondering, pleading, hoping that she liked what he played. She blinked several times as she looked at him.

"Wow. That's...that's beautiful!" Her face burst with a huge smile and she nearly bounced up and down on the couch, clapping her hands. Edward chuckled and bowed his head.

"Thank you. I'm still working on it, though."

"I'd say it's finished! Didn't you come to Seattle to record things you'd already written?"

"That was the plan, but since I've been here, I've nearly written a whole new album. So...I'm not sure which ones we'll actually release." Edward shrugged, not looking at her.

"You have to put this one on the album!" Bella said enthusiastically.

They talked a bit more about the writing and recording process, before Bella realized it was getting really late and she had to go home.

Their goodbye at the front door was a little awkward. Edward wanted to hug her—no, he really wanted to kiss her, but that was out of the question. He wasn't sure if she'd like it if he hugged her. Bella didn't want either of that, but she felt a pull toward him all the same.

When he held out his hand to shake hers, she knew he was being careful. If he was a physical person like he'd said, a hug would come natural to him. So when she took his hand, she raised herself up on her toes and placed a soft, quick kiss on his hairy cheek.

* * *

**A/N: Awww, he sang for her...how about that? Go Bella for changing the subject ;) **

**The song is "Are We Really Through" by Ray Lamontagne. I love the shit out of him. Please, please go check him out on YT or Spotify or whatever. Just imagine Edward playing the song and you'll be a sighing mess :P**

**Recently someone said in a review they loved my 'clean' writing. It's a very big compliment and owe my pre-reader maggiejmasen and beta mauigirl60 big time. They tidy up my words and give me their honest opinion, and do it fast, too. You ladies rock 3**

**Something else. I think some of you have checked out my other stories, too, and one of them has been nominated! My other multi-chapter fic, "Inordinate Passion", was nominated for "Top Ten Completed Fics" for January on twifanfictionrecs dot com! I am flabbergasted and extremely honored to be in that list along with stories like A Home for the Holidays by CullensTwiMistress and Nobody's Little Girl by HelloElla, and TWO by Lyricalkris—I just picked a few out of the list I love, but there are many more awesome stories there. You can vote once a day, and I would be very honored if one of your votes would be for my story :)**

**Sorry for the long A/N!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

**Wednesday, July 6, 2011**

After the confessional evening she'd spent with Edward, Bella felt a lot better. It hadn't been great to talk to him about her issues, nor did she expect the affection he emanated, but she felt like she'd taken a big step toward closure. Her mind tended to wander off and bug her with questions about what his agenda was. Had it really been all about reconciliation, or was there more to it?

She was grateful for her busy schedule, otherwise she would've worried a lot more. She didn't have time to worry, as life in the hotel didn't slow down just because she had personal issues to resolve. They were still in the middle of a busy season and she had things to do. She had carved out her plans for the redesign of the hotel, as well as some rebuilding. A contractor had come over that day to review her plans and she'd given him a tour of the hotel and showed him her ideas. He would translate all this into a building plan and timetable, and consult with the different companies they needed to get involved.

After a well-used, busy day, she went home to heat up some leftovers and crash in front of the TV. It was nearly nine when she finally stretched out on the couch, tired but satisfied.

A buzzing sound coming from her purse made her frown. She hoped that it wasn't work-related when she took her iPhone out and checked for messages. She had received a text message from an unknown number. A new message came in just as she clicked on the conversation.

**Hi, this is Edward. I confiscated my phone from James. I hope you don't mind I'm messaging you? I just wanted to let you know that the song I played for you will be on the album :) /E**

**Oh, James says hi. /E**

Bella read the messages several times and had a hard time deciding if she liked this or not. It made her smile that he'd wanted to tell her about the song, but didn't know how to take his comment about James.

**That's ok! Good decision about the song. Why did James have your phone? /B**

A reply came instantly.

**James is my buddy. He helps me stay sober. I asked him to take the phone so I wouldn't be disturbed in the writing process, but that's now over. We picked all the songs and have started recording! /E**

Bella couldn't help but giggle over Edward's clear excitement that he was now recording his album, the many funny smileys he included said as much. James' role made more sense to her now, especially since he went to such lengths to make sure she would talk to Edward.

**That's awesome! Get me a copy when it's done :) /B**

Her finger hovered over the send button when she'd typed that message. She wasn't sure what their status was at the moment; was the reconciliation now done and was that the end of their contact? Or were they on a path of becoming friends? A nagging voice in the back of her head warned her that men rarely wanted to just be friends. She decided to send the message and waited, anxious to get a reply.

**I will deliver it personally ;) /E**

Little did Bella know there was someone on the other side of town sharing her thoughts: James.

"What did she say now?" he said, looking at the goofy smile on Edward's face as he stood in the middle of the room, typing on his phone.

James had given Edward his beaten-up iPhone reluctantly, not at all sure if this was a good idea. He had welcomed the reconciliation dinner, but had frowned when Edward reported how it went. He was actually gushing about the girl and the conversation had seemed far too personal for what it was meant for. Now, Edward was texting with her, and he looked like a kid on Christmas Eve.

"She wants a copy of the album when it's done," Edward said, without looking up from his phone. He stood there a while longer to see if she would reply again, but nothing came, and he looked up at his buddy.

They were in James' apartment and had just come home from the studio. They'd spent the whole day recording and it had been a very fruitful day. Now, both men were exhausted. James frowned at him.

"What?" Edward shrugged, flopping down on the chaise lounge.

"Ed, I have to ask you this: what is your plan with her?" James looked serious, and Edward wasn't in the mood for a serious conversation at all. He just wanted to pig out, watch TV and go to bed. Or possibly chat more with Bella...

"Nothing," he answered, with a shrug. James raised his eyebrows at him and Edward sighed. "Look, there's no plan or anything, okay? I just...like her. She's made it clear that she doesn't date, and I can respect that. Doesn't mean we can't be friends."

He'd muttered that last thing softly, as if it was more to himself than to James. More than the fact that Bella didn't want to date, Edward worried that _he_ wasn't dating material. He was a recovering addict and about to release an album, which he would then have to promote with a tour. There wasn't anything in there that any woman would want, he thought sourly.

* * *

**A/N: So, we're moving on slowly with texting. It's hard not to post all the written chapters all at once, lol. I have much more to share, but I don't want to run out of chapters in case my inspiration dries up and I can't finish it on time. So I'm sticking with daily updates. **

**Thanks for your awesome reviews and welcome to new followers :) **

**Thanks mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen for their help.**

**I'm proud to tell you I finally got the blog-thing figured out – at least partially. LIBM has its own blog now: letitbeme2 Wordpress com (add dots where the spaces are). All the published chapters are up and the songs with them. **


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

**Saturday, July 30, 2011**

**Hey Bella Beautiful. You're not working on Saturday again, are you?! /E**

Edward stared at his phone while it sent his message, rubbing his fingers over his chin. He felt naked without his beard, but the anticipation of seeing Bella was far more prominent than that minor discomfort.

He knew for a fact that she was up there on the second floor, sitting on the couch with her laptop in her lap and papers spread around her. He knew, because her small, sleek Mercedes was parked in the hotel's parking garage, and he was standing right next to it.

**Not that nickname again, please! Yes, I'm always working. I'm the boss ;) /B**

He exhaled slowly, relieved. He had been able to contain himself and not contact her for almost three weeks, burying himself in his work, but her presence in his mind was driving him more than a little crazy. He'd asked the guys at the studio for a break and had James drive him to the hotel. Even if she was the boss, Bella still needed to eat at some point.

**Sorry, BB. I won't use it anymore. Got time for lunch? /E**

Edward made his way back to the elevators. James hadn't been able to access the garage because they weren't staying at the hotel anymore, so Edward took the front entrance, sneaked past the reception desk and took an elevator down to check if her car was there.

The hostess at the restaurant did a double-take when he'd asked for a table for two, a bit secluded, if possible. Her gaping made him uneasy and he looked away. Maybe it hadn't been such a hot idea to get rid of the beard, just yet—a lot more people were bound to recognize him now. Still, it had to come off at some point before the photo shoot for the album's cover art, and when the idea to surprise Bella popped in his mind early that morning, he'd decided now was as good as ever. His phone buzzed when he sat down at a small table in the far corner of the restaurant.

**Still got some work to do, but on the other hand, I'm starving. Could you come to the hotel? /B**

He grinned at his phone.

**Already here. /E**

**Am I that predictable? Or are you just presumptuous?! I'll be down in 10 /B**

Edward chuckled at his phone, but quickly put it face down on the table when a waitress came to take his order. He ordered a cup of tea and asked her to come back when his company had arrived.

He saw her coming his way a short while later, and a smile froze on his lips. She was gorgeous in a green summer dress that clung to her in all the right places. Her legs were bare and her hair was down in soft-looking, messy waves. _I'm in trouble_, was all he could think.

"Edward? Oh, my God! Where is your beard?" She looked at him with a wide smile. He self-consciously touched his cheek with his hand and chuckled.

"Yeah...time for a change?" he offered hesitantly, as he stood up. They stared at each other for a moment.

"I like it," Bella said, with a nod. He bowed his head at the compliment and stuffed his hands into his jeans pockets, standing there like a fool. She didn't seem to notice his awkwardness, or pretended she didn't, and he was thankful for that. She patted his arm before getting in her seat.

"Have you ordered yet?"

"Nah. I was waiting for you."

"Okay. What's the occasion?"

"Well, I have a present for you, but it's a secret. You have to promise to guard it with your life." He shot her a stern glance, but couldn't hide a smile.

"Hm, a secret, huh? I think I can manage."

He smiled at her and slid something over the table toward her. It was a slim jewel case with a blank CD. She looked at it from both sides, but there was no writing on the back either.

"It's...my album. A rough version of it. All the songs are there, but without the arrangements. We're working on those now, but I...I just thought..." Edward rambled, but the look on her face shut him up. She stared at him in disbelief, her mouth open and eyes wide.

"All your demos are on here? Wow! Thank you!"

He watched her expression change from surprise to delight. She shook her head and bit her lower lip, staring at the disc as if she couldn't believe it.

"You know...I would have jumped up and down screaming if you gave me something like this, say, ten years ago," she said to him, with a silly grin. "I won't do that now, but I _love_ this. I feel honored. Thank you."

Bella looked into his eyes when she spoke, reaching out and squeezing his hand. Edward nearly burst with pride.

Their moment was gone when the waitress materialized at their table, but Edward didn't mind. It gave him a moment to breathe and realize how much trouble he was in. Seeing her smile like this, her face lighting up, her hand squeezing his in thanks...

_Big trouble._

* * *

**A/N: I think you know what kind of trouble Edward is in...at least his beard is gone. Some reviewers will be very happy about that ;) **

**Thanks mauigirl60 & maggiejmasen as always :)**

**Please vote for my story Inordinate Passion at TwiFanfictionRecs . Wordpress . com! You can find the link on my profile, as well as the link for LIBM's very own Wordpress blog. **


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

Bella's initial reaction to Edward's text was irritation. She didn't like the nickname Jasper had given her all those years ago, even if it was supposed to be flattering—that, and she was in a bad mood. The summer was in full-swing outside, and she was sitting in her office, with a huge pile of paperwork on her desk. She smiled when he changed it to BB, and decided the chaos on her desk could wait.

Seeing Edward without a beard made the whole thing worth it. It was a shock to see him almost clean-shaven. He'd left a thin layer of sandy-colored scruff and it looked really good on him. She thought he looked...sexy, in an effortless way. He had a sharp jaw and a strong chin, and his features had generally filled out more, as opposed to when he was a young rock star. He was...a man, and Bella liked it.

She had kissed his cheek when they'd said goodbye. When he didn't make any move, she did. The roughness of his cheek on her lips had been surprisingly nice.

Back in her office, Bella felt light-headed. The paperwork made even less sense to her now than before she took her break, and she gave up. She left everything in disarray and walked out of the office.

In her car, she dug into her purse for the disc Edward had given her. She was beyond curious what she would find on it and couldn't wait to get home to listen. Soon, her car was being filled with slow guitar music. First one, then another one joined. It was rough, both guitar players looking for the right rhythm, until a smooth melody unfolded.

Her body tensed when he started to sing, yet his voice was completely in tune with the music—everything blended together just right. The volume was up loud and the lyrics blasted in her ears. Halfway into the song, she choked on her tears and had to pull over because she couldn't see.

_When we first met, we were kids, we were wild, we were restless_

_And after a while, I grew coarse, I grew cold, I grew reckless_

_I hold this memory, hold you so close to me, whispered,_

_"Will we always last?"_

_Lately it feels like I'm asleep and I just can't wake up_

_Pacing the floor, want to call, but I can't, so I hang up_

_Sharing a seat on the train with a lady who's crying has ruined her makeup_

_Now I see just how young, how scared I was_

_Eyes closed tight, throwing punch after punch at the world_

_Sarah, is it ever gonna be the same?_

_Sarah, is it ever gonna be the same?_

_Said goodbye to all the places that I used to go_

_Said goodbye to all the faces that I used to know_

_Nothing lasts forever..._

_I guess by now, I should know..._

_I should know._

_There ain't a thing I can say that will ever repair_

_You who had so much advice, and yet couldn't share._

_Maybe someday, we will look back on this and we'll smile,_

_but right now I can't bear it._

_Now I see just how young, how scared I was,_

_Eyes closed tight, throwing punch after punch at the world._

_Sarah, is it ever gonna be the same?_

_Sarah, is it ever gonna be the same?_

Bella had calmed down a bit by the time the song ended, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. She stopped the CD from playing another song and took a few deep breaths. She didn't know who the hell this Sarah was, but she knew exactly what that girl must have felt. It was as if he was saying the words directly to her, finally speaking what was on his mind.

Afraid to listen to any more songs and crash her car because she couldn't see the road through her tears, Bella carefully put the CD back in its case before she restarted the car.

Within the comfort of her apartment, she listened to the song again and again, just that one song, until her tears had dried up. She knew some artists saw their songs as works of fiction, in the way an author creates a fictional story. This song was all Edward. It was the Edward she had known then, mixed with the grown-up version of him.

She stripped to her underwear and lay down on the chaise on her balcony, the late-afternoon sun warming her skin. Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, but she didn't mind. She let the memories wash over her, taking them as they came.

Bella woke a few hours later, the cooler evening air making her shiver. Twilight was already settling down on the city and she was still outside in her panties and bra. On the dining table, her phone blinked at her and she opened her messages. Three from Edward.

**Did you get a chance to listen to the CD yet? /E**

**Is it a good or a bad sign you're not replying? /E**

**Me again, I'm sorry, I'm just anxious... /E**

She swallowed thickly, feeling bad for leaving him hanging.

**I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner, I fell asleep! I heard one song so far, and it's incredibly beautiful. Thanks again. /B**

Changing her mind at the last second, she deleted the "X" she'd typed at the end and frowned at her own actions. _Remember your decision, Isabella._

Edward didn't reply that evening and it made her restless. The song haunted her in her sleep all night.

* * *

**A/N: *sniffs* Aw, Bella...that song hit her really hard. It's "Sarah" by Ray LaMontagne – although you should be able to guess by now who's songs I'm using ;) You can find it on LIBM's blog (link on my profile) under "Music". I'm too blah to post the complete chapter there now. I've got the flu, so I'm going to bed as soon as this is posted :( *coughs and shivers***

**Thanks mauigirl60 & maggiejmasen for their help and you awesome readers for supporting this story!**


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

**Sunday, August 7, 2011**

**Finally had time to listen to the whole CD. It's amazing, I am overwhelmed. When is it out? /B**

Bella's message reached Edward when he woke up from a nap Sunday evening, around dinner time. He grinned widely and fist-pumped the air when he read it.

He hadn't given it much thought while he was writing and recording the songs, but after giving her the CD, he constantly wondered what her response would be. He would've loved to be there with her while she listened to the songs for the first time, to see if she would react emotionally...to see if she could determine which songs were about her.

There was no denying at this point that he had fallen head-first into a big crush. He had been taken with her from the moment he really looked at her, at the hotel, and that feeling had only grown stronger when he'd learned who she was. More importantly, he was now slowly learning who Bella _really_ was—the grown-up version of her. The memories he'd had of her from ages ago, when he was a boy trying to be a man, and she was essentially still a child, had solidified over time. He'd spoken to both Jasper and Emmett about it, needing to confirm what his brain told him.

Soon after the first revelation of Bella beautiful, he'd taken a different route in songwriting. He'd neglected the material he was supposed to be working on. Music and lyrics he'd written over the last year were piled up and discarded into a corner of the hotel room, as he worked furiously to transfer all of his thoughts and feelings onto paper—or in the case of music, record the notes that swirled through his head.

Listening to songs from the old days had helped. He realized more and more what she had meant to him then, even if they'd only known each other for a couple of months and had met sporadically. Some of the The New Moons' later songs, which had ended up on their last album, had been inspired by her. He didn't even know if he'd realized it at the time that he'd thought about her when he'd written them.

While rummaging through the fridge for some leftovers to heat up, his mind was in chaos. He had so many questions for her, feeling like he wanted to pull the answers right out of her head.

First things first. He had to sit and eat, and calm himself down. He couldn't even think in complete sentences, let alone hold a conversation. He did type out a quick message while a plate of food was being heated in the microwave.

**Thank you! I am sort of relieved you like it :) Record comp. wants release in Oct. /E**

Edward shook his head. The record company had wanted the album released in August, but that hadn't been possible with all the changes. Good thing they were extremely pleased with the new demos, or he would have been in serious trouble.

After a lot of studio time, they had now recorded most of the music and vocals. He'd had a hard time making the producers agree with him on certain details, but thankfully, James had backed him up in all of his choices. They had been wary of making an 'over-produced' album—a given with the producers that were appointed to them by the record company, but he put his foot down and had managed to come to an agreement.

Edward's phone beeped with a new message while he was eating, seated at the table on the spacious balcony. His food was ignored as he engaged in a text-chat with Bella.

**Why relieved? Would you have started over if I said it was shit? ;) /B**

**The company would have slaughtered me if I did that a 2nd time! But your opinion matters to me. /E**

**I feel honored! Have you killed an album in progress before? /B**

**I did. Had 18 songs written when I came here, tossed them all. The company wasn't impressed. /E**

**OMG**** why did you do that?! Were the songs not good enough? /B**

Edward sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. This conversation was getting really tricky. He didn't want to admit outright that _she_ had been the biggest influence for the new songs.

**18 is too much for an album. I kept 2 and wrote the rest here. I guess getting out of NY inspired me. /E**

Okay, it was a bit lame, but it wasn't a lie, either. He held his phone in his hand, waiting for her to reply, nearly jumping out of his chair when it started to ring loudly. _BB_, the display read.

* * *

**A/N: OMG Edward's crushing! Bella and Edward, sitting in a tree...Oh, you're not surprised?! **

**Thanks awesome readers for sticking with this story and the lovely reviews! Keep them coming! I'm updating my blog with the chapters and songs as I post them. **

**Please vote for my story Inordinate Passion on TwiFanfictionRecs! The link is on my profile. XO**


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

"Hi, BB."

Edward's voice shocked Bella, even though she was the one calling.

"Um, hi. I got tired of typing," she replied. She was nervous to be talking to him and paced the living room. The sounds from the city could be heard through the open balcony door, while at his side, there was complete silence around him. His low chuckle sounded in her ear.

"Yeah, those touch screens are pretty, but not very practical, are they?"

"Exactly. I keep typing the wrong thing, and after several typos, I got so fed up. I wanted to ask you what was so much better about Seattle that you wrote new songs here? New York sounds a lot more interesting to me!"

Bella used her hands while she spoke, unable to keep still. Edward hummed on the other end.

"New York was interesting, but also crowded and busy. I kept getting distracted, you know? I couldn't focus there...but I didn't really realize that until I came here."

"Yes, I can imagine that there were more distractions for you there. You don't know anybody here, do you?"

"I know _you,"_ Edward said, and she could just hear the smug grin that was probably on his face.

"Well, yes," she replied, with a short laugh. "But you didn't know that when you came here. So I didn't distract you from writing?"

Bella closed her eyes and held her breath. _What did I just say?_

"Uhm, not really." Edward laughed, but it sounded a little forced. "I think staying in that hotel room was very good for me. I had nothing to do, no laptop to waste endless amounts of time on, no phone to interrupt me...and I, well, I didn't mind you as a slight distraction, sometimes."

He seemed to be struggling with the words a little bit, and Bella's eyes opened wide. He was as awkward with her as she was with him, she already knew that, but it seemed that in this conversation, she had the upper hand. She was making him nervous in some way.

"Does it bother you to talk about this?"

"A little," he answered on an exhale. She heard him moving around. "I only talk about such things with James and he's...well, he's an artist, too. We talk about technicalities and rhythm and rhyme and if this word goes with that. Not the...how and the why."

Bella contemplated this for a moment while pouring a cold drink for herself.

"You don't discuss the songs on a deeper level? I mean, what's behind a song and why you wrote it?"

"Ah, no. We're just guys, I guess. There might be references that he understands, but he won't necessarily comment."

"Okay. Well, I don't want to make you uncomfortable by demanding an explanation for every word you wrote on this album," Bella said, with amusement in her voice, feeling it was time to break the tension. It worked, and Edward laughed.

"Maybe I will explain some day. Right now, it's all just...too new, I guess?"

"Are you sure you want to make that promise? I won't forget it!"

"All right, Ms. Swan, I promise. You can't see it, but I'm crossing my heart."

Bella was bouncing on her feet, still standing in the kitchen. Her stomach did this strange somersault-like thing, which she consciously chose to ignore.

"Hey, something else," Edward said, when their laughter died down. "Would you like to come to the release party? It'll be somewhere during the week that the album comes out."

"Oh, wow, I'd love that! Will you perform?"

"Of course. I think I'll play the whole album."

Now, Bella was holding her stomach with her hand. She was giddy with excitement.

"I definitely want to come! Where will it be?"

"I'll make sure you get an invitation. The record company will plan it, I don't know which venues they normally use here..." Edward's voice trailed off.

"You could do it at the hotel!" Bella heard how eager her voice sounded, almost child-like, but she had stopped caring about it halfway through the conversation.

Edward actually liked the idea of using the hotel as the venue, and started asking her all sorts of details about the facilities. The hotel had several conference rooms and one of them was perfectly suitable for an event like this. It was used mostly for weddings and corporate private parties. It had a fully-equipped bar and a kitchen, albeit smaller than at the restaurant, and the acoustics needed for a live performance.

It was when Bella's stomach started growling, that she realized they had been talking for nearly two hours, and dinner time was long over. They ended the conversation with promises to speak soon. After hanging up, she stared at her phone until the screen went dark, trying to figure out what it was exactly that she was feeling at that moment. Giddiness? Astonishment? Exhilaration? Quite possibly, all of the above.

It had taken Bella a week to discover Edward's album. She had taken it slow, because almost every song caused a strong emotional reaction from her, and it was kind of exhausting. That Sunday morning, she sat herself down on the couch in her sleepwear and listened to the whole album from beginning to end. Somehow she was a lot calmer now, not shedding any tears. Then, she listened to it again, and again, and again, while cleaning the apartment.

It took her hours to finally decide to send him a message to let him know how amazing his music was. When he didn't reply right away, she worried, even though there could be a number of reasons for him to be slow with replying.

As she'd sat there on the couch, still clutching the phone in her hand, it had dawned on her what she was doing; she was letting Edward Masen back into her life.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you like it... **

**Thanks as always, mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen. I couldn't do this without them!**

**Check my bio for links to: LIBM's Wordpress Blog, my Twitter ( inordinately), Facebook (Chantie Maya) and the link to TwiFanfictionRec's website. My story "Inordinate Passion" has been nominated for Top 10 Completed Fic of Januari 2013.**


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

**Wednesday, August 24, 2011**

"_Trouble..._

_Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble_

_Trouble been doggin' my soul since the day I was born_

_Worry..._

_Worry, worry, worry, worry_

_Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone_

_Well I've been..._

_saved by a woman_

_I've been..._

_saved by a woman_

_I've been..._

_saved by a woman_

_She won't let me go_

_She won't let me go now_

_She won't let me go_

_She won't let me go now"_

Bella sang along quietly while driving to work. This was one of her favorite songs on Edward's album, and she couldn't wait to hear the final version. She also couldn't wait to hear the story behind it, but she wouldn't nag him about it. Yet.

They had been keeping in touch over the past few weeks, mostly through text messages. Their busy schedules prevented them from meeting in person, but that didn't stop them from trying. Bella had surprised herself by suggesting a meet-up in person, because that was usually not her cup of tea. It sounded too much like a date, or going out, and she had long ago given up on that—or so she tried to remind herself every once in a while.

**Morning, BB. How about lunch tomorrow? /E**

Bella's brows raised when she saw the message just as she walked into her office. It was half-past seven in the morning, and she had learned over the past weeks that Edward wasn't an early riser.

**Did you wet your bed!? Can't tomorrow. Dinner? /B**

**Very funny, boss lady. Photo shoot today. Dinner tomorrow my place? /E**

She snorted at his new nickname for her. He had overheard Laurent call her "boss" when they were on the phone one day during work hours—when she had to call him to cancel lunch due to a prolonged meeting—and he thought it was hilarious.

**I think it's my turn to cook? My place 7ish tomorrow?**

She had suggested dinner before, while Edward always tried for lunch. During a sporadic phone call, he'd explained to her that he wasn't comfortable with going out for dinner. That confrontation with alcohol was something he still wanted to avoid, even if he had been clean for some time. Bella thought being sober for two and a half years was long, but Edward had explained that for an addict, it was nothing. He had been shy and reserved about the subject at first, but opened up when she'd asked him questions about it.

Looking at Edward's message that confirmed their dinner date, her stomach flared with nerves. Yes, they were slowly becoming friends, and she was sure that they would have a great time...but...what to cook? What to wear? How would she get her place tidied up in time?

_What if he thinks it's a date?_

She quickly typed a message to him with her address and wished him a good day. Then, she immersed herself in her work to ignore the question marks in her head.

**Thursday, August 25, 2011**

_6:45 p.m._

Bella stood in front of the full-length mirror in her bedroom, scrutinizing her image. The warm weather had made it difficult for her to pick something from her closet, as most of the weather-appropriate items seemed too casual or too...revealing. She was now wearing a fitted, purple, summer dress. The fabric was airy and comfortable and the cut complimented her body. She worried for a moment that it might be too short and too casual, but then quickly discarded that thought. She was in her own home, after all.

The house was tidy, the table was set and the food prepared. Bella kept herself busy with clearing away some kitchen items she'd used while cooking, trying not to look at the clock. When the doorbell rang at _exactly_ seven o'clock, she was startled and dropped the strainer she was drying.

The man on Bella's doorstep was nothing less than a heartthrob. Her heart, indeed, throbbed a little when she saw him. He was dressed in a pair of thin, khaki chino pants and a white V-neck t-shirt. His hair was organized chaos on his head, and his cheeks were...bare. He was clean-shaven, and Bella's jaw slacked.

"Um, hi." He thrust a small bouquet of flowers at her, which she had completely overlooked, and leaned down to kiss her cheek.

_Holy shit_, was all her brain could come up with.

As she led him through her apartment on auto-pilot, Bella was careful not to meet his eyes, or stare at him for too long. She left him in the living room to get some drinks.

With a hand to her forehead and her eyes scrunched shut, Bella took a moment to get herself together. This wasn't supposed to be a date, but she was blown away with the emotions that had washed over her when she'd opened that door. There had been an urge to hug him and tell him she'd missed him. She let out a soft grunt. This couldn't go well. Nothing good could come from this. With a shake of her head and a deep breath, she snapped herself out of it and proceeded to pour two ice-cold sodas.

"What's the story with your car?" Edward asked from across the room, pointing at a framed photo. Bella set the drinks down on the coffee table and joined him at the wall covered in picture frames.

"This is my former boss, Marc Brady. He led the Park Plaza for a long time, but had to retire suddenly when he found out he had a severe heart condition. This is his wife, and this is the Head of the Board. Marc received this car as a gift, a bonus if you will, when he had his twenty-year anniversary as Manager. His wife felt the car didn't fit his new lifestyle, and they decided to give it to me when I landed the job."

"Wow...and they took this picture when they gave it to you?" Edward pointed to her in the picture. She was wearing a cute white dress with colorful flowers and an enormous smile, holding up the car keys.

"Yes, it was on my first official day as Manager. I was so surprised, I think I kept that smile for a week!" she said with a laugh.

"You look great. I've never seen you wear a dress like that," Edward muttered, leaning forward to get a closer look at the picture.

"Well, it turned out that nobody took me seriously unless I wore ugly clothes," she said, raising an eyebrow when he glanced back at her.

"Are you serious?"

"Oh yes. My colleagues all knew me, of course, but the transition was difficult for customers and suppliers. They kept asking to speak to my boss."

"And you said, '_I_ am the boss lady around here'!" Edward said in a stern voice.

"Something like that, yes. In the end, I just started wearing the boring clothes, too." Bella shrugged. She had gotten used to it by now.

They settled on the couch, sipping their drinks. There was a moment of silence that unnerved Bella, and she wracked her brain for something to talk about. Luckily, Edward started to talk about his photo shoot the previous day, and all she had to do was listen. He complained about it mostly, because he didn't like that sort of attention and especially hated that they'd put makeup on him. They had done three different shoots, and he'd had to shave off his scruff for one of them.

"There was one good thing, though," he said with a smug smile. "There was a stylist, and she gave me a whole bunch of clothes. She said I should keep them for when I start promoting the album, so that I can follow the style they used for the album art."

"Aha. So this is new?" Bella waved her hand at him.

"All new, even the sneakers." He held up a foot to show her his still-crisp white shoes.

"It's really nice…" Bella said. She couldn't help the pause after that last word.

"But?"

"Well, I don't want to...it's just...not really _you_, is it?"

Edward laughed loudly at that remark and especially at the serious face she made when she said it.

"Yes, well, I mean, no. You're right. I would've preferred jeans, and the shoes are way too white, and the t-shirt..." He pulled at the fabric, shrugging.

"It doesn't have any holes in it!" Bella exclaimed, holding up her hands.

* * *

**A/N: Phew. Clean-shaven Edward in a styled outfit sounds like a male model *fans self*. You like? **

**The blog has pictures of their clothes and a clip of the song "Trouble" by—you guessed it—Ray LaMontagne: letitbeme2 dot wordpress dot com.**

**Thanks mauigirl60 & maggiejmasen. These ladies seriously rock. My story would be full of eyebrow-raising mistakes if it wasn't for them.**


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

"Mmm...this is...what is this? It's delicious," Edward said with his mouth full. He nearly moaned over the meat he was tasting, it was that good.

"It's grilled lamb."

Edward chuckled when he'd swallowed the bite.

"This is insanely good. Are you sure you're not supposed to be a chef?" He waved his fork at her.

"Eh, no. I'd never want to be a chef. I could never deal with that kind of pressure!"

"Like a _boss lady_ doesn't get pressure."

"Not like that. Georges, our cook at the hotel, he's a hard-ass. I could never be that. I can't talk to my employees that way."

Apart from the lamb, Bella had made a green salad, some grilled vegetables and baked potatoes. Edward filled his plate twice and ate everything, patting his stomach when he was done.

Conversation had come easily after the initial awkwardness. They talked about their work, how lame some shows on TV were, movies they wanted to see, music that they were listening to...all kinds of things, and then some. When they sat on the couch again after dessert, Bella found that she was more comfortable with him than she'd ever been before. There were no awkward silences and she hadn't worried about her appearance for a second—that was a first, being in a man's presence. They had both taken off their shoes and Edward went through her CD collection. He complimented her on her excellent taste, holding up an old album by The New Moons.

They had been playing songs for each other for a while, constantly thinking of something else to share, when Bella realized with a bit of a shock that nearly five hours had passed since Edward had walked through the door. It was almost midnight, and she had to work tomorrow.

"I can't believe you don't have anything by CCR. I am definitely going to get you one of their albums," Edward said when he sat back on the couch. He'd put up a CD that Bella had completely forgotten about: _The Collection_, by Leonard Cohen.

"You like Cohen?" She looked at him wonderingly.

"Is that so surprising to you? The man is a living legend!"

"He is, but he's also way before our time. I've never met anyone my age that even knew of him," Bella answered with a shake of her head.

_Everybody knows that you love me baby_

_Everybody knows that you really do_

_Everybody knows that you've been faithful_

_Ah give or take a night or two_

_Everybody knows you've been discreet_

_But there were so many people you just had to meet_

_Without your clothes_

_And everybody knows_

They softly sang along together, and then laughed at the lyrics. Bella's laugh turned into a yawn.

"Oh, this is going to make me sound so boring, but I have to go to bed soon," she said, stretching both arms over her head.

"Oh, shit!" Edward sat up instantly, glancing at his phone. "It's that late already? I'm sorry, BB. I didn't think about normal working hours. I'll let you get to sleep," he said, with an exaggerated pout.

If he said BB real fast, it almost sounded like "baby". Bella liked it. She was too tired to care about her thoughts going in that direction.

"You don't have to be sorry. I can go to work a bit later. I'm the boss, so..." Bella gestured with her hands as if to say, _who cares_. Edward grinned and leaned over the couch toward her.

"You can get away with anything, because you are the boss lady," he said in a low, conspiratorial tone. Bella giggled, and then slapped a hand over her mouth. Edward cocked his head.

"Boss ladies don't giggle, Bella. You should know this."

"I know, I know," she said on a laugh, "but even boss ladies get too tired to remember details like that." She got up from the couch, stretching again. "Time to kick out the rock star," she added, with a smile.

Edward lingered in the doorway, his hands in his pockets.

"I, um..." He glanced at her shyly. Bella felt the sudden change in the air around them and her body was on high alert. Edward scratched the back of his head, then tried again.

"Can I...hug you?" He held a hand out to her as he said it. Bella took a step forward and nodded. A hug, she could do that. Hugs were fine, and they were friends, after all.

Edward's arms came around her shoulders, pulling her head against his chest, her arms hesitantly folding around his waist. She hadn't anticipated the deliciously scented cocoon that his body would create, or how amazing it would feel. She nearly lost her balance with the fierceness of his hug, but he only grabbed her tighter, lifting her feet an inch off the floor.

When he set her back down, he held his arms around her loosely. He looked down at her with a smile so bright it was blinding, even in the darkness of the night.

"Thank you, for a great evening and...for trusting me." He kissed her forehead once, twice, and Bella stood frozen against him. She lifted her head to look at him and then all of a sudden, his face was shockingly close to hers.

His arms started to fall away from her body and his breath caught in his throat.

"Aw, fuck," he muttered under his breath. "Bella, I...please, I..." He stared at her mouth, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as he leaned infinitesimally closer to her. "Tell me to stop, Bella. Please," he breathed against her skin.

Bella's body was rapidly going up in flames, starting in her chest and spreading outward in all directions. She just stared at him, as he stared at her. Without conscious thought, she moistened her lips with her tongue.

"You are beautiful, Bella. I want to kiss you...so badly," Edward whispered.

Bella's hands turned to fists at his sides, grabbing his shirt in a tight grip. She pulled him closer—it was just a fraction of an inch, but it was the answer Edward had been waiting for. His lips brushed hers gently, light as a feather. She held her breath and closed her eyes, letting him lead. She felt one of his hands on her back while the other came around to her cheek, his thumb resting on her chin as he lifted it. He pressed his lips on hers, and again, she kissed him back, following his movements. He nipped at her bottom lip, his tongue coming out to taste it. Bella's body responded of its own volition. She had lost rational thought and just let it happen. Her tongue met Edward's in the middle, causing him to moan softly. Their tongues lapped at each other, in slow motion it seemed. Edward ended the kiss slowly, his breathing harsh and his eyes tightly shut.

He took her hands away from where they had wrinkled his shirt, and kissed the knuckles of both.

"Thank you, baby. Thank you so much for...letting me in."

* * *

**A/N: And then, all of a sudden, a kiss :O When I opened this chapter to look it over before posting, I suddenly realized I was going to post The Kiss! I totally squealed LOL! I hope you liked it :) This doesn't mean that the rest of this story is going to be a all fluffy, I assure you. Real life is drama, and art imitates life here ;)**

**Leonard Cohen is the real deal. I have a deep, deep love for this man, especially after seeing him perform live last summer. He charmed the socks off the audience – at 77 years old. Check the LIBM blog for a video of him singing this song live in London. Cheeky old bastard.**

**Thanks to the amazing mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen for helping me out and squealing with me.**


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

Edward rubbed his hands up and down Bella's arms a few times, before touching her cheeks with his fingers.

"I'm going to go now, and let you sleep," he said softly. She nodded, staring at him as if she were in shock. "Are you okay?"

"I-I don't know," she said, and then laughed at herself.

"We'll talk tomorrow, okay?" Edward said, tracing her cheek with a finger.

"Yes, okay. I really have to...I don't know, I-"

"Shh. You don't have to say anything, BB. Call me tomorrow when you have a moment."

They said goodbye and Bella closed the door slowly, leaning her forehead against the cool wood, breathing deeply in and out a few times.

She went through the apartment, tidying up a little and shutting off the lights. Her thoughts were scattered all over the place, but the most prominent one was the one that scared her the most—she wanted to do that again. She felt this sort of primal urge well up inside of her, to repeat that kiss, over and over again.

How can something that was so wrong, feel so right at the same time? Why did this have to happen now, just when she thought she had her life under control? Just when the past seemed to have stopped creeping up on her, it was now shoved back into her face with full force. Edward's kisses had been the best she'd ever had, better even than the sex with her ex-boyfriends.

In the darkness of her bedroom, Bella searched for the familiar memories and the feelings that belonged with them. The grim images of Edward pushing her against a wall in an alley, shoving her hand down his pants...it used to disgust her, and thinking about it for too long would work up a horrid anger inside of her. Maybe it was the exhaustion that was getting to her, but she couldn't find it in her to get angry this time. Yes, it had been wrong of him to do that, and she'd spent many years getting over it. Though it had been a long time since she'd had the recurring nightmare about that evening, she wasn't worried it would come to her now. She fell asleep peacefully.

Edward had spent some time sitting in his rental car in the parking lot, just staring into the dark night, doing nothing. He was now absolutely certain about one thing: he was in love with Bella. It had been a long time coming, even if he'd shrugged it off before, but there was no denying it now. Their kiss had set his body and mind on fire, like...he couldn't ever remember ever feeling like that. He'd had to restrain himself to keep the kiss slow and gentle, mindful of Bella's reservations toward intimacy. Though when that thought settled in his mind, as he was kissing her, it took him no effort at all to keep things chaste. Like it was the most natural thing for him to do.

Sleep came easy for Edward that night, but it wasn't as peaceful as Bella's. He woke in the middle of the night, sweating and panting, with a raging hard-on. He couldn't remember his dream exactly, but there was a sensual atmosphere to it. Soft, creamy limbs entangled with his own, sweet kisses, touches, pleasure...his hand disappeared into his boxers as he imagined how it would be to make love to her. What he would do to her, if she'd let him. How much pleasure he could give her, if she would be able to let go of her inhibitions.

He lay awake for some time, ideas forming in his head. There had to be a way to make her understand that, in spite of her bad experiences in the past, she could enjoy intimacy like other people did. With baby steps, it would be possible to teach her how beautiful love could be, and how much pleasure lovers could give one another.

* * *

**A/N: A short, transitional chapter, but those are necessary sometimes...more tomorrow. Thanks for your sweet reviews to the kiss! I'm glad you liked it. **

**Thanks maggiejmasen and mauigirl60 for their help XO**


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

**Friday, August 26, 2011**

It was with mixed feelings that Bella picked up her phone to call Edward during her lunch hour. She'd texted him before that she would call around one p.m., and he'd replied shortly that he would be available. There was a half-eaten sandwich on a plate in front of her, but she was too nervous to finish it. Her stomach was fluttering with anticipation, and she didn't know how to handle it.

When she'd gotten up that morning and went through her normal routine, she'd made a decision—or maybe not really a decision, it was more that she let go of a decision. One that she'd made a couple of years ago and had always lived by since then. It was time to break with it now, because it was time for a change.

Only a few blocks away from the hotel, Edward paced the small terrace behind the studio as he chewed his food. He breathed a sigh of relief when his phone rang.

"Hey, beautiful," he answered with a smile.

"Hi, Edward." Bella sounded hesitant.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm good, I guess. Maybe a little off-balance."

"Yeah? Is that good or bad?" Edward rubbed a hand over the day-old scruff on his face, missing the beard.

"I think...it's good. Maybe I need a little, um, imbalance?"

Edward grinned at that.

"Sometimes a little commotion can be good for a person. Just to, you know, spice things up a little." Bella giggled on the other end, and the sound made him chuckle. "Are you giggling again, boss lady?"

"I'm afraid I am. It's your fault."

"Oh, is it? Then, by all means."

"There's something else that happened today, that was your fault," she said, with amusement still in her voice. Edward took a breath, somehow nervous for what was next.

"Okay. Should I apologize?"

"Um, I don't think so. I kind of decided to...let go of my decision. The one about not dating and staying single." Her voice was quiet and serious when she said that. Edward's heart rate sped up.

"Really? And what made you come back to that decision?"

"Well, ah," she struggled a bit, chuckling at herself. "I think I...I'd like to kiss you again," she said very softly.

"Shit, me too," Edward whispered, letting go of the breath he'd been holding. He was now sitting on the steps to the back door of the studio, head leaning on his hand, eyes closed. "When I got to my car last night, I wanted to turn around, run back and do it again."

Bella sighed softly into the phone. The sound of her breath was arousing to Edward, and he bit his lip while his filthy mind came up with ways he could elicit similar sounds from her.

"It feels so good to hear you say that. I am so...helpless, I guess, with this...these things..." Bella's voice trailed off as if she wasn't sure how to explain herself.

"Do you trust me?" Edward asked in a low voice.

"I want to." Her answer came straight away.

"Enough to stop worrying? You don't have to solve anything right now, baby. If you want more kisses, and I want more kisses, then, well, that's what we should do." He ended with a low chuckle.

"I can't help it. I'm worrying about..." She sighed again. "I don't know if I want...what comes after. I'm sorry."

Edward frowned. He didn't want her to worry so much, even if he desperately wanted to do more than kissing—that wouldn't happen unless she was ready.

"Listen, sweetheart. There is no need to worry about that right now, and definitely no need to apologize. I'm really sorry that you feel this way, but not because I want to jump your bones right this instant, you know?"

"You don't?" she replied cheekily. Edward groaned.

"Bella...I'm not going to answer that. What I mean is that you're getting ahead of yourself. You shouldn't worry about the future until it's here. Try to go with your gut, okay?"

"I just don't want to disappoint you." She sounded so small and insecure, Edward's insides twisted with worry for her.

"You're in the future again, right there," Edward said. Bella hummed a reply. "You're not the one who has to prove anything, you know that, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"I messed up once already. If you let me, I want to do it right this time. _I_ don't want to disappoint _you_."

There was a moment of silence, as Bella contemplated what he'd said. Edward waited for her response. Then, he heard someone talking in the background on Bella's end.

"Shit, I have to go," she said in a sullen tone. "I don't want to end our conversation now, but I have an appointment, I'm sorry."

"No problem, boss lady. Go and do your job. Call me tonight?"

"Okay. Bye, Edward."

"Bye, BB."

* * *

**A/N: Awww. Is it just me, or is Edward extremely cute?! **

**I hope FFN's updates are working again. Please know that you can always check the blog if the site isn't working: letitbeme2 dot wordpress dot com. You can also follow it to get updates, or come join me on Twitter (inordinately) or Facebook (Chantie Maya). I can keep you posted there if this or another site is failing.**

**Thanks to my lovelies maggiejmasen and mauigirl60!**


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

**Saturday, August 27, 2011**

Edward was going to have more time on his hands now that the recording was mostly done. The arrangements for all the songs had been written, and they had the last musician coming in next week to record his parts. There were two songs for which Edward wanted to re-record his vocals because he wasn't satisfied with the results. After that, it was up to James to take charge of pre-production.

The agent from the record company had stopped by the studio on Friday to get an update on the progress. He was very pleased with the recordings and complimented Edward. He admitted that it had been a good choice to start over, despite the two-month delay it had caused. It made Edward more than a little smug.

The agent also talked with him about his upcoming schedule. The album would go to production as soon as possible, hopefully within the next two weeks, so that it could be sent to the shops at the end of October. Before that, he had to start doing interviews and appearances and they would come up with a touring schedule. The release party would be set for one of the last two weekends of October. Edward requested that it be held at the Park Plaza, because he had written most of his songs there and the manager was a friend. They could probably also utilize a room there for his interviews.

The meeting had turned into ordering Chinese with the agent, James, and one of the producers, and he didn't get out of the studio until after ten. He'd texted Bella earlier to let her know what was going on, and he was bummed that they didn't get to talk. When he followed James to their car, he saw her last message from half an hour before.

**Was the Chinese any good? You can still call me if you come home late, I'll be up for a while. Or come over? /B**

He felt a nervous energy in his body when he typed out a reply.

**Just got out. You sure about coming over? /E**

"You coming?" James asked through the opened window of the car.

"Maybe..."

"What now? You got a booty call?" James snorted. He knew the situation with Bella was delicate, but he couldn't resist teasing Edward.

**Of course! You promised me kisses... X /B**

The face-splitting grin Edward showed James, said it all. He got out of the car with a sigh, but smiled as he held the door open.

"You go and see your girl. I'll take a cab," James said. He waved off Edward's offer to take a cab himself, and sent him on his way.

Edward's fingers couldn't type fast enough to get his message to Bella:

**Kisses are on their way..xxx /E**

His confirmation made Bella jump up from her couch. She'd invited him, but she didn't really expect him to actually come over. She was dressed in sweats because the days had gotten a little cooler, and her T-shirt had a stain on it from the melted butter she'd spilled while cooking. She ran to her bedroom, already shedding clothes as she went. After much contemplation, she decided on a favorite pair of faded jeans and a lime green peasant blouse. She had just finished brushing out her hair when Edward rang the doorbell.

Bella smiled shyly at him standing on her doorstep once again, not even twenty-four hours after he'd left it. He stepped inside and took her hand to kiss the top.

"Hi. I was told to bring you a special delivery?" He held onto her hand as she closed the door, and she grabbed his a little firmer, leading him into the living room.

"Well, yes..." Bella broke the eye contact, looking at their hands instead. They stood in the middle of the living room, just by the entrance to the kitchen. "And now, I'm shy." She laughed softly, shaking her head. Edward squeezed her hand.

"It's okay. Go get some drinks? Tea for me, if you have it."

She looked up at him, and he smiled sweetly, nodding his head toward the kitchen. He was giving her a moment to compose herself, understanding that she needed it. She muttered a 'thanks' under her breath and let go of his hand as she stepped away.

When she came back into the living room with two steaming cups of tea, Edward was sitting on the couch, looking relaxed.

"You look nice," he said when she'd sat down next to him. She sat in the opposite corner – too far away in Edward's opinion – with her legs tucked under her. He let that thought float away, though—he had every intention of letting her lead.

"Thanks. I was wearing some horrible sweats just ten minutes ago, though," Bella said with a sly smile.

"Oh? Am I not allowed to see those?" Edward was amused by this. She shook her head vehemently.

"I'm afraid they're not very flattering."

"I don't think anything could look less than flattering on you, BB." He said exactly what was on his mind. Bella made a funny face at him. Her hands were restless in her lap, fidgeting with the hem of her blouse. Edward scooted over a little bit, just far enough so his hand could take one of hers.

"Talk, baby. Tell me what's on your mind."

She looked down at their hands when she answered, stroking his fingers.

"I know I said I wanted to kiss you again, but now...I'm just nervous. I-I don't want to give you the wrong idea, or anything. I mean, if we kiss, and then, you want to...to touch me, and...I don't know if-if I wouldn't, like, recoil, or something," she stuttered through the sentences She had to take a deep breath to will back the tears of frustration and helplessness that threatened behind her eyes.

"Why would you recoil?" His voice was soft and soothing, and she dared to lift her eyes to look at him. She shrugged.

"I have avoided it for so long, that sort of closeness. It scares me."

"Scared of what I'll do?" Edward asked. She shrugged again. "If I may guess, I think you're more scared of my reaction to your recoiling, than the closeness itself."

Bella stared up at him.

"Now, what if you can just stop thinking about what _I_ want, or what _I_ expect, and just go with what feels right to _you_? What would happen then?"

He was so calm when he said all this, Bella couldn't grasp it. Avoiding intimacy was one thing, but analyzing the why? She'd never really let herself go there—and there was Edward, explaining it to her in two sentences. She swallowed the lump in her throat, and shifted her position so she was on her knees. Slowly, she shuffled forward until she was sitting right next to him, their faces level. She wanted to say something, but her voice was gone. The moment Edward's eyes flicked to her lips shortly, she knew she wanted this.

She leaned one arm on the back of the couch, the other hand coming up to Edward's face. He hadn't shaved since yesterday, and the stubble prickled her fingers as she stroked it. Her thumb brushed the underside of his lower lip, his tongue peeking out shortly to wet it. Leaning in slowly, Bella held her breath as their lips met. She angled his face to hers with her hand, softly stroking. After a few gentle kisses, she leaned her forehead against his, breathing deeply.

"We have to take it slow," she said with her eyes closed.

"Of course." Edward's voice was gruff. It excited Bella, like his moan from last night had. She wanted to hear that again.

Her hands wandered over his cheeks, to his ears, and into his hair. She gently scratched his scalp with her short nails. When she opened her eyes, she saw a serene Edward. His eyes were closed and his face was completely relaxed. She kissed his cheekbone, his cheek, his nose, and finally the side of his mouth. His lips opened to let out a breath. She kissed his chin, lingering there, and liked feeling the roughness of his stubble on her lips. She nipped at his chin some more, before moving up to his lips. She kept her eyes open as she kissed him, and saw him frowning. When she teased his lips with her tongue, tasting him, he scrunched his eyes closed tight. His tongue met hers, and then she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer.

Edward had never been kissed like this, so...carefully. He itched to plunge his tongue into her mouth, but steeled himself. This was Bella's moment. He joined her slow rhythm of teasing and tasting, their tongues dancing in slow motion. He couldn't help the moan that escaped him when she grabbed his hair a little tighter, pulling him to her. The urge to throw her down on the couch and devour her grew stronger and stronger, but he fought it with all his might.

"Baby," he rasped, when she broke the kiss. They were both panting, their breaths mingling between them. He opened his eyes slowly, needing a moment to focus. Bella's face was close, her cheeks heated and her lips swollen. He reached out and touched her knee with just his index finger, slowly drawing circles.

Edward looked away from her intense gaze and chuckled. "You know, you might have to tie me down if you want more kisses," he said, "'cause my hands are itching to touch you."

Bella's eyes widened and her mouth hung open.

"I-I..." she stuttered, but Edward put a finger to her lips.

"Shh. Don't you dare apologize." Her lips quirked upward as she cast her eyes down. That was exactly what she'd wanted to do.

Edward sat back on the couch and rubbed a hand through his hair.

"You know, I'm on thin ice here. What I said about tying me down...it was a joke, of course, but..." he glanced at her face, and she was listening intently. He let out a nervous laugh and turned his body toward her. "I can't deny that I...you...do things to me. Delicious things." He got serious now, his voice lowered and his eyes peering into hers. "I want you."

Bella's breath caught in her throat. They weren't touching each other, but their faces were only a few inches apart. Her heart started to race and her palms got sweaty.

"But only if you want me, too," he finished.

"I do. I just don't know how to...let go of my fears," Bella whispered. Her eyes searched his. She wasn't sure what she was looking for. Ridicule? Rejection? Instead, he smiled so wide it lit up his whole face.

"I think we can manage that, together. We can take tiny steps." He leaned back against the couch again, taking a comfortable position: one arm draped over the back of the couch, an ankle resting on the other knee. "How about we start with a comfy couch position to watch some TV?"

Bella's throat was thick as she swallowed. She was thankful for him lightening the atmosphere, because she was seconds away from a tearful breakdown. She shuffled closer on the couch to sit next to Edward, her feet on the couch and her head on his shoulders. Her heart was still beating fast, while he picked up the remote and started flipping channels, his fingers absentmindedly stroking her hair.

Even though it took her awhile to get comfortable – and Edward had to have felt how tense her body was – he didn't comment. Bella started to feel like it might actually be possible—that she might be able to have a normal relationship, with everything that went along with it.

* * *

**A/N: A long one this time! Cute, huh? ;)**

**There won't be an update this Wednesday (it's Monday evening here now), because I won't be home until late in the evening. I know something you could do instead of twiddling your thumbs, though :P Why don't you go and vote for my other multi-chapter story, Inordinate Passion? It's nominated on TwiFanfictionRecs (awesome site to make your 'to read' list longer). They are on Wordpress dot com, or you can find the direct link in my bio! Thanks :D**

**Thanks also to my lovely reviewers, you guys are amazing and motivate me so much. Inspiration flows when reviews flow. Just sayin' ;)**

**Hugs to mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen XO**


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

**Wednesday, August 31, 2011**

Edward was at the reception desk of the Park Plaza at one p.m. sharp to take Bella out to lunch. They hadn't seen each other since Saturday, and three days had been far too long. Boss ladies were busy, while rock stars sometimes had nothing to do but wait around.

The receptionist called Bella in her office to announce Edward's arrival, just as Laurent entered the lobby.

"Mr. Masen," Laurent said, with his hand held out. They shook hands, and Edward frowned.

"I know you're Bella's assistant, but your name..."

"That's correct, sir. I'm Laurent."

Edward regarded the African-American man in the razor sharp suit. He was handsome in a feminine sort of way, and he knew Bella liked him a great deal.

"Please, call me Edward," he said with a smile. Laurent grinned at him.

"Edward. I have something important to tell you, before Bella arrives," Laurent said. "I know you and my boss are seeing each other. Mind you, she is very secretive, but I know her well," he said, when Edward raised his eyebrows.

Laurent looked around to see if the coast was clear, and when he didn't see Bella yet, he put a hand on Edward's shoulder and leaned in closer.

"I bet you don't know this, but her birthday is coming up in two weeks. She absolutely despises it, but I thought you should know," he said quietly. Edward's eyes widened.

"Oh, man, I'm so glad you're telling me this! When is it?" Edward whispered loudly.

"September thirteenth, and she's turning twenty-nine. It's a touchy subject," Laurent said with a chuckle and a shake of his head. Edward clapped the man on the shoulder and shook his hand again.

"I owe you big time, Laurent. I'll make sure to get her something special."

"May I make a suggestion? She prefers silver to gold, and it's the thought that counts." Laurent gave him a wink and stepped away just as Bella entered the lobby.

Edward was giddy about this new information, and he had to make an effort to rein in his enormous smile when he went to greet her.

They walked the short distance to a lunchroom a few doors down, and found a seat by the window. Bella told him about how busy she was at work. While he listened to her story and commented here and there, he was mostly staring at her face. She rolled her eyes at something stupid she did, imitated colleagues when she repeated their words, and bit her lip when she looked into his eyes.

"Am I boring you?" she asked suddenly.

"Not in the least bit. Do I look bored?" Edward held a hand to his chest.

"No, but...well, you're a _famous rock star_, and I'm just a lowly hotel slave. So yeah, I thought maybe my stories would be a bit dull for you to listen to." She ended with a shrug, looking down at her latte while stirring it. She'd whispered the famous-rock-star-bit, looking around them as if someone would overhear. It made Edward laugh.

"You're adorable, BB." His hand moved over the table to take her hand, but right then someone approached their table. Thinking it was the waitress, Edward picked up the menu he hadn't even glanced at yet, apart from ordering drinks.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, but...um, well, are you Edward Masen?" A shy woman stood at their table, fidgeting with her purse. Edward looked up, catching Bella's amused smile in his periphery.

"Um, yes..." he answered hesitantly. The woman was around his age and dressed in an impeccable business suit.

"Oh, gosh, it's so great to meet you. I was a big fan of The New Moons when I was a teenager," the woman said. "I don't want to bother you, at all, but I am just so curious if the rumors are true. Are you recording a new album?"

Edward rubbed the back of his neck with a hand and smiled politely. Aside from the craziness at the hotel when he'd just arrived, he didn't usually meet a lot of fans. He'd kept to himself for the past couple of years, and also since he stayed in Seattle.

He answered her question truthfully, that his album would be out at the end of October, and after thanking him profusely, the woman went on her way, after apologizing to Bella for interrupting their lunch. When the door closed behind her, Bella erupted in laughter.

"What?" Edward said, a little uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry," Bella wheezed, trying to catch her breath. "It was just so funny to see you being approached by a fan, and then realize _you_ were more nervous than she was! You should have seen your face!" She shook her head and laughed a bit more.

"I wasn't _that_ nervous," Edward muttered under his breath. He fumbled with the tablecloth.

"You _so_ were."

He shot her a look.

"Aw, don't be mad. I'm not making fun of you, it was just...you looked so cute and shy," Bella said and sighed, smiling at him.

"Yeah? So, you think I'm cute?" He gave her a half-grin. Bella rolled her eyes at him. "Don't roll your eyes at me, boss lady."

"Don't bullshit me, rock star."

They continued their light banter during lunch, eventually moving on to the mundane topics of daily life—even though Edward's topics weren't as common as Bella's. He dropped her off at the hotel afterwards, insisting on escorting her all the way into her office. When he closed the door behind them, a sly grin appeared on his face. It only hit Bella then, why he'd been so insistent to come upstairs with her—they were all alone here, where no one could see. The no-kissing-in-the-hotel-rule she had imposed on him was void here.

She licked her lips, anticipating what was coming, and his eyes zeroed in on her mouth. He walked to where she was standing by her desk and stood very close to her without touching.

"Can I kiss you now?" he asked, still looking at her lips. He bent down, leaning one hand on the desk. Their lips touched, but Bella gasped and stepped away from him. He looked at her in alarm.

"I'm..." she stopped herself before she could say "sorry". "You're just, I mean," she gestured at his stance. He was trapping her.

Edward turned and sat on the edge of the desk.

"This better?"

Bella nodded, but didn't move. She bit her lower lip in worry.

"Does that mean I can still get my kiss?" He smiled so sweetly when he asked, his head cocked a bit to the side, that the uncomfortable feeling of a moment ago seemed to dissipate. Bella stepped forward, her feet between his, and leaned down to kiss him.

Edward held his hands on the edge of the desk to keep them occupied. He couldn't let them wander over her body like he wanted to, to touch the swell of her ass in that tight pencil skirt she was wearing. He sighed when she broke the kiss and backed away. His body followed her of its own volition, and he stole another short peck, making her giggle.

"I'll let you get back to work now, boss lady. Let me know when I can see you again."

"I'll text you. Bye, rock star."

He left with a wink and a big smile, and he whistled on his way to the elevator.

* * *

**A/N: No major events in this one, just them being cute *sigh*. I hope you liked it. There won't be an update tomorrow, because I will be away all day and evening. **

**Thanks mauigirl60 & maggiejmasen for the love, support, loyalty and patience. Love you both XO**

**I'll be back on Thursday with a new chapter, and a really long one, too! I'm leaving you with a tiny teaser for chapter 38...**

* * *

Bella's shoulders shook with sobs and she curled in on herself. Edward looked at her helplessly.

"Please, let me hug you," he whispered brokenly. She moved away, but he moved with her. "Please, Bella."

He very slowly wrapped his arms around her, pulling her head against his chest as it heaved with his own emotions.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry you met the wrong people in your life. I'm sorry you had this crazy bitch for a best friend, and I'm so, so sorry that I was a weak asshole."

* * *

**See you on Thursday!**


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

**Friday, September 2, 2011**

It was nearly seven o'clock, and Bella was the last one in the offices on the second floor of the Park Plaza. She was supposed to be at Edward's apartment in five minutes, and she grumbled about being late. Thankfully, she had anticipated this and brought a change of clothes. She texted him quickly, before dashing into her bathroom.

**Running late, so sorry. Leaving the hotel in 10. X /B**

Bella was looking forward to seeing him again, even though she was anxious. She would have felt much easier in her own apartment, but Edward had specifically asked her to come to his place. His texts had been short and when they spoke on the phone, he'd sounded off.

After freshening up and replacing her business suit with a dress, she was ready to go. She was wearing a deep red dress that had been in her closet for quite some time, the tags still on it. There had never been an occasion to wear it. It wasn't boring enough for work and too sexy for daily wear. She wore a short, black cardigan over it to tone it down a bit, and black sandals.

Edward's reply to her text didn't come until she was already at the gate to his block, and it didn't say much more than "okay". Bella frowned, determined to find out what his problem was.

"Hey, baby," said a smiling Edward when he opened the door. He had shaved again and wore a white button-down over jeans. He pecked her shortly on the lips, then took her hand and led her to the dining table in the living room.

He was grilling two juicy steaks on the barbecue and served them with fries and a delicious, healthy salad. He kept the conversation going while they ate, but there was still something that bothered Bella. She was waiting for him to address it, planning to ask if he didn't.

While they put away the dishes and tidied up, he was very close to her, touching her all the time. His fingers brushed hers when he handed her a dish towel, his hand touched her back when he passed her, and he kissed the top of her head when they were done, his hands holding hers by her side.

"I want to talk to you about something," he said with his lips still on her hair.

"I figured as much," Bella mumbled back, looking up at him.

"That obvious?" He grimaced and she nodded. "Come sit with me?"

When they were seated on the couch, Edward rubbed his hands over his head, messing up his hair. Bella looked at him expectantly, making him laugh nervously.

"Okay, here goes nothing. I think we should talk about our past. I mean, talk more about it." He said this with his eyes on the floor, but looked up when she didn't reply right away. Then, she nodded.

"Okay. I'm not cheering, but I guess you're right."

"It's not like that thought just popped into my head when I woke up this morning. Something happened and...well, it made me think a lot about...us."

"What happened?" Bella felt uneasy, wringing her hands in her lap. Edward sat closer to her and took one of her hands.

"I find it easier to talk if I can touch you. Just to...have some physical contact. Is this okay?" He held her hand in his lap, stroking it gently. After her confirming nod and slight smile, he took a deep breath and stared at her hand as he started his story.

"I've had too much time on my hands lately. I'm waiting for the media circus to start for the release of the album, and it makes me restless. I don't like that stuff, but I don't have a choice. So my brain plays all kinds of tricks on me, coming up with random things. I called Riley on Wednesday." He paused for a moment, searching Bella's face for a reaction.

She just sat there, looking at their hands, her eyes coming up when he stopped talking.

"Is it true that you and he had a falling out years ago?"

Riley was the so-called fourth member of the band. The fans used to call him that, because he didn't really seem to belong. Years ago, Bella had read in a gossip magazine that Edward and Riley had a big fight, possibly turning physical. It had never been a secret that they hadn't gotten along as well as they did with the other two, but it's always hard to believe anything that magazines publish.

"It's true. Emmett had to pull us apart. After that, I didn't speak to him for...I don't even know how long."

"You've never reconciled with him?"

Edward snorted at her question, shaking his head.

"I felt there was nothing to reconcile, because everything was his fault. But I realized just recently, that I was wrong. It was just as much my fault as his." He shifted on the couch, looking uncomfortable.

"It suddenly occurred to me that I have done the same thing, or close to it, as what I accused him of at the time. We fought over...a girl."

The look on his face was guilty and sad, and it scared Bella. She moved closer to him, tucking her legs up and draping her arm half on the end of the couch, half over his shoulders. It seemed to relax him a tiny bit.

"Promise me you'll hear me out?" he asked in a small voice. She just nodded.

"The girl was...Jessica." He looked at her with an almost cringing look, as if he expected something to explode.

"Jessica Stanley? My former best friend, Jessica?" Bella asked. Her voice was high and thin. This was beyond anything she would have guessed. This was much worse.

"Yes. Please don't be mad." His grip on her hand tightened. Bella felt the urge to move away from him, but she remembered her promise. She closed her eyes for a moment.

"I'm not mad. Just...stunned. Go on."

"I've had to reconstruct the things that happened back then, because I remember so little. But with the right incentives, things came back, and I can fill in the blanks. That day when you kicked me out of your office, I called Emmett to ask him about you." Edward shook his head and sighed. "I guess I can tell you now what you probably already know: Emmett was the only one of us who managed to keep a clear head back when we were touring. He's always been the only smart one, and still is."

This brought a tiny smile on Bella's face. She'd always liked Emmett, and she was glad that her feelings about him were now confirmed, even if it was more than ten years later.

"I also spoke with Jasper, and you should know he's very remorseful over the things we did back then. He admitted that he was a little crazy about you."

Bella's head shot up at this admission.

"Jasper liked me?"

"Well, he used the word _enamored_, so I'm guessing it was more than _like_." Edward chuckled when she stared at him open-mouthed.

"But he...I thought he favored Jess!"

"He didn't. We both liked _you._ A lot." He gave her a pointed look, to which she averted her eyes. "Jasper said he'd seen you gravitating toward me as if it were natural. There was something there, he said, so he kept his distance. Jessica...she was different. She kinda gravitated toward anyone who'd have her." His voice got quieter when he said this, his eyes cast down to their hands again.

"I don't want to say bad things about your friend, but...she wasn't _right,_ Bella. That girl had some serious issues."

Bella confirmed that with a nod and a hum, but didn't comment. She didn't want to interrupt his story.

"So, um, after I...molested you, we didn't really talk anymore. I'm not sure if you came to any more shows after that, but we all missed you. Jessica was there, and she kept coming backstage. She said you...that you felt too good to be around us anymore, that somehow you felt you were above all that fan-shit.

"I'm not sure what any of us thought about that, but something grew between her and Riley around that time. He was always the quiet one, never really acting out, he was just...there. When you weren't around anymore, he suddenly made a pass at Jessica, completely unexpected. When we talked about it, I suddenly remembered the flabbergasted look on her face."

Bella's front teeth dug painfully hard into her bottom lip. Still, she didn't speak. She held her arm around Edward's shoulders and her hand in his.

"What we fought about, later on, was how he treated her. They became an item, but it was a secret because Carlisle was against it. He wouldn't let us get involved with any girls, or get their number or whatever, because we were on the road so often and he didn't want any sob stories to get out there." Edward rolled his eyes at the memory of Carlisle putting the rule in place at the start of the tour.

"Riley drugged her up, and he...he _shared_ her," Edward whispered. "He let other guys..._have_ her. And she did it all, because she was fucked up and high and stoned and...fucking dependent on that guy."

"Did you..." The words left Bella's mouth before she could think.

"Yes." Edward looked into her eyes, big and sad and brimming with tears. "I didn't, um, fuck her. Other things, though..."

"Go on," Bella whispered.

"Are you sure?" Edward brought his hand to her face to wipe at her tears, but she backed away and rubbed the back of her hand over her face.

"Just tell me the rest."

"Okay. I know it sounds really lame, but I was really fucked up at the time all this happened. When the tour ended, we had all fallen apart. Emmett was the one to throw the towel in the ring, saying he couldn't cope with our shit any longer. I sobered up shortly, and then I was heartbroken. Our band, our dream, had fallen apart and it was my fault. We made that last album, and we did a small tour, because of the contract we'd had. We had no choice, but we knew it was over.

"When the tour ended, Jessica moved to New York to be with Riley. Their relationship was destructive and evolved more around parties and drugs than love. It lasted longer than anyone had expected, and I was surprised to find out they were still together when I came out of rehab for the first time. After seeing them together, and Riley..." Edward's voice halted, then broke. "He offered me her services. It was...disgusting. She was right there, and she didn't give a shit. She tried to seduce me."

Bella's shoulders shook with sobs and she curled in on herself. Edward looked at her helplessly.

"Please, let me hug you," he whispered brokenly. She moved away, but he moved with her. "Please, Bella."

He very slowly wrapped his arms around her, pulling her head against his chest as it heaved with his own emotions.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry you met the wrong people in your life. I'm sorry you had this crazy bitch for a best friend, and I'm so, so sorry that I was a weak asshole."

He kept whispering apologies into her hair, rubbing a hand over her back as he rocked her back and forth.

They sat like that for a long time before they'd both calmed down a bit. Bella loosened herself from his hug and he let her go immediately.

"When I told Jess I wanted to quit the whole thing, following you guys around and stuff, she went off on me like never before. She called me a traitor and a whore and whatever she could think of. She was so depressed and destructive, I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't keep walking on eggshells, thinking about everything I said or did for fear it would hurt her." Bella spoke emotionally, looking into Edward's eyes the whole time.

"You knew she was a little...off?" Edward asked. He sent silent thanks up to God, whom he hadn't spoken to since he was a kid, that she wasn't running away screaming.

"She'd always been like that. I think she had a deep hate for herself or her life, or both. I'm not sure, I never really found out what was bothering her. I sometimes thought she was jealous of me, but I didn't know of what."

"She was most definitely insanely jealous of you, because three out of four guys in the band had a thing for you."

"Really? Emmett?" Bella blinked and it looked so comical, Edward couldn't hide a chuckle, even though it felt misplaced.

"Emmett was very fond of you. He told me yesterday that if I'd ever hurt you again, he'd come over and have my balls."

"Seriously?"

"Yes. Why does that surprise you?"

"Well, I...I never really..." Realization came to Bella as she spoke. "I'm afraid I never really thought about the other guys in...that way. The way I thought about you." She sat up a little straighter, her tears now forgotten.

"I don't think I ever even paid attention to anyone else _but_ you. I...I don't remember. The only thing I remember is thinking that Jess was insane for being jealous with me. Her parents were still together. Her mother was in every social committee the town had ever seen, while mine was an alcoholic. Yet every time I told her about something that was shitty in my life, she'd have something worse. Like she was competing, and the winner was the one with the biggest problems. It didn't make any sense."

Then, she shot him an apologetic look.

"I know this is horrible timing, but I _really_ need to go to the bathroom."

Edward smiled a little. He was immensely relieved. He went to the kitchen to get some drinks and snacks, and waited on the couch for Bella to get back. She'd clearly cleaned up her a face, as the watery black marks under her eyes were gone. She took her place by his side again. Edward's heart thumped happily.

"I'm so glad you're still here," he said softly. Bella took a drink and then turned toward him.

"You thought I'd run away?" He nodded and she let out a sigh. "I wanted to, several times during your story. But I also wanted to hear it. I ran away from many difficult things in my life, either that or I just let shit happen. I can't do that anymore."

"Thank you for listening. You're very brave."

"Why did you tell me all of this?"

Ah. Edward had expected this. His body fluttered with nerves.

"I felt you had to know. I spoke with Emmett, Jasper and Riley, and it bothered me. Some memories came back and...I just...I want you to know everything about me."

She seemed to understand, nodded, played with a button on her cardigan. Edward's world began to tip over, his vision zeroed in on her face, his hand creeping to hers. It was now or never.

"Because I love you."

* * *

**A/N: Aaaaaah! He said it! And I posted it on Valentine's Day, how about that?! I didn't even realize it before I started writing this A/N. I don't really 'do' VD, but I hope you all had a great day!**

**Their evening continues in the next chapter. I will post every other day from now on, instead of daily, because I'm soon running out of finished chapters to post. I'm trying to finish it before that happens, so you don't have to wait awfully long for a new chapter. Not sure if I can do it, so I hope you'll stick around if an update takes a little longer than you're used to.**

**THANK YOU for more than 400 reviews! You guys rock :)**

**Thanks mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen for keeping me on my toes and loving this story as much as I do.**


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

Bella lifted her head slowly to look up at him, her eyes wide and frightened, her mouth gaping.

"Don't say anything, please. I don't expect you to respond." Edward leaned forward to place one hand on her knee. Her eyes shot down to register the movement, and then back up at him.

"I...I...I'm s-"

"No," he said sternly, shaking his head for good measure. His voice was surprisingly calm even when he continued. "I've been trying to hide from it for a while, but...after speaking to the guys, I realized it was true. I was in love with you then, and I am now. Maybe I never stopped, I don't know. I just...when I thought about it, I just...I couldn't..." He stumbled and stuttered and felt like an ass. His face was warm all the way up to the roots of his hair. He closed his eyes, took a breath, and opened them again.

"I don't want to hide anything from you again, ever."

He saw Bella swallow. Her eyes wandered over him, slowly coming back to his.

"I don't know what to say," she whispered hoarsely.

"Just let me kiss you," he said. He leaned down and brought a hand to her face, tilting it toward his. He held his breath, waiting for her permission.

Bella was completely dazzled. Her ears were ringing. Edward's face was so close, that she had to squint to keep it in focus. His softly whispered "Please" snapped her out of it and she reached up to kiss him.

How the kiss got so heated, so quickly, Bella didn't know. Her whole body was warm all of a sudden, as Edward's tongue met hers. She breathed quickly through her nose, straining her neck to get closer. Her hands fisted in his shirt on his chest, and she pushed up onto her knees to get more leverage. Edward made a sound, somewhere between a groan and a moan, his kiss growing hungrier.

Bella kept pushing herself up, until she sat fully on her knees on the couch, her face now above Edward's. He broke the kiss shortly to look into her eyes, and then went back to her lips, licking them. A soft moan welled up from her throat when his teeth nipped at her bottom lip.

Edward had one hand on her shoulder, while the other was balled up into a fist on his lap. When he heard the sound she made, something snapped in him. His hand moved fast to Bella's ass, around to her thigh, grabbing, pulling her onto his lap in a swift move.

Bella froze as her body tensed and went completely still. She straddled him, but her ass was still in the air. Her hand had moved to his automatically, clutching his wrist where he held her thigh in a tight grip. They both panted a little, their mouths open and touching and their eyes wide. Edward didn't dare to speak, but loosened his grip on her.

"It's all right," Bella whispered against his lips. "Just, slowly. Gently." Before he could respond, her lips were back on his and she relaxed her legs, her ass landing on his knees.

Edward cheered inwardly. His lust had won out for a second and he'd made a rash move—but she accepted it, and now she was _on his lap_.

Bella dominated the kiss, slowly and gently as she'd said. Edward leaned his head onto the back of the couch and let her explore his mouth. He moved both his hands to her back, stroking gently down to her waist and back up. He felt her legs tense when she slightly lifted herself up again. His eyes were closed, so he didn't see her reach around her back until he felt her clammy hand on one of his own, pushing it down.

Slowly, Edward's fingers slid from her waist down to her ass. He skimmed the fabric of her dress until he cupped his hands around both her cheeks. _Gently, slowly,_ he repeated in his head as if it were a mantra, as his fingers massaged her flesh. Lush and firm. Round and soft.

Bella broke the kiss but stayed in place, looking down at him. Her hair hung like a little curtain around them. He opened his eyes to meet her intense gaze. She looked at him as he continued to feel her ass. Her eyes were hooded, her lips wet and open. His hands traveled down lower, to her thighs, and back up. Her hips jerked when his fingers skimmed the spot where her hips swelled into her ass. He went back to do it again, but her dress caught on one of his fingers and all of a sudden, he was met with warm, naked skin.

Bella's jaw dropped a bit more, but she stayed where she was, still looking at him. His hands wandered all the way down to the backs of her knees. He kept his touch light on the way up, just the skin of his fingers touching her without any pressure. The inside of her thighs was warm and smooth and so soft. When he reached the juncture, he turned his hands outward, moving up over her panties. The fabric was smooth, perhaps satin, and cooler than her skin.

Bella sat down on Edward's lap again. Her legs had gotten all wobbly and shaky, and she couldn't sit up any longer. She settled against him, her face against his neck, their upper bodies completely connected. She could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. He let go of her ass and brought his hands to her legs, rubbing them gently over her dress.

She never thought she could be this comfortable with a man—sitting on his lap, touching him, having him touch her...and not freak out. She hugged him closer, scooting her hips over his lap. Edward tensed and halted his movements when her crotch met the hard bulge in his jeans. Bella's heart raced even more.

She rolled her hips into him a tiny bit. He moaned, his fingers curling around her hips. She liked it. She did it again. He tightened his grip, the sound coming from his lips almost a growl.

"Bella," he whispered harshly. "Baby, you're..._fuck_..."

"Shh," she whispered against his ear. Her lips touched his neck, kissing and nibbling. Edward reached between them awkwardly to adjust himself. She rolled her hips again, now clearly feeling his length. She sighed against the skin of his neck.

Edward was losing his mind. Everything was hazy, and delicious, and warm. He wanted to grab her hips and push her down hard. He wanted them to be naked, doing this. He wanted her to ride him all night long.

That wasn't an option, though.

He let go of her hips and wrapped one arm around her waist, the other hand on the back of her head.

"Baby...you have to stop," he whispered.

"It's okay," her breathy voice was right next to his ear, arousing him further.

"No, no...I just...shit." She'd done it again. She pressed herself against him, up and down his hard dick, and he felt her warmth right through his jeans.

"If you keep doing that, I'm gonna come," he muttered under his breath. Bella slowly lifted her head to look at him. Her eyes were half-closed, just like his.

"You don't want to?"

Edward sat up on the couch a little straighter, bringing her with him so that their faces were on the same level.

"I do. I want to strip you naked and make love to you all night long," he said. She looked confused. "I just think it's too soon." He held her face in his hands, bringing it closer to kiss her. "You're driving me insane with your delicious body," he whispered between kisses. Soft pecks to her lips and cheeks, a nibble on her chin.

"But you...you want to, right?"

"Yes, so badly. Surely you can feel how much." He gave her a lazy smile and she smiled back shyly. "I'll still want you if we wait a little longer. You need to ease into it, or you might regret it. I don't want that."

It was probably the first time in all his life that Edward Masen was talking a woman out of having sex with him—but he knew it was the right thing to do. He was sure she would regret it later if they continued now.

Bella sighed softly. "You're right. I got...caught up." she chuckled, but then looked at him curiously, her eyes shining. "Can you really come like this?" Edward laughed loudly, jiggling her on his lap.

"Oh, yes, baby. You do things to me. I bet you could come like this, too."

Bella's face scrunched up and she shook her head. She became shy again, avoiding his eyes.

"Why not? If you keep it up long enough and move just right," he said. It was hard not to dwell on what a sight _that_ would be...Bella going crazy on his lap...

"I-I can't come," she whispered, looking down at his shirt.

"You've _never_?" He didn't believe it.

"Um, not with a man." She peeked up at him from under her eyelashes, her cheeks red with embarrassment.

"What? Didn't they use their hands or mouths?" Edward asked incredulously. Bella hung her head and covered her face with her hands.

"Aaaah, I can't talk about this," she said in a muffled voice. Edward huffed.

"Yes, you can, and you will. Sit," he said and patted the couch with his hand. She moved off his lap, not looking at him. He draped her legs over his. "Do you masturbate?" he asked bluntly. Bella gasped.

"Oh, my God," she muttered. "You're really asking me this?" She still didn't look at him.

"Bella..." he dragged out the last letter of her name. "A moment ago, you wanted to go for it, and now you can't talk about it?" He pulled her closer, with her cheek against him so she wouldn't have to look at him. "Tell me."

"Yes, I do," she squeaked.

"And? Do you come?"

"Yes." A whisper.

"_Good_," Edward said on a sigh. "So, why not with men? Were they all complete idiots?"

"Yes," she whispered, stronger this time. Edward laughed and he thought he heard her giggle. "Not really. They...tried. I just couldn't do it."

"What did they try?"

"Edward, really. You want the gory details?" She was leaning comfortably against him now.

"Well, yes. I'm doing research."

"Okay. Well, yeah, they tried. With their fingers, poking inside me. Um, rubbing my...rubbing me. Licking."

"Hmm. And?"

"And, _nothing._ Nothing happened." She shrugged, and then added on a whisper, "I didn't like the licking."

Edward shook his head.

"Baby, they _were_ all idiots. May I ask you how many men you've been with?" He peeked down at her face against his chest. She jostled with laughter.

"After all you've asked me...Two."

"Two guys? You picked two assholes, Bella."

"Yeah. I'm good at that."

Edward tensed, but then smiled and squeezed her ribs. She giggled.

"Promise me one thing," he said. She hummed. "Promise you'll let me try."

* * *

**A/N: The reviews have been mixed lately. Some of you seem to think Edward is making excuses for his past and Bella lets it slide too easily, or that she should get over herself and sleep with him already. That I disagree on those accounts, speaks from this chapter. Negative reviews are part of this game. I read them, I appreciate that you are invested in this story enough to speak your mind, but nothing will change the course I chose for this story.**

**That being said, I will also not disclose who of their past friends, if any, will make an appearance later on. Stick around to find out ;)**

**Thanks mauigirl60 & maggiejmasen **


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

**Monday, September 5, 2011**

Laurent rushed through the hallway of the second floor, in a hurry to get to his office. He was in the middle of a meeting with a client, but realized belatedly that he'd forgotten his notes. He called out a "Good morning" to Bella through the opened door to her office, but nearly skidded to a halt when his brain fully registered what he'd just seen. He slowly walked backward, craning his neck to peek inside.

Bella was standing beside her desk, arranging a bouquet of flowers in a vase. She was wearing a hot pink wrap-dress and her hair was cascading down her back in thick waves.

"I can see you, you know," she said, without looking at him. He stepped into the doorway, once again looking her up and down.

"What in heaven's name happened? Did I miss a memo?"

Bella replied with a giggle, and Laurent's eyes widened.

Something had changed in Bella the Friday before, when she'd spent all evening talking with Edward. Talking, crying and...making out. The talking was the most important thing, of course. She had slept restlessly all night afterward, their past swirling through her head, memories playing out in front of her eyes. She was used to resolving issues in her sleep. Whenever something bothered her, she would be plagued with dreams of possible scenarios. This time, though, she had felt refreshed when she'd woken up well before her alarm was to go off. She went to the hotel and worked hard for a couple of hours. Then, she went home and cleaned her apartment while singing along to the radio. There was a lightness to everything, which was something she wasn't used to—and for the first time in her adult life, she wasn't worrying herself sick about things being out of the ordinary.

Even though their talk had been profound, and a big step in the reconciliation process she and Edward were still going through, the making out that had commenced afterward was what stuck with her the most. She had relived those moments several times before she saw Edward again on Sunday afternoon. They had been texting a lot, and decided to meet on neutral grounds. They visited the aquarium and had dinner in a small seafood restaurant. Edward was the one who had suggested it. They were early, and the restaurant was still quiet. Some people had recognized Edward, but nobody came up to them.

They had walked along the waterline back to his car, when he'd grabbed her hand. Apart from a few chaste kisses, the hand-holding was the only physical affection they'd showed that day. Bella was a bit shocked when she realized that she was disappointed that they hadn't made out again. It wasn't like her, she thought—but after pondering over it in bed that evening, she realized it _was_ like her. She had always been an affectionate person, generous with hugs and other displays to family, friends and lovers. Over the years, she had become distant and cool. She had put herself in the role of an ice queen and, now, she didn't want to play it anymore.

That Monday morning, she'd gone into work a bit later because she'd spent more time on her outfit. Letting go of the ice queen meant letting go of the impossibly boring suits.

The buzzing of her phone snapped Bella out of her musings and she stepped away from the flowers. They had come with a messenger earlier that morning.

**Did you get them? /E**

She sat down in her desk chair and twirled it around with a big grin on her face.

**They're gorgeous, thank you! Such a charmer, aren't you? /B**

**When I try ;) / E**

**Thursday, September 8, 2011**

It seemed to Bella that people in the music industry sucked at planning. How could they take Edward away from her, just now that they were getting closer? She huffed and threw her purse on the couch, flopping down next to it. A plastic bag with Chinese take-out landed on the coffee table with a thud.

After their flirtatious texts on Monday morning, Edward and James had a meeting with the record company. The production of the album was in its final stages, and they had a long list of plans for Edward: interviews, TV appearances, more photo shoots, rehearsals, meetings...it went on and on. They were hogging him, and Bella was annoyed.

She shoveled her food down without interest, staring at the TV. After flipping channels for a while, she resorted to her laptop and busied herself with work e-mails. When she finished getting ready for bed, her phone rang.

"Hey, rock star," she answered with a smile. His chuckle was the first thing she heard.

"Hi, BB. How are you?" She frowned at his voice. It was muffled and quiet.

"I'm okay. Just getting ready for bed. What are you doing?"

"Just woke up from a nap," he said, yawning. "I'm sorry, I'm still a little out of it." Bella smiled at his sleepiness.

"You should have just stayed in bed and slept until morning."

"Oh, I _am_ still in bed," he said. The grin on his face was audible. "But I have to get up anyway. I have a phone interview and a Skype meeting with my agent in New York."

"And how was your day?" He had told her a little bit about his schedule, but she didn't know exactly what had been planned for today.

"Very busy, more planning this morning. James takes care of most things, but they wanted to see me, too. They also kind of told me they wanted me to go back to AA."

"Huh?" was Bella's eloquent answer. She was now in bed, as well.

"Yeah, I haven't gone since I've been here, but since James is my sponsor, I figured it didn't matter. Apparently, it matters to _them_," he said. "So, I went this evening. I spent two hours in the gym afterward, and now I'm exhausted." He paused for a moment and she could hear him exhale. "And I miss you," he added softly.

"I miss you, too."

"Yeah? I'm afraid I can't see you until..." he hesitated.

"Is it that bad?" Bella groaned.

"No, it's...well, it was supposed to be a surprise. But I have to make sure you don't have other plans." He laughed a little, and she heard him move around. "I asked them to keep my schedule free on Tuesday evening."

Bella went through her schedule in her mind.

"I don't think I have any plans..." her voice trailed off in thought.

"Baby. You're not even asking me how I know?" The amusement was clear in his voice.

"How you know what?" She frowned, but then it hit her. "Oh, _Tuesday..."_

"Yes, sweetheart. September thirteenth. Your _birthday?" _His laughter sounded sweet in her ear, and she couldn't be annoyed.

"Yeah, thanks for reminding me." She decided not to elaborate on why she hadn't thought of that, not wanting to go through explaining why she hated her birthday. "What did you have in mind?"

"Honestly? Nothing, yet. I needed to know if we could both be available. It's going to be a surprise, anyway."

Bella snuggled further under the covers, deciding that she wouldn't spoil this by telling him she didn't like surprises. Maybe this one wouldn't be that bad.

"As long as it's just us," she said.

"Of course. I want you all to myself." Then he sighed. "I have to go soon, baby. It's bedtime for you, I think?"

"Yes. Already tucked in."

"Really? So, we're in bed together..." His voice trailed off suggestively and Bella chuckled. "You know, I actually had a dream about that just before I called you." His voice lowered, making Bella tense.

"Oh...was it...good?" Her face warmed up with embarrassment even though she was alone in a nearly dark room.

"It was...yeah, it was really good. I wasn't going to tell you, but...shit. Now I'm picturing you in bed, and… yeah," Edward stammered. It made Bella giggle softly.

"Well, now you have to tell me more," she said teasingly.

"Nah, I can't," he said softly.

"_Now_ you're getting shy?"

"Yes, well…I'm a little embarrassed."

"Tell me."

"Bella...I-I-"

"Why not?" she asked. Her voice had gotten low and soft. The fact that Edward had an erotic dream about her made her feel warm and desired. It did interesting things to her body.

"I don't want you to think I'm a pervert," he whispered. Before she could answer, he continued. "The dream was just...images of us, in bed. Naked. Cuddling, kissing, making love. Pleasuring each other."

Bella's breath hitched.

"And...it was nice?" she asked nervously.

"It was perfect."

* * *

**A/N: Awww. Don't know about you, but I thought that was awfully cute. What could Edward be planning for her birthday? Have you ever forgotten your own BD? I have. I often don't think about it until someone reminds me a few days ahead of time. Often my mother...**

**OMG chapter 40 :O This is going so effing fast! It's so thrilling to share these chapters with you which I only wrote last week or something. Kinda scary, but awesome at the same time ;)**

**Thank you sweethearts for the lovely reviews. That really improved my mood and made me all warm inside. Hugs to everyone XO**

**Hugs also to maggiejmasen and mauigirl60 for sticking with me and their undying enthusiasm. **


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

It was unusual for Bella to wake up on her birthday all giddy and excited. She'd spent the last twenty years loathing it. Being the center of attention had never appealed much to her, and her awkward family didn't make things any better.

She spoke to Charlie on the phone every other week. Their relationship was okay, but not warm. She visited him during the holidays if she wasn't too caught up in work, and if she was, he had come to Seattle on one or two rare occasions—he wasn't too fond of the city. Bella had long ago decided that this was just who they were. They both seemed pleased with their agreement.

Now, her mom, that was a whole other story. When Bella decided to leave and live with her dad for her final year in high school, there'd been a big fight. Renee refused to understand her daughter's decision, until Bella, in a fit of desperate anger, screamed at her that she could no longer stand to live with a dysfunctional alcoholic.

Their relationship was still strained. Bella usually visited her when she was on her way to see Charlie, as Renee still lived in Port Angeles with her new husband, Phil. Even though he was a really nice guy, it didn't help much that he had a drinking problem, too—they were now feeding each other's addiction. Both had a reasonably decent job and functioned as best as they could, but it was never comfortable being around either of them.

When Bella had moved to Seattle for college, she'd made a conscious decision to let go of her old life. She'd left her family and friends behind and didn't make an effort to keep in touch. Apart from her parents, she had some extended family in Arizona. She communicated with them through postcards—Christmas, birthdays, babies and funerals. Besides Jessica, she'd never formed deep bonds in high school, so there wasn't much she had left behind.

Everything was different this year, Bella thought. She contemplated her family and social life over the years as she showered and dressed for work. The weather was getting cooler, and she decided on a simple pair of gray slacks, a mustard-colored blouse and sleek black pumps—corporate with a dash of color. She tied her hair in an elegant low ponytail at the back of her neck.

Longingly, she stared at the clock in the hallway when she left her apartment. Only ten hours to go before she would meet Edward. It had been ages since she'd seen him—well, eight days to be exact, but it was too long all the same.

She smiled to herself when she remembered how he'd confronted her with her birthday last week, and unintentionally blurted out how he'd dreamed of them in bed. It was a new feeling for her, but she wanted that dream to become real. While she had missed him in the last eight days, she'd also had some time to herself to think, and had been able to talk with him without the distraction of his presence. Some things were just easier to say in a text or over the phone, because the other person wasn't able to see how her face and neck might flame red with shame, embarrassment or painful shyness.

One thing she wouldn't have dared to do in person was to question him about their "baby steps" regarding intimacy. While she felt she wanted more of it—more kissing, more making out, and beyond that—she was very apprehensive as to what "more" exactly entailed. A texting marathon ensued. Edward was reluctant at first, saying that they should just let things flow naturally.****

I'm not sure how things will go, baby. We'll see what feels good, okay? /E

Don't think I can do that. I'm not good with unexpected things. Sorry. /B

You wanna plan it out? Not very romantic... ;) /E

Maybe not plan exactly. But what do you have in mind? /B

It took Edward a while to reply to that one, while Bella stared intently at her phone. She'd even poured herself a glass of red wine, ashamed that she had turned to liquid courage while texting about sex. It was very seldom that she drank alcohol and she had a very low tolerance level—both physically and emotionally. Growing up with an alcoholic parent had created an aversion to any form of stimulating substances.****

OK, my ideas. Doesn't mean this HAS to happen, okay? I think taking baby steps is exploring what we like. One thing at a time. Make out on the bed, show some skin. Each take off some clothing. Next time, take off some more. /E

We take off clothing but don't go further? /B

Yes. I don't want us to regret anything. You have to be open and honest, BB X /E

I'm not sure what to do. With my exes, I followed their lead, but it wasn't nice. I don't want that. /B

Are you comfortable with your body? /E

How I look? Yes. How it works in bed, not sure. /B

But you know how to get yourself off, right? Would you let me watch? /E

Bella gasped and stared at his words. That was...no.****

OMG. No, I couldn't. /B

How about I give you a massage? With your panties on. /E

Just a massage? That sounds nice. And I, you? /B

You don't always have to reciprocate, BB. I can wait. /E

Can you? /B

Yes. Might injure my right hand tho ;) /E

That made her giggle. It was good that he wasn't too shy about the subject, it made her feel easier.****

Would you let ME watch? /B

Definitely. I think it's hot. Unless you don't like it. /E

I've never seen a man do it, so I don't know. /B

All this talk is turning me on, BB. Just sayin' :P /E

Bella bit her lip. She was feeling all warm and tense, but not in an uncomfortable way. It was safe talking this way, with the screen of her phone between them. There was no pressure to respond immediately to anything he said, and he couldn't see her reaction.

After that conversation, he'd text a question every now and then.

Once, when she was grocery shopping, "_Would you let me lick you?"_ suddenly appeared on her screen.

Although it was her instinct to be offended, she couldn't deny that it affected her on another level, as well. It was as if he was slowly changing her, luring out a side of herself that she hadn't known was there.

**A/N: Oh my gosh. That Edward is a cheeky one ;) Hope you liked this chapter.**

**Thanks mauigirl60 & maggiejmasen for their help!**


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

Bella had kept her Tuesday evening free of plans as she'd promised Edward. She was baffled that when she questioned what his plans were, he had actually answered—perhaps he'd figured out that she didn't like surprises. _"Dinner and, if you let me, a massage."_ He added that dinner would be at a "dressy" place, so she might not want to come in jeans.

A dressy dinner, that seemed so unlike Edward. His aversion to pubs, clubs and restaurants hadn't passed, and probably would never, so she was really curious as to where he was taking her. The garment bag she'd brought with her to the hotel held her brand-new deep green cocktail dress and a cropped black vest. She hadn't made up her mind about the massage, yet...

**Good morning, BB. Happy Birthday! Can't wait to see you XX /E**

Edward's text came halfway through the morning, after what she knew had been a long night practicing with his new band.

**Thanks :) I'm looking forward to it. How did it go with the band? /B**

**Great! Do you have time to talk? /E**

Bella checked the time. She didn't have any appointments today. She was writing a report for the Board, but she had all day to finish it. Yes, there was her full inbox and a pile of paperwork to go through but...she pressed the call button.

"Hey, BB," he answered, laughing hoarsely.

"Morning, rock star. What's up?"

"I can't talk long, I'm supposed to rest. My voice is a little messed up, so I'm gonna talk softly, okay? Can you hear me?"

Bella turned the sound of her phone up.

"Yes, it's fine. Are you not feeling well?" For a short second, she was worried that he would cancel their evening.

"I'm fine, sweetheart, just a little hoarse. I sang a lot these last three days and I'm not used to that anymore." His voice was nearly a whisper. Bella bit her lip and spoke bluntly.

"Well, it sounds kinda sexy," she whispered back. His answering chuckle was exactly _that_, and her neck and cheeks warmed up with excitement.

"Don't tease, baby. There is something I have to ask you." He turned serious, although his voice was still low and breathy and warming her up.

"I've been asked a few questions on whether or not I'm seeing someone. I answered vaguely, but now the publicist from the record company wants to know, too. She said the press will be all over me when the album comes out, and we have to be prepared and decide what we wanna tell them."

"You need to prepare a story on your relationship status?"

"Pretty much, yeah. They like to go over anything that might surface when they follow me around or whatever."

"Okay. What did you say?"

"I said I'd discuss it with my girlfriend," he said, his voice even lower. He sounded shy, maybe even ashamed. Bella gasped.

"You called me that?"

"Yeah. Is that okay?"

She blew out a breath and twirled her chair around, staring out the window. She hadn't exactly thought about labeling what they were doing. They had gone out together once. Having dinner together at their apartments didn't feel like a date, but what they had was a lot more than friendship.

"Baby? Are you mad?" He spoke up, his voice croaking. He sounded small and unsure. Bella's stomach clenched with nerves.

"No, not at all. I was just thinking about it." She paused a moment, a smirk forming on her lips. "So, is this your rock-star way of asking me to be your girlfriend?" she whispered, bringing their conversation back to an intimate level.

"Um. Yes?" His insecurity was incredibly cute and Bella wanted to hug him fiercely for it.

"Okay. I accept." Her whisper was followed by a nervous giggle.

"You do?" Edward sounded incredulous. "I can also tell them we're dating, or nothing at all. Really, you don't have to feel like, well...I'm not setting you up or anything," he whispered urgently.

"Hmm. You sure about that?" She was mean to tease him, but it was impossible not to. She loved how hard he tried to explain himself.

"Yes! I mean, no! I'm not, honestly." Bella's giggle shut him up. "Ah. You're shitting me now, BB?"

"Maybe," she said, dragging out the word.

"You're an evil boss lady, Bella."

Her body took notice of the way his raspy voice whispered her name.

"I'm sorry, baby. I want to be your girlfriend, even if it's a bit soon. I also want everybody to know that you're unavailable." Edward sighed with relief at her words.

"I'm so happy we're on the same page. I should go now, but I can't wait to see you tonight."

"Me either. See you tonight, boyfriend."

"Bye, girlfriend!"

Edward made his way into the hotel at five minutes to six. He was nervous as all hell, pulling on the collar of his pressed dress shirt.

He kept his eyes trained on the elevators for a few long minutes, until one opened and she stepped out—his _girlfriend_. He'd nearly lost it when they had that conversation, thinking she was going to tell him off for making assumptions. Now, though, all those thoughts were gone. She was there, and she was impossibly more beautiful than he'd ever seen her. She was wearing a sexy, green dress, and high heels that made him want to shower her legs with kisses. In fact, he wanted to kiss every gorgeous inch of delicious skin she was showing off.

He wanted to kiss her silly, but not at her workplace. He offered her his arm with a gentle bow.

"Ms. Swan. You look stunning."

"Why, thank you, Mr. Masen. You look incredibly handsome," she replied. He saw her eyes shine as she took him in. He'd chosen a tan-colored, linen suit, a white dress shirt with a gray pinstripe and a thin gray tie.

It was lightly raining outside, and their driver had stepped out of the limousine to hold up an umbrella for them. Bella's eyes widened at their ride, but she didn't comment until they were safely inside. It was a classic black, stretch Lincoln with tinted windows.

"Show off," she said with a big smile. He chuckled and shrugged.

"I like to spoil my _girlfriend_," Edward said. He couldn't stop staring at her, and was silently cheering when she turned to him for a kiss. Their lips melded together easily, tongues gently tasting. They looked at each other then, both wearing silly smiles.

Sooner than they both wanted, the car came to a halt and the driver got out and opened the door on Edward's side. He took Bella's hand and led her into one of the most renowned restaurants in Seattle. The interior looked like a combination of a mountain lodge and an expensive but homey villa, and Bella immediately felt as if she was visiting someone's home rather than an establishment.

A hostess took them upstairs to a private room. Two sides were floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking part of the city. There was only one table.

Bella squeezed Edward's hand. "You were right about spoiling, rock star. The swankiest restaurant in Seattle since the fifties, and you booked their private room?" She lifted one eyebrow at him, and he smiled shyly.

"Only the best for the boss lady," he whispered in her ear.

The waiter seated them and left with a short nod. After they admired the view a little bit, Edward reached over the table to take Bella's hand.

"I took the liberty of pre-ordering, because I didn't want to have to bother with menus and stuff. I hope you like what I picked." He paused, his eyes going to their hands and then back up. "I also asked them not to bring any alcohol into the room." He frowned a little, searching her face.

"Of course," Bella said, with a nod. When he kept looking apologetic, she turned her hand to wrap her fingers around his. "I really don't care for drinks, Edward. Please don't worry."

"Okay," he said with a sigh. "You drank wine that time when we talked at the hotel, so I thought..." His voice trailed off and he shrugged. Bella smiled sheepishly.

"There is one specific red wine that I drink, but very rarely. I usually drink it for the wrong reasons—when I'm extremely nervous or upset. After one glass, my legs get wonky. After two, I fall asleep. Beyond that...I start throwing up."

This made Edward laugh and shake his head.

"I've also seen enough bad side-effects of drinking that I don't really _want_ to…my mother, my step-dad, you, all my fellow students in college." She rolled her eyes at his once-again serious face. "Alcohol doesn't do anything good for anybody. That's how I feel. So...stop it, okay?" She waved a finger at him, and the mood went back to light and intimate.

"Still or sparkling?" the waiter asked them a moment later, holding up two bottles. He didn't understand why his guests were laughing, but he smiled politely when they requested he leave both bottles at the table.

Bella listened to Edward as he told her about rehearsing with his band. They fell into easy conversation while devouring a delicious five-course meal.

* * *

**A/N: Hmm. Did he just trick her into being labeled as his girlfriend...?**

**I want to welcome the new followers that joined today, thank you for checking out my story! LIBM was reviewed by Wiltshire Glo for Rob Attack, go check it out. I totally squealed ;) You can find the link on the blog (under Achievements), as well as images of the clothes they are wearing in this chapter: letitbeme2 dot wordpress dot com.**

**This story will soon hit 500 reviews. I can't believe that number, it's crazy. Thanks to everyone who's been reading & reviewing, or just following and lurking :) I hope you'll continue to enjoy it. **

**Thanks to the awesome mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen for correcting my mistakes and supporting me XO**


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43**

After a delicious dessert and a cup of jasmine tea, Edward got up from the table and crossed the room. There was a sound system hidden in a wall, and it was set up by the hostess as he'd requested. He checked if the CD was the correct one, found the right number and pressed play.

A smooth melody started, accompanied by a small choir of background singers. Bella had turned in her chair to follow his movements, and her face lit up in recognition. He grinned shyly as he made his way back to their table and held out his hand with a little bow.

"May I have this dance?" he requested. Bella beamed at him, nodding, and accepted his hand.

It was their old friend Leonard Cohen that led their dance with "Dance Me to the End of Love".

"I can't really dance," Bella said worriedly as Edward placed a hand on her lower back. He picked her hand up with his other and held both to his chest.

"Me either. We can sway a bit, like this," he said. The song was a bit too fast for a cheek-to-cheek shuffle so he moved his hips from side to side. The song had an infectious melody and it lifted their mood higher as they took small steps around the room.

It was over far too soon to Edward's liking. He held her close as the song faded away and kissed the top of her head, still swaying from side to side.

A new tune started with a slow and sensual drum beat, accompanied by the low, raspy voice of the singer. Bella lifted her head up, looking at Edward when she recognized the song. They stared at each other while swaying and listening to the lyrics. They weren't entirely appropriate to their situation, but some words hit home.

_Baby, I've been waiting_

_I've been waiting night and day_

_I didn't see the time_

_I waited half my life away_

_There were lots of invitations_

_and I know you sent me some_

_but I was waiting_

_for the miracle, for the miracle to come_

_I know you really loved me_

_but, you see, my hands were tied_

_I know it must have hurt you_

_it must have hurt your pride_

_to have to stand beneath my window_

_with your bugle and your drum_

_and me I'm up there waiting_

_for the miracle, for the miracle to come_

Edward's insides clenched at the words, his lips forming the words _waiting for the miracle_, searching Bella's eyes.

"This, right here, is a miracle," he whispered so softly she nearly missed it. She tightened her grip on his shoulder and reached up to kiss him. He pulled her closer, letting go of her hand to cup her cheek, as if to keep her in place. Their kisses were heavy with the emotion that was palpable in the room. They leaned their foreheads together, eyes closed, as the song played on.

"Thank you," Bella whispered. Edward stroked her cheek with his hand.

Another song started, and they wrapped themselves up in a tight hug. Her arms were around his waist, her face against his chest. He murmured along with the lyrics, which were more like a poem with music in the background. The soft rumble of his voice vibrated against Bella's cheek.

She looked up at him when the song ended.

"Did you just serenade me with "Alexandra Leaving"? she asked with a slight smile.

"I kinda did." Edward smiled, but it faltered when he saw the moisture in her eyes. "Hey," he said softly, unwinding one of his arms from around her shoulders to wipe at her cheek with his thumb. She shook her head shortly.

"I'm okay. Cohen turns me into a sap," she said, with a chuckle. She didn't look sad, either, so Edward relaxed his stance.

"Ready to go home?" he asked, his hand still on her cheek. She turned to kiss his palm and nodded.

Edward felt his heart expand at the loving look in her eyes. They left the restaurant with their hands tightly entwined. He felt...bigger somehow. As if he'd grown a couple of inches over the course of the evening.

He held her close in the back of the limo, with an arm around her and her head on his shoulder. Her arm settled around his waist and he stroked it absently, thinking about the massage he'd offered. It had been partly teasing, partly serious. While he wanted to advance their physical relationship – craved it, even – he felt it was important to let her lead. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew it was only a matter of time before something awkward or difficult would happen. Trauma isn't solved overnight, or _just_ because you felt good about someone.

* * *

**A/N: Sweet and short. I hope you like it! Leonard Cohen turns me into a complete sap, too. You can find his songs on the blog: letitbeme2 dot wordpress dot com. I'm not sure if I will get everything posted tonight, because I have the flu _again_ and I feel really crappy. Though I did manage to write several new chapters in the last couple of days, so...there's something good in everything I guess. **

**A warm welcome to the new readers who followed Wiltshire Glo's review on Rob Attack! **

**Thanks maggiejmasen & mauigirl60 for their help and enthusiasm XO**

*****Spoiler alert here*****

**Quite some reviewers are wondering if and when the 'people from the past' – Jasper, Emmett and Jessica – will make an appearance. You really want to see them, I'm not sure why? Is it about closure or are you all sensation-seekers? ;) This story is about B & E, I don't want to focus on other people. I also don't care about spoiling, but since the question keeps coming back: yes, _some_ people from the past will show up, eventually. **


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

"You coming upstairs?" Bella murmured sleepily when they reached her building, slowly unwrapping herself from their hug.

"If you're inviting me, yes," he answered.

"I am." Her bashful smile made his heart flutter. _You got it bad, Masen, _his inner voice pointed out the obvious. A current of nervousness ran through him when the driver handed him the small plastic bag he'd left in the front seat where Bella couldn't see. He quickly pushed the items into his pockets as she fumbled in her purse for her keys, and discarded the bag in the trash can in the hallway.

While Bella used the bathroom, Edward flicked on a lamp in her living room - just one, leaving the atmosphere dim and private. He smiled when he found the Cohen CD still in her player, and he let it play softly. He took off his shoes and jacket and loosened his tie. Sitting on the couch, he took the two small items from his pockets and placed them onto the table. Both items were wrapped but, to him, it was blatantly obvious what they were, although not so much to Bella.

"What's this?" she asked in surprise when she joined him. Her feet were now bare, and Edward stared at her undeniably cute red toenails as he answered her nervously.

"Um, yeah. I got you a present. Two, actually. It's not...nothing big, or anything. I just thought, well, it-it..." he gestured with his hands, but nothing came out. He shook his head and chuckled.

"I don't know why I'm so fucking nervous." He picked up the smaller square package first. "This...I just thought it was pretty. Elegant. Suits you." He shrugged.

"You shouldn't have," Bella said, but her eyes were shining and her fingers impatiently worked at the wrapping paper. She gasped when a small, light-blue box appeared. _Tiffany & Co._ was stamped on the lid.

"E-Edward, I-I don't know what to say."

He chuckled. James was right, after all. He'd warned Edward that giving a woman a Tiffany box would have an effect on them even before they opened it, and it was true. Bella looked excited and scared all at once, her big brown eyes staring at him.

"Don't worry, baby. I didn't buy you a diamond, and I'm not on one knee." She blinked. He nudged her shoulder with his. "Open it," he whispered.

On the white cushioned bottom of the box was a silver bracelet with a smooth looping form on the front: an infinity charm. Her mouth hung open as she carefully picked it up and looked at it from all sides. Edward bit his tongue to not say anything.

"It's beautiful," she finally said. He took the bracelet from her hand and fastened it around her right wrist.

"You like it?" he couldn't resist asking.

"Yes! I love it!" Bella smiled big and happy and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. Then, she eyed the other package on the table.

"That one is...well…" Edward paused as he picked it up. "You can do with this what you want. Put it away for later or..." His voice trailed off and he shrugged, and thrust the item at her.

A small, glass bottle appeared from under the paper and Bella squinted in the low light to read the label. _Massage oil_, it said. Her breath caught in her throat and her body tensed. Her eyes shifted to Edward, who looked shy and apologetic.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...push you. If you don't want to, it's fine, I understand. Maybe it's too soon," he said, rubbing his face with his hands. "Maybe I got a little too...I don't know."

"What...um, how would you...use this?" She felt her cheeks warm in embarrassment.

"Ah, well, I would...rub some on my hands. And then, rub your shoulders and your neck. Maybe your back?" He swallowed. "Your...legs?" His body tingled with the suggestion.

"Okay," Bella whispered. It was Edward's turn to blink and it made her giggle. "Do it." She offered him the bottle of oil.

Edward grinned at her. "Yeah?" She nodded again. "Okay. Bedroom?"

Bella seemed to have lost her voice. Her body was waiving all possible alarm signs and her hands were getting sweaty. She stood up from the couch and pulled Edward with her, but halted in front of her bedroom door.

"Why in the bedroom?" She could hardly see his face in the dark hallway.

"Because it would be more comfortable?"

She nodded again, and entered the room. She flicked on a small light beside the bed and closed the curtains. Then, she stood at the end of the bed, wringing her hands. Edward set the bottle of oil on the nightstand and made his way over to her. He leaned in to kiss her softly, gently nipping at her lips.

"You'll be okay, sweetheart. I promise," he said, between kisses. The tension in her body gradually lessened as their kiss heated.

When Bella disappeared into her closet, Edward took a deep, shaky breath and adjusted himself. He was hard, and he knew for a fact that he would stay that way for the rest of the night. Hell, maybe _forever_.

He took in his surroundings while sitting on the side of the bed and taking off his tie. The room wasn't big, and most of the space was taken up by the huge king-sized bed he was sitting on. He smirked at her priorities—being more comfortable than having more walking space.

Bella took her time returning. He started worrying a little that she'd changed her mind. He used the bathroom to wash his hands with warm water and soap, and found her in the room when he came back. She was wearing sweat shorts and a bikini top. Edward's eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he saw her full, round breasts barely restrained by two tiny red triangles. Her face was the same color. She quickly moved and plopped down in the middle of the bed.

Edward willed his body to stay calm as he opened the bottle and lathered his hands with the oil. It had an understated fresh and fruity scent. He turned to Bella, who lay flat on her stomach, staring at him with big eyes. He offered her his sweetest smile, and she returned it.

He started with her shoulders, rubbing gently as if he were applying sunscreen, then extending the touch to her upper arms. Going back to her shoulders, he applied a little more pressure to the muscles going up her neck. His thumbs rubbed up her neck to the edge of her hairline. A soft sigh escaped her mouth and her eyes were now closed.

His hands followed a pattern from her neck down to the middle of her back, and up again, passing her shoulder to her arms. He extended the movement on each pass, until he reached the string of her bikini.

"Can I..." his voice rasped and he cleared his throat. "Can I open this?" She nodded, and he pulled the string. It was oddly erotic to see her back without the evidence of her bikini. He reached for the bottle and dribbled the oil directly onto her skin, making her chuckle and squirm. His hands created a new pattern up and down her spine, thumbs pressing against her vertebrae. Up toward her shoulders, he worked his hands to the sides. The tops of his fingers grazed her sides on their way down, and he thought he felt her shiver slightly. He did it again and, indeed, she shivered.

"Ticklish?" he whispered, his fingers touching the side of her ribs.

"Hmm. A little." Her voice was soft and sleepy. His fingers ghosted lightly over her waist and hips, and then up again. His palms were on her back, thumbs on her spine, fingertips grazing the sides of her breasts. Her mouth was open, eyes still closed.

"This okay?" he asked. She nodded, and he made the same pass again. He reveled in the sight of her, looking so small under his hands. Her back was soft and flawless and beautifully shaped, with a little dip where her ass started. Everything about her was soft and warm.

He took the oil and moved over the bed, sitting on his knees at her feet. He took her ankle and lifted her foot up, then dripped some oil on her calf. She made a hissing sound, taking in a breath through her teeth as the oil slowly rolled down her skin. He chased the oil with his fingers, rubbing her calf up and down to the back of her knee. He applied the same treatment to the other calf.

Edward swallowed when he looked at her thighs. It was pure torture for him, but he endured it with great pleasure. His pants were painfully tight, his dick throbbing hotly against his abdomen. More oil, slick between his hands, he started at the inside of her knees, one hand on each leg, slowly moving up. Her muscles tensed under his fingers, but relaxed on the second pass. He increased the pressure a bit. His fingertips grazed the edge of her shorts so tauntingly, and he tortured himself more by looking at it. He hesitated a moment, for the first time since he started. Achingly slowly, his fingers dipped under the shorts, barely grazing the swell of her ass before moving back down.

Bella squirmed a little, and sighed again. It was hardly audible, but the sound went straight to his dick. He scrunched his eyes closed on the second pass, biting his lip. _Delicious torture_. He might have to write a song about it.

He put some more attention to the length of her legs, massaging from her ankles up to her thighs. She was now completely relaxed, sinking comfortably into the sheets.

When he had oiled, massaged and caressed every exposed part of her body, Edward was pouting. He was done, but he didn't want to be. He got up from the bed and padded to the front, planting a soft kiss on Bella's pink cheek.

"I'm going to wash my hands," he whispered in her ear, and kissed her neck just below it. She hummed a reply.

After washing his hands with soap to dissolve the oil, he rubbed his face and neck with cold water. His body seemed to be overheating, and he was surprised that his pants were still in one piece. His erection seemed severe enough to cut right through the cotton of his boxers.

Bella hadn't moved an inch when he got back to the room and for a moment he wondered if she'd fallen asleep. She opened her eyes when he sat down next to her, and smiled.

"I thought you were sleeping," he said, stroking her hair.

"Not far from it."

"So, you liked it?" He was already feeling smug.

"Yes. It was really good. I can't move," she ended with a giggle. Edward bent forward and kissed her hair.

"Don't move. I'll let myself out."

"Not yet," Bella murmured, reaching out her hand to grab his shirt. "Come lie with me."

He did as she asked, pulling his legs up onto the bed and molding his body to hers, their heads sharing the same pillow. He kissed her forehead and the tip of her nose, and she lifted her head to kiss his lips. Bella wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him closer as she shifted to her side. Their upper bodies connected and her soft breasts were mashed against his chest.

Edward was panting into her mouth within seconds. His hand pressed on her lower back to feel her closer, her skin heated under his fingers. He moved it lower, gently squeezing her ass, before grabbing her thigh and pulling her leg over his hip. A breathy moan left her lips as his mouth moved to kiss her throat.

"Shit, baby. You feel so good," he whispered in her ear.

"You make me crazy," she said between pants before attacking his mouth again. His hands moved restlessly over her body, wanting to touch everywhere at once. Her back was smooth and soft from the oil. His thumb rubbed softly at the side of her breast, where her skin was smoother than silk. Bella backed away a bit, and Edward instantly worried that they'd gone too far. She would pull out and panic, and he stopped kissing her to look at her face. It was flushed a deep pink, her eyes closed and her mouth open. She pushed at his arm, sliding his hand over her breast. He could now see it, no longer obscured from vision by the skimpy bikini top. Her skin was creamy, her taut nipple a dark pink. He closed his hand gently around it—a perfect fit—and massaged her like he'd just done the rest of her body. Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes opened, staring at him with hooded lids.

"You are so beautiful. So soft," he whispered against her lips before kissing her again. He kept his touches gentle, swiping his thumb over her nipple. She arched into him, a mewling sound mixing with his groan.

He shifted them then, pushing her onto her back with his body half on top of her. His hand caressed its way down her upper body, to her side, her stomach, coming to rest on her hip. He slowed down his kisses, ending it with wet little pecks. She looked at him, panting, her hair a mess around her head. Her eyes conveyed what she wasn't saying. What he saw in them was pure and warm, causing his face to split into a wide smile. She smiled back, and then giggled, stroking his cheek with her hand.

"I think we're getting better at this," she said softly. Her voice was hoarse.

"You're right, we are." He stroked some hair away from her face, studying her as his heartbeat slowly calmed. "Are you okay like this?" he asked, looking at their entwined bodies.

"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?" she frowned. He settled against her more firmly, pressing her into the mattress.

"I'm heavy," he said with a wiggle of his brow. Bella rolled her eyes. "I expected that it might be too...overwhelming - to have me on top of you. You can't move."

Bella contemplated that for a moment, biting her lip.

"I like it. Your weight on me is...nice." She eyed him shyly. "I feel small, and you press me down, but it's...it's not threatening. It's exciting."

Edward's eyes were shining. "I love that you're opening up to me. Are my naughty texts helping?" He looked smug and she giggled.

They lay like that a little while longer, Bella's fingers in his hair, his face buried in her neck. When she started to yawn, he took it as his cue to leave.

* * *

**A/N: Another baby step...hope you liked it. I'm sorry this update is late, I was really sick yesterday so I couldn't do anything. **

**Today is the last day to vote on your favorite completed story of Januari on TwiFanfictionRecs dot wordpress dot com! My story Inordinate Passion has been nominated along with a whole list of other great fics. If you know and like my story, I'd be honored to get a vote :) **

**Thanks mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen for their help and love for this story. You ladies seriously rock. **


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

Bella woke with a shock early in the morning, her body warm and her breaths coming out in puffs. She cursed out loud when she realized she'd been pulled from a deliciously erotic dream. Edward had been in her bed like he'd been last night, but in her dream...they were both naked. Their bodies were slick with oil, moving together, creating a burning sensation between her legs. She was clenching the comforter between her thighs and rolling her hips. The feeling was still there, as if she was well on her way to an orgasm. Her fingers slipped into her panties, finding slick wetness. She closed her eyes and recalled the dream; Edward's body on top of hers, his hips between her thighs, rolling into her achingly slowly. She imagined how it would feel to be filled with him, to have him all around her, be consumed by him.

She was slightly amused and entirely exhilarated when she got up and started her day. Washing her body in the shower, she remembered where Edward had touched her. How her legs had felt like jelly when he was finished. She remembered feeling completely relaxed and extremely sensitive. Her body was responsive to his every little touch - his hand on her boob...that had been an unexpected move. It was as if her body had made that decision for her, but she didn't regret it for one second. He had big hands and elegant, long fingers that seemed made just for caressing her. She had wished his mouth had taken the place of his thumb, but hadn't voiced it. Her worry of regret, of wanting to bail out at the last moment, was still palpable.

**Morning, rock star. Thx for last night. I dreamed of you XXX /B**

She wasn't sure he'd be awake yet, as she got into her car to drive to the hotel, but texted him anyway. If she wasn't mistaken, his agent from New York was arriving today and they would have meetings with the record company, followed by practice with the band.

Edward saw the blinking light on his phone when he stepped out of the shower. He'd also showered when he'd gotten home the night before, to take care of a serious problem in his pants. He'd come embarrassingly fast. When he woke up that morning, he relived the evening again. Maybe his joke about injuring his right hand hadn't been that funny, after all...

He grinned at her message, and quickly typed one back before dressing.

**Morning, gorgeous woman. Last night was incredible. I hope it was a good dream X /E**

Not long after Edward had shoveled down his breakfast, there was a knock on the door. James drove them to the airport to meet his agent, Magdalena Messina. She was a force to be reckoned with, nearly six feet tall, with wild, dark red curls and a physique that would've made Rubens' mouth water.

"Maggie," Edward croaked out as she hugged him fiercely.

"Hello, handsome!" She greeted him in her naturally boisterous way. James received a peck on the cheek before she linked arms with both of them, letting them guide her to the exit, the men each rolling a suitcase behind them.

"So, Edward," Maggie said, dragging out both words as soon as the car doors closed. She sat in the front seat next to James, while Edward lounged over the whole back seat. He raised an eyebrow at her.

"So, what, Mags?"

"I hear something about a lady?" She smiled innocently at him.

"What? Who...James!" He kicked the back of James' seat.

"Don't distract the driver! It wasn't me!"

Maggie snorted. "Doesn't matter who it was. Spill." She shot him a pointed look over her shoulder. Edward groaned.

"Well, yeah. So, I met a girl."

"So, you did. Are you blushing?" Maggie said, narrowing her eyes at him.

"I swear, if you bother her-"

"Oh! So protective! It must be serious then." Maggie clapped her hands and bounced in her seat, while Edward groaned some more and leaned his face against the window to cool his flushing skin.

They soon arrived at the record company's office, and Edward warned Maggie that he didn't want to talk about his relationship. He wanted to tell her about it in private. While she was a loud person and often spoke her mind without being asked, she also knew when to rein it in. She understood he was serious about this and made the gesture of locking her lips and throwing away the key.

The meeting with the representatives was a little boring for Edward and James, as they had no role there. They already knew everything that was being discussed by Maggie and the reps. Edward played with his phone a bit, texting Bella. She was on the other side of the city, reading—or trying to—the offer from the contractor.

**I would rather be there with you X /E**

**To watch me read? That'd be distracting ;) /B**

**I'd love to distract the boss lady /E**

They kept texting throughout the day, both of them eager to find a moment to check their phone. Edward found out that Bella was now wearing less corporate clothes to work and that coworkers had commented on it. He told her that his agent happened to be staying at the Park Plaza, and that they would be over for lunch. Bella replied that she had to go out for a lunch meeting and wouldn't be back until later in the afternoon.

During dinner at James' place, Edward told Maggie about Bella. Maggie was well aware of Edward's past. They had met through Carlisle, when The New Moons had fallen apart and Edward had been sober for the first time. She'd seen him fall back, climb out, and fall back again, until he reached a point where it was now or never.

"She just..._gets_ me, you know? She knows what I've been through, she was there. I feel like I've apologized a thousand times and it will never be enough and she's still not running away." Edward ran a hand through his hair absently, staring off while his words hung in the room.

"You've fallen hard, I can see that," Maggie said thoughtfully.

"But?" he questioned. She looked at him intently.

"Do you think she'll be able to keep up with you? The type of life you have?"

Edward considered this for a moment.

"I don't know," he said, with a shrug. "I haven't thought that far ahead. We've had so many things to talk about. I think it's too early to talk about the future."

"Don't get me wrong, I think it's good that you're taking this one day at a time. But, perhaps you can introduce her to our world a little. Take her to the introduction dinner," Maggie said, patting his knee. Edward snorted.

"Aw, Mags. I can't do that to her, that would be too overwhelming."

She shot him another look, and he understood. Maggie was like a watch dog, always protective of him. This was her way of testing Bella. The introduction dinner was partly a press conference, partly an evening for people in the music business to rub elbows. Most of all, it was to put Edward on the spot. They would hand him a replica of his album, take photos, and invite all the important people from the companies involved.

"Okay. I'll ask her," Edward said, after some contemplation. After all, Bella was a boss lady. She was used to obligatory functions and important people acting professionally. It would be interesting to see how she carried herself and hear what she thought about all that nonsense.

He got the chance to ask her a few days later, when they were having Chinese in her office. Bella had sent a text to Edward, complaining - whining, really - about how awfully long and busy her day was. She hadn't eaten anything since lunch, and it was nearly seven when he'd gotten her text. He'd just been wrapping up the rehearsal and had showed up with food a short while later.

"So, it will be like, they give you this CD, which is fake. They take pictures of you with the important people and the fake CD. They get to ask you some preapproved questions, which you answer with preset answers, and then the press leaves and you have dinner with the suits?"

Edward nodded and laughed. "That's an excellent recap. What do you think?"

Bella grimaced, wrinkling her nose. "I don't want my picture in the papers."

"We can easily avoid that. It's bound to happen sometime, though."

"You think so? You haven't had any photographers following you around here."

Bella set her almost-empty box of food down on the table and scooted closer to Edward. He was slouched on the couch, socked feet propped up on the table. He was back in his old, black jeans, ratty t-shirt and leather jacket, and he hadn't shaved in a couple of days. She thought he looked really sexy. Her hand wandered over his thigh.

"They don't know that something's going on. They will know after that evening. I haven't been very interesting to them since I got sober," he said and snorted. His eyes followed her hand, her fingernails gently scratching over his jeans. He watched with his lips slightly parted, how one finger slid over the hole in the fabric, touching his skin.

Edward turned his body toward her, effectively trapping her hand between his thighs. Their faces were now close and he licked his lips, looking at her mouth, and back up at her eyes when she smiled. He leaned in for a kiss, but he kept it chaste and slow. Bella turned to him, her tongue peeking out to tease his lips. Without letting go of her mouth, Edward shrugged out of his jacket and let it slide to the floor. Their kiss grew deeper, and he moved closer to her.

Bella's heart raced when her hands reached out and grabbed his shirt, pulling him with her as she lay down on the couch. They fumbled to get comfortable, limbs tangling, but the kiss never broke. Tongues lapped at each other in a slow, sensual rhythm. Her hands moved over his waist, to his back, and slipped under his shirt. His skin prickled where she touched him, moving her hands higher, up to his shoulder blades and back down to the small of his back.

Her innocent touches made all the blood in his body rush south. It took a lot of strength to keep his touches gentle and not buck into her wildly. He swiveled his hips slowly, his hardening length against her inner thigh. Bella pushed the shirt all the way up to his neck and ran her hands down his back again, pressing her fingers into his inked skin. He was warm and smooth, and she felt his muscles rippling just under the surface.

Edward broke the kiss, breathless, panting against her lips.

"Baby," he breathed. He couldn't say anything more, his head was spinning from the sensation of her touching him.

"Take it off," she whispered, pulling at his shirt. Edward pushed himself up, sitting on his knees between her legs and got rid of the shirt. He stayed there for a moment, watching her watch him. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyelids heavy, as her eyes traveled from his face down over his body. Most of his left arm was tattooed, his right upper arm, both shoulder blades and the upper part of his back. Before he could move back over her, she also sat up on her knees and shuffled closer. Her hands caressed his chest. He wasn't buff or sculpted, though his pecs and abs were well-defined. He worked out more for mental purposes than anything else, but all of a sudden, he was eternally glad for it. He felt small under her scrutinizing gaze, then proud when she smiled up at him.

Bella's hands wandered over his pecs, lightly skimming his nipples. At his sharp intake of breath, she did it again, rubbing her thumbs over them. Edward bit his lip, looking down at her hands. When she pushed him, he lowered himself to lie down on the couch. Bella straddled him, sitting on his thighs, her hands stroking up and down. There was a light smattering of hair everywhere, but the trail leading into his jeans seemed to be calling out to her. She ran a single finger down from his navel to the edge of his jeans. It made him shiver.

As she rose up on her knees again to lean over him, placing her hands beside his head, Edward swallowed. He hoped she wouldn't straddle him..._there_ - where he most wanted her to. He wanted it, but he didn't. He was...conflicted. Delicious torture was almost becoming too much.

"Is this okay? Are you...uncomfortable?" she asked softly. He did look a little pained, or strained. His hands gently rubbed her knees through her slacks. He chuckled shyly.

"I'm okay, just a little...nervous."

Bella bent down to kiss him. Soft, sweet kisses on his lips, his stubbly cheeks, his chin.

"I make you nervous?" she asked, her lips under his ear. He groaned. She kept kissing him, down to his neck and throat. He squirmed underneath her. His hands itched, restlessly rubbing just above her knees. She pulled her face away from his neck to look at him.

"I'm a little out of depth here, too," he whispered. Their faces were close, their breath mingling between them. She raised an eyebrow in question. He nervously rubbed his clammy hands up and down her thighs, chuckling.

"Right now, I'm trying really hard to control myself - to let you set the pace. And, at the same time..." He sighed, closing his eyes. His cheeks flushed warmly. "I haven't been with a woman since I've been sober. I can't remember the last time...sober."

He still kept his eyes closed, ashamed by his admission. He cursed his past actions for continuously interfering with his life, _their_ life. His lips were a hard line until she kissed them.

"I'm glad," she whispered between kisses. He opened his eyes to find hers gazing at him. "That I'm not alone in that."

With that, she lowered her hips and pressed her body on his from head to toe, her legs stretching out. What he'd feared happened: his cock jerked at the contact, growing quickly. Bella licked his lips, coaxing his tongue to come out and play with hers. Her body on his was incredibly soft and warm, enticing him as she shifted over him, creating much-craved friction between them.

Edward's head nearly exploded. With her honest words and her kisses, her body invaded all his senses at the same time. His hands slowly crept up her thighs and to her ass, tightly packed inside her slacks. She moaned softly into his mouth when he cupped her cheeks in his hands, kneading ever so gently.

"I worry constantly that you'll want more than I can give, and that I disappoint you," she said breathlessly, her forehead against his.

"I don't want you to worry," he said, one hand coming up to touch her face.

"I can say that right back," she smiled at him. "It makes me feel less stupid," she said, with a laugh.

"We can be stupid together."

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. They stayed like that for a while, just hugging on the couch, content in each other's company.

* * *

**A/N: They are pretty cute together, aren't they :) I hope you liked the chapter. Thanks for your reviews and well-wishes! This flu was a horrible one and it crept up slowly. On Monday I thought it would only last a day, but on Tuesday and Wednesday I was completely out of it. **

**If some of you voted for my story Inordinate Passion on TwiFanfictionRecs, thank you so much! I didn't make the top-10, and I have no idea how many votes I got, but it was incredibly flattering to be in that list ;)**

**Thanks once again to maggiejmasen and mauigirl60, who make my chapters prettier and continue to encourage me with their enthusiasm. **


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46**

**Friday, September 30, 2011**

There was a bustle of activity going on at Ambiance, a hip and happening restaurant and club on the edge of the city center. Bella arrived at the back entrance as per James' directions. The doorman at the parking lot found her name on the list and let her in. While she parked, James was already waiting for her at the door.

"I'm so glad you're here," he muttered, surprising her with a hug.

"Something wrong?" she asked him worriedly, patting his back as he held her tightly. His face was etched with worry when he let her go.

"He's freaking out. A lot more press showed up than they invited, and it seems they are letting everybody in at this point. Also, they're serving alcohol by the gallon." His features turned slightly angry.

"Shit. Where is he?" Bella followed James through a hallway, passing a room filled with people, and into the employees area of the club. He knocked on a white door that said "Dressing room", and it was opened by a tall woman that Bella had never seen before.

"You're Bella?" she asked sharply, as she sized her up. "Thank heavens," she mumbled when Bella nodded, and pulled her inside. "You have fifteen minutes." She waved her finger for good measure, stepping into the hallway.

Before she had a chance to say anything or even look around, Edward was hugging her hard.

"Finally," he breathed. His voice sounded pained and desperate. She hugged him back with all she had.

"Edward, baby, what's wrong?" She ruffled his hair with one hand, the other rubbing his back. He was shaking.

"I can't do this. I can't. It's too much," he whispered over her shoulder.

"Oh, baby. It's going to be okay, really. I'm here, and I know you can do it." She rocked him gently, whispering encouragements to him. His iron grip on her didn't loosen, but he'd stopped shaking.

"Sweetie, let's sit down. Edward? Come." She unwound their hug reluctantly and pulled him to a small couch on the other side of the room. She kicked off her shoes and tucked her feet under her on the couch, her arms around him and his head against her chest. He was breathing harshly and still hadn't looked at her. Her heart clenched painfully when she heard a soft sob. After a moment longer, she moved to take his face in her hands, wiping at his tears.

"Open your eyes. Look at me, baby. Please?"

Fresh tears spilled over when he did. "I can't. I can't," he whispered and shook his head in her hands.

"You can't, what?"

"Too many people, and...they're drinking. And smoking, and I...I want that. I want a drink. I can't calm down. I'm so...so fucking tight. Something's gotta give. I'll fuck it up. I-I-"

"Edward."

"I love you, baby. Don't leave. Please, stay with me," he pleaded, and it hurt her to see him like this.

Bella let go of him and took her purse from the floor. Rooting around, she came up with a pack of tissues and started dabbing at his face. He let her, in silence, his eyes darting over hers. The tissues came away stained with a hint of foundation on it, his face now pale and blotchy. He took a breath as if to say something, but she silenced him with a kiss.

"What brought that on?" she asked him softly, stroking his face lightly with her fingers. He took a shaky breath, but didn't speak. He pointed at the coffee table situated between the couch and a love seat. A gossip rag lay open on a page with some photos of him, mostly from years ago. Bella picked up the magazine and skimmed the headlines.

"You read this crap?" she spat and flung it away. "That's not _you_ they're writing about, baby. Seriously, they don't know you. Not like I do. They haven't heard your songs and they're not the people who are going to buy your album. They just want to make a quick buck over you. You know that."

Edward sniffed, looking down at his lap.

"And what was that shit about me leaving? Where did you come up with that?" She looked at him sternly now, using her boss lady voice. Edward shrugged.

A knock on the door startled them. "Five minutes!" James' voice came from the other side. Bella huffed and got up from the couch, stomping to the door in her bare feet.

"James!" she said as she flung it open. "We need more than five minutes. I'll call you."

"But, Bella-"

"No!"

"Everybody's waiting!" he stressed, holding his arms out.

"I don't care! Let them wait!" She shut the door and locked it. When she came back to the couch, Edward still sat there, looking at her with a watery smile. His mouth fell open when she planted herself on his lap, legs sideways on the couch, and cradled his face against her bosom. He hummed, wrapping his arms around her.

"These people mean nothing, Edward. You just have to use them as they use you. You smile and pose, you make a joke. They'll write whatever they want, regardless of what you tell them. In return, people will read about you and get curious. They'll buy your album and come to a concert. It's nothing new to you, is it?"

It was a rhetorical question, but he had an answer.

"I was never sober during this craziness," he admitted softly against her breasts, nudging at them with his nose.

"Hmm. That only means you'll be even better."

"I don't think so."

"I _know_ so."

He turned his head to look up at her, and she smiled at him sweetly. She dropped a little kiss on his lips, and then another one.

"What do you mean?" he asked, as she kept giving him sweet little pecks.

"Because your kisses are a hundred times better when you're sober," she whispered. She felt him grin under her lips.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

It had been almost fifteen minutes since James had knocked on the door, and he'd been pacing the hallway the entire time. They were running late. The crowd of press reps, mingling with the suits from several companies, was getting a little impatient. Even though they should be used to artists being late, he thought with a grimace. He didn't mind telling them that Edward was going to be late. Bella could take her sweet time, as long as she managed to calm him down. He had been freaking out completely, trying to make a bolt for the door, requesting liquor or _something else_, several times.

A moment later, James was put out of his misery. The door opened and revealed a slyly smiling Bella and a refreshed, sheepish-looking Edward. She'd reapplied the foundation on his face and tamed his hair, and he'd changed clothes. James frowned at the black jeans, threadbare t-shirt and leather jacket, but Bella's glare kept him from commenting.

"Ready?" he asked instead. Both nodded. James pressed the call button on his phone. "Maggie? We're ready."

They waited in the hallway while the noise in the other room slowly died down. Someone spoke into a microphone, and on James' cue, they started walking. Bella held Edward's hand tightly, their fingers entwined, until they came to a small stage. She knew she was on display, but she'd stopped caring the moment she'd set foot in that dressing room. She pulled his face toward her for a kiss, and patted his ass when he turned away from her. Cameras clicked and flashed, but their smiles were firmly in place.

Edward entered the makeshift stage, standing in front of a billboard filled with his own pictures. He was greeted, introduced and applauded, and one of the record company's hotshots presented him with the CD. Photos were taken, and then they sat down at a table. Edward quickly told them his rehearsed story about the album and recording in Seattle, thanking the people he worked with. When it was time for questions, Maggie took over and pointed at reporters one after the other. They kept to the rehearsed questions, until one of them shouted over the others.

"Edward, tell us about your girlfriend!"

There was murmuring and snickering all around, and other people joined in.

"You're not sticking to the script, Us Weekly," Edward answered, addressing him according to the logo strapped to his jacket. He kept his smirk firmly in place. It took a lot of effort not to let his eyes sway to the right side of the stage, where Bella was partially hidden from view behind James.

"You know we've seen her! Might as well spill the beans!" the man pressed. Edward shook his head and Maggie continued pointing at other press members.

The question about who "that woman" was came back a few times, but Edward ignored them. He either came back with a smart comment or a simple but resounding "no comment".

* * *

**A/N: Oh dear! Should I have included a tissue-warning at the beginning?! **

**I hope you liked it, even if poor Edward had a really hard time. Good thing he has such an awesome girlfriend to support him ;) **

**Thanks mauigirl60 & maggiejmasen for their beta and pre-reading work, I couldn't do this without them! **


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

From the press conference to dinner, it seemed like they had stepped into a different world. The other room was decorated tastefully, and Edward was relieved there were no giant-sized pictures of himself to look at. There were several round tables dotted throughout the room and the seating was open. Maggie quickly secured the smallest one, seating Edward, Bella, James and herself, nonchalantly discarding the fifth chair. There was a large buffet arrangement on their side of the room, and she ushered Bella to fill up two plates for her and Edward as quickly as possible, and start eating.

Bella was a little perturbed by this large, loud woman who thought she was calling all the shots, but did as she was told. _Told_, not asked. Edward smiled gratefully at her when she brought him his plate. He was surrounded by suits. He was polite and sociable, but there was a gleam in his eyes that told her he wasn't comfortable at all. She mused for a moment at how well she was able to read him. She seemed to know how he felt, as if it were instinct. When the conversation half-died, but the three men didn't leave, she butted in.

"Honey, you should really eat something," she said to him sweetly, sending the suits an apologetic smile. They excused themselves, clapped Edward on the shoulder and one of them even winked at her. She shuddered when he turned around.

"My God, what a bunch of ignorant bastards," Bella muttered under her breath. Maggie snickered.

"What _she_ said," Maggie said with a wink. Bella smiled back at her. Maybe she wasn't so bad, after all, though Bella kept an eye on her. She was awfully touchy with Edward, and that flared something inside her...something unfamiliar and unpleasant.

They managed to spend an hour at the dinner, eating only half of what was on their plates. Edward was constantly interrupted by people who wanted to greet him. Bella ran into two familiar faces, directors who didn't live in the city and sometimes stayed at the Park Plaza when they were there for business.

"Not exactly what you expected when you talk about the music industry, eh?" James said beside her. He laughed at the face she made.

"They all look incredibly boring," Bella whispered.

"Believe me, they are," James replied in a conspiratorial tone, leaning over toward her. "They're good at doing business, sealing deals, or whatever it is they do." He shrugged. "I think the only people really involved in the creative side of music are at this table."

"Yeah? Maggie, too?" Bella lowered her voice some more.

"Yeah. She used to be a songwriter before she became a manager and agent. She understands us better than those...bozos."

Bella contemplated that for a moment, until Edward's hand on hers made her look up.

"Hey. Sorry about all that." He looked apologetic and nervous. She took his hand in hers, entwining their fingers.

"Don't worry about it." She smiled at him, and a grin broke his sour face.

Bella's smile fell when Maggie's loud voice broke their moment.

"So, Bella. What do you think of all this?"

Bella chewed on a bite of cucumber salad before answering. "My diplomatic answer would be that it's been organized very well. The location is perfect. Edward nailed the press conference," she summed it up dryly, pausing for the dramatic effect. "My personal, more honest opinion is that this is all a bunch of nonsense and most of the people here have no idea what it's all about."

The others at the table snickered and Bella shot James an amused look.

"I think that's a very realistic observation. What do you think it's all about, then?" Maggie continued to probe. Bella started to feel like she was being interviewed by one of those bloodhounds she'd seen earlier.

"What it comes down to is that Edward wrote a bunch of amazing songs and everybody should listen to them. I understand that the press might help with that, you know, to spread the word. But why have this dinner? So that all _those_ people," she motioned with her head at the suits behind them, "can rub elbows with a famous guy and feel really important?" She ended it with a shrug.

Maggie smiled widely and bumped her shoulder against Edward's, but didn't comment.

After an hour of trying to get some food while constantly being interrupted, Maggie gave them all the sign that they had done their duty and it was okay to leave. She stayed for some networking.

"Come back to my place? Stay the night?" Edward whispered in Bella's ear when they followed James back to the dressing room. He had his arm around her shoulders and held on to her, as if he was afraid she would make a run for it. He dropped kisses to her temple, cheek, nose, the side of her ear, and her neck, until she squirmed and giggled, pushing him away.

"Please?" He turned his puppy dog look on her, full force, and Bella's resistance quickly melted.

"Stay the night?" she repeated. He let go of her and looked at the floor, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Just to sleep. I'll take the couch." He smiled shyly, his face flushed. "I mean, I didn't say that to...you know. I just…I want you close."

Bella fiddled with the zipper on his jacket, not daring to look at him.

"I...I think I'd like that. Just sleeping." Her eyes met his shortly.

James and Edward gathered their things from the dressing room while Bella went to drive her car right up to the back exit of the building. As they expected, there were no photographers hanging around anymore, but there was a small group of fans waiting at the gate. They were calm and quietly chatting to the guards. Bella was slightly amused when Edward appeared, wearing a cap and sunglasses.

"Is that your brilliant disguise?" she asked, as he fastened his seatbelt. He smirked at her.

"Not really. But I don't want them to get pictures of my crappy hair, or walk around with flash eyes."

"The glasses are for the flashes?"

"Either that or it hides the bags under your eyes," Edward said with a shrug. "There aren't so many now, but when it's a big group, they can blind the shit out of you. You'll end up seeing flashes for the rest of the night," he explained.

Bella leaned over and rooted around in the glove compartment of her car until she found an old pair of aviator sunglasses. They used to be Charlie's, that's how old they were. She liked to use them for driving because they were so big that sharp sunlight wouldn't get past them. Now it was Edward's turn to chuckle.

"Oh, man, those are awesome! They eat up half your face, but they are cool."

Bella grinned. They had reached the barrier now and were following James out. The guard motioned for her to keep going. The fans got a little louder, jumping up and down excitedly. Cameras flashed, people waved and called Edward's name. He smiled at them and waved back. It was over in a matter of seconds. Bella exhaled audibly and tossed the sunglasses on the dashboard.

"Phew, we got out of that alive," she said, eying the fans behind them through her rearview mirror.

"Better not joke about that, baby. You'll regret it when we get hounded one day," Edward said, with a chuckle. He leaned back in his chair and blew out a breath.

Bella was looking at him with her mouth open when he started snoring softly, not a minute later. He had to be completely exhausted after all the stress this day caused him. The drive to his place was short, even though she drove slowly to give him some more nap time. She sat in her parked car for a few minutes, watching him. His face was turned her way, his mouth a bit open. He looked peaceful and cute.

She leaned forward and kissed his lips softly. It took three pecks to wake him up. He smacked his lips and kissed her back. Only when she giggled out loud, did he open his eyes.

"Aw, shit," he mumbled, turning away. "I was so far away, man. I'm sorry," he said, rubbing his eyes.

"It's fine, sweetie. You're tired."

"I didn't know it was that bad. I didn't drool did I?" Edward patted his cheek.

"No, you looked really cute," Bella said, laughing. It earned her a sexy, sleepy grin from her boyfriend.

Edward draped his arm casually over her shoulders as they walked up to his apartment. Once inside, he stopped her in the hallway for a sweet kiss and a hug.

"BB, promise me you will ignore the enormous mess I made everywhere?" he asked, his arms around her. One of his hands was rubbing up and down her back, and it helped to calm Bella's nerves a bit.

"Did you wreck the place?" She spoke with her face hidden against his shoulder.

"Pretty much," Edward snorted. "I was busy, and stressing out. Just...step over things, push things out of the way, whatever. Okay?" He broke the hug to look at her. Bella held a hand over her eyes, peeking through her fingers.

Coming into the living room, Bella saw that Edward hadn't been kidding—it was a mess all right. There were several guitars lying around, pieces of paper, clothes draped over furniture and unopened mail. The kitchen wasn't as bad, though. He had at least filled and emptied the dishwasher.

Edward started to heat up water for tea, while Bella cleared the couch of a guitar, a laptop and numerous pieces of paper before sitting down.

"Do you mind if I take a shower real quick? I'm feeling icky," Edward asked, coming back with only one mug of tea. "Or, maybe you want to join me?" he added with a hot smirk. Bella smirked back and raised one eyebrow, making him laugh.

"Okay, some other time then." He left the room with a wink.

* * *

**A/N: Soooo...Edward got back to being his adorable self, **_**and**_** asked his girlfriend to stay the night. Just to sleep, and he'll take the couch. Right?**

**I have an important question to you guys, my lovely readers! As I've said before, this story isn't finished yet. At the moment I'm writing chapter 53 and I'm not sure how many more I'll need to wrap it up. Before I write **_**"The End"**_**, I want to make sure that I've answered any questions that you might have. So, I want to ask you too think about what you would like to see happen, or have explained (past, future or otherwise), that hasn't been dealt with yet. It might already be written, or I might use your input for the chapters I still have to write. You can let me know in a review or a PM! I'd love to hear from you :) If I can't use your input/question in the story, I will answer it in my A/N when the story is finished. **

**Thanks to my lovely ladies mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen. I've been pretty boring lately, with being sick and busy and not writing a lot new stuff, but I love you LOTS!**


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

When she heard Edward start the water, Bella let out the breath she'd been holding. Her brain came up with all kinds of disturbing images while thinking of joining him in the shower. Some good, some...she shook her head to get rid of those.

She ignored the steaming mug of tea on the table and stood, kicking off her pumps. In the time it took for Edward to shower, Bella had tidied up the room. It wasn't all that bad, and it wasn't dirty or anything—he just hadn't put anything away for a day or two. There were two guitar stands and one case; after some fumbling, she found out which belonged inside the case and how the others fit in their stands. She picked up papers—sheet music, print-outs of lyrics from the new album with notes scribbled inside the margins—and stacked them on the dinner table. The clothes all seemed clean, but smelled like him. It appeared he had changed several times and had just thrown the clothes over the chairs. She folded them, not able to resist bringing a t-shirt up to her nose and sniffing.

When Edward returned, Bella was glad she was sitting on the couch, sipping a fresh cup of tea. He legs would have gotten wobbly at the sight of him, had she been standing. His hair was damp and messy and he was wearing thin, cotton sleep pants and a wife-beater.

He halted halfway across the room, looking around and then back at her.

"Baby, you didn't have to do this," he said, a guilty look on his face.

"Never mind. I was just keeping busy," Bella said, with a shrug. She patted the couch beside her. "I made tea for you."

There was no reason for her to be as nervous as she was right then. Her body felt like it was coiled and ready to either escape or attack. Her hands were clammy and shaky, and her ears were whizzing softly. Edward seemed oblivious to her weird state when he plopped down onto the couch beside her. He let out a soft groan and leaned his head back.

Bella swallowed thickly. There was a conflict going on inside of her. Her hands itched to touch him, kiss him, and feel his body against hers but, at the same time, her insecurity kept her from making a move. It frustrated her, because she wanted to follow her instincts and act on the desire she felt to the man sitting so closely beside her. Men always wanted more than women; she knew that. They always tried to take it as far as possible, putting her in a position she didn't want—the one to call the shots and lead the way.

Edward was talking softly as he sipped his tea, but she wasn't really listening.

"_We can be stupid together."_

His words from before echoed in her mind and gave her the tiny push she needed.

"Bella?" His voice shook her from her deep thoughts, and she had to blink to see him clearly. He was leaning in her direction and waving at her, smiling. "Where did you go just now?"

His hand landed lightly on her knee.

"I'm sorry. I was just…thinking," she replied. She put her hand over his, stroking it.

"Hmm. You wanna share your thoughts with me?" he asked sweetly, stroking her hair. Bella looked at her hand, and willed it to move. It felt a bit shaky, and she hoped he didn't notice, but her hand moved. Over his arm, the hair tickling her palm; up to his bicep, where she paused to squeeze it; lightly over his shoulder, making him shiver; only to end up at his neck. She pulled him closer until their lips finally met.

He kissed her as he always did; slowly and carefully. Bella wanted more and quickened the pace of the kiss by pushing her tongue into his mouth and wrapping her arm around his neck. He moaned softly in approval, quickly following her lead. He leaned into her, and she leaned back, shuffling her body underneath him. She pulled him down, both arms now around his neck. Edward groaned into her mouth when his hips landed between her thighs. His kisses became sloppier, more hurried, as his lower body jerked against her. Bella was caught in a whirlwind of sensations. His scent enveloped her, the fresh body wash mixed with his own. His hands seemed to be everywhere at once, his weight was pushing her into the couch and his hips…his hips were rolling his quickly hardening length against her.

Edward broke the kiss with a gasp, pulling air into his lungs. He nuzzled her neck, pressing his nose into her hair to breathe her in.

"Shit, baby," he moaned close to her ear. "Was this what you were thinking?" He kissed from her ear down over her neck to her shoulder. She buried one hand into his hair, the other scratching over his back.

"Yes," she whispered.

Edward had stopped moving his hips and put everything he had into kissing her neck and throat, eliciting small sounds from her. Bella lifted her hips up, rubbing herself against him. His mouth came back to hers, hot and panting, and they moved frantically against each other. Edward held one hand on her hip, squeezing her flesh as he thrust, the other inching between them to touch her breast. Bella arched her back, wanting more still. He massaged her through her clothes, as gently as he could.

When her hands let him go, he broke the kiss to look at her. Her fingers shakily started undoing the buttons on her blouse, revealing a tiny white tank top, her bosom heaving under it. A light pink bra was visible through the thin fabric. He placed one hand over hers, stopping her movement, and bent down to kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear.

"What are you doing?"

"I-I want..." her hands fumbled under his, pulling fabric out of the way. She pressed her breast into his hand. Her nipple pebbled under his thumb as he rubbed it. He pushed at the bra some more, trying to free the twin, but it wouldn't budge.

"Take it off," Bella whispered and lifted her hands over her head. Edward took in her face—cheeks pink, eyes hooded, lips open and wet—and pulled first the blouse, then the tank over her head. The bra was tightly fitted over her breasts, with the tops of them spilling out. He just stared. When he didn't move, Bella struggled to reach behind her to undo the clasp. The fabric was soon replaced by Edward's warm hands.

His hands were large, enveloping her flesh completely, the fingertips of his left hand slightly calloused from playing the guitar. He moved his body lower and kissed her stomach, making her muscles flutter. His kisses slowly ascended to where his hands were. They looked at each other, and Edward flicked out his tongue to taste the skin between her breasts.

"Can I-"

"Yes."

His lips followed his fingers until he closed them around one nipple. Bella's breathing stopped as she concentrated on the feeling and the sight before her. He kissed, and nibbled, and then sucked. Bella arched her back and wrapped a leg around his waist, pushing her pelvis up against him.

Edward couldn't keep his eyes off of her, fascinated with every small reaction. When he moved to the other breast, she leaned back and closed her eyes, waiting for his touch, craving it. Her skin was smooth and warm, with occasional goose bumps, and very responsive. Every tiny caress brought a response from her. He could do this forever and never get tired of it.

After working both nipples to where they were painfully hard, Edward kissed his way up her neck to kiss her lips. Bella answered the kiss greedily, panting into his mouth and pulling him closer. She pulled at his shirt, and they broke the kiss shortly so he could get rid of it. The softness of her chest against his made him shiver.

His hips were back between her thighs, his cock rubbing against her through too many layers of clothing. He felt her warmth through all of them. He leaned away slightly to give his hand access, and rubbed his knuckles over the seam of her pants on the inside of her thigh. She lifted her hips, answering his touch. He followed the seam down to the very center, where the fabric was warm and damp.

Bella gasped, breaking their kiss.

"Baby...this okay? How does it feel?" Edward panted against her lips, almost unable to form complete sentences. His mind was caught in a thick fog of love and lust.

"Yes...oh..." Bella wanted to say something, anything, but another rub of his finger had her moaning. She pushed back into him for more. She was swollen and sensitive.

When his fingers stopped, she kissed him again, slower and more sensually this time. She pulled at his lower lip with her teeth. The button on her pants flipped open between his fingers. Her eyes opened when he lowered her zipper.

"Let me make you feel good, baby," he whispered between kisses. "Let me try." He stroked her stomach and along the top her panties.

"Okay," Bella choked out. She wasn't sure if it was really _okay_. Part of her wanted to stop here, because she was sure it would get awkward really soon. Another part of her wanted to let him try, wanted to give him that. She mentally slapped her forehead at that thought—that was exactly where she went wrong. Every. Single. Time. She wasn't supposed to be doing this for him, but for _herself_.

The rest of her was just...overcome by lust.

"Wanna come to the bedroom? It will be a lot more comfortable." Bella frowned, and he remembered their elaborate texting on the details of their baby steps. He stroked her hair as he explained.

"We can lie down and cuddle. I want to touch you, see if it feels good for you."

"A-and then?"

"Then, we sleep," he said with a smile, silently apologizing to his dick. After a moment of quiet contemplation and more staring into each other's eyes, Bella gave a short nod and accepted the hand he held out.

* * *

**A/N: **_**Oh my!**_** - As George Takei would say. It seems quite fitting here ;) If you don't know who he is, look for him on Facebook. He's hilarious. A wonderful actor, and now, well into his seventies, an Internet phenomenon.**

**I hope you liked this chapter! Don't kill me for cutting it here :P**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed and posted their suggestions and questions. It seems most of you want to see Jasper/Emmett/Jessica or know what happened to them and Carlisle. Some very interesting thoughts were shared. I'm collecting everything and I'll see where it leads me in terms of inspiration. Some things have already been taken care of in the written chapters :) **

**Big, sloppy kisses to my awesome ladies mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen!**


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49**

Edward took her by the hand, leading her to his bedroom in near-darkness. He flicked on the small bedside lamp and turned around to see Bella, standing with her arms crossed in front of her naked chest. She looked around the room, where it seemed a bomb had exploded—a clothes-and-toiletries-bomb...and she giggled.

"Edward Masen, you're a slob," she stated, a hand half-covering her mouth. He grinned at her.

"Well, at least you can see that I didn't have some smooth plan to lure you in here."

He climbed onto the bed, patting the empty spot beside him. Bella looked at her feet, bit her lip and shook her head, as if that would help to get rid of the distracting thoughts. Under Edward's burning stare, she pushed her tight pants down her legs until she could step out of them. She was under the covers far too soon for Edward's liking.

"I bet this awkwardness wasn't in the dream you had," Bella mumbled, not looking at him.

"This is way better than _any_ of them," he replied, with a chuckle. He scooted closer to her, his mouth to her ear and a hand on her cheek. He gently turned her face to him and kissed her, keeping it slow and sweet even though there was an urgent restlessness in his body.

The kissing relaxed her, and Edward began lowering his hand. She sighed into his mouth, her legs moving under the sheets. She couldn't keep still with all the nervous anxiety coursing through her veins.

Edward pulled one leg up and over hers, trapping it effectively between his and giving his hand room to move. His fingers pushed her panties down while he kept on kissing her, although he was a little less concentrated on that than he was before. The wetness he encountered on her soft lips made him groan.

"So wet," he whispered between kisses.

His fingers explored her further, finding that everything was slick and warm. He moved as close to her as he could, slipping his other arm under her head, his dick pressed against her thigh.

"Fuck, baby. You feel so good." He'd been trying to keep the dirty talk to a minimum, because he worried that it would embarrass her, but now he was unable to stop the words from tumbling out. His fingers easily slipped to her entrance, and inside a mere inch.

Edward moved his mouth to her chest, pushing the comforter out of the way. He kissed and licked her nipples while trying to find out how she liked to be touched. She rarely made a sound, so he went with the changes in her breathing. "Poking inside her" as she'd called it before, didn't seem to be doing the trick. She was more responsive when he focused his attention on her clit, so he stayed there. There was a tiny movement he made with a finger on each side of it that made her gasp. He felt her hand go into his hair and grab it.

Bella was at war with herself. She wanted to like what he was doing so badly. In the beginning, that was all she had been focusing on. _Do I feel something? Is it good? Will I come?_ At some point, something _did_ feel good. She opened her eyes widely, staring up at the ceiling as she held onto Edward.

"Don't think too much, baby." His voice was rough against her neck. Her answer was a moan. He kept up his movements in exactly the same way, and something changed in her body. She seemed to grit her teeth, her breath coming out in short puffs. Her free hand suddenly grabbed his wrist and stilled him. She undulated her hips, moving against his hand instead.

"That's it, let it go," he whispered.

A soft mewling left her mouth, her legs went rigid, and she shook with the intensity of her orgasm. Edward moved with her, letting her ride it out, watching her.

When her body went slack, he released his hand from her strong grip, gathering her into his arms. She was trembling and panting, and a second later, sniffling. Tears fell and moistened the crook of his neck. Edward felt panic well up inside his throat, afraid that he'd said or done something wrong, or that she regretted what had happened. She shuffled closer against him, pressing her face into his neck. He didn't think she would've done that if _he_ had done something wrong. He stayed silent, just holding her closely.

After a while, Bella stopped crying and settled more comfortably into his arms. When Edward felt he was about to doze off, he carefully untangled their limbs and rooted around in the drawer under the bed for an extra blanket.

Two fingers hooked into the waistband of his pajama pants and pulled. He turned his head with a grin and saw a sleepily smiling Bella.

"You sneaking out?" she whispered.

"Just to the couch," he replied, leaning forward to kiss her nose. Her hand had a firm hold on his waist.

"Stay," she said softly, her eyes closing again. She squeezed his side when he hadn't moved fast enough to her liking, and he complied. He shut off the bedside lamp and slid between the covers beside her.

"How are you feeling?" he whispered into her hair. They were both on their sides, her head tucked under his chin.

"Exhausted," Bella replied with a chuckle. She turned her head to look up at him. "I'm sorry about the drama. It was just...I was overwhelmed."

Edward wound his arm around her under the comforter and pulled her closer. He kissed her lips.

"You were amazing," he whispered. More kisses. "And beautiful." He licked her bottom lip. "Tantalizing." Bella sighed and nipped at his tongue.

"Thank you," she whispered. Edward let out a raw chuckle.

"It was my pleasure."

"Your patience really helped."

Their lips were still connected as slow nips and licks were exchanged. It was a different kind of kiss, with a sensuality to it that was new to them. Edward felt his heartbeat quicken and then gently broke the kiss.

"I don't want to stop, but we'd better get some sleep," he said, his forehead against hers. Her felt her nod. He turned to his back and pulled her with him, her head resting against his chest. Sleep found him with a huge smile on his face.

* * *

**A/N: Awww, that was cute, wasn't it? Does this count as the first real lemon in this story? I'd like to think so. **

**Oh man, chapter 49! I'm still so excited to share this story with you! It's intensely satisfying to see notifications of followers and reviews, thank you all so much for sticking around and following this story. I'm getting closer to the point where I'm out of chapters to post, but I hope to be able to keep up my writing and not keep you waiting. If it does happen, please know that this story has my heart and and I won't abandon it or leave it on hiatus. **

**Thanks maggiejmasen and mauigirl60 for their help XO**


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50**

Edward couldn't keep the grin off his face while he worked in the kitchen, humming softly. He felt like the cat that got the canary —even if that metaphor didn't fit, it didn't matter.

Waking up next to Bella had been pure bliss and damned hard. Really, _really_ hard. He'd woken up with his front to Bella's back, one knee snuggled between her thighs and his morning wood against her soft butt. Everything was warm and hot and a bit sweaty, and the moment he'd felt her body awaken, it got even worse. She'd stretched out, pressing herself more firmly into him. His hips had jerked forward of their own accord, his arm snaking under and around her, pulling her as close as possible.

His cheeks got warm as he thought back on that moment. He'd been a little embarrassed and a lot turned on, but her sleepy smile was the best thing he'd ever seen. They cuddled a bit, until Bella wanted to take a shower. She was still in there now, as he could hear the water running. After relieving himself and quickly freshening up in the guest bathroom, Edward hurried to the kitchen to have breakfast ready before his girl came out. He was making scrambled eggs, toast, and bacon. He wasn't sure what she'd like, but he figured that he couldn't go wrong with the classics.

"Your shower is amazing," Bella said, when she entered the kitchen. She'd had a hard time getting out of the rainfall ceiling shower with massaging jets and water coming at her from all angles. Edward grinned and set a plate for her on the kitchen table.

"I know. It goes neck-and-neck with the jacuzzi," he said, with a wink. Bella's eyes trailed off to the terrace. The door was ajar and a nice breeze was coming through the kitchen.

"I'd forgotten about that one! Is it nice?"

"You've never tried one? It's lovely, but I've been hoping to try it out with cooler weather." Edward put the platters of food onto the table. "Maybe you can join me sometime?" he asked, his face close to hers, pursing his lips in question for a kiss. She answered it promptly.

"Maybe I will," she said, with a teasing smirk and a shrug of her shoulder.

After a lovely breakfast and a sickeningly sweet goodbye—kissing and hugging and snuggling and not being able to stop—Bella was on her way home. The grin was permanent now. She was sure she'd slept with it and that it had etched itself onto her face overnight. She went home to change and pick up some sets of clothes for her office. She always kept something in her bathroom just in case. At the office, she went through her mail and e-mails. She found that Laurent had taken care of everything she'd left him the day before, and more. She'd left early because of Edward's event. She hated to leave loose ends at work, even though she knew Laurent could handle them. He had only proven that yet again.

After answering some e-mails and putting her clothes away, Bella made her rounds through the hotel. She hadn't been able to do that the day before, but Laurent must've done it. Everything looked perfect, not a single flower out of place.

As she went through her day, Bella's thoughts kept going back to Edward. She didn't know what his day looked like and she texted him about it while she was grocery shopping. It took a while for him to reply.

**I e-mailed my schedule. Let's plan our next date :) x /E**

His day consisted of lunch with his agents and James, an interview with a music magazine, practice with the band, and dinner with the team who were organizing his release party. It was planned on Saturday the fifteenth, at the Park Plaza. Bella was meeting that same team in her office on Monday. She switched the screens between his schedule and her calendar several times.

**This week looks bad. Lunch Thursday? /B**

**Ok. Next week I have Wednesday open? /E**

**Dinner my place? Album party on Saturday! /B**

Bella's phone stayed silent for a long time, until later that evening when she was watching a movie. Edward had texted if she was still awake, and she quickly called him.

"Miss me already?" she cooed into the phone when he picked up.

"I do, BB. You haven't gone to bed yet?"

"Nah. Just watching a movie. You? On your way home?"

"Just got in. I couldn't text earlier, too crowded. A lot of people approached me tonight. I have to lay low now. Can we do lunch in your office?"

He didn't sound particularly bothered about it, just practical.

"Sure, no problem. I'll order from the kitchen. Was it bad?"

"No, it was fine really. Just some fans, no press or anything." She could tell by the tone of his voice that he was shrugging. "Oh, and there's something I wanted to tell you. It's about the release party."

"Okay. Not something for the meeting on Monday?"

"Uhm, no. It's more...personal."

Bella frowned and sat up straighter on the couch. "What does that mean?"

"It means that some familiar faces are going to be at the party. I just got the first version of the guest list. Emmett, Jasper and Esme Cullen have all confirmed."

"Oh..." Bella breathed.

"Yeah. So, you're going to meet them. Well, you don't have to. If you don't want to, you could just…I don't know, stay backstage or-"

"No, it's fine," she interrupted him.

"Are you sure? I invited them before you...well, before _we_..."

"I get it, baby." Bella squared her shoulders and sighed deeply. "I have to face it sometime. My past, I mean. _Our_ past. It will be good for me."

Edward paced his living room. Her words made sense.

"I think you're right. I guess it will be awkward at first, but I'll be there with you. I'll ask them to come early and we can meet with them backstage before the performance, okay?"

"Yes, okay. That's...that would be good. Esme, she's Carlisle's widow, right?" Bella asked.

"Yeah. She's a good friend, introduced me to Maggie. I, um, I wrote a song about them." He chuckled nervously. "You wanted to know, right? What was behind the songs."

"Yes! Is it about both of them?" Bella was surprised with this sudden turn in the conversation, but she was eager at the same time.

"Well, sort of. Yes. It's about women, mostly. I thought of these two when I wrote it, but I realized that women are often much smarter than men. You save us, all the time."

"It's 'Trouble'?" Bella asked softly.

"Yeah..."

"Wow." Bella leaned back against the couch. "I love that one. It's...soulful."

"Thank you. It's about the women who've saved me. When I wrote it, I didn't know you would, too," Edward said softly. Bella bit her lip.

"You think so?"

"Yes. I was doing fine, but..." He snorted humorlessly. "The album I'd written was crap, Bella. When I came here and we met...everything changed. I'm not _fine,_ now. I'm _great."_

"You're sweet," she whispered, her throat thick with emotions. She wanted to say more, she felt her whole body move into the phone. _Not over the phone!_

"Well, yeah." Edward huffed a little. "You turn me into a sap."

* * *

**A/N: So...thoughts? Looks like some of you had their requests answered: certain people from E & B's past are coming back ;)**

**Thanks for the great reviews :) I didn't have time to reply to all of them because I was writing like a maniac – which is good, of course, but doesn't leave me much time to do anything else besides work/eat/sleep.**

**Thanks maggiejmasen & mauigirl60 for their help and support!**


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter 51**

**Wednesday, September 12, 2011**

"_Now the wren has gone to roost and the sky is turning gold_

_And like the sky my soul is also turning_

_Turning from the past, at last, and all I've left behind_

_Could it be that I am finally learning?_

_Learning I'm deserving of love and a peaceful heart_

_I won't tear myself apart no more for trying_

_I'm tired of lying to myself, trying to buy what can't be bought_

_It's not living that you're doing if it feels like dying_

_Crying, growing old before your time_

_Crying, growing old before your time"_

Bella sat still as a statue, a couple of feet away from where Edward and a guitarist from his band finished the song. As the sounds of their guitars slowly died, a camera zoomed in on Edward's concentrated face. Just then, he opened his eyes and peeked at her from the side, grinning. She had to bite on her bottom lip to not giggle out loud.

Edward turned to the camera.

"That's all for now. I hope you enjoyed it." He gave a short wave and kept his eyes on the camera until the director said, "Okay! That's a wrap!"

The team of two cameramen, a sound technician, a director, a stylist and a makeup artist were seriously crowding Bella's office, and she nearly pushed them all out of the door when they were done. Laurent was there to take them downstairs and to their cars or whichever way they were going.

It was their supposed date-night. It was nearly nine, and Bella was so hungry she couldn't see straight. It made her cranky, and the first thing she did when she closed the door was to press a button on her phone. Edward stood in the middle of the room, hands in his pockets, looking apologetic and helpless.

"It's Bella. Give me Georges." She leaned sideways against the door, one arm wrapped around herself, her knee bouncing. She wore a black dress with several layers of sheer fabric over satin. Her maroon jacket lay discarded on a chair somewhere.

"_Georges,"_ she said in her best French pronunciation. "Your boss is starving. Do you have something to feed her?" She waved her arm dramatically.

Edward hadn't moved, he just watched her and swallowed nervously.

"Great, awesome. I love it. Yes, two. _Merci, mon ami_, I owe you."

She turned to Edward, leaning her back against the door.

"Dinner's coming up. Grilled lamb skewers."

"Oh, that's great!" Edward's face brightened a little bit, but he still didn't move.

"What?" Bella asked as she pushed off the door and took a few steps toward him.

"I'm sorry about...this," Edward said. One hand scratched the back of his head while the other swept around the room to indicate the mess the crew had made. "You're angry, I get that. I'll make it up to you." He looked sad and stricken, eyes on the floor.

"I'm not angry at _you,"_ Bella said softly. Suddenly she was right in front of him, her arms around his waist. She'd kicked off her heels, the top of her head just reaching up to his chin. "I'm sorry. I'm just so hungry, and annoyed that it all had to take so long. I'm not mad at you." She pressed her face against his chest and breathed him in.

"Thank _fuck,"_ Edward whispered under his breath, holding her tight. She lifted her head and kissed his cheek.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," he chuckled. He turned his head to kiss her back.

Most of his beard was back, and it felt a lot better than clean-shaven. He'd trimmed it a bit shorter than before, making it look like a week's worth of growth rather than the caveman look. Bella had gotten used to it and liked it, too. She nuzzled it with her nose and kissed it. Just as their lips met, there was a knock on the door. It was a waiter rolling in a tray with two plates underneath silver domes.

They ate at the small coffee table, Bella sitting cross-legged on the floor and Edward on the couch.

"Oh, did you keep Friday night open?" Edward asked, with his mouth full. Bella nodded. "Good. I planned to meet up with the guys and Esme. Where should we do it?"

Bella's chewing slowed and she looked at him, then down at her plate. She swallowed and took a sip of water.

"If you still want to," he added softly.

"No, I mean, yes…I do. I want to. Um..." she looked around her, as if the room would give her an answer.

"My place?" Edward offered.

"Sure, yeah. What time do you finish practice?"

Once they'd hammered out the details, Edward texted the guys and Esme while Bella typed the times into her calendar, sent herself a reminder and notified Laurent by e-mail that she would have to leave early—again. Edward then lowered himself from the couch to where she sat on the floor and took a strand of her hair between his fingers.

"I wanted to talk to you about something else, too," he started. He looked at her hair rather than into her eyes, as Bella waited patiently for what was coming. She was starting to read his patterns, the way he would act when there was something on his mind. The thing he was thinking about was obviously affecting her, because then he would always need to touch her in some way. If he felt guilty, he wouldn't look at her.

"I'm worried." He glanced at her eyes. "If the album does well, I might have to go on tour."

"You don't want to." It was a statement, not a question. He shook his head and grimaced.

"I was dreading it already, because of the whole atmosphere. I'm not sure if I can handle that happening around me all the time." He let go of her and hung his head. "And now...I don't wanna go because...I wanna be with you." He looked at her from under his lashes. Bella's body filled with warmth and her face split into a grin.

Before he could say anything more, she grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him. He was so stunned that he fell to the side, and soon they were on the floor between the couch and the coffee table, both laughing. Bella pushed the table away and straddled his hips, leaning down to kiss him silly.

"Hmm...baby..." he muttered.

Bella broke the kiss and looked at him. She raked her fingers through his beard and touched his lips with her thumbs.

"What?" Edward asked, amused and puzzled at the same time. She shook her head, giggling and looking away for a moment. When their eyes met again, his heart skipped a beat. There was a seriousness to them, a depth and a warmth that hit him right in the chest. She brought her face so close that their noses were almost touching.

"I love you," she whispered.

* * *

**A/N: OH YES! *high-fives Edward* There, she said it. You like?**

**The song I used is "Old Before Your Time" by – big surprise – Ray Lamontagne. I may have to pay Mr. L. some royalties when he finds out how much I stole from him ;) The title of the song is also the title of Edward's album! You can find the song on the blog: letitbeme2 dot wordpress dot com.**

**Sorry if I didn't get to reply to your review, I read and love every single one! They brighten my days and kick my ass in gear to write more and faster :P **

**Thanks mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen for their great work on my chapters XO**


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter 52**

Edward stared at her, his breath caught in his throat.

"I love you, and I wanna be with you," she whispered.

"Fucking shit!" he whispered loudly. He wrapped his arms around her, pressing her close against his body. "You do?" She nodded furiously. "I love you, too."

Their kisses were sloppy and rushed and they laughed in between them. Edward rolled them over, pushing the coffee table farther away.

"Say it again," he whispered against her neck.

"I love you," she said, her fingers ruffling his hair. He groaned and softly bit her shoulder, making her giggle and squirm.

"Come with me," he said, before latching his lips onto her skin again.

"Tonight?" she asked, surprised. He lifted himself to look into her eyes.

"On tour." He stroked her face with his fingers. She stared at him, wide-eyed. His eyes were shining.

"That's...I-I..." Bella started, but nothing came. "I don't know..."

"Think about it. If you want to stay here, at the hotel, I'll stay with you. I know that this job is your life."

"Isn't touring the same for you as well?"

Edward shook his head. "Not really. Writing songs is more my thing, performing is...stressful. I like it, but not all the shit that goes with it."

They had this conversation between soft kisses and caresses. When Edward pushed his tongue into her mouth, she pushed him away with her hand.

"Wait a minute. Are you saying you won't do the tour if I don't come with you?" Her tone was stern and she wasn't smiling.

"I didn't mean it like that. It's not a given that there will even _be_ a tour, all right? I haven't signed anything yet."

"Are you dreading it?" She saw it in his eyes. There was no gleam there when he spoke of touring, and he frowned. He confirmed it with a short nod.

"If you come with me, I think I could handle it," he mumbled. Then his intense eyes were on hers again, his fingers grasping her chin tightly. "I don't mean to put you on the spot here. I was just thinking out loud. I think it would be fun on the road with you. Without you, it would just be work."

She saw him swallow hard as he stared at her, and his eyes watered.

"You make me strong," he whispered, barely audible. "I just wanna be where you are."

He buried his face in her chest and sobbed. Bella looked at him in shock, tears springing to her own eyes. She hugged him to her and held him for as long as it took to calm him down.

A little while later, she returned to her dark apartment, alone. She was exhausted and confused and stressed out and deliriously happy, all at the same time. It had not been her plan to tell him that she loved him tonight, even though she'd known it for a while. The moment had been perfect though, because it was completely imperfect—it was exactly how they were together. They were human, with flaws and worries and irrational thoughts. What it all came down to at the end of the day was that they completed each other despite all of their imperfections.

**Friday, October 14, 2011**

Bella arrived at Edward's with fifteen minutes to spare. She would've arrived earlier, if she hadn't been fussing over little things at the hotel, and if she hadn't changed her outfit three times; of course, she ended up wearing the jeans she had started out with.

He was waiting for her outside, the door half-closed behind him; he greeted her with a kiss and a tight hug.

"Esme is already here, she was early," he said over her shoulder. Then, sheepishly looking into her eyes, he said, "I'd hoped we'd have some time alone, but well...that has to wait. You ready?"

She had nothing to offer but a short nod, and held his hand as they went inside.

Esme Cullen was a pretty, middle-aged woman with soft features. Her sharp, blue eyes nervously darted from Edward to Bella as she stood up from the couch.

"Bella, it's so nice to meet you. The boys have told me a lot about you," she said, approaching Bella with her hand outstretched.

"Likewise, Mrs. Cullen. Only good things, I hope."

Bella sat down in the chair while Esme took her place on the couch, Edward beside her.

"Please, call me Esme. And don't worry, honey, he only _has_ good things to say about you. I'm so glad you two reconnected."

After the initial awkwardness, Bella slowly got more comfortable as the conversation began flowing about the preparations for tomorrow's party, Edward's new album and the music business. Esme was generous with stories from the past, but made an effort to keep things light, for which Bella was grateful.

All three jumped up when there was a loud pounding at the front door. Edward shook his head and shared a look with Esme.

"Emmett," they said in unison.

Edward stepped out to answer the door, and Esme grabbed Bella's hand the moment he turned his back to them.

"Bella, I'm afraid we won't get much time to talk alone, either tonight or tomorrow. I just wanted to thank you for giving Edward another chance. I haven't seen him this happy in a long time." She offered a shy smile. "Carlisle often came to me for advice on how to handle a group of rowdy boys, so I know a thing or two about what went down. It wasn't easy for anyone involved."

Booming male voices filled the hallway as Edward invited his friends in.

Bella nodded and smiled at Esme, aware of the message she was trying to convey. There was a kindness in this woman that touched Bella, and it made her want to trust Esme even if she hardly knew her. Carlisle hadn't left a great impression, but hearing Esme and Edward talk about him with love and reverence in their voices made her rethink her initial opinion of him.

The living room seemed to shrink with Emmett's arrival. Bella remembered him as the chubby, happy one—while he still looked happy, there was nothing chubby about him. He was a good head taller than Edward and one big chunk of muscle.

"Bella!" Emmett's wide grin hadn't changed much.

She stood shyly, offering her hand. She knew he was more the bear-hug-type of guy, but he took her hand and regarded her for a moment, then kissed the top of her hand lightly. She was momentarily stunned with the gentleness that came from this enormous man.

"It's awesome to see you again. How have you been?" he asked her.

"Good, really good."

"Emmett, don't hog the girl," a soft, smooth voice said. Jasper clapped a hand on Emmett's shoulder and they switched places.

He looked exactly as she remembered, though he'd seemed taller back then. The fans had nicknamed him 'the sexy one', Edward had been 'the romantic', and Riley 'the silent one'. There was still a gleam in his eyes, and paired with his flirty smile, it would have made Bella's skin crawl had this been their first meeting. She smiled at him, pushing her memories of the past to the back of her mind.

"I'm so glad we meet again, Bella." He took her hand and leaned forward to kiss her cheek. He moved slowly and gracefully.

As everyone took a seat, Edward rattled off the options for drinks. Bella followed him into the kitchen and took glasses from the cupboards while he brought bottles of soda from the fridge.

"Nobody drinks alcohol?" Bella wondered out loud when she watched him pour Coke, Sprite and iced tea.

"Jasper's sober, like me. Emmett and Esme drink socially, but not around us."

"I kind of expected them to call me 'Bella beautiful'," she whispered with a sheepish look at Edward, while placing the glasses on a tray. He smirked.

"I gave them specific instructions," he said, with a wink.

* * *

**A/N: So, there it is, and important moment that some of you have been waiting for. I'm sorry if it seems to end a little sudden, but I had to cut somewhere! More on this in the next chapter. **

**This update was a little late and almost didn't make it! I was writing a blog post and got so caught up in that, I didn't realize time was flying by. It's now well past 3 in the morning and I'm wide awake O_o The blog post has something to do with this story, though I didn't post it on that blog. It's on my other blog: inordinatepassion dot wordpress dot com. I was thinking about writing this post for a while, but a negative review triggered me even more. I think some readers have trouble understanding Bella's behavior and her reactions to certain situations. Much of this comes from my own personality, and that makes it harder to deal with negative reactions—I don't say this to complain, because I appreciate every review, and I understand that readers don't know the story behind the story. It just felt really good writing down my thoughts. **

**Thanks to the lovely and awesome mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen for their help XO**


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter 53**

Some time into the evening, Bella went into the kitchen to prepare some snacks. Surprise lit her face when none other than Jasper came to help her plate them up. They chatted as they worked, and Bella found out that Jasper was very passionate about food and loved cooking.

"Look, I know we're not here tonight to bring back bad memories or talk about heavy stuff," he said suddenly. "But, I want to apologize for my behavior. I was a little slimeball back when we'd met, and I'm not proud of it. Thank you for giving me, _us_, another chance."

She looked at him for a moment. He looked nervous but completely sincere.

"Thank you, I appreciate that," she said. "You're right, I'm not ready to talk about...the things that happened."

"That's understandable, I would never push you. It's just that..." He looked back toward the living room. "Ed's important to me. I'd hate to have him feel he has to choose, or something. So, I'm glad you're accepting us."

Edward raised an eyebrow at Bella when she and Jasper returned to the room, wondering what took them so long. She smiled at him shyly, making him feel warm inside. He jerked his head at her, patting the empty spot on the couch beside him. She'd kept a distance between them until now, and he suspected it was because she wasn't comfortable with showing her affection around the others.

Bella didn't hesitate. She was feeling more comfortable now than when the evening had started. She sat down between Esme and Edward carefully, even though the couch easily fit three people. Edward moved more into the corner and turned his body toward hers. He draped an arm over the back of the couch, gently tickling his fingers over her back. She looked back at him, smiling sweetly. His fingers were itching to grab her, but he had to wait.

With every passing hour, Edward found it harder to keep his hands off Bella. She was sitting snugly in his embrace, his hands playing with her hair, as she talked animatedly with Esme. The guys were goofing around, making the women laugh and shake their heads at them. At some point, Jasper started playing a guitar while Emmett sang one of their old songs. He tried to imitate Edward and was so off-key that they had to cover their ears.

When nobody was paying attention, Edward quickly leaned forward and pressed a short kiss to Bella's cheek. She turned to him, bright-eyed and smiling. She saw his eyes turn a little darker and shift to her mouth, his tongue peeking out to lick his lips. It made her blush lightly.

The way he looked at her excited her, and the feeling didn't go away. There was a palpable tension between them. It was as if a current of electricity tickled her fingertips whenever she touched his skin. His eyes kept finding hers, and the hunger in them was unmistakable.

Close to midnight, Edward started hinting at having to get up early and having a long day tomorrow. Esme then bluntly told Jasper and Emmett to leave, as she did the same.

Bella hugged all three of her new friends in the hallway, and Emmett made her giggle by lifting her off her feet.

As soon as the door closed behind them, their voices still within hearing distance, Edward trapped Bella with her back against the door, his hands on either side of her head. His stance didn't scare her this time. She leaned her head against the door and looked up at him.

"Finally," he whispered. He leaned forward, willing himself to be slow and not attack her.

"Finally, what?" she asked, her voice raspy.

"Alone," he said, his lips pressed against hers. A groan erupted from his throat when she pulled him closer by the belt loops on his jeans. He kissed her slowly, always slowly. He was aware that reining in his passion had become second nature, and he had come to like the gentleness. Even though he wanted to ravish her where she stood, he had a newfound appreciation for the slow sensuality that she had forced him into from their very first intimate moment.

His breath caught in his throat and his mouth froze on hers, when he felt her palming the bulge in his jeans. She pressed lightly, then squeezed, as he groaned.

"Baby," he breathed, as he took her wrist and moved her hand away. "Don't torture me," he chuckled into her mouth.

"I don't want to torture you," she said softly. "I want to...return the favor?"

Edward stared at her. "You know I don't expect anything, right?" She nodded and smiled, biting her lip. She looked delicious and naughty. "Don't feel like you have to do something...because I did."

"I don't. I just..." She paused, pulling him into a hug. "I want a redo of that memory I have of us in some dark, cold alley." She pulled back to look into his eyes. "I want us to do it _right_, this time. Does that make sense?"

Edward swallowed, warring with himself. He wanted to agree for the right reasons, not just because his balls were about to turn purple.

"It feels right for you, at this very moment?" he asked in a hoarse voice.

"Yes. Right now."

Bella unwound her arms from around his waist and took his hand, leading him into the bedroom.

"Why now?" he asked. She thought it was kind of funny how their roles suddenly seemed reversed. They stood in the middle of the room, holding hands.

"This evening has brought back many memories, even though we didn't discuss them. I was thinking that...we should make _new_ memories. Better ones. Like your sober kisses." She smiled at him. He leaned forward until their foreheads touched.

"I want to. God, I want to," he breathed, his arousal evident in his tone.

He opened his eyes when he heard the sound of a zipper, as Bella began undressing.

They stripped off their clothes together, Edward down to his boxers and Bella to her tank top, bra, and panties. A giggle escaped her throat as they both stood there, unmoving, unsure and completely awkward.

"So, what's your plan?" he said, daring her.

"Um, let's lie down?"

Side by side in the bed, they stared at each other again.

"I like your tattoos," Bella said softly. Her hand traced the image of a koi fish on Edward's arm. It was very colorful and vibrant, surrounded by water and beautiful flowers. Her eyes followed the path of her hand as she extended the caress to his chest. She pushed herself up on her other arm to kiss him, and soon they were fully in make-out mode. Edward grabbed her ass, his fingers curling into her flesh, and pulled her leg over him, her knee on his erection. He rubbed up and down, moaning into their kiss. When her hand descended over his stomach, he stopped her.

"Baby, would you let me taste you first?" he whispered. She looked back with hooded eyes, confused. "I mean, before you ruin me," he smirked, both shy and sexy at the same time.

"You mean…with your mouth, um..."

"Let me try? If you don't like it, I'll stop."

She contemplated it, her mind playing tricks on her.

"On one condition," she said, holding up a finger.

"Anything," he breathed.

"Give me a minute to wash up."

"Bella..." She silenced him with a finger on his lips.

"I know what you're going to say. But I will feel more comfortable. I'll be right back, okay?"

Edward groaned softly as the bed dipped and Bella darted out of the room. He tried to remember if other women he'd been with had been this adamant about cleanliness, but he couldn't remember anything.

True to her word, Bella was back in a flash. Her heart leapt into her throat when she discarded the last three pieces of her clothing. She wasn't sure if it was from the excitement or nervousness about her naked body, but she ignored all the thoughts swirling inside her mind.

She lay down on her back in the middle of the bed as Edward directed. He started his ministrations at her mouth, kissing her until she was a little more settled. Her breasts got plenty of attention, almost too long for her liking. Now that she had decided to let him do this, she was eager to get it over with—a thought she immediately felt guilty for. The endless teasing of her nipples worked, though, as she felt herself getting wetter and anticipating his touch elsewhere.

Edward shuffled to the end of the bed, sitting on his knees while spreading her legs. He took one foot and kissed the instep, then the ankle, his tongue flicking out. He kissed his way up over her calf, the side of her knee and the inside of her thigh. The warmth of his breath created goose bumps on her skin. Bella lay completely still, her eyes closed, her hands flat on the mattress. He wanted to see her eyes, but decided not to say anything and let her experience this the way she wanted.

He planted her foot on the bed, and moved back to start with the other. He grinned when she huffed softly. Her impatience was a good thing because it meant she wasn't going to stop him any time soon.

Setting the second foot down, Edward now had his mouth close to her mound. He could smell her now, and it electrified his insides. He held her thighs in his hands, pulling her closer and opening her up. He took a moment to look at her, more to ground himself than for anything else. When he'd told her that he hadn't had sex since he'd been sober, he'd been more honest than he'd ever been with anybody. James probably expected his celibacy, but they'd never discussed it. This moment felt very real all of a sudden, and a little scary – like it was his first time.

He felt the tension in her legs, her muscles almost shaking. With a deep breath, Edward leaned in to taste her.

Bella's body quivered when his tongue touched her skin. He started at her entrance, gently licking upward along the inside of her lips. With gentle squeezes to her thighs, he tried to get her to relax.

He was completely enveloped by her—her taste, her smell, and the softness of her body. There was nothing he wanted to do more than this. There was nowhere he'd rather be, than where he was right now...if only she'd relax and enjoy what he was doing. Her body was shaking. If it was from nerves, anticipation, or simply the heavy sexual tension, he wasn't sure.

After some slow swipes over the length of her pussy, he tried a different tactic. He pointed his tongue and traced circles around her clit. He heard her breath catch in her throat. He wasn't sure if she'd been breathing at all since he'd started, but she was panting now. Edward continued with renewed vigor, secretly cheering her on inside his head.

Bella was lost inside herself. Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, pushing and pulling her in all directions, while her body responded solely on instinct. It felt good what he was doing, it was turning her on, and she felt herself swell and throb. She couldn't give in completely, nor could she ignore the pleasure. Her teeth sank into her bottom lip when he pushed one finger into her and retreated it quickly, bringing on a gush of wetness. He then entered two but didn't move them, just kept them in place, pressing upward against her inner wall. It seemed to increase the pressure and the swelling, as if she could feel him that much better.

Without even realizing it, Bella had begun to whimper. Her thighs were shaking thoroughly now. Edward changed his position so that he was stretched out on the bed, his legs dangling off the edge. He pulled at her feet and stretched each of her legs out to the side.

When her hips started rolling into him, Edward couldn't stop the smug grin from curling his lips. Moments later, her breath was coming out in short puffs and her legs closed in on him. Her thighs were on each side of his head, knees pressing against him. He quickened his pace as much as he could, pushing her further and further to the edge. When her orgasm hit, she stopped breathing completely, a mewling sound leaving her throat. He kept lapping at her and rubbing his fingers inside her. Her hips jerked and her back arched off the bed.

* * *

**A/N: Phew...Round one: Complete. I say, 1-0 for Edward. In the next chapter, we'll see if Bella can even the score... **

**I've seen some new readers following and reviewing, thank you and welcome! The review count is close to 700 while I'm writing this, it's unbelievable. **

**Big thanks to my awesome beta mauigirl60 and pre-reader maggiejmasen, I love you ladies XO**


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter 54**

Bella stared at the ceiling without seeing anything, panting with her mouth open. Slowly, she returned to her body, aware of a murmuring Edward placing wet, sticky kisses on her stomach. He worked his way up, kissing her breasts lovingly. His body was exuding heat, squirming against her. His hips shook as he pressed his erection against her thigh.

Suddenly, she laughed. It started with a giggle and developed in a full-on belly-laugh, her chest shaking underneath Edward's face. He looked up at her as she gasped for air between fits of laughter.

"I did it," she said, looking down at him. Her eyes were glistening with tears.

"You sure did." He grinned and moved himself farther up her body to kiss her.

"_You_ did it," she whispered. "Thank you."

Edward rode her leg shamelessly while they kissed. He couldn't feel shame anymore, not with her. Not with the woman whose juices he could still taste on his lips, who answered his kisses with fervor and wrapped her whole body around his.

She pushed at him gently until he rolled over. His hands ran over her body restlessly, groping and squeezing anywhere he could. He took her ass in both hands, pushing her down while thrusting his hips up. Bella felt lust course through her again when she felt how hard he was inside his boxers. Yes, it was her turn—and she was ready—as ready as she'd ever be.

Edward tensed when she started kissing his jaw and nibbled on his skin, lowering her mouth slowly toward his throat. He moaned as her fingers brushed his nipples.

Bella wondered a million things. She wanted to ask him how he liked to be touched...but at the same time, it was kind of exciting to just try something and see what his reaction was. So, she didn't speak, and closed her lips over one nipple experimentally, her tongue teasing it. Edward sucked a breath in through his teeth.

Her fingers running along his sides created goose bumps on his skin. As her mouth descended over his chest, her fingers pushed at the last piece of fabric between them. She slowly lifted her body off his, moving back until she sat at the edge of the bed, pulling his boxers all the way down. Her eyes wandered slowly from his feet up over his partially-tattooed legs, and Edward could almost feel her gaze on his skin. His cock twitched when she looked at it.

The male organ had often fascinated Bella. It excited her to see it, the obvious arousal of a man that couldn't be hidden, and to touch it and get rewarded with every move. Even if it had never been able to please her, she hadn't lost this curiosity. Maybe because it was so long ago since she'd been intimate with someone, maybe because there was still so much she had to learn. Both of her ex-boyfriends hadn't been the greatest of teachers, and Edward had done so much better up to this point already.

As she got up onto her knees and hands, it was as if she shed her past off like an old skin. She felt new and fresh, not unlike a virgin, albeit one that knew a thing or two about what to do.

All this time, Edward had been looking at her as if things were happening in slow motion. He'd seen her expression change, the wariness no longer evident in her eyes, as she took him in. He spread his legs wider, bending one at the knee to give her space to kneel between them. His mouth fell slack when she touched him, her hand caressing him as light as a feather. She stroked his length, her fingers feeling the veins and ridges one by one, and then cupped his balls. Her other hand joined in, stroking his thigh.

The first squeeze had him panting, his eyes rolling back when she moved her hand up and down. His eyes flew open when he felt her lips on his thigh, kissing up toward his groin. Her touches were tortuously slow. When her tongue flicked out to taste the skin at his base, he writhed under her. He wanted to warn her, tell her that it would all be over within seconds if she kept this up, but he was too enraptured in watching her to speak.

Bella's heart skipped a beat when she realized what she was working up to. She was going to taste him. The sounds he made, the way he smelled, how her body responded...there was no stopping this. She had to take him in her mouth and watch him fall apart.

She held him with one hand, the other grabbing his thigh. She opened her mouth, her tongue resting on her lower lip, and licked the thick head of his cock. His sharp intake of breath went straight to her pussy. She licked around the head and over the slit, tasting the slightly bitter pre-cum. Closing her lips around it, she then sucked the head gently into her mouth.

"Fuck, shit..." Edward whispered, panting, willing his hips to stay planted on the bed. He could hardly control his movements, his hands gripping the sheets and his legs going rigid. Bella opened her mouth wider, taking more of him. She kept her movements slow and steady, sensing his urgency. She wanted to make it last as long as possible.

"Shit, baby. So...so good," Edward groaned out between pants.

Bella let one hand move over his thighs, then up to his abdomen, while moving her mouth up and down over his cock. It was rock-hard and she felt his body tremble. She smiled around him, unable to hide her pride. She moved her head slightly to look at him.

"I can't believe you're doing this," he whispered, staring at her.

He was of considerable length and girth, but not overly large. She could fit most of him into her mouth and held him in place with one hand at the base. Her mouth was forming an O, her tongue pressed against the shaft and her cheeks were hollowed out. All she did was move slowly up and down, looking at him, reveling in his arousal.

"Baby, I can't...hold it..." he choked out. Her answer was to increase the pace a little, sucking him faster and swirling the head with her tongue on each pass.

"Fuck, yes," Edward hissed, thrusting upward in time with her movements. She moaned around him, and it was his undoing. "Yes...now!"

She released him from her mouth, her hand ready to take over, rubbing him up and down as he spilled his seed onto his stomach.

Her lips landed on his while he was still panting, and he grabbed her head roughly to get her closer. He kissed her hard.

"My God," Edward said, when his breathing had calmed a bit. He held her face in his hands and looked at her. "What the _fuck_ just happened?" Bella smiled brightly.

"It felt right. I wanted to...I...I enjoyed it." A blush spread over her cheeks, but she kept her eyes on his. He shook his head.

"That was perfect," he whispered. She wrapped her arms around him, snuggling close and burying her face in his neck.

* * *

**A/N: Ding-ding-ding! Round 2 complete! I think Bella evened out the score nicely, didn't she ;) **

**Thanks to everyone reading and reviewing :) I'm glad you're still enjoying this story. **

**Thanks to maggiejmasen and mauigirl60! I did some work on this chapter after they performed their magic so any mistakes are mine.**


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter 55**

Bella got a towel from the bathroom and cleaned up Edward's stomach. She couldn't help her giggles while doing it, and he was extremely amused and pleased with her behavior. She was so...free, all of a sudden.

They took turns using the bathroom, which was quite small and had only one sink. Bella had anticipated the sleepover this time and she'd brought a small overnight bag with her toothbrush, makeup remover and a clean set of clothes for the next day. She dressed in a tank top and boy-shorts to sleep in.

Coming back into the bedroom, she saw Edward sitting up in the bed in only his boxers. He was typing something into his phone and then placed it face-down onto the nightstand. Bella checked her own phone, shaking her head over the amount of e-mails that had come in on a Friday evening. There was nothing that needed her attention right away – some people just didn't know when to stop.

"Hey, about tomorrow," Edward said, as they got under the covers. He had a frown on his face.

"What is it?" Bella lay on her side facing him and he took the same position.

"I got the final guest list tonight. I didn't realize that there would be fans, too."

"Yeah, your rep wanted to do some ticket giveaways to get more attention and to fill up the room a little bit. They didn't tell you?"

"Maybe I didn't listen," Edward said with a smirk. "I also saw on the list that Riley isn't coming. I'd expected as much."

"You invited him?"

"Yeah, when we spoke on the phone. He was cool about it, he said he was glad that we could act normal again like old friends. I did tell him that if he wanted to come, he couldn't bring Jessica," he said, looking sheepish. Bella's eyes widened.

"They're still together?" she whispered. Edward looked at her for a moment, contemplating.

"I realize now that I never got to tell you everything about my conversation with him." Edward scooted closer to her on the bed, and then reached behind him to turn off the light. Their hands searched for each other in the darkness, and soon Bella was enveloped by his warmth and scent, her cheek against his chest.

"The short version is that they are still together and happy. They worked out their differences and they are both clean."

Bella breathed in and out deeply, her head nearly spinning.

"Okay. That's good. I'm glad they're happy." Her voice didn't sound sincere to her own ears. Edward tightened his grip around her and entwined their legs.

"Shh. Let's not talk about that. Just sleep," he whispered against her hair. She kissed his chest and lightly stroked his back with her fingers.

"I can't sleep like this," she said softly. Edward rubbed the top of his foot up and down over her calf.

"Mmm…why not," he murmured, kissing her forehead and moving down to her cheeks. Bella smiled when she felt his lips coming closer to her mouth, and she answered the kiss willingly.

"You're not letting me," she whispered between kisses. They were a mess of tangled limbs, tongues and rolling hips. She felt him getting hard again. On the next wave, he was pressing against her close to where she craved the friction and she moaned softly against his lips.

"I'm sorry," he said on a moan.

"We should sleep," she breathed. Her hand grabbed his ass and she pushed herself against him. Her skin was heating up quickly and prickling with excitement.

"Shit, baby," he whispered harshly, as her fingers dug into his flesh. He wrapped an arm around her waist and rolled them over, so that he was now on top of her. He thrust against her while kissing and sucking on her neck. Her hips came up to meet his and she wrapped her legs around him.

Edward's mind had trouble keeping up with his body, and with her. She was all heat and soft skin, deliciously teasing him in all the right places. He wanted to break through their layers of underwear and push inside her—but at the same time, he didn't. The evening had been perfect the way it was. He forced himself to stop moving, reveling in the feel of her body writhing against him for a moment, then pushing up onto his elbows.

"We should stop and sleep," he said softly to her in the dark. He could vaguely make out the contours of her face and kissed what he thought was her chin.

"What's the time?" she asked, her voice wavering a little. He stared at her, and then glanced at the alarm clock beside the bed.

"Just after midnight. Why?"

"I-I don't know, I just..." her voice trailed off and she looked at his chest, her hands restlessly caressing his back. She wanted him. He saw she wasn't completely comfortable with her own feelings yet, but he knew she wanted to go further with him. He leaned down and pressed small kisses on her face.

"Let's save some for tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah? You want that?"

"Yes. I want to have a sleepover at your place tomorrow," he whispered in her ear. She squirmed under his tickling breath and giggled.

"Okay," she said, with a short nod.

He moved off of her, arranging them so that he was the big spoon.

For a while after Edward's breathing had evened out, Bella remained awake, staring into the darkness. She felt like she was on a precipice, about to take a huge jump—or actually, she'd already taken it. She was in the process of jumping, and although she was still scared, it felt better than anything she'd ever done before.

* * *

**A/N: **

"**How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees?" ****_~ William Shakespeare_**

**Patience, dear ones ;)**

**Thank you, lovely readers and reviewers. I love you!**

**Thanks mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen – the usual suspects. **


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter 56**

**Saturday, October 15, 2011 – The day of the Release Party**

Bella woke up a good fifteen minutes before the alarm on her phone was about to go off. It was a quarter to seven. She disabled the alarm and slipped out of the bed to go to the bathroom, leaving Edward buried under a mountain of warm covers.

In the bathroom, she examined her face and hair and drank a glass of water. She looked sleepy but rested, and her hair was a bird's nest—nothing a nice shower couldn't fix, though, as she longingly remembered the lovely shower with the jets coming from all sides.

She crawled back under the covers and close to Edward, spooning him with his back to her front. He was still deep asleep with just the top of his head peeking out from under the covers. She rubbed her nose against his neck and into his hairline, enjoying his smell. It had to be one of her favorite things about him, the way he smelled. It was a manly, musky smell; right now it was mixed with a hint of sweat. Even the sweat wasn't unpleasant to her; in fact, it was the exact opposite.

She pushed the sheets out of the way a bit, exposing his neck and shoulders, and admired the tattoo he had on his shoulder blade. There was an angry-looking skull, all black, but surrounded by beautiful, colorful flowers. The flowers wound around to his upper arm, toward a bright orange fish that she knew was hidden under the blanket. It was very detailed, obviously done by a talented artist.

He huffed and then stirred, stretching out his legs. Bella wrapped her arm around his waist, her hand flat on his stomach.

"Good morning," she whispered against his neck.

"Morning, baby," he croaked out.

"I love you," she said, trailing kisses over his neck and shoulder. Edward unwound himself from the mess of sheets and turned around to face her. His eyes were still half-closed, but his mouth was turned up in a smile.

"Am I still dreaming?" he asked. Bella shook her head, wriggling to get her body closer to his. "I love you, too," he said. His hand came up to smooth her hair. "You look incredibly cute like this." He chuckled and pulled at the tangled tresses.

"I'm glad you think so."

"Do we have to get up?" Just as he asked this, he was overtaken by a yawn and he hid his face in the pillow to muffle it.

"Not yet." She wrapped a leg around his hip and kissed him when his face came back into view. He pushed his morning erection into her stomach and hummed against her lips.

"I'm such a lucky bastard," he said against her cheek. He wrapped a strong arm around her and rolled to his back. His hands wandered over her body while they exchanged slow, sleepy kisses. Bella stretched her body over his, rubbing her feet along his legs. His fingers pushed her top up until it got stuck under her arms. She sat up, straddling him, and pulled it off all the way, his hands already cupping her breasts before she was even done.

"Beautiful," he whispered, more to himself than her. He squeezed her luscious flesh and rolled her small, dark pink nipples under his fingers.

Bella's hips seemed to move of their own volition, scooting down until she could rub herself up and down over his hard cock. She felt herself slick and wet and it surprised her. How could she be this excited already from just rolling around and kissing? The magic his fingers performed on her breasts helped, though, especially when he pulled her closer and added his mouth into the mix.

A shiver went through her when she pushed herself down the same time he pushed up, the tip of his cock hitting her clit. His tongue was teasing first one nipple, then the other, and he mumbled something.

"What?" Her voice was hoarse and breathy.

"Delicious," he repeated against her chest.

"Yeah?"

It sounded like a question, so Edward continued mumbling between licking and kissing her breasts.

"You are delicious, and beautiful. Your nipples taste so good. I could do this all day."

She giggled, but it turned into a moan when she felt him between her legs again. His hands left her chest and moved to her back, pushing her down onto him for more heated, sloppy kisses. His fingernails scratched gently down her back, leaving goose bumps on her skin, as he moved them down to grab her ass cheeks. He guided her movements, pushing her harder where he wanted to feel her. She panted and moaned into his mouth.

"Baby," he breathed, breaking the kiss. She looked at him with her mouth open, cheeks flushed. "I'm sorry, but I really have to pee badly," he said, with an apologetic smirk. She sighed and bent down to kiss his neck.

"Okay."

"Join me in the shower?" he asked. Her head came up suddenly and she stared at him in surprise, like a light bulb had just turned on in her brain.

"I've never..." she halted, somewhat ashamed.

Edward sat up, bringing her with him.

"Even better," he said, popping a kiss onto her mouth.

He disappeared into the bathroom. Bella waited until she heard the toilet flush and then the sound of the water running. The bathroom was quickly filling up with steam when she entered and saw the outline of his naked body behind the glass door, his tattoos dark spots dotting his skin.

There was plenty of space in the shower stall, and the side-jets and multiple showerheads made it very comfortable for both of them. He took a soft sponge and lathered it with shower gel, tracing her whole body with it. He even washed her feet, gently lifting them one at a time.

She was a bit confused when he turned her around and made her face the wall. He pushed her further, until her body came in contact with the jets.

"Oh!" she nearly squealed when he adjusted something on the panel beside them. The jets were now massaging her boobs in a delicious way, while his body was pressed against her back.

"Bend your knees a little...lower..." he said close to her ear. One of the jets hit her pussy and she jerked back instinctively. "Too much?" Edward asked, kissing her shoulder. She moved forward again, testing it.

"Oh, my God!" she moaned and gasped. "This is...oh..." She heard him chuckle against her neck.

"Nice?" He grabbed her ass again, squeezing her flesh.

"Yes," she managed to say. Her hips moved back and forth while the stream of water massaged her pussy. She mewled every time the water hit her clit.

"You look insanely hot like this," Edward panted behind her. She felt his cock against her ass, rubbing up and down between her cheeks. His fingers worked their way down and he slipped two inside with no effort at all.

"Fuck," Bella whispered, her hips moving quicker. Moving forward, the stream teased her clit, moving back, Edward's fingers pressed into her. He'd never heard her curse before, and it turned him on. He watched his cock slide between her ass cheeks and felt the tension in her pussy, clenching his fingers.

"Come on, baby. Make yourself come. Do it for me," he encouraged her, nipping and biting at her neck. She turned her head and he plunged his tongue into her mouth. She stopped kissing him when her orgasm approached, panting and moaning into his face.

"That's it, come for me," he whispered, watching her shudder and buck her hips a few last times, her pussy grabbing his fingers deliciously tight.

He turned her around again, with her back against the wall, and gently stroked her still quivering body as she came down from her high.

"Oh, God! Now I love your shower even more," she breathed out and they both laughed.

When she'd calmed down a bit, she looked around for the sponge. With a fresh dollop of shower gel, she copied his movements, washing his body from his shoulders right down to his toes, where she found that he was ticklish.

He was a sight to behold, standing under the stream of the shower head to wash away the suds. His body was lean and strong, with defined muscles and ridges. She'd never given much thought to tattoos before, besides being too afraid of the pain to ever do something like that—but now she'd gotten a whole new appreciation of them. On him, they were a beautiful work of art, which fit him perfectly. She'd discovered some song lyrics on his side and barbed wire on his calf.

He stared at her with pleading eyes, making her look down at his impressive erection. It had gone down a bit after he'd used the toilet, but it was back in full force.

"Hmm. I think I'm done washing you now," she said in a teasing tone, leaning into the water.

"You sure?" He wiggled his hips, making his dick bob from side to side. Bella giggled.

"Did I miss a spot?"

"I think you did. Someone is still very, very dirty."

With a sly smile, she stepped closer to him and wrapped a sudsy hand around his length. He leaned against the wall, the jets pounding on his back, and stared at her with darkened eyes.

"Like this?" she asked, moving her hand up and down. He nodded.

"You can squeeze harder," he said hoarsely, and bit his lip when she did.

Bella let her other hand move between his legs, stroking his balls. There was something she'd wondered about last night, but didn't really dare to try. Maybe now would be a good time.

"Ah, fuck!" he groaned. Bella smiled—it had worked. She had his balls in her hand and extended her index finger to press into his perineum. Massaging this spot in tiny circles enhanced the feeling for him and she felt him getting closer.

"Fuck, yes!" His voice was nearly a growl. She increased the pace with her other hand, stroking faster and harder. She wasn't sure how much a penis could take, where the pain threshold would be, but it only seemed to excite him more the harder she worked him. She watched his face when he came, and it was a beautiful sight—his mouth open and his eyes scrunched closed, his head thrown back against the wall.

"Ms. Swan, you are full of surprises," Edward said, with a shake of his head when he'd calmed down. He pulled her against him and they cuddled under the warm water for a moment.

Bella still felt smug while they got dressed and didn't lose her smile all through breakfast.

* * *

**A/N: So, it looks like they are awake and ready to start the day ;) **

**Thanks for reading & reviewing!**

**Thanks mauigirl60 & maggiejmasen for helping me with advise and corrections XO**


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter 57**

It was close to eight-thirty when there was a knock on the front door. Edward let James in, who looked rumpled and sleepy.

"Hey, man. You ready?"

"Good morning, James," Bella said brightly, walking in from the kitchen. He did a double-take, his eyes widening, and then looked at Edward. A big grin split James' scruffy face.

"Dude!" He clapped Edward on the shoulder. "I see you already got a ride. Ms. Bella," he said, and tipped his invisible hat.

"I'll see you at practice," Edward said, nodding.

Not long after, Bella and Edward left the apartment. He was carrying a suitcase and two guitar cases; she had her overnight bag, purse and another guitar case. It was a bit of a challenge to fit it all into her pretty, but tiny, car.

She drove him to the building of a former music studio, close to the record company's main office. They'd been using this space for band practice and would go through everything one last time. The whole band, as well as Edward, James, Maggie and the record company reps, would all be getting together at the Park Plaza for lunch with Bella and Laurent.

"Have you made the set list yet?" Bella wondered out loud, while driving out of Edward's secluded neighborhood.

"More or less," Edward said. He typed something into his phone until the list appeared—a picture of the handwritten one they'd used in the practice room. "Ninety minutes is a long set for an event like this, it's usually just an hour."

"Okay." Bella looked at him expectantly while waiting for a red light. He raised his brows at her. "Well, tell me!" She was almost bouncing in her seat.

"Do you have requests?" he asked, amused. He held the phone to his chest to shield it from her prying eyes. Bella smiled and shrugged.

"I might."

"Like what?"

"_Trouble_. I'd love to hear that one. And..._Sarah_."

"Both are on the list," he said, nodding.

"And _Let It Be Me._ And _I still care_."

"Baby-"

"Oh! _Shelter_! Are you playing that one?" Bella's eyes glanced at him shortly before focusing on the road again. She looked excited and happy, and Edward's chest swelled with pride.

"We're playing the whole new album, some old ones from The New Moons, and a few covers," he said, finally letting her in on the secret. She was very pleased with this.

They arrived at the practice room far too soon for Bella's liking. Several band members were already parked and walking inside, as James came out to greet them.

"See you in four hours," Bella said softly. Edward reached out his thumb and touched her pouty bottom lip.

"Yeah, I'll miss you until then." He unfastened his seatbelt and leaned over the console to kiss her.

"I'll miss you, too," Bella whispered. Her fingers scratched at his beard and her mouth opened for his tongue to slip inside.

A rap on the window interrupted their extended goodbye kiss—James.

"Hurry up, lover boy!" he shouted. He was laughing at them, but Edward knew it was in good nature. James was very supportive of their relationship.

Their morning apart went by slower than Bella had hoped. She was busy, but not busy enough to stop missing him. It was crazy that she was missing him this badly, her stomach heavy and her hands itching, when they were only apart for a few short hours. She tried not to think about how she would feel if he did go on tour.

While practicing with the band, Edward wrote down some guidelines for himself as to what he planned to say between the songs. He would be announced by his record company rep, who would briefly talk about the album, then ask him some rehearsed questions. It was important for him that he thanked the fans and friends who had come to the show and he wanted to acknowledge the hotel as well. Then, of course, there was Bella.

He was so in love with her that his goofy grin was permanent and he couldn't stand being away from her. It hadn't been easy getting to the point where they were now, but it had all been more than worth it. He couldn't exactly pull her on stage and kiss the shit out of her in front of all those people, but he wanted her to get his message. He wanted her to know which songs he'd written about her, for her, and with her as the only thing on his mind. Their relationship had been awkward and tense when he'd written the songs but, somehow, he'd managed to write lyrics that were coming true right now—it was what he had wished for all that time.

After a busy but uneventful morning, Bella went downstairs to the restaurant to check on the lunch preparations. They were eating in a separate dining room and she'd made sure the kitchen knew not to serve alcohol. She could practically hear Georges pout through the phone when she'd told him, knowing how much he liked to lavishly use wine and stronger beverages in his dishes, but she hadn't given in.

Maggie was the first to arrive, and it made Bella nervous being alone with her. They sat down at the end of the long table and each ordered tea.

"Bella, I have a confession to make," Maggie started. "I came early on purpose, hoping we could talk. Do you mind?"

"No, of course not. What is it about?" Bella still had her boss lady mask in place and hoped her nervousness wouldn't show.

"What's the deal with you and Edward?" Maggie asked bluntly. Bella blinked for a moment, but then looked her straight in the eyes.

"I love him," she simply said.

"Him, or the _idea_ of him?"

"Idea?"

Maggie shrugged, stirring her tea.

"You know, the idea of dating a rock star. A celebrity that people look up to, someone with an endless supply of-"

"You think I'm some gold digger?" Bella's voice was calm when she interrupted. It wasn't fake, she felt calm, because she'd seen this coming. It had already been there at the press event, making her feeling uneasy.

Maggie didn't answer, just shot her a look and kept her eyes firmly focused on Bella's. Bella's face broke into a polite smile.

"If you knew me, you'd know that's a ridiculous accusation." When Maggie stayed silent, Bella continued. "Edward and I had a rocky start, and it wasn't pretty. He broke my heart. When we met again, my heart was still broken, and he stomped on it by ignoring our past." She paused, sipping her tea to think about her next words. She knew the game Maggie was playing. Silence is a powerful tool if you want people to blurt things out they hadn't planned on sharing with you.

"He's taught me something very important recently, and that is to forgive. If you forgive someone for what they've done to you, you will set yourself free from that burden. I've been carrying it around for over ten years, because I didn't know how to forgive him."

Maggie nodded, the look on her face softening. Bella gestured with her hands when she continued.

"He came in here with this...act; being shy and cocky at the same time, but holding back with a glint in his eyes. He kissed me without asking permission, and I slapped him."

_That_ broke Maggie's silence.

"What?"

"Yeah. He thought he could just kiss me, like he had all those years ago," Bella said, smirking.

"And then?"

"He groveled, sent me flowers." Bella shrugged. Maggie raised her eyebrows.

"I called him and cussed him out and refreshed his memory." Maggie smiled for the first time since she'd come in. "He handled it well, Maggie. He did exactly what he had to do, even though we didn't realize it at the time. We can't hide anything from each other, you know. We want to do it right this time around."

Just as she finished her sentence, the door opened and a group of people filed into the room. Maggie leaned over the table.

"I wanted to be happy for him, but I was worried. Thanks for being honest with me," she said seriously.

"Thanks for asking," Bella said with a smile, genuine this time, before standing up to welcome the guests.

* * *

**A/N: After the hotness in the last few chapters, there had to be a transitional one with less E & B interaction, sorry! Some things needed to be addressed. I hope you liked it anyway.**

**Thanks maggiejmasen for pre-reading and squealing my ears off ;)**

**Thanks mauigirl60 for making me look good by correcting my mistakes and keeping me sane this crazy fanfic world.**


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter 58**

Bella was glad she'd asked Laurent for his help with the event for Edward's release party. As soon as Edward entered the expertly fabricated backstage area, he stuck to her like glue. He followed her around and kept his eyes on her constantly. Her instinct on not being able to play host tonight had been correct—she was functioning as Edward's rock, and that was the only role he'd let her play.

The record company had gone all out and planned this performance from the first to the last minute, and all the details in between. There were hairdressers, makeup artists, stylists and a truckload of clothes. It was a little uncomfortable, at first, being in the dressing room of a band that consisted solely of men. None of them seemed to care, though, and changed their clothes right in front of her.

A hairdresser trimmed Edward's hair and beard. A stylist changed his outfit four times, eventually deciding on a pair of black jeans, a black t-shirt and an emerald short-sleeved button-down, which he left open. His eyes searched for her every couple of seconds, pleading in silence. _Don't leave me_, they seemed to convey.

The finishing touch would be his makeup. Bella asked him to come with her before the makeup artist could get started.

"Save him for last, we have to be somewhere," she told the girl with the big powder brush. She took Edward's hand and pulled him along, through several rooms and around corridors until they reached the small kitchen. Amid the hustle and bustle of sous chefs preparing snacks for the bar, she sat him down on a stool.

From a cabinet in the back of the kitchen, Bella dug out a small plastic bag. It contained a half-loaf of whole grain bread, and a jar each of peanut butter and jelly. Without saying anything or even acknowledging the people around them, she took a huge bread knife and prepared a sandwich. She cut it into two triangles, placed them onto a plate and pushed it toward Edward. He held it in both hands, looking at her stupidly. She poured a glass of milk and set it beside him on the counter.

"Eat," she said, waving at the sandwich. She watched with satisfaction when he took a big bite.

"Mmm." He closed his eyes and grinned while chewing.

"All this great food, and you give him _that_?" Georges' heavy French accent lilted softly in Bella's ear. She smiled at him.

"Don't underestimate PB&Js, Georges. They solve everything. Shouldn't you be at the restaurant?"

"Just checking up here, chérie. You have it under control, non?"

"Oui, Monsieur. Merci."

He smiled at her lovingly and squeezed her shoulder, nodding at Edward as he left.

Edward devoured the snack and gulped down the milk like a starving man. Bella moved to stand between his legs, her hands on his cheeks.

"Better?" she asked. He nodded. "You didn't eat anything at dinner. Don't think you can hide that shit from me," she said, referring to the buffet that was served backstage earlier. "I love you. You'll nail this. You know why?" He shook his head no between her hands, staring at her with his gorgeous green puppy eyes. "You did something that's much harder: you stole my heart, and gave me yours. This…tonight? It's a piece of cake. Okay?"

Edward smiled, his cheeks warming over, his blush hidden beneath his scruff.

"Thanks," he whispered. They hugged for a short moment, and then went back to the craziness of the dressing room.

Bella's stomach turned when she walked behind Edward toward the stage. In the near darkness and with the fans screaming in their ears, he turned to kiss her. He pulled her close and plunged his tongue into her mouth, leaving her breathless when he let go. He smirked and winked, and then climbed the steps that led onto the brightly-lit stage.

Bella rushed around to the other side of the stage where she could enter the room. It was weird hearing his voice through the speakers when he spoke into the microphone, answering questions. The fans were loud and squealed at every word he said. He was just the right amount of shy and cocky, and charmed the pants off the whole audience. Even the two older women in business suits—Bella recognized them from the press event—were swooning and giggling at each other while leaning against the bar.

After the short Q&A, an assistant handed Edward a guitar while the other band members took their places. The drummer counted off and they started their first song, _Old Before Your Time,_ which was the title track of the album. _Trouble_ followed quickly and Bella swayed her hips where she stood at the side of the stage. At the end of the song, Edward got handed a different guitar. He took a sip of water and looked around the room with one hand over his eyes.

"Good evening," he addressed the crowd. "Thank you all for coming. I'm glad you haven't forgotten about me yet." He threw in his killer-smirk and the girls in the front row screamed.

"This next song is about a very special woman who is here tonight. Without her, I wouldn't be here. Her name isn't actually Sarah, because I'd like to keep her to myself as long as possible."

Bella's breath caught in her throat. She saw his eyes scanning the room.

"This is our story," he said. He turned to make eye contact with the guitar player to his right and they started the song together. Slow, smooth notes filled the room, taking the breath of everyone listening.

Bella's eyes teared up as she listened to his words. This had been their song all along. This beautiful song, that had made her break down the first time she'd heard it, was their history.

* * *

**A/N: A short chapter this time, but this was the perfect place to cut it. You can listen to the songs and read the lyrics on the blog: letitbeme2 dot wordpress dot com. If you go to Music & Lyrics in the top menu, you will find a list of all the songs I've used in this story so far. **

**While editing this, the moment where Bella feeds Edward and then asks if he feels better, made me think of a hilarious Snickers commercial with Joan Collins. If you don't know it, find it on Youtube and you'll see why ;)**

**Thanks maggiejmasen and mauigirl60 for their help and patience XO**


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter 59**

_So can I stay here with you, 'til the day breaks?_

_There's something you should know_

_I ain't got no place to go_

_So can I stay here with you,'til the day breaks_

_How happy it would make me to see your face when I wake_

_So lay with me in your thinnest dress_

_Fill my heart with each caress_

_Between your blissful kisses, whisper_

_Darling, is this love?_

(from _Can I Stay_)

Edward's eyes scanned the room as he sang, looking for Bella. He nearly messed up his lyrics when he finally found her, standing off to the side of the stage. He was too far away to see her clearly, but he was sure it was her. He turned his body a little so he could sing directly to her. When she blew him a kiss, he knew that she knew.

When the song softly died down, the crowd erupted in loud cheers.

"Thank you," Edward said into the microphone. As he spoke, the band started leaving the stage. "The next song is about an important lesson I learned not so long ago." A technical assistant came over to change guitars, while another brought him a stool. He sat down and adjusted the microphone.

"What it comes down to, is that it's okay to be afraid sometimes. It's okay to need someone. If you're really lucky, you'll find someone who needs you, too."

A single, bright spotlight shone on at Edward as he strummed his guitar.

_I guess you don't need it_

_I guess you don't want me to repeat it_

_But everything I have to give, I'll give to you_

_It's not like we planned it_

_You tried to stay, but you could not stand it_

_To see me shut down slow_

_as though it was an easy thing to do_

_Listen when_

_All of this around us will fall over_

_I tell you what we're gonna do_

_You will shelter me, my love_

_And I will shelter you_

_I will shelter you_.

All he could think about in that moment was if his message would reach Bella. The lyrics effortlessly flowed from his mouth as he played the guitar with his eyes closed. He was glad he hadn't told her about the meaning of his songs before tonight. After he'd mentioned that he wasn't comfortable explaining them, she hadn't brought it up again. He was still shy about what he'd written, even though everyone around him had nothing but praise. Sharing these songs with the audience almost felt too personal. He was only actually singing to Bella.

On the other side of the room, Bella had found a seat in the back. There were high tables with stools, so she could still see him. She startled when a hand with a tissue appeared in front of her face. She looked right into Esme's warm eyes and took the tissue gratefully. Esme held her hand on Bella's shoulder gently while both looked at the stage.

After his quiet solo, Edward left to take a break. Bella scrambled off her seat and looked back at Esme.

"Is my mascara all over the place?" she whispered frantically. Esme smiled and shook her head.

"Go, honey," she said, patting Bella's back.

Bella nearly ran to the side of the stage where there was an entrance for special guests. She didn't even have to show her pass, because it was her own security team guarding it.

Edward wasn't in the dressing room, but she found James and he pointed her to the bathroom. She ran into him just as he exited and threw herself into his arms, making him grunt at the impact.

"Baby, thank you so much! That was so beautiful, thank you!" she said, sobbing against his neck. His arms wrapped around her and he held her as close as possible. He didn't care that they were standing in some hallway, or that band members and technicians were passing by on their way to the bathroom.

"Sweetheart," he murmured softly into her hair. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you..."

"It was perfect. I loved it." Her voice was whispered and broken, but when she pulled back to look at him, she smiled. She wiped her hands over her face and then stood on her toes to kiss him.

"Thank you, thank you," she whispered after every kiss, repeating it until his smiling prevented more kisses.

"Masen, five minutes!" some guy called. Edward waved at him.

"I wrote most of the album about you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I was so nervous." He held her hands in his as he spoke.

"It's okay," Bella replied, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Please tell me those are happy tears?" he asked. She nodded and smiled again, sniffling.

When his name was called again, he brought her to the stage with him. One of the technicians told her where to stand so she could watch the rest of the show from the wings. She stood between sound equipment, guitars and rugged-looking technical assistants.

When Edward sang _Three More Days_, a song about working far away from home and missing the one you love, Bella's heart jumped wildly. Could she take that leap and leave behind everything she knew by going on tour with him? What would happen to the hotel if she was gone? Really, she already knew that answer. The Park Plaza would do fine in the more-than-capable hands of Laurent, who could then hire his own assistant.

She only saw her family a handful of times a year, as it was, which wouldn't have to change.

Her apartment was nice, but she had no history there.

As Edward poured his heart and soul into his songs, looking back at her from time to time, her decision solidified in her mind. The last song they did off the new album was probably the best one. It seemed as if he'd read her mind when he wrote that, as if he'd crawled inside her head to think her thoughts and feel her feelings.

_There comes a time, a time in everyone's life_

_Where nothing seems to go your way_

_Where nothing seems to turn out right_

_There may come a time, you just can't seem to find your place_

_For every door you open, seems like you get two slammed in your face_

_That's when you need someone, someone that you can call_

_And when all your faith is gone_

_Feels like you can't go on_

_Let it be me_

_Let it be me_

_If it's a friend that you need_

_Let it be me_

_Let it be me_.

The audience went crazy when the song ended. The drummer kept playing, amping up the beat a little bit, and Edward pushed his guitar to his back and took the microphone from its stand. He walked around the stage, introducing the band, high-fiving and first-bumping them as he went.

The drummer changed the rhythm while Edward was handed another guitar.

"Are there any New Moons fans here?" he asked the audience. The screams were ear-splitting and the fans jumped up and down as the band launched into a hit from the old days. On the album, Edward had included two old songs in acoustic, slower versions—very different from what they did now. They went into it head-on, with fast drumming, heavy bass lines and screeching guitars. Seeing Edward working his electric guitar was borderline erotic to Bella.

During the two old songs, Edward and the band jumped around on stage like crazy puppies. He took off his button-down and exposed his partially-soaked t-shirt, eliciting squeals from his female fans.

Edward shocked Bella when he suddenly left his place by the microphone and started walking toward her, a wicked grin on his face. He kept playing his guitar, the band stretching out the rhythm of the last song.

"What do you wanna hear?" he screamed at her over the loud music. She stared at him with her mouth open. "Tell me, BB!"

"Anything!" she yelled back. He shrugged. "_Me vs. You_!" she yelled.

"Yeah!" he screamed back enthusiastically. He went back to center stage, passing each band member to tell them what song they were playing next. The drummer changed the rhythm and the rest followed quickly, making eye-contact with each other as they got into the song.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I just got a request from a fan," Edward said into his mic. "This goes way, way back. _Me vs. You_!"

Bella was slightly worried about the level of distortion from the sound system and the incredibly loud audience. They had warned all the guests at the hotel, but there weren't many that hadn't come especially for this reason. Still, she was a little relieved when the song was over and the band took it down a notch.

**A/N: So many emotions here, but mostly positive. I hope you liked it. All the songs can be found on the blog, if you click on Music and Lyrics in the menu. For The New Moons, I used the Irish band Therapy? As an example and most of the TNM songs are theirs. **

**A little shout out to the loyal reviewers: I'm sorry if I sucked at replying lately! I've been really busy at work, taking over for a colleague who's home to recover from an operation. I basically have to fit 24 extra work hours into my normal 40. This Easter weekend is of course filled with family things. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to write much, either :( I started driving lessons recently and I'm now driving 4 hrs a week and it's pretty exhausting. I might need to stretch my updating schedule a bit in the near future, posting slower than I'm doing now. **

**Thanks mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen for putting up with me ;)**


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter 60**

If Bella thought the craziness was over after the last song Edward performed, she was poorly mistaken. The evening's schedule seemed to have been erased from her brain while she was busy getting caught up in a whirlwind of emotions watching her boyfriend pour his heart out on stage, but she was quickly snapped back to reality.

Edward and his band took their time to say goodbye to the audience. Edward was the last to leave the stage and stepped right into her embrace, pushing his warm, sweaty body against hers. The technicians immediately started packing up the stage, and a guy came to lead Edward back to the dressing room. It was the same guy who had called out to him when they were making out in the hallway earlier, and Edward explained to her that he was the show manager and responsible for just about everything.

Edward took a moment to freshen up in the bathroom. That was the only downside to having this show at the hotel rather than a real venue; there was no real bathroom in the dressing room, just toilets down the hall. They all had to wait to take a shower until they either went home or up to their room. Most of the band members and crew were staying at the hotel since only some of them lived close enough to have made the drive over.

Bella stood off to the side of the dressing room and just watched what was going on around her. Edward had washed the makeup from his face and was drying his chest with a towel before putting on a clean shirt. There were men in different stages of undress all around her, but her eyes only saw him. She realized she was staring when he struck a pose and flexed his muscles, smirking at her. She shook her head and laughed, hoping he wouldn't see her silly blush.

There was also cheering, high-fiving and fist-bumping, especially when some of the special guests were led to the backstage area. Maggie, Emmett, Jasper and Esme were there, as well as some other vaguely familiar faces. Everyone gathered around with a drink in hand, and Edward waved Bella over to stand beside him. He draped his arm around her and pulled her close, handing her a glass of champagne. She stared at him, puzzled; he winked at her, bumping her glass with his water bottle. The show manager tapped his glass with a spoon to get everyone's attention.

"I'll keep it short, I promise," the man said, holding his free hand up. "I just want to thank everybody for a great evening. Everything went smoothly, and if it didn't, nobody noticed. Edward, it was a pleasure and a joy working with you, and I hope to see you and all these guys on the road."

Hollers and cheers sounded and people applauded, raising their glasses. Bella took a sip of the champagne and her face scrunched up. She put the glass down on a side table.

"I don't mind, baby," Edward said, his hand slipping around her waist. Bella turned around to kiss him.

"I didn't lie when I said I didn't like most drinks," she said. He kissed her more, pushing his tongue out to taste her lips. A low groan rumbled in his throat.

"It sure does taste heavenly on your lips," he whispered. There was a sensuality to his voice that sent a chill through Bella's body.

Their moment was short-lived because Maggie broke them up a second later to drag Edward back to the main room. Bella repressed the urge to slap her forehead – she'd completely forgotten about the damned signing session. Having seen the amount of people in that room, she worried that this would take all night. She followed them back out, trying to hide her sulking.

There was a small setup next to the VIP entrance including a table and chairs, Sharpies, and promotional cards. Two big security guys stood beside it. Edward took his seat, grabbed a pen, and started with the first nervous girl in the impossibly long line of eager fans.

"Either a photo OR an autograph! Both takes too long!" hollered one of the big security guys to the people waiting in line. As they slowly progressed, Bella watched from the side. Most women and the occasional man completely ignored the security guy's request and tried to get both anyway, or tried to get several items signed. Maggie sighed beside her.

"These things always take ages. No matter how often you tell them to hurry up, they try to drag out the moment. I understand, but it's just..." Her voice trailed off and she shook her head tiredly.

Bella remembered being in the position of the fans waiting in line. There hadn't been such signing sessions or even meet-and-greets when she was following The New Moons around, but she remembered the feeling of waiting around for hours just because there was the tiniest possibility to catch a glimpse. You wanted to get that autograph and maybe exchange a few words with your idol, have them look at your face—eye contact was top of the list, but at the same time...a photograph was proof. You would have that forever and ever to look at and cherish and fuel your dreams.

A few people down in the line, one girl looked from her camera to the poster she'd just bought. Her eyes went back and forth, then to Edward only a couple of feet ahead of her, and back to the things in her hand. She was conflicted. Bella checked her watch, and that did it. She stepped around the table, walked behind Edward to the other side and stood beside the line of people. When the next person was up, this woman was also holding a camera and a CD in her other hand.

"Give me your camera," Bella said. She took a picture of the woman with Edward while he signed her CD and then returned the camera to her.

The fans started to prepare their cameras and handed them to her before stepping up to Edward. The big muscled guy behind him frowned at her first, but the line was moving quicker than before and he didn't have to butt in all the time. The fans were grateful for her help, thanking her with enormous smiles on their faces, some of them squealing after checking the photos.

Bella was surprised when the line was suddenly gone. All the fans had gotten their autographs and pictures and the room was empty except for the crew and special guests. She had actually enjoyed being there, helping out the fans and watching Edward do his job. He did it so well, keeping his smile in place and listening to every single one of them. Her heart fluttered when she remembered the thoughts she'd had standing in the wings, and she couldn't wait to talk to him about it.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you like it! I still have a few chapters written but I can't seem to write the last few that will finish the story. It's either RL getting in my way, writer's block eating up my brain, or an unconscious reluctance to actually wrap this up... or all of the above?! What ever it is, I'm working on it. Hope to bring better news soon. **

**Thanks mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen for their help XO**


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter 61**

There was a large SUV with tinted windows waiting in the garage, engine idling. Bella drove up behind it just as Edward exited the building. He got into her car on the passenger side and threw a small overnight bag into the back.

"Laurent offered to put the rest of my stuff in your office, so I wouldn't have to bring it now. I hope that's okay?" he asked, as he settled in his seat.

"Sure, I'll bring them by. Is this really necessary?" She sounded a little exasperated as another SUV pulled up behind them. Edward shrugged and pulled a beanie over his head, then patted his pockets for his sunglasses.

"They seemed to think so. They wouldn't let me go with you otherwise," he said, smirking. The reps from the record company had insisted Edward would drive with the bodyguards, or at least let them escort him out of the city.

When Bella slowly followed the car in front of her out of the garage and onto the street, she realized they had a point. A large group of people was waiting for them and she gratefully accepted the sunglasses that Edward held out to her. She discarded them as soon as they were out of the way of the flashes and sighed.

"You have really sweet fans," she said, smiling.

"Yeah, they were pretty great. It was amazing how many came!"

"That surprises you?" Bella glanced at him quickly. Being sandwiched in between two large SUVs didn't mean that she didn't have to watch the road. If anything, it seemed more dangerous to her because they stayed pretty close.

"A bit, yes. It's been so long since I did anything major, and all my other attempts after The New Moons failed. I kinda expected them to have given up by now."

"Obviously, they didn't. How do you feel about touring now?"

Edward leaned his head back and blew out a breath.

"I'm not sure. This evening was amazing, but I'm also glad it's over. How about you?"

Bella bit her lip. Her heart did that strange fluttering thing again and it extended to her stomach. She hoped it was a good sign.

"I think...I have some conditions." She looked back at him seriously. "But, I think I wanna come with you."

"You would do that?" he asked incredulously, his eyes wide.

"If they want you to tour, and we can talk about my conditions, then...yes."

He stared at her silently for a moment, then smiled and shook his head.

"You truly are amazing, Bella."

He didn't say anything more, as they had now turned onto Bella's street and she had to maneuver her car toward the garage. One of their escorts parked on the street while the other rode up behind her. She opened her window and leaned out to scan her pass, waving at the car behind her. They waited there until the gate rolled down behind them.

Edward slung his arm around her shoulders as they walked into the building together, kissing the side of her head.

"I didn't think you'd do it," he said softly, as they waited for the elevator. Bella reached out behind him and shoved a hand into the back pocket of his jeans, leaning into him.

"Me either," she said with a chuckle.

"What changed your mind?" He didn't let her go when the elevator opened and they shuffled inside, their arms around each other. She tilted her head to look up at him.

"Seeing you on stage tonight, hearing you sing, with all those people going crazy." He smiled down at her shyly. "You said writing is more your thing, but you seemed to enjoy it."

The elevator dinged then, announcing their arrival. They went inside, flicking on lights and dropping bags as they went. Edward followed Bella to the kitchen, where she took out a carton of juice and two glasses.

"Like I said, I have conditions. You must have them, too, and I would like to discuss them before we decide anything." She handed him a glass of juice and they drank in silence for a moment.

"Like what?" Edward asked, intrigued. He leaned against the counter and watched her rummage through a cupboard. She came up with a package of cookies, stuffing one into her mouth whole before offering him one. "Hungry?" he asked, amused. She nodded as she chewed and washed it down with juice.

"Like, I don't want to travel _all the time_. I don't know what their plan is, but I'd like to do short trips and then have a break, rather than being on the road for an extended period of time." She spoke with her mouth full and Edward couldn't help but laugh as he watched her. She was both famished and so eager to talk to him that she wanted to do everything simultaneously. She talked with her hands and couldn't stand still.

It wasn't often that he saw her that way, so...carefree, shedding the responsibilities that came with her job. He desperately needed to kiss her, giving in to the urge. He didn't care that her mouth was full. He grabbed her waist and brought her to him, kissing her lips as she ate, then peppering kisses over her face, which made her giggle.

"Wait, wait!" she cried, placing a hand on his chest and reaching out for her glass. She swished the juice around in her mouth to get rid of any cookie residue before facing him.

"_Now_ you can kiss me!" she said.

"About time," Edward murmured, as his lips found hers.

They spent a few minutes kissing sweetly. Bella rubbed her hands up his arms to his neck, while one of his hands was on the small of her back as the other descended to her ass.

Edward felt excitement coil in his stomach. The previous night suddenly came back to him in a rush of touches, moans and feelings. He squeezed her ass and deepened the kiss. Her fingers tangled in his hair. Desire grew inside him, most noticeably inside his jeans, and he groaned when her belly pressed against it.

"Baby," he said on a breath as he broke the kiss. He stroked some hair away from her flushed face. "I wanna make love to you," he whispered. Her big brown eyes stared at him.

"O-okay," she stuttered. Her reaction was a little more hesitated than he'd hoped for. He brought both his hands up to either side of her face.

"Is it okay? Be honest, BB." He saw her swallow before she spoke.

"Yes. I just...I want to take a shower first?" It sounded like a question, and he ached inside because she looked so vulnerable.

"That's perfect, because I want to clean up, too. I must smell totally unappealing," he said, chuckling. A small smile played on Bella's lips.

"I don't mind, I like smelling your sweat."

"I don't mind yours, either. We can work up a new sweat together." He wiggled his brows and made her giggle. She stood up on her toes to kiss him.

"How about you take the guest bath and I take the one in my room? Then we both can be done at the same time."

Bella's guest bathroom had a small but functional shower stall. It was decorated in white with lemon-yellow details, down to the soft towels in the cabinet. Edward showered, washing his body quickly but thoroughly. He was already completely hard and his cock bobbed up and down as he moved. He washed it carefully, biting his lip thinking of what he was about to do.

He'd never waited this long to have sex with a woman before. When he was younger, satisfaction could never come fast enough. There was never a reason to wait, because girls were usually willing to give him anything he wanted—either that, or they were high. He knew that fucking on coke had been an amazing, out-of-body experience, but what good did that do if he hardly remembered anything once he'd sobered? What was it worth, if he would never be seeing that person again? What did it all mean when she'd be fucking one of his friends the next day?

He squeezed most of the water out of his hair, brushed his teeth, and dressed in a clean pair of boxers. His heart was pounding annoyingly loud.

Bella stared at herself in the mirror. She'd washed, shaved, brushed and fussed, and now she was done. Her heart was beating a mile a minute and her body was overheated and damp.

When she heard her bedroom door open and shut, she knew it was time. She bit her lip and smiled nervously at her image. She was ready.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry about the cliffy! I'm not trying to be evil, it was really the best place to cut it.**

**I sadly have to admit that I have a bad case of writer's block at the moment. In the last two weeks, I've barely written anything. I re-wrote the same thing (chapter 65) over and over again and I still think it's crap. I guess I just have too many things on my mind to focus on the story. I even have trouble finding the words to write this A/N :-/ All I can do now is wait it out and try to get back into the flow. I _will_ finish this baby, don't worry about that.**

**Thanks maggiejmasen for pre-reading and mauigirl60 for beta'ing. **


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter 62**

Edward was in her bed when Bella came into the bedroom. He'd switched off the big light, leaving them in the soft glow of the two bedside lamps. He was casually resting against her pillow, arms folded behind his head, his lower half covered.

"Your bed is so comfortable," he said softly, smiling. Bella approached the bed wearing a thick, cotton bathrobe that reached her knees.

"You're on my side," she said, with a smirk. She wasn't sure how she could still manage to smile when her whole body was humming with anticipation and anxiety, but it helped that his tone was light. He scooted over to the other side of the bed.

The lightness was gone when Bella dropped the bathrobe to the floor. Edward gasped at the sexy silk negligee she was wearing. It was ivory with lace edging, and just long enough to cover her ass. He was hovering over her as soon as she had settled on the bed.

"What the hell are you wearing?" He didn't wait for an answer. "You are gorgeous," he whispered, before latching his mouth to hers.

Bella got lost in their kiss and the feeling of his hands on her body. He rubbed her through the soft, cool material, slow and gently as she liked it. There was an urgency to his kiss, but he didn't hurry. A thought hit her suddenly and she opened her eyes.

"Edward," she murmured between kisses. "Did you bring something? I mean..." He silenced her with another kiss before speaking.

"Under your pillow," he whispered. She moved a hand there and felt the edge of a condom wrapper.

Edward wrapped an arm under her body and rolled them over. Bella took control over their kisses and Edward groaned. She straddled him, pressing her warm center against the bulge in his underwear. He pulled the negligee up and over her head, his eyes greedily taking in her naked body as it was revealed above him. His hands ran up and down her soft skin, down to her ass. He rubbed over it a few times, then slipped his fingers between her thighs, as if testing the water. Her lips were warm and damp. He pushed at her hips, bringing her forward so he could catch a nipple between his lips. She angled her body to make it easier for him, watching with rapt attention as he pleasured her.

They rolled around the bed once more and Edward moved his attention to the other nipple while Bella squirmed underneath him. He kissed his way up to her neck, breathing her in.

"I think I have to write a song about your body," he panted into her ear. "So beautiful, so delicious." He nipped at her shoulder while she buried her hands in his hair.

Her warmth and wetness were close, teasing him through the thin fabric of his boxer briefs. He let go of her body, not without difficulty, and got out of bed to get rid of his underwear. Bella reached under the pillow for the condom and discovered there were two, the packages still connected. She tore them apart and put one back in its hiding place.

Edward got back onto the bed, pushing the comforter all the way to the end. He sat on his knees in front of her, his cock hard and waiting. He parted her knees and leaned in, letting her scent invade his nose. He looked at her as he leaned down, her hooded eyes following him. Her mouth opened wider as he started slowly and teasingly licking her.

He wasn't dumb. He knew his desire for her was too much for him to last any respectable amount of time. He nearly came from just feeling her heated pussy against him, let alone being inside her. If he wanted to see her come, it had to be now.

He worked her over, deliberately teasing her at every pass, watching her body and listening to her breathing. He remembered what she liked, and it worked this time, too. He pushed two fingers halfway inside her, inordinately pleased with the slippery fluid he found there. She moaned softly when he pressed his fingers upward while continuing the slow rhythm of his tongue circling her clit. His fingers pressed and shook against her wall, and she fell apart right before his eyes.

He leaned over her heaving chest, kissing her breasts and neck as he took the condom from between her fingers. He moaned into her ear.

"So good, baby. I want to be inside you." He felt her nod. "Are you sure, Bella? Tell me."

"Yes, baby. Make love to me," she panted.

He sat back on his haunches and quickly prepared his cock. It was pulsing and twitching as he rubbed it up and down her soaked folds.

"I'm afraid I'm not gonna last, baby," he said, looked at her apologetically. Her hand came up to his face.

"That's okay. There's another condom for round two," she said softly, smirking.

Edward sank his body down onto hers.

"I love you," he said, kissing her. She wanted to reply, but the words stuck in her throat as she felt him push into her.

Her arms wrapped around his neck and she held onto him. Edward held his breath, his eyes scrunched closed. He eased himself inside her with slow thrusts, a little deeper on each pass. When he was completely sheathed in her warmth, buried into her as deep as possible, he stilled as a shudder rippled through him. Every muscle in his body tightened.

"Relax, baby," Bella said softly. She rubbed his back slowly, bending her legs at the knees, her feet flat on the bed.

"I-is it okay? Am I hurting you?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"It hurt a little in the beginning," Bella told him honestly. His head came up from her neck and he opened his eyes. Her face was relaxed, her eyes soft, and she smiled. He looked at her when he thrust again, marveling at the changes in her features—mouth open, cheeks flushed, eyelids fluttering. He leaned down to kiss her, their tongues tangling. His hips moved only an inch at a time.

"Edward," she sighed between kisses. Her legs came around his hips, pushing him down.

"Tell me, baby. Tell me what you need," he groaned against her mouth.

"Harder," she whispered. She felt her face heat up even more. She'd never told a man what she wanted, ever. Edward groaned as he picked up his pace.

"Fuck, so good," he panted. His kisses turned sloppy and he mumbled unintelligibly between them. Bella lifted her hips to meet his thrusts.

She didn't remember it ever feeling this good, this sensual. She had anticipated the pain at the start, because it had been a while, after all, and she knew it would fade. She had also expected to feel awkward, but there was none of that. His skin sliding against hers felt good, his cock sliding in and out of her effortlessly.

Her hands raked down his back to his ass, kneading his flesh, pushing him further into her, undulating her hips against him.

"Shit, you're driving me crazy!" Edward rose up a bit, looking down at her. "I can't..."

"Show me. Come for me," she whispered to him.

He thrust harder, deeper; his breathing growing erratic, his head thrown back. His body shook and shuddered as he released inside her, and Bella thought it was the most erotic sight she'd ever seen.

She held onto him as his body covered hers, raking her fingers through his hair and over his sweaty back, as he panted against her neck. He grabbed her body tightly and rolled them over again. Bella leaned up onto her elbows, kissing his cheeks, neck and shoulder.

Edward took a deep, shaky breath.

"You didn't come," he stated softly. Bella kissed him and nibbled on his lower lip.

"That's okay," she whispered. He stared at her and he looked conflicted. "Baby." Bella sighed and put her forehead on his chest, speaking to his pecs. "I told you it wouldn't happen, and it's okay. I loved what you did...before."

When she looked up again, her face was red and she bit her lip. Edward looked down at where they were still joined and reached out to hold the end of the condom before he sat up. She gasped when he slipped out.

"You haven't kicked me out yet, so I must've done something right." He kissed her chin.

"You certainly did," she said with a sigh, hugging him to her chest.

* * *

**A/N: I didn't mean to update so soon again, but I felt bad about the cliffy ;) Your reviews are sweet and AWESOME! You just have to wait a bit longer to enjoy the morning after :P**

**XO Chantie**


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter 63**

Edward woke with a shock, sitting upright and looking around the room. He wasn't sure what he'd been dreaming, but all of a sudden, he was afraid that he was very late for something really important.

He was in Bella's bed, alone. The alarm clock said that it was nearly ten in the morning. He tried to get his dazed brain to come up with his schedule for the day, but failed miserably, as the door to the bedroom opened and Bella appeared, still wearing that sinful negligee from the night before.

"Hey, sleepy. Hungry?" She walked into the room holding a tray. Edward thought she looked like a goddess or an angel—most likely a mixture of the two—and he stared at her as she carefully set the tray down. There was French toast with butter melting on top, eggs, bacon, fresh fruit, tea and juice. She slipped under the covers beside him and kissed his cheek. His stomach rumbled.

"Good morning," he said, his voice scratchy.

"Morning. You slept like the dead, so I thought I'd prepare some breakfast."

"I had some weird dream that I was late for something," he said thoughtfully. He picked a grape off the tray and popped it into his mouth.

"Well, you can rest assured. I checked your schedule when I woke up, and you don't have to be anywhere until one P.M." Bella picked up a plate with toast.

They ate in silence for a moment.

"So…at one P.M., that's the pre-sale thing at the mall, right?" Edward asked suddenly, his brow furrowed. Bella nodded, as she chewed and swallowed.

"Yeah, it's this mall on the other side of town where they will pre-sell the album. Why did they do that?"

Edward shrugged, picking up a raspberry from the bowl of fruit and holding it up to Bella's mouth. She took it from him, her lips grazing his fingers.

"It's all about exposure. After that, I have an interview, and then the evening is ours." He fed her another piece of sweet fruit. She only knew what it was when she tasted it, because she wasn't looking at it. Her eyes were glued to his face as he gazed at her mouth. She licked some pineapple juice from his thumb and his mouth widened, eyes darting to hers.

Carefully, he took the tray with the leftovers of their breakfast and placed it on the floor beside the bed. Bella's body started tingling, her heart thumping unevenly when she saw the look in his eyes as he turned back. He crawled over the messy sheets until he was hovering over her.

"Are you sore?"

The question made her giggle and blush.

"Maybe a little," she said, shrugging. Edward kissed her shoulder.

"_Too_ sore?" he whispered in her ear, his tone pleading. His beard tickled her skin and she squirmed.

"Maybe not, if you...prepare me." She angled her head so that he could kiss up her neck.

Edward groaned with his lips against her skin. He was only just discovering her flirty, sexy side, and it was enticing. He slid a hand up over her leg, from her calf to her hip, squeezing it.

"And how would I do that?"

Bella slipped an arm around his neck and moved to kiss him, her tongue probing his mouth demandingly. She leaned back and pulled him on top of her. The comforter was between them, but she clearly felt his arousal against her leg. It excited her that he was hard for her, that she could do that to him. He shifted and thrust where she wanted him, the friction not nearly enough through all the layers.

Edward was panting when he broke their kiss, as he scrambled to get the covers out of the way, pushing them off the bed completely. Their bodies gravitated toward each other, their tongues dancing in perfect and sensual sync.

He pushed his boxers down as far as he could reach and Bella used one of her feet to get them farther down his legs. He rolled their bodies until she was on top of him, hands on her ass, pushing down as he bucked up.

Bella gasped and moaned into his mouth, her fingers turning to claws in his hair. She let go only when he pushed up the silk garment she wore, revealing matching boy-shorts.

"Fucking sweet," Edward groaned when he saw her silk and lace underwear, his fingers guiding her hips over him. His erection was rock hard, standing up against his abdomen. She pushed herself up and down over the length.

Her breasts were teasingly close and Edward lifted his head, drawing a nipple into his mouth. She moaned again, pushing her chest into his face. He could feel the moisture right through her panties, rubbing up against him.

Bella leaned forward, fishing around under her pillow to find the second condom. She sat up straight, panting and heaving and looked down at Edward's eagerly twitching cock. She shuffled down a bit until she sat between his knees, leaning down until she was eye-level with him.

His scent pulled her in, like a potion that made her crazy with want. It wasn't familiar, the urge to taste a man's cock, but she didn't fight it. She nuzzled it with her nose, up and down, and then licked him from base to tip.

Edward lay there, completely still, his eyes closed. He writhed when she sucked the tip between her lips, sucking him like a lollipop. He wondered absently if he would ever be able to contain himself with her, if he'd ever make it longer than a couple of glorious strokes inside her. His hips bucked when she sucked him deeper.

"Oh, baby...please, I can't..." he mumbled, almost coherent.

Bella released him and rolled to the side to remove her soaked panties. Edward moved with her, quick to find her mouth for sloppy, wet kisses. He heard the condom wrapper tearing open in her hands, and she pushed him back to climb on top again.

He held his breath as he looked at her hands putting the rubber in place, squeezing his length. She sat up on her knees and hovered over him, guiding him with her hand.

Both of their eyes were focused at where she sank down on him, slowly and carefully. Back up, a little farther down, and up again, until she took him in completely.

Edward leaned back, taking deep breaths as she settled on top of him. She leaned forward, shuffling her legs and ass to get comfortable, causing a shudder to ripple through him. She held still and kissed his chest, flicking out her tongue to tease a nipple. Their swollen lips met again in heated kisses, as Bella started moving her hips back and forth.

His hands grabbed her hips, kneading the flesh of her thighs and ass. He didn't push or guide her, but he wanted to feel the tension in her legs as she moved.

He opened his eyes when she rose up, her hands planted on his chest. Her hips moved faster, her eyes staring unfocused at his face. She concentrated on what she felt, how he slipped in and out, how the skin of his groin met her lips when she sank down.

Edward licked his thumb, coating it with saliva, and brought it to where they were joined. He circled her clit gently, trying to get his hazed brain to remember what she had responded to before. The touch electrified her and she pushed down on him harder, taking him deeper. He was almost able to come from the sight of that alone. He took one of her hands from his chest and entwined their fingers, pushing his arm up to give her leverage. He moaned when her other hand moved to her breasts, squeezing and pinching her nipples.

"So fucking beautiful," he groaned. She answered with a breathy moan. "You like this, baby?" She nodded, biting her lip. Her eyes were closed. "Tell me," he coaxed.

"Yes, yes!" she whispered. "Faster!"

He moved his thumb faster and thrust upward, which caused Bella to yelp.

"Yes!" she hissed urgently. "Almost..."

He repeated it, working her clit and bucking his hips to her rhythm. Seeing her fall apart had him gritting his teeth, trying to last as long as possible. He let her ride out her orgasm, thrusting uncontrollably when he finally let go.

Bella's body trembled as she leaned down to kiss him, skin sliding against skin.

"Shit, Bella!" Edward panted.

"Oh, my God!" She chuckled, leaning her forehead on his. His hands lazily stroked her sweaty back.

"You never told me you were a sex goddess," he murmured. Laughter shook through her chest.

"I never knew." Her head came up and she smiled sweetly at him. "It's your fault," she said, with a smirk.

"I would proudly take all responsibility, but I don't think that would be fair. It was there all along. You just needed..." His voice trailed off, looking for the right words.

"The perfect man," Bella whispered.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you liked it :) This one should keep you warm until Sunday night, when I plan to post the next one. RL is a moody bitch though, so you never know. I need you all to send me some positive, WINNING vibes on Monday because I will be taking the theoretic driver's exam *squirms uncomfortably* So...the weekend will be all about studying. **

**This story will soon end. I've taken a good look at some of the questions and suggestions I got in the reviews and I will take them to heart, though not all of them fit with what I have planned. I just hope I will find some time, energy and inspiration to write in the week ahead. **

**THANK YOU to everyone who's commented. Once again, I haven't had a chance to reply, but I cherish each one. Love you lots XO**

**Thanks maggiejmasen and mauigirl60 for their great work on my often sloppy chapters... (more so now than ever before, I'm afraid). **


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter 64**

**Thursday, October 27, 2011**

Almost two weeks went by in what Bella called "Album Insanity". Edward and the album's exposure were the record company's top priority and his schedule was crammed with all kinds of promotional events.

It was around three in the afternoon when Laurent came to Bella's office. He stood in the doorway for a few seconds before knocking, even though the door was open. She was startled by his appearance and looked up from the screen she'd been staring at.

"Oh, hey," she said timidly. For the past hour, Bella had been trying to figure out the final proposition the contractor had sent her for the hotel renovation. She hadn't been very successful, the technical terms throwing her for a loop. There were simply too many words, and she was too tired and anxious.

Laurent approached her and dropped a brown paper bag onto her desk.

"I noticed you didn't have lunch," he said, one eyebrow raised in disapproval. Even though he was her assistant, he was older and had always been a little protective of her. "You didn't do your rounds, either. Something up?"

He sat down in the chair opposite her desk, crossing his legs and opening the button on his sharp suit. Bella sighed and rubbed a hand over her face. It wasn't the first time he'd asked, and she knew she hadn't been all that joyful to be around the past few days. She picked up a pen and doodled on the legal pad in front of her. She glanced at him, but looked back at the paper before speaking.

"I'm thinking of quitting," she said softly. When Laurent didn't answer, she looked up. He now had both eyebrows raised.

"You're leaving?" he finally said, leaning forward. Bella shrugged.

"Maybe." She threw the pen down and sighed, leaning back in her chair. Laurent hadn't often seen her annoyed or agitated like this. It seemed out of character for his usually so even-tempered boss.

"It's Edward, isn't it? Is he leaving Seattle?"

"Not necessarily. They want him to go on tour, and he won't go unless I go with him."

"He said that? He wants you to quit your job?" Laurent's eyes widened and he moved his chair closer to the desk.

"No, it's not like that, it's just...he's afraid he can't handle it without me. All the temptations, the stress, the pressure. Stuff like that." She waved her hands. "And, I'm not sure if we'd survive that much time apart."

They were silent for a moment, as Bella opened the paper bag. The fresh salmon sandwich made her stomach growl and she bit off a big chunk.

"Mm! Thank you," she said with her mouth full, pointing at the food. Laurent smiled.

"Look, honey. I don't think it's fair that he's putting this pressure on you," Laurent said. Bella nodded.

"I know, I told him that."

"On the other hand...it might be fun." A grin spread on Laurent's face as Bella stared at him, lowering her sandwich. "You've been working so hard since you were in college. You deserve some fun and excitement, to live a little."

He saw her thinking and almost heard the clicks her brain was making.

"Honestly, I didn't think of it that way." Bella folded the paper bag and tossed it in the trash can under her desk. She stood up and slowly took a few steps to the mini-fridge in the corner of the room. She came back with two Cokes and slid one over the desk to Laurent.

"I just thought that if I don't do it, he won't go, and it might ruin his career. I didn't think about what it would actually be like." She looked at Laurent, wide-eyed, her cheeks flushed a light pink.

"Well, you'd see a lot of cool places around the country, maybe even abroad. You could make some new friends. You'll see his world, how it is to be a famous artist." He shrugged and sipped his coke. "Of course, you'd be forced to listen to his music all the time and see him perform. I don't know how great _that_ would be," he said, exaggerating his words as if that would be the worst thing in the world.

Bella reached out and put her hand over his.

"You wouldn't hate me if I left you here?"

"Not if you gave me your job," he said, with a wink.

Bella's workday ended at six, after some stressful hours trying to make up for the time she'd lost while staring at her screen in a daze, and then with Laurent's pep-talk. He'd ended up staying an hour longer, discussing her plans and how they'd go about it. As they talked, things became clearer in her mind.

After the release party, she'd been completely hyped-up on the excitement and adrenaline of the show, and she'd blurted out to Edward that she wanted to join him on tour. When the record company announced a few days ago that the album sales were double what they expected, and they definitely wanted a tour...her brain had kind of closed in on itself. Edward had been far more excited about it than he'd been at the beginning, and doubt crept up on her. Would they be able to stand each other if they were together 24/7? What would she be doing while he was off playing shows and talking to journalists, and whatever else it was that he did?

What didn't help was that Edward had been gone for four days now, and he gave her this news over the phone from his hotel room in Los Angeles. He was there to appear on a talk show and do an album presentation. He'd only had a few minutes to call her and then afterwards, they'd been texting back and forth. She kept putting off the conversation until he was back in Seattle, and she was worried that he'd sensed her dubieties.

Completely oblivious of his schedule and too impatient to look it up, Bella called Edward while driving home. He didn't pick up, and she left a message on his voicemail.

Her phone stayed completely silent all evening, and it had her on edge a little bit. He was coming back some time tomorrow and she was anxious to see him. It was another new thing for her to miss someone that way, where the pit of her stomach ached and her heart felt empty.

The sound of her phone buzzing and moving over the coffee table woke Bella up later that evening. She'd fallen asleep on the couch, the TV and laptop still on and her neck in a twist.

"Edward?" Her voice was hoarse and sleepy.

"Oh, baby, did I wake you? I'm sorry," he said.

"No, it's okay. I fell asleep on the couch." She looked at the clock in a daze—almost eleven.

"Well, then, you'd better go to bed." He sounded hesitant.

Bella stood up, stretched, and then went around the room, flicking off the lights and the TV.

"I can talk for a bit. It's good to hear your voice," she said, with a smile.

"I missed you so much," he whispered.

"I missed you too, like crazy. When are you flying out?"

"Well, I just landed."

"You did? You're in Seattle?" Bella's voice went up and she froze in the dark hallway to her bedroom.

"Yes. We took an earlier flight and we're waiting for a car now. I was wondering if-"

"Yes! Please come over! Do you have your keys?"

Bella had given Edward a set of keys to her place the weekend before. Their schedules were so different, and they had trouble meeting up. She'd been shy about it, worrying that it might be too soon, but it was a lot easier if he could just come over and use his own keys, instead of having to wait for her to come home.

"I was hoping you'd say that," Edward said with a sigh. "I do have my keys, and I'll be there in about an hour."

Bella took her time getting ready for bed. The ache and emptiness were almost gone, and now she was giddy with excitement. It felt so domestic and, in a weird way, romantic, to be lying in bed and waiting for your lover to come home. She almost hoped she'd be asleep so that he could wake her up by sliding into the bed behind her.

She was just too anxious to sleep, though. She'd shut off the lights, closed her eyes and got comfortable under the soft sheets, but her mind was racing. Her eyes shot open the minute she heard the key turn in the front door lock, and she launched herself out of bed.

"Baby!" Edward sighed when she jumped into his arms. He wrapped his arms around her warm body, kicking the door closed. They held each other and he rocked them from side to side, his nose in her neck, deeply inhaling her scent.

"I know it's only been four days," Bella's voice croaked over his shoulder. "But it sucked so bad, baby. I missed you so."

She didn't want to cry, it was silly and so...feminine, but she had no control over her emotions at that moment, and tears fell down her cheeks.

"I know, I know," Edward breathed against her neck. His hands traveled over her back and down to her ass, his body responding to the feeling of her skin on his fingers. She was wearing a simple tank top and some satin boy shorts. He hoisted her up by her thighs, making her yelp, and lifted her up and against his body. She wrapped her legs around him, turning her head to kiss his neck, his cheek and then finally his mouth.

Their kisses were uncontrolled and sloppy, as Edward stumbled through the hallway and to her bedroom. It was completely dark, and he shuffled around before finding the bed. Bella was holding his face in her hands and kissing him with abandon, her body pressed to his as close as she could get. He sat down on the bed with her in his lap, his hands restlessly roaming her back, ass, and legs.

Bella began to push at his leather jacket, but didn't want to break the kiss. To finally taste him again and feel his tongue against hers made her crazy with want.

"Bella, sweetheart," he whispered between kisses. "I have...I need...the bathroom." She pulled back and looked at him, fingers caressing his face.

"Hurry back," she whispered.

"I need to freshen up. I must stink, I didn't-"

"I don't care," she said, attacking his mouth again. His lips curled up in a smile.

When she finally let him go, he hurried to the bathroom to relieve his full bladder. He brushed his teeth and splashed some water on his face and some other places before quickly going back to his love.

* * *

**A/N: A day later than planned, here's some cute pink fluff for y'all :) Hope you liked it. I couldn't get myself to update last night, because I was studying for an exam – not sure what it's called in English, the theoretic driver's exam? Anyway, I PASSED that mofo so I'm extremely relieved and can continue with my life, lol. Well, just a little, because I'll do the actual driving exam in May. **

**THANK YOU readers and reviewers! Sorry for not replying. All I could talk about these days was traffic rules.**

**Thanks mauigirl60 and maggiejmasen!**


	65. Chapter 65

**Chapter 65**

When Edward left the bathroom and hit the light switch beside the door, the bedroom was dark, save for one tiny candle burning on each nightstand. He halted, blinking, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dim light.

His eyes slowly adjusted as he shuffled to the bed. The sheets had been pushed all the way to the end and Bella was stretched out in the middle of the mattress. She was on her stomach, naked. Edward's breath caught in his throat at the sight of her. She lifted her head to look at him.

"Stay like that," Edward whispered. "You're beautiful."

He reached out and found her feet, fingers curling around her ankles before moving up over her calves. The bed dipped when he knelt on it, his hands reaching her ass. She moaned when his fingers caressed her silky skin.

"Beautiful," he whispered again, his lips against her thigh. He kissed her thighs and cheeks while his hands moved up, gently rubbing her back.

His body came up and hovered over hers. A breathy moan left her lips when he pushed his warm erection against her ass, his hands now firmly massaging her shoulders, pushing her hair to the side to kiss her neck.

His movements were slow and sensual, and Bella's body was humming with delight at being touched by him again.

After their first and second time making love, they had tried to spend all their free time together. They were like magnets, naturally gravitating toward each other. Bella realized that the urge to be close to him had always been there, but she'd been held back by the invisible - but very real - barrier of her insecurity. It was still there on some level, but she'd made a conscious decision to dive into it head-on. It helped that Edward had been around the block where therapy was concerned. He knew a lot about how the human mind worked, when and how your own mind could screw you over sometimes, and his explanations made things clearer. She was starting to understand why she felt insecure, unworthy, and imperfect; why she shied away from unknown things, and how the situation in her childhood was affecting her as an adult.

Right now, though, she was trying not to think about any of that. She was concentrating on how his hands felt on her, and how her body responded to him. She was digging inside her mind for that silent, peaceful place where she could stop over-thinking and just feel.

One of Edward's hands slid down her body, from her shoulder over her back, the dip of her lower back, the swell of her ass, and between her thighs. She was warm and slick, his fingers easily slipped through her folds.

"I want you," he whispered hoarsely into her hair. He moved his body to lie down beside her, his legs entangled with hers. Bella turned her head to find his mouth with hers and wrapped an arm around his neck.

The candles created a soft glow on their faces. Bella peeked through half-opened eyes to Edward's face while he was kissing her. His brows were creased in concentration, and he moaned when their bodies connected, his erection rubbing against her stomach. His hips moved reflexively, and lust spiked through her body—Edward desiring her was the biggest turn-on she'd ever known.

Edward broke their kiss and leaned over her to root around in the drawer of the small nightstand. His chest was right in front of her, and she sucked on his nipple. He was the first man she'd been with who had sensitive nipples, and she thought it was incredibly sexy. He halted his movements, condom in hand, to enjoy her circling tongue and suckling lips.

He sat up on his knees, fumbling with the condom wrapper in near-darkness. Bella watched him, lying on her side on the bed. His cock stood up proudly, and she gave herself over to the urge to taste him. He gasped when she sucked the tip into her mouth, licking over the slit.

She knew by now that he enjoyed the slow torture when she sucked him. He was very sensitive and quickly reached the brink of orgasm, but wanted to hold off as long as possible.

Edward was soon panting with his mouth open, looking down at his cock with Bella's lips around it—a highly erotic sight. When he started groaning, she slowed down and stopped. After a short kiss to his abdomen, she lay back down on the bed, smiling smugly. He quickly put the protection in place and leaned over her.

"You...sexy little...vixen," he whispered into her mouth between kisses. His cock rubbed up and down her pussy, warm and hard, until he slipped inside. Bella hissed through her teeth at the intrusion. Each time he first slid inside her, she needed a moment to adjust. He hadn't forgotten in his absence, and kept his thrusts very shallow until she whispered, "Yes, baby." He grunted and pushed all the way inside, thrusting faster and deeper. Being inside her made his eyes roll back in his head.

Edward broke the connection to lean back. He sat on his knees, pulling her hips with him without slipping out of her. He could see her slick and glistening pussy and felt that he wasn't going to last long—after being away for a few days, his body was coiled with desire. His rhythm faltered when he reached out to take her hand and guide it to where they were joined.

Bella stroked herself, biting her lip. It felt good, but she was still shy about touching herself when she was with him. She hadn't done it before.

"Shit, that's sexy! Show me, baby," he whispered. She closed her eyes to go back to the silent place in her mind, her fingers slipping over her lips. She felt him moving in and out of her, her pussy spread and tight around him. A delicious tingle crept up her body when she stroked her clit, and her hips bucked into him. Her other hand moved to her breast, kneading and teasing the hard nipple.

Edward slowed his pace to stave off his orgasm as long as possible, until he was barely moving. Bella thrust herself onto him, writhing and bucking, mewling when she came. When she removed her hand from between her legs, Edward moved back over her and pumped inside her roughly. She gasped and moaned, wrapping her legs around his hips. It didn't take more than a few delirious thrusts before he came hard, groaning into her neck.

Edward was alone in the bed when he awakened; he'd noticed before that Bella was an early riser. He stretched his naked body with a grin. Perhaps he could teach her something about sleeping in when they were traveling together.

After a quick visit to the bedroom, he sauntered into the kitchen in his boxers. Bella stood by the coffee machine, waiting for it to brew, eating from a bowl of yogurt and fruit.

"Morning, beautiful," his voice croaked at its first use of the day. She whipped her head around, smiling. She was already showered and dressed in an elegant cobalt dress, black tights and ankle boots.

"Hey, rock star. Did you sleep well?" She turned to him and they kissed. Edward moaned softly.

"Like a baby. What time do you have to leave?" He reached around her to pick up the kettle, his other hand lingering on her back.

"Oh, about twenty minutes," she said, glancing at her watch. "I have to do my makeup and then I'm ready to go."

Edward stood close beside her while Bella took another spoonful of her breakfast. He wrapped one arm all the way around her waist, his hand on her stomach, and pushed his nose against her neck. She felt his erection against her lower back.

"You know you don't need that crap, right?" he mumbled against her skin. Bella giggled.

"You gonna be all corny and say you like me better without makeup and in sweats?" she said, leaning into his embrace. Edward chuckled, his breath tickling her ear.

"I like you best in nothing at all." He left warm, moist kisses on her neck and shoulder. "You said twenty minutes? That's plenty of time," he said in a low voice. Bella turned in his arms and kissed him, burying her fingers in his hair.

"Not for _that,"_ she whispered between kisses. His hands squeezed her ass and pushed her against his body.

"You're right. It's not enough time for all the things I wanna do with you. Maybe you should call in sick." He grinned at her, his eyes shining. Bella shook her head and laughed.

"I can't, baby. Not today."

"Why not? What's special about today?" He picked up her bowl from the bar and took a spoonful, then fed her one. She looked nervous all of a sudden and chewed quickly.

"I have an important meeting," she said around her food. "We still need to discuss this, obviously, but...I'm meeting the chairman of the board today, and I want to tell him about my...my resignation."

Edward froze with the spoon halfway to his mouth, staring at her.

"You're quitting?"

"Well, I thought with your tour and all...and I don't know how long that's going to take, but..." She gestured with her hands and shook her head to clear it. She grabbed Edward's cheeks and held his face in front of hers. "I want to be with you. Maybe you would prefer to move back to New York, or move in here with me, I don't care. But I don't want to spend so much time away from you anymore." Her thumbs rubbed his facial hair.

"You're serious? But you love this job..."

"I do, but I also haven't had a vacation in about eight years. I think it's time for a change. I'll find another job after the tour." She smiled at him, still a bit nervous. "Do you think it's a good idea?" She looked expectant.

"Are you kidding? I think it's awesome!" Edward hugged her tightly and twirled her around the kitchen while she giggled.

"You don't have to get another job, baby," he said when he set her down. "It's not like we need the money." He crooked an eyebrow at her.

"I can't live off your money," Bella said, rolling her eyes.

"Sure you can. I can't spend it all by myself."

Bella's eyes glanced at the clock on the other side of the room.

"Shit, I have to go! We'll talk about this tonight, okay?"

"Actually, can you drop me off at the gym?" he said while letting her go. "I need five minutes to get my things."

Bella reached for her bag and took out her car keys.

"Here. You take my car and drive me to work, and then take it to the gym."

Bella applied her makeup in the car while Edward drove it through the busy morning traffic. He was obviously loving the car and promised to take good care of it. When she was ready to get out at the hotel, he took her hand.

"Would you work for me?" he asked, his eyes soft.

"What do you mean?"

"Be my assistant, take care of things. I know James has been wanting to cut down on his hours but there wasn't a chance now with the tour coming up. You could take over some of his job and be on my payroll. That way, you don't have to feel guilty about living off my money, and I don't have to feel weird about asking you to do stuff for me."

Bella's mouth fell open and she was stunned for a moment, then smiled.

"That's quite brilliant, rock star. I'll send you my application this afternoon."

With a short peck on his lips, she got out of the car and into the hotel.

* * *

**A/N: Hello! *waves* I'm back! Well, sorta. I wrote this a while ago but I didn't want to post it until I'd written more. Chapter 66 was sent to my pre-reader today, so I was confident enough to post this one. I apologize for the delay, but I guess you all know how things can be...life is life. Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury to do whatever I want with my time, due to this minor detail called 'work', which takes up most of my time. Ugh, I know, right?! Thanks for you patience, and I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. For the next one, we will take a leap in time, so make sure to check the dates. **

**Thanks maggiejmasen and mauigirl60 for their great work on this one. **


	66. Chapter 66

**Chapter 66**

**New York, January 2012**

When she kept still, the water would calm and become a smooth, flat surface. If she moved just a single muscle, it would ripple and lap at the sides of the tub.

The unusual silence around her made Bella philosophical, and she compared the movement of the water to life—if you kept still, nothing happened. If you stirred...life changed its course. Leonard Cohen's words added to her mood, and she analyzed his words, trying to apply them to her life.

_They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom_

_For trying to change the system from within_

_I'm coming now, I'm coming to reward them_

_First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin_

_I'm guided by a signal in the heavens_

_I'm guided by this birthmark on my skin_

_I'm guided by the beauty of our weapons_

_First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin_

At times, she'd felt that her choice to stay single had been a life sentence. She hadn't exactly changed the system, but had felt like she was defying some sort of law when she'd had relationships with men she didn't love. How ironic that she was now proving herself wrong.

Manhattan - she was there right now; in a tub inside a hotel, the sounds of the busy streets drowned out by isolated walls and the soothing voice of a crooning Canadian. Berlin seemed random, but it wasn't impossible. Edward's album would be released in several European countries in the coming months, including Germany.

_I'd really like to live beside you, baby_

_I love your body and your spirit and your clothes_

_But you see that line there moving through the station?_

_I told you, I told you, told you, I was one of those_

There wasn't anything about Edward that she didn't love. She loved the cheeky smile when he teased her, she loved the distressed jeans he seemed to live in, his t-shirts that were often worn to the last thread. She even loved the act he put up when he met fans or journalists, or when he was on stage. She loved every persona he'd shown her so far.

_Ah, you loved me as a loser, but now you're worried that I just might win_

_You know the way to stop me, but you don't have the discipline_

_How many nights I prayed for this, to let my work begin_

_First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin_

It was only since recently that Edward had stopped apologizing and making up for his past actions. He was still showering her with affection and always tried to buy her gifts, big or small—hence the iPad in its docking station, playing music—though somewhere between their first fight and the glorious night they'd spent making up, he got the message. He heard her plea to please leave the past in the past and embrace the present.

The object of her affection and, truthfully, most of her thoughts, was just one room away, napping on the big hotel bed. She couldn't hear him from where she was, but she knew the way he slept when he took a nap. She could visualize each one of his habits. He was on his stomach, face pressed into the pillow, hands folded under his chin like a little boy. His mouth would produce little puffs of air on every exhale, his lips squashed together against the heavy-thread Egyptian cotton.

Her head lulled lazily to the side when she heard the door open. Edward appeared on the other side of the vast bathroom, wearing a t-shirt and boxers. He blinked against the bright lights, grinning when he saw her position. The tub was huge - big enough to fit three people, and Bella was using as much space as possible, floating in the middle with her head resting on the special leather tub cushion. He turned to the toilet to pee, and Bella smiled. Living in hotels had quickly pushed them into the phase of their relationship where they shared such intimate rituals. It used to be awkward and unmentionable to Bella, but now it made her feel strangely secure. They were a pair, a couple, a matched set—peeing in each other's presence confirmed that. It made her feel wonderfully domestic, kind of when Edward took a drink from the fridge in her apartment without asking.

"Hey, boss lady," he said softly. He knelt on the floor beside her head and kissed her hair.

"Hey, you. Sleep well?" She closed her eyes and enjoyed his lips on her hair, then her temple and her moist cheek.

"Yes. Care for some company?" He drew his fingers through the water, barely touching her arms. Her only reply was a smile and a short nod, her eyes still closed. His hand dove under the water and his finger drew circles over her stomach and breasts. Her nipples pebbled, clearly visible for him. "No foam this time?"

"Oil," Bella said softly, pointing at a small bottle on the side table. Her skin prickled when his fingers followed the line of her leg, down to her knee, and back up. He stopped at her thighs and tickled her gently, pressing his fingers into her slippery flesh.

The pads of his fingers were soft on his right hand, and rough on his left. Playing the guitar for years had callused up his fingertips. It was a good metaphor for their sex-life: sometimes soft and gentle, sometimes hard and rough.

His fingers slipped deeper between her thighs and gently opened her lips. The familiar warmth spread over her chest, and Bella knew her skin was turning pink, this time not caused by the heat of the water. She opened her legs and turned her hips to make it easier for him to reach. He stroked her slowly, setting a pace that fit the mood.

"Gorgeous," he whispered with his lips against her ear. She hummed softly. His index and middle finger went around and around. He chuckled when she squeezed her thighs together, trapping his hand, undulating her hips. He knew exactly what he was doing, teasing her with little to no pressure where she craved it. Her strong thighs quickly released his hand, and she turned in the tub, facing him. Her eyes were slightly hooded.

"Tease," she whispered before kissing him.

"Hmm," he moaned softly when they kissed. His eyes slid closed and his hand came up to her cheek to keep her face in place. He kissed her hungrily, his tongue sensually rubbing against hers and around the inside of her mouth, leaving Bella moaning when he let her go. He stood up and quickly removed his clothes so he could join her.

Bella's body was warm and slick against Edward's cooled skin, and he shivered as he wrapped his arms around her. His erection was prominent against her stomach and he rolled his hips slowly, water sloshing over the side of the tub.

"Wait, just a second!" Bella giggled breathlessly and reached over to the faucet, pulling up on the handle to open the drain. After almost half of the water had drained, she pushed the handle down to close it again. Edward was sucking on the side of her neck, his body moving against hers, their legs entangled.

"Come sit on my lap," he said in her ear. The hoarseness of his voice made her belly clench with desire, and she followed his lead. He sat in the middle of the oval-shaped tub, his hands guiding her hips over him. Her body was slick and slippery from the oil she'd bathed in, and he slipped inside easily, making her gasp.

Over the last couple of months, they'd experienced several milestone moments together. Getting tested for STDs and HIV was both awkward and reverent, and absolutely necessary. Bella had suggested it because the latex from the condoms had given her an embarrassing rash after one particular horny weekend. When they'd both proved to be clean, the condoms went out the door.

Edward leaned back in the tub, his neck resting on the cushion Bella had used before. She followed him, kissing him wildly while their hips moved underwater. His fingers squeezed her ass cheeks, pushing her closer, encouraging her.

"Push up," she breathed against his lips. "Oh, yes...like that!" Bella's hips moved shakily, but with purpose, rubbing her clit against Edward's pelvic bone over and over. When she started panting heavily and her movements became erratic, Edward grabbed her hips to keep her steady. She shook against him, breathing hard into his ear as she came, her walls clenching him deliciously.

Edward's eyes were scrunched closed and he held her still to stave off his own orgasm. Bella kissed and licked his neck and jaw, slowly reaching his mouth. They exchanged sensual, wet kisses for a couple of minutes. She felt him twitching inside her.

"Let's rinse off," he said, his voice thick. "I'm not done with you, yet."

After both rinsing the oily water from their bodies and drying off quickly, Edward pulled her to their bedroom and pushed her down on the enormous bed, crawling after her. He lightly bit and licked her nipples, nibbling her in several places before ending up between her legs. Bella was panting and moaning within seconds, fisting her hands in his hair and trapping his face between her thighs. He licked and sucked at her pussy until she was ready to beg him to make her come. He kissed a path back up to her face and gave her a heavy, hooded stare.

"Turn over."

Bella flipped her body to lie on her stomach. Edward took her hips and lifted them, bringing her to her knees. After kissing both ass cheeks almost reverently, he moved off the bed. Bella couldn't see what he was doing, but heard him rummaging around in his suitcase.

"Babe?"

"Just a second. I have a gift for you," he mumbled. The bed dipped and he was behind her again.

"You have to give it to me now?" Bella pushed herself up on her elbows to look at him.

"Don't peek! It's a very special gift," he said. The mirth in his voice threw her for a loop, but she did as he said. One of his hands caressed her ass, as the other guided his cock inside her slowly. She planted her hands in the sheets for leverage and moaned.

When he was completely inside her, his hands came to her front and stroked her breasts. A vibration suddenly hit her nipples and sent a chill right down to her core, her body jerking back into him.

"Ah, Edward...!"

"You like it?"

"Yes...!"

He kept one tiny finger-vibrator on her nipple while the other traveled down over her rib cage and stomach, making her squirm, until he reached the apex of her thighs.

"Oh, shit!" Bella's breath stuck in her throat when the pulsations hit the most sensitive spot on her body. Her hips were pushing first back into Edward and then forward into the glorious device attached to his finger. He matched her rhythm, thrusting faster and harder. When she came, bucking against him wildly and screaming into the bed sheets, he couldn't hold back and came hard, deep inside her.

They lay in a sweaty, panting mess in the middle of the bed, bodies tangled and twisted with both the sheets and each other.

"Oh, my God!" Bella whispered. She turned her head to face Edward, who was still panting a little and smiling widely. "I love my gift!" She giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"Me too," he mumbled against her lips.

Bella picked up one of his hands and examined the small, skin-colored pad that was fitted into an elastic band around his finger.

"Press it," Edward said. When she did, it started to vibrate slowly. Pressing it again made it go even faster and, finally, a third time would make it move intermittently.

"Mr. Masen, you are a genius!" Bella said with a smile, giving him one last kiss. "I need the bathroom. Can you order some food so we can replenish?"

Edward called room service and then switched on the large TV in the living area of their suite. It was close to seven o'clock when he sat down on the sofa in a t-shirt and sweats. He'd frowned at first when he heard Bella's ideas for his tour, but was now glad that he'd agreed to give it a try. She'd just called him a genius, but he was a long way behind her when it came to innovation.

As soon as Bella had resigned from her job and reached an agreement with the hotel's board of directors, she'd started making plans for the tour. They first listed their conditions, and during this process, Bella came up with an unconventional plan: matinée performances. It meant Edward would play in the afternoon rather than late at night, as if it were an early showing of a movie, musical or theatrical performance.

A knock on the door alerted Edward that their food had arrived. He wheeled the table with their food toward the couch just as Bella entered. She was dressed similarly, in comfortable leggings and a t-shirt.

"I made some changes to the setlist." Edward handed Bella a sheet of paper from the coffee table. He liked to change it up once in a while so he wouldn't get bored with playing the same songs over and over. She looked it over while stuffing herself with a scrumptious lasagna from the hotel kitchen, and gave him a thumb's up.

"Still feel okay about tomorrow?" Edward asked. Bella nodded, chewing and swallowing before answering.

"I'm okay. A little nervous, but I think that's only normal. It's not every day one gets to reunite with their high school nemesis."

* * *

**A/N: PHEW! Finally, a new chapte****r. Sorry for the long wait, I really needed some time. Thanks for your patience :) I hope you liked it. **

**Only one chapter left!**

**Thanks maggiejmasen & mauigirl60 for their help. **


	67. Chapter 67

**Chapter 67**

**New York, Sunday, 15 January 2012**

The Hammerstein Ballroom at the Manhattan Center was almost filled up at one pm that Sunday afternoon. The show was completely sold out, all 3,500 tickets, and the promoters at the record company were already trying to fit in more New York shows.

Since the try-outs for this tour in late November in Washington, Bella and Edward had settled into their roles: he as the rock star, she as his assistant. She did a great deal more than they'd initially planned, but it was nothing she couldn't handle. After Washington, they'd visited Vancouver, Canada and Portland, Oregon, with the whole crew working together as a well-oiled machine. That didn't mean that nothing went wrong, it just meant that they all knew how to solve any mishaps they encountered along the way.

Bella was waiting by a side door with a clipboard and pen in her hand. She wore one of the t-shirts Edward had made before the tour started. It was a black, distressed fitted shirt with white words printed on the front: _PA to the Rock Star._ Several people approached her, and after checking their IDs, she crossed their names off a list. A bodyguard stood next to her, peering over her shoulder each time. Once the group was complete, she asked them to follow her.

Many old New Moons fans brought their teenaged children. It turned out that Edward had quite a lot of young fans, as well—he'd been surprised to find screaming sixteen-year-olds in the front row. The group, which was now being led backstage by Bella, were all meet-and-greet winners. They'd joined contests on radio shows or directly from Edward's website, and were allowed to meet him, take photos and talk to him for about twenty minutes.

Bella showed them around, knowing the rock star would stay in his dressing room until she came to collect him. The fans had to wait in one of the unused dressing rooms, where they could get a drink and have their items ready to be signed.

During her walk to Edward's room, Bella's hands were clammy and her heartbeat was slightly elevated. He wasn't going to be alone in his room. There would also be a makeup artist, a technician, and probably the tour manager, as well as two special guests. She wouldn't be meeting with them for any more than ten minutes, and then perhaps for a short while after the show, but her body was nevertheless on high alert.

She knocked on the door and waited for Edward to answer before she went in. Her eyes focused on him when she entered, and he stood up to greet her.

"They're ready for you," she told him of the competition winners.

"Thanks, babe. Come and meet my guests," he said. His hand felt warm and secure in hers as he led her gently toward the seats on the other side of the room.

"Riley, Jessica, I'm sure you remember Bella," Edward said, squeezing her left hand. She held out her right and Riley was the first to shake it.

"I certainly do. It's a pleasure to meet you again." Riley's smile was small but sincere, and he looked shy. His face shocked her, but she managed to compose herself before it showed. He looked like a junkie; pale, thin, his face more creased and lined than other guys his age—but his gaze was clear and his handshake firm.

"Hi, Bella," a soft voice beside him said. Jessica held out her hand, and Bella shook it without hesitation.

Bella studied the face of her friend-turned-enemy. She had gained some weight, but it looked good on her. Her face was nicely filled out, framed by a short bobbed haircut. She seemed a little overdressed in a classy, black cocktail dress and high heels, and looked incredibly nervous.

"Hi, Jess. You look great!"

"Thanks!" Jessica beamed at her. "So do you! You must be proud of that shirt!"

Edward slipped his hand out of Bella's to wrap his arm around her shoulders.

"I had that made for her, isn't it cool?" He pressed a soft kiss to the side of her head. "We probably should get going."

"Yes, your fans are waiting. It was nice meeting you guys," Bella said, starting to say goodbye to the couple, but Jessica stepped forward.

"Bella, if you're not too busy, is there a chance that we could talk? Just for a few minutes."

Edward glanced at Bella, but she answered quickly.

"Sure, we can meet up by the VIP entrance once the show's started. I'll see you there!"

Bella quickly rushed Edward into the room where the fans were still waiting. They hadn't taken longer than a few minutes. Edward's eyes were shining when he looked at her before they entered.

"I'm proud of you. Are you sure you want to talk to her?"

"I'm curious to see what she has to say," Bella said, a frown on her face. She let out a deep breath. "That went okay, didn't it? I didn't have to be so nervous after all. I didn't act like an idiot." Edward chuckled at that, but he didn't get a chance to question her train of thought, because she opened the door and pushed him inside.

After meeting with the deliriously happy fans, signing and taking pictures, Edward had one last check-up with his makeup artists and tour manager, before making his way to the stage. Bella walked him there, as she'd done at every performance since the release party. He kissed her sweetly before he took the stage, his band already playing, and the crowd went wild. It sent goosebumps over Bella's arms. She stayed in the wings for the first song, watching her boyfriend enjoy himself. The crowd had already learned the lyrics, which had first amazed her, but then she remembered—she hadn't needed longer than a day or two herself, to learn the New Moons' new songs when their albums came out. Those words were still ingrained in her memory even after not listening to them for over a decade.

After getting a bottle of water from Edward's dressing room, Bella hurried to the VIP entrance. A part of her wished that she'd arrive too late and Jessica would've given up, whereas another part was genuinely curious about this conversation.

Riley and Jessica were both standing a couple of feet away from the door, which was guarded by a man in a suit, wearing an earpiece. He nodded at her and pointed at her VIP pass—they were asked to wear it under their clothes if they went out into the crowd, as apparently, fans were not above snatching them from someone's neck to try and get backstage. Jessica glanced over her shoulder just as Bella approached, and pointed to a small group of bar tables on the side. They huddled close to hear each other over the loud music.

"I really appreciate it that you let us come here," Jessica said. Bella just nodded and smiled politely. "I want to apologize for being a bitch, back then."

The smile froze on Bella's face and she stared at Jessica with wide eyes, unable to speak.

"I didn't realize it at the time, but I was pretty messed up back then." She fumbled with the bracelet around her wrist.

"I guessed as much," Bella said. Jessica's eyes were sad when she looked up.

"I know it's no excuse, and that it doesn't make things better, but I now know what my problem was. I have BPD, borderline personality disorder. After I found out about it in rehab, I had therapy and now take medication." Jessica spoke in a rush, needing a breath when she finished. She bit her lip and looked down at her hands.

"Wow. That's..." Bella's voice trailed off. She wasn't sure what to say. She wasn't exactly surprised. Jessica smiled nervously.

"I hope you don't mind that I'm pushing this information on you," she said hesitantly.

"No, not at all. I'm glad to hear that you got help. You're doing good now, right?"

"Yeah, I'm great. Once the medication was balanced well, it was like I started living for real. I've always felt bad for what happened between us, but...I want you to know that I wasn't consciously being a pain in your ass. I was just a psychotic little witch." The grin on Jessica's face was real, she was actually making fun of herself. Bella couldn't hide a smile.

"Can you ever forgive me?" Jessica asked, her hand on Bella's arm. Bella swallowed and then nodded.

"I forgive you. I understand how it is to have your own mind screwing you over. I've only just recently begun therapy myself."

The girls talked a little bit longer about their experiences with therapy, occasionally watching Edward perform, until Riley came to see how they were doing. Bella realized then that they'd been talking for almost an hour, and she had to get backstage to prepare some things for Edward's break. Before she left, Jessica dug inside her tiny purse and produced a business card.

"If you ever want to talk, or have questions about the past, just call me. I'm sure your therapy will bring you back in time and you might feel the need to clarify things."

Bella squinted at the card in the darkened room.

"You're a family counselor?" She didn't mean to sound as incredulous as she did, but Jessica just smiled.

"I help teenagers in nasty family situations. My numbers are on there."

Bella walked to the dressing room in a daze. The meeting with Jessica had been different than every and any expectation she'd had beforehand. Even though the outcome was positive, it was like her foundation had been shaken. She took a few minutes to calm down as she waited for the guys, and remembered the words of her therapist. In the few sessions they'd had so far, he'd tried to make her see that it wasn't necessary for her to control each and every little thing in her life. He told her that everything was a choice, from what you eat for breakfast in the morning to how you perceived the people around you. She shook her head to get rid of the mild urge to scold herself for her bad expectations of Jessica. _Don't always expect the worst, and take life as it comes_. Yes, her new motto definitely fit this day.

"Hey, Bella!"

The band members suddenly invaded the room and praised her table of snacks and sodas, quickly stuffing themselves. They clapped each other on the back and laughed and talked loudly around her.

"Baby, are you all right?" Edward was suddenly by her side, touching her cheek with a clammy hand. Warmth radiated off his body, and she crawled into his arms.

"Yes, I'm fine," she whispered against his damp chest. He held her, rocking her gently, until she loosened herself. "Iced tea?" she offered. Edward nodded, and kept his eyes on her as she poured the cold drink and brought him a cheese snack.

"You're really okay?"

When she looked at him, her eyes shone with tears, but her smile was genuine and lit up her face.

"Never been better!"

* * *

**A/N: The. End. **

**I haven't decided if this is the final end, or if I will write an epilogue. At this moment, I have too many things going to be able to focus on this story, so if I write something, it might take a while. **

**A big thanks and hug to my pre-reader maggiejmasen, for squealing along with me and keeping me motivated. **

**Extra-special thanks to my beta mauigirl60, who stepped in after I'd posted the first chapter, where I mentioned I didn't have a beta. I couldn't have done this without you, babe. **

**BIG THANKS to everyone who's read and reviewed! Especially the girls that kept reviewing and sharing their thoughts with me every (couple of) chapter(s) – it inspired me a lot and helped me get through the difficult moments. **

**See you around!**

**XO Chantie**


	68. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

"_Everybody already knows where I live, what I do, and who my girlfriend is. What more could you possibly have to ask me?" Edward Masen spreads his arms and lifts one eyebrow. He has a point there – we do know an awful lot about him, especially since his statement last year about being a recovering addict. As he leads me to his office with pride obvious on his features, I realize what it is that many people don't know, and what I'm privileged to learn right now: the enormous personality of this man. He's good-looking, sure. I'm a married woman, but I'm not blind – he looks good for his 34 years and a past of alcohol and drug abuse. What's new to me, though, is how relaxed and open he is. _

"_I know people often think I'm some moody, grumpy guy with a star attitude. That comes with writing sensitive lyrics and never doing interviews." _

_I have to agree with his analyses, and can't help but admit that this was my image of him for a long time. There's no doubt he's talented, but his lyrics often came across as depressed and desperate. _

_Kiss me through your warming darkness  
__Kiss me now so I can breathe  
__Kiss me once then I am leaving  
__Kiss me once then kiss yourself goodbye_

_I thought of you tonight, in simple twists and turns  
__Incarcerated here, I'm handcuffed to this world__  
_

_- From 'A Moment of Clarity' by The New Moons_

_Masen frowns when I read him his own lyrics, which he'd written at the tender age of nineteen. _

"_What you read is the product of a troubled youth. Things weren't easy for me at home, and there weren't many ways to deal with that. So, I wrote it down. It's depressed and dark, because that's how I felt at the time."_

_We sit in a small office in the middle of New York. I sip delicious coffee, he drinks tea. There is no need for the questions I prepared, because he willingly tells me everything I want to know._

_Masen grew up in a busy household, his parents having taken in his aunt and her two boys. As the oldest, he often felt like the last on everyone's list. Dad tried to drown his financial issues in bottles of whiskey, while mom just looked the other way and tried to keep everybody happy. _

"_It took me years to get to terms with my past, and to understand what it did to me. When a child grows up with an addict for a parent, there are no securities. An addict is always in one of two states: either intoxicated or on the way to their next fix. A child who gets in the way of reaching that goal will be snarled at and pushed aside. When the addict's riding his high, the child is left to its own devices. How can you learn things like boundaries and security when your example is inconsistent? How can you develop any self-assurance?"_

_Masen paints a sad picture of a young boy growing up in a small town, with nothing to do and a house that didn't feel like home. When an opportunity came along, embodied in the person of Carlisle Cullen, young Edward grabbed it with both hands and didn't let go. _

_The boys had a good time with the Cullens, living in one house like brothers. They wrote a couple of impressive songs and worked hard to make it big, even when there were several obstacles in the way. Success hit fairly quickly._

"_Carlisle was a good man, but he treated us like adults," he says, of his late former manager. "We celebrated with beer and cigars, while most of us were underage. There were hardly any rules, except to show up and be on time. If we were high or stoned or hadn't slept in 48 hours, it wasn't an issue."_

After a lot of ups and downs, The New Moons called it quits only after their third album. It took Masen almost ten years to become successful again, with a handful of mishaps in between. He made a few albums, which were well-received, but he couldn't deliver on the second part of his job: promoting and performing his art.

"_I was in this vicious cycle of getting clean, making an album, and then lapsing back into an addiction. Mentally, I wasn't strong enough to handle promotion or performing, so I'd go back to the bottle or worse."_

_He seems comfortable enough while telling me all this. There was a big change at some point, or we wouldn't be sitting here._

_He chuckles and nods, looking down at his hands folded in his lap._

"Through the years, I'd gathered some amazing people around me. One of them suggested leaving New York. As much as I love it here, it was the best idea anyone ever had, because Seattle healed me. It did more for me than any form of therapy or medication had done in the past. It gave me back my focus, and I met the love of my life."

Referring to his girlfriend, Bella Swan, who I've seen working on a laptop in another room, his face splits into a big, goofy grin. Yes, ladies, Edward Masen can look goofy, and he wears it well.

_The rest, as they say, is history. Masen met Swan at the hotel where he stayed for several weeks while working on his new album. They fell in love, his album came out, she joined him on tour and it was a massive success. _

"_The foundation was Bella's idea, after she talked to a friend of ours who works with teenagers in difficult situations. Our friend, a counselor, told us that children who live with an addicted parent often feel the need to compare stories with other victims. After some long nights of talking and research, we decided to set up this website. I called my therapist and asked him to help me."_

_After coming clean about his past addictions last year, Masen then announced that he was setting up a foundation to help prevent drug use by children and teenagers. Their main goal is to inform these children and let them talk about their issues in a safe, anonymous environment. Several counselors and psychologists have joined the team to help advise the site's members. _

_Masen looks relaxed and happy, charming himself out of the more personal questions. He doesn't want to tell me if he'll propose to Swan, or when his new album comes out, or if and when he'll go back to Seattle. He jokes and smirks and brings the subject back to his foundation so smoothly that I forgot what I wanted to ask in the first place. _

_While writing this piece, I realized that I didn't get all the information I wanted, but I learned a very important lesson: everyone can live up to their full potential, even if they had a rough start in life. Edward Masen is living proof._

* * *

**November 2013**

**Kapalua Villas, Kapalua Bay, Maui**

Bella snickered and shook her head. She folded the November issue of Rolling Stone and smacked Edward's arm with it.

"Charmed the journalist, hmm? You didn't tell me that!"

Edward lifted his sunglasses and peeked at her with his eyes half open, trying to contain his smile. He didn't say anything, just wiggled his brows, making his girlfriend shake her head again.

"She had some nerve asking you when you planned to propose," Bella muttered as she sank back into her lounge chair. Edward barked out a laugh.

"I just didn't want to disappoint her," he said. Bella huffed.

When she heard Edward move beside her, and then the lounge squeak under his weight, Bella opened one eye lazily. She was a split second too late when Edward lifted her up and into his arms, marching in the direction of the pool.

"Edward Masen! What did I tell you!" she screamed and squealed, wiggling in his strong arms.

"Hold still, woman! Don't make me drop you!" Edward held her close to his body, laughing out loud, not at all bothered by her hand pulling at his hair.

She stopped wriggling when he halted by the side of the empty pool.

"Will you marry me?" he asked, his face close to hers. His eyes were shining, his voice soft and sweet. Bella shook her head no, and then took a big gulp of air when he jumped into the pool with her in his arms.

She came up quickly, gasping and spluttering.

"Edward! Get over here, I'm gonna drown you!" She made her way through the pool, hopping on her toes trying to reach him, but he was too fast. After a couple of minutes, he let her catch him.

"Ha! I got you!" Bella said as she pinned him again the side of the pool.

"Oh, I'm so scared! What are you going to do with me?" he squealed like a girl, a wide grin on his face.

"I know the best revenge for you," Bella mumbled and wrapped her arms around his neck. She kissed him gently, slowly deepening the kiss. His arms came around her waist, one hand slipping under the water to touch her ass. She wrapped her legs around him, and slowly moved her hips. He moaned into her mouth softly, grabbing her tighter.

"Baby," he breathed between kisses.

"Death by hard-on. That's my punishment," she whispered in his ear before swimming away. Edward groaned, leaned his head back. When he opened his eyes, Bella was just climbing the stairs on the other side of the pool. He hoisted himself up on the concrete ledge and got out, quickly sprinting around. When she heard him coming, she squealed and ran away. He followed her over the lawn and into the house.

Bella's laughter when he caught up with her could be heard all over the expansive garden of their rented ocean-front villa. It slowly changed to soft moaning and panting, as they made out on the sofa in the living room.

"You will say yes to me, one day," Edward whispered under his breath as he pushed inside her. He held her hands over her head, his fingers entwined with hers, while she dug her heels into his ass.

"Maybe," she groaned.

"HA! I knew it!" Edward leaned down and kissed her, their bodies caught up in the bliss they'd never seemed to get enough of.

"Say you will, baby," he whispered, thrusting in and out of her slowly. She moaned, and he lifted his upper body to place his thumb on her most sensitive spot.

"Oh..."

"Like this?"

"Oh, yes." Her breath was out of control and she writhed under him, pushing her hips up into his touch.

"Will you marry me, Bella?"

"Oh God! Yes, yes!"

* * *

**A/N: Soooo, that was the epic epilogue ;) I didn't think this would happen so soon, as I was very busy with other things. But your great reviews and the nomination for Best Completed Fic on TwiFanfictionRecs dot com were very good motivators! Please go and vote in the long list of awesome fics that were completed in April. You can find the link on my bio.**

**Someone asked if I'd do a sequel for this story. At this moment, I don't see that happening. The story has been told and it's complete, and there is nothing more to tell. **


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